Crown of thorns Chapter 5
That night I lay in bed awake. Luckily, my was passed out on the
couch when I got home. I couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts of how fucked up
this entire situation is bounced around in my mind. I know, I know, just
accept the good things that are given to you. But I haven't had a good
thing in a long time; I have grown to know that as the normal. A good
situation scares me, hence, 'Fucked up.'
Eventually I did fall asleep and like all other school days I got up
early and left before anyone else heard their alarm clocks. The snow was
crisp as it collapsed underneath my shoes. I trudged through the parking
lot and nestled myself into the corner. I couldn't sit; I didn't want to
get wet, so I squatted. My eyes dropped as I thought of last night.
"Hey," I heard his angelic voice. I smiled outwardly. "I see that
smile. Is my boyfriend happy?"
"Hell yea, he is." My smile turned into a frown.
"What's the trouble?"
"I tell myself that I should accept the good fortune of you, but my mind
rewinds to the defense mechanisms, that I have had. Closing myself off,
pushing people away. It has been the way I deal with life. I don't want
to do that with you, it just comes like a habit."
"Time, I have plenty of and you are worth the wait." He knew exactly
what to say to make me feel better. He looked in both directions then
quickly kissed my on my lips. "I am, however, not ready for the world to
find out that I am gay."
"Completely with you there," I said with a smile.
He squatted beside me for about thirty seconds. "Ouch, How the hell can
you do that for so long?"
"Limberness, flexibility, and a high tolerance for pain."
"Ohh," he uttered.
I got up with an audible crack of my knees. "Always does that."
"That is so gross." I smiled for like the fifth time today. That would
be a record for me.
School that day went by quickly, things seemed better and better. I
really loved this guy and there was nothing that I could do to change that.
I didn't want to change that. From the adorable smile, his voice, to his
caring nature. Math was particularly difficult to concentrate in. He
continually looked over at me and made that smile of his that just about
boggles my mind. How one facial expression can do that is beyond me. I
was tempted to reach out and hold his hand, but in the presence of my
teacher and twenty other students, discounted that possibility rather
quickly. But I could always dream.
"Hey guy, you want to come over tonight, we don't have play practice?"
Still staring out front I whisper, "Yea, sure." 'Oh, My God, what have I
done? I have just committed myself to going over to his house. There is
no turning back now.' An internal struggle for what's right and wrong was
quickly stopped when I looked over at his face, that angelic face. 'He is
so calm and sure of himself. I love him.' I looked down at the swoops of
pencil led my doodling has created. 'Yep, I learned less in this class
than I do on weekends.'
School ended and so did my sanity. I was so nervous. We walked to his
house together, silently at first. He broke it, "Are you ok? You seem
quiet."
"Yea, I'm fine."
"You sure," he showed concern by throwing his arm around my shoulders.
"Whoo, you're shivering, cold or something?"
"No, just a little nervous."
"Of what?"
"You, ok, I'm scared. I am a coward,"
"No!" he yelled at me shockingly. He turned his tones into a whisper.
"You're my boyfriend, and there is nothing that you need to be scared
about. I won't you. I couldn't, it would be like chewing a leg
off or something. Couldn't handle it."
"So, you're not implying that we were going to..."
"God, no. That's not what I want this relationship based on at all.
Remember, friends first. I invited you to get to know you."
"God, do I feel stupid. That was so..."
"Cautious of you, which is a good quality to have."
"Would you quit finishing..."
"Your sentences for you? Not if you're going to put yourself down."
"Thanks." A calming silence passed between us. "Love you," I told him.
"Love you too. Always."
I swung my arm upon his shoulders and we walked merrily for a bit.
"I'll race you?" I blurted out. With that I took off down the sidewalk. I
didn't feel, hear, or see him around me so I stopped and turned around. He
was standing half of a block pointing the house he was standing in front
of.
"Went a little far?" He yelled at me. "You know, the track team would
kill for a runner like you."
I ran up to him and panted, "Why, didn't you tell me we were here?"
"Having too much fun watching that butt of yours whip down the
sidewalk." I pushed him lightly in response to that, which he exaggerated
and landed in the snow, making sure to pull me along with him. We were
laughing like little children. He got up and ran off to the back. I got
up and followed him, marching into the unknown. When I turned the corner,
I was met by a dusting of snow.
"What was that?"
"A failed attempt at a snowball."
"You dolt. There has to be more of it and better packed, but the
sentiment still lives and for that, you die!!" I ran after him, around the
backyard. I felt like I was ten again.
"Ok, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"Apology, NOT accepted. Only a kiss from death will do the trick."
"Ohh a kiss now, huh?" Suddenly he slid on some snow and came crashing
to the ground. Me, right on his heels, crashed into his form. We lay
there in the snow still cackling like hyenas.
When we both sat up, we were still giggling. I looked at his face.
Bits of snow clung to it. I took my hand and brushed the snow away. On a
second pass he grabbed my hand and forced it to remain on his cheek. I
scooted closer to him and put my other hand on the other cheek. Then
holding his face in my hands, I brought his lips up to mind and we kissed.
"Oh, TERRY!!! What are you doing!?!" I heard a women's voice call from
behind me. My eyes flashed open and I looked at a middle aged women who
could only be his staring right at me. If everything else I saw wasn't
the end this would be.
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