Dublin-Delights Chapter 2
'I had to respond,' "yea, I'm ok, I just felt a little light headed back
there, I'm fine though. Thanks." 'Oh...my....God, that was the lamest
excuse I could invent. He is sure to see through it.'
"Now boarding flight 98 Airlingus to Dublin Ireland, Now boarding."
'Saved by the bell.'
I stood up and moved toward the docking port. I didn't look back, my
face would show too much. My stomach is doing somersaults and I feel as if
I am going to fall. I walked into the plane and turned left and walked
down the isle. I didn't look back but I could feel his eyes burning a into the back of my neck every time I was in his sight. He has got to be
angry or something, I don't think he believed my reason. God it was a dumb
reason, 'I just feel a little light headed.' God it was a dumb reason.
Again I slapped my hand across my face. I found my seat and sat down then
turned away from the isle praying he sat nowhere near me. Thank God he sat
across the plane and a few seats back, but if I looked back I could see
him.
I guess I was an idiot and actually looked back, He was looking away and
talking to the person next to him. He looked for a second in my
direction and I immediately fell back into my seat and slouched. Now he
knows that there is something up. 'What to think, what to think'
"Life is so confusing," I don't believe I said that out loud.
"What?" Tim said.
For a sixteen year old, Tim was a who was very full of
himself. Although he was really cool, he has an ego problem. He has way
too much. A junior this year, he is a good friend but in some cases he
just won't shut up about himself. He sat down right next to me.
"Is this your seat?" I asked.
"Yea."
'Great, now he is going to want to talk, that is ok, at least it will
take my mind off of Aaron, at least for a little while,' "Great this is
going to be a fun flight"
"Now what were you saying, 'Life is so confusing'"
"That is what I said"
"I totally agree with you. You see April over there, I want her so bad,
but she already has a boyfriend, and her and I are already friends.
Telling her would be so awkward, I don't think I can do it, but it is
eating me inside."
April is a junior who has this big huge jock for a boyfriend. They are
deeply in love, I can see it when they are together. Being the sympathetic
person that I am, I put my own problems aside and try to help his. It is
always this way, My problems come second all the time. I listened
attentively. Through his entire story, the plane took off, dinner was
served, and so too was it retrieved.
"So Sean, what do you think I should do?"
"I don't know right now, let me think about it, ponder it in my mind."
"OK."
"Hey Sean, I think......."
"Tim, Its getting late and I am tired. I am going to try and get some
sleep."
"That's ok, I pretty tired too."
I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn't help it, I oped my eyes and
looked back at Aaron. He was so looking, so perfect sleeping in his
seat. I saw a small smile cross his face. I felt a smile slightly form
into my face as well. I sat back and closed my eyes, I suddenly felt a
warm content feeling wash over my body. I shifted in my chair and got real
comfortable. Now I really smiled. I fell into a fitful sleep.
I had a troubled dream. I felt that I was running away from something.
It was laughter. People were laughing at me. I ran and ran but the sound
just kept following me. The innocent laughter. Then I could make out
voices. It was my friends......wait......there is my family. Now I could
make out specific words. 'queer, gay, fagot, fudge packer, rump ranger.' I
became tired and fell down. The blackness fell over me and I saw faces.
Yes it was my and my friends. Then there was a light. Aaron was
there surrounded in light. He came down next to me, and reached down and
touched my face. As soon as I felt the touch of his hand, the light went
out and he was there suffering with me. Being ridiculed, made fun of and
harassed by the people I love. I looked at him. He had the most horrible
twisted face. It was a face of pain and anguish, I knew he saw the same in
me. I tried to acknowledge that he was there, to give him a sign that he
was there, but I couldn't see him anymore. Then suddenly he appeared out
of nowhere, and my attempt to smile succeeded. It was small but enough.
He did a little smile back. We were in this together. Then I felt a
tremendous weight upon me, crushing me, I couldn't breath. Oh God, I'm
dying. Then suddenly it crushed me.
I woke up with a start, feeling cold sweat around my collar. I was
greeted by the sun through the window. It was a beautiful sun rise,
especially from 15,000 feet in the air. The lights in the plane went on
and people began to wake up. About a half an hour later people began to
wake up. In that entire half an hour, I was pouring over my dream. 'What
did it mean.' I couldn't come up with a straight answer, and this fact
troubled me.
"We will be arriving in Dublin in four hours. Please stay in your seats
as breakfast will be served."
By this time, I was famished. I was so hungry I could eat, well,
asparagus. Maybe not that far. Breakfast was passed around. All of my
classmates in the group were talking about everything and nothing. I sat
in relative silence, eating this scrawny meal. I was still troubled by
that dream. Sometimes my dreams tell the future. They are the really
clear dreams, the ones that I can remember for days. A good example is one
I had before the trip. I dreamt that Aaron was going to get soon and
we would go to the hospital and talk. It was very real, It even told me
the place he would get at. The lower abdomen. When I woke up from
that one I was freaked.
Time passed so slowly, I dare not look back. I don't know why though. I
just feel and urge to stare away from him. Somehow I think that he had the
same dream. 'What if he did?' I looked back, He was eating his roll from
breakfast and talking to Justin. Justin is a freak, but a cool freak. He
is kind of one of those insane people who pride themselves on being insane.
He is tall for his age at about 6'3". That is too tall for me, I would
hate to be that height, and he is only 16, he is still growing. He is
thin, but I don't know how much he weighs, It is hard to tell.
Justin plays a lead roll in the play and so does Aaron, It looks as if
they have a lot to talk about. Shit, he just peeked and saw me. I fell so
hard and so fast into my seat that my butt hurt. 'God now he knows that
something is up, especially the fact that....Oh shit, I could just imagine
the face I had on when he saw me. Surprise, guilt, maybe a tossup between.
Yes, he must know now that something is wrong with me. Hopefully he won't
ask. God what am I doing to myself, I am assuming to much.' Better to be
prepared though. 'I was looking for the bathroom, no a stewardess, yea
that will work. But What would I want. . . . . . .A glass of water, My
throat feels parched.' Got ya.
"He Sean," Tim said.
"What were you looking at before. You seemed so scared when you fell
back into your seat. What is going on?" Tim looked back in generally the
same direction I was. "Oh, I know now," he said with a suggestive look on
his face.
Nervously I stated, "What are," I clasped my mouth shut as soon as I
heard my voice. It was quivering, shaking, faltering. How could I talk at
a time like this. He knows, He knows everything.
"You like Emily."
'WHAT, WHAT WAS THAT.' I looked back and I saw that Emily was in a
direct line between me and Aaron. "No, no, that's not it." What how could
I saw that. It was the perfect cover story. To late. Shit.
"I don't believe you, your just shy that's all. Here I will help you.
Come on"
He started to get up off of his seat. I grabbed his arm and pulled him
back down. He stared at me and I said, "No thanks, I will take care of it
myself, and in due time."
"Fine, but let me tell you, having a is like living in heaven."
"More like hell, from what I've heard."
"Ok, it is a toss up. Some times its good and sometimes it is bad."
After a long pause, I asked, "Is there anyway for a relationship to be
all good?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said that a relationship has its ups and downs, well is there
anyway that a relationship can just go up and up."
"I don't think so, at least not on this planet."
"I don't know if I am ready for all of that women bull shit." 'Yea
especially because I don't want any women, girl, all I want is Aaron in my
arms.' The hairs on my arms began to rise and I smiled to myself.
"I'm probably not ready either, but hey, what the hell, you know."
"Yea," 'NOT'
We were flying over land now, I can see it below us. Soon after we
started our decent. Tim laughed at me when he saw how tightly I was
holding the armrests.
"Dude, I can see the whites of your knuckles. Haven't you ever been in
a plane before."
"No," I said through mu clenched jaw.
"Relax, there is nothing to it."
I did as he instructed and I did feel a little better. We touched down
at 10:40 Ireland time at Dublin International Airport. We lifted off at
11:00 Ireland time for Shannon Intercontinental Airport. It was a short
hop and a skip away, just across the island. We flew low and my head was
firmly plastered to the window. I could see everything, fields, lakes,
towns, rivers, everything. This was so cool.
We landed soon after and got off. Everyone was quite but I could tell
that there was an awesome amount of energy traveling through, the group. I
looked around, everything was different. Lift instead of Elevator, they
even had a new name for bathroom. Suddenly I bumped into something. I
said excuse me and looked. 'Jesus I must be drawn to him like a magnet.'
This statement has a half truth. Aaron has this circle surrounding him,
about a five yd. diameter, where life is just great. Everyone who enters
this little circle cheers up. It is a puzzle to me. I quickly said I was
sorry and walked on, not knowing what he was thinking.
Every one of us had to pass through the passport check. There was a
little difficultly because we were all "adolescents." All in all though it
went smoothly. Next each of us claimed our baggage. I swear mine had to
be the last one.
The entire group walked down this long hallway, dragging our bags behind
us. Ms. Becher the religious chaperone and Mr. O'Mally brought up the
front and Ms. Kensington and Mr. Shofield, the play director, brought up
the rear. I could almost read their thoughts. 'Rules and regulations come
next, and we all had to sit through an hour long talk on how to behave, a
talk we all had with our mothers.' I was right. Before they started, We
walked out for the first time into Irish air. We saw the bus that was
going to take us all over the country and met its driver, Otto. Seriously
that was the nickname that we gave him, he drove just like Otto from the
Simpsons. On our way out of the city the chaperones gave us the talk. It
lasted for about an hour, nobody was listening, especially me.
My dream was sitting across from me and I was sitting against the
side of the bus. I was facing right at him. I couldn't help but not
listen. Random thoughts of him filled my mind. I tried to shake them
loose bu they held on with a vise like grip. This inner turmoil was
tearing me apart. It was only yesterday, that I admitted that I liked, . .
. no loved him. Now I had to tell somebody, or I am going explode.
"Alright, now that is done with, lets get started with the bus tour."
Mr. Shamus got up and took the mic away from Mr. O'Mally.
"Hello," It was obvious that he didn't have a lot of experience, "My
name is Mr. Shamus, I will be your tour guide in this part of Ireland. . .
. . . . . . ."
He seemed to drone on about grass and Gallic and sod houses. I was
falling asleep. I really hate jetlag. My eyes closed and didn't open
again. As I felt myself fall asleep, I was thinking, 'who am I going to
tell. Should I tell him, or a close friend, I don't know.'
With my last waking breath, I yearned for an answer, but received none.
------------------------------------------ Come visit my webpage at:
http://www.omicrontheta.org
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