Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #4
January 8, 2002
I choose to review by scanning the subject lines in
alt.sex.stories.moderated. If you want a reviewed, you
must post it to ASSM. I will not accept for review
via email.
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Stories reviewed in this issue:
Healer, by Sven the Elder (* * *)
Ghosts, by Banshee (* *)
Goodnight, Irene, by Katherine T. (* * * *)
It Gets Funnier Every Time I Hear It, by Dancer (* * *)
Sex Kitten, by Knickers (* * * *)
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{ASSM} NEW - 'Healer' by Sven the Elder MF ROM CONS
By Sven the Elder <sven_the_elder@ntlworld.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34558
This has a lot going for it. First, there is the main
character, Sven, a fifty-year-old with a very bad back. He's
a pleasant chap with an interesting story-telling voice. After
fixing some network wiring problem in Maggie's office, he
develops a slight twitch in his back.
Fortunately for Sven, Maggie is a "healer." I'm not quite sure
what a healer is, but I gather it is a kind of mystical, holistic
chiropractor. With a few well-aimed touches, his twitch is cured.
She then senses Sven's more severe back injury, and she invites
him over to her house for, um, more intensive therapy.
This is marred by awkward word choices and many grammar
mistakes. Perhaps there is a regional dialect at work here that I
did not recognize, but I frequently found myself re-reading
sentences in an attempt to parse out the meaning. The problems
iron themselves out by the time Maggie wraps her lips around
Sven's raging hard-on, but I finished the feeling the
disappointment of an unfulfilled promise. This could have been an
extraordinarily good with a lot more polish.
But it's still a pleasant about pleasant people having a
pleasant time together.
Rating: * * *
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{ASSM} Ghosts
By Banshee <11111macgregor42@1111hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34561
This is not coded, but it contains a bunch of stuff. Oral,
anal, MF, MM, FF.
The ghost in this is turning the inhabitants of a house
into sex-obsessed sluts. When the narrator housesits for a couple
weeks, he is swept along too. The more he falls under the ghost's
spell, the more real the ghost becomes.
Eventually, the ghost is complete and solid, and then the
isolated sexual incidents come together into a wild orgy.
This suffered from a lack of blank lines between
paragraphs, which made it hard to read. It was also littered with
spelling and grammar mistakes, and the setting and characters
were not introduced very well. In a lot of ways, this is a
mess.
But the plot is nice, and sex has a kinky edge to it that I think
many readers will enjoy, and the author shows a lot of enthusiasm
for his subject. But it needs a major overhaul before it can
become the best it could be.
Rating: * *
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{ASSM} Goodnight, Irene (FF, lesbian) (Dedicated to Jennifer H.) (Katherine T.)
By Katherine T. <kt1960@earthlink.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34585
"Goodnight, Irene" is about a butch who has a soft
spot in her ... in her heart ... for women. She begins to
drool when she meets up with Irene on the rooftop of her
apartment building. Irene invites her down for a drink, and Irene
proves she is chock full of surprises.
This has some great sex in it, a kinky edge that,
in this case, works especially well with the participant.
Like "Meredith," the Katherine T. I reviewed earlier this
month, "Goodnight, Irene" sometimes gets bogged down in the
internal thoughts of the narrator, but I did not find the
shift away from the action as annoying in this story.
If you don't think a about a fifty-year-old woman can turn
you on, you haven't read this story.
Rating: * * * *
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{ASSM} "It Gets Funnier Every Time I Hear It"[Dancer] (MF pett humor)
By Dancer <empath69@hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34591
This begins with a false statement about the way the stock
market works, but don't worry - it's just part of the story's
disclaimer. There are no major economic mistakes in the main part
of the story.
Instead we have a woman who has the hots for a blonde, buff, and
brainy Australian hunk with a pierced lower lip. She woos him
with dead baby jokes and promises of The Crocodile Hunter on the
tube. I don't know about you, but if a woman told me a dead baby
joke, I'd be all over her before you could say "pitchfork."
At one point in the story, the bloke with the hairy chest claims
he likes Nutella, which proves conclusively that absolutely
anything can happen in fiction.
Several tasteless jokes can be found here, and the fucking is
nicely frenzied. One problem I had with the came in the
opening paragraphs. In ASSM, you see a lot of bad descriptions of
the fantasy babe with 36DD tits; this suffers the
same problem with the sexes reversed.
And there are several details along the way that seem irrelevant
to the story. They didn't get in the way of my enjoyment too
much, but I think the could have been made shorter without
harming the plot or characters.
If you like sick jokes but haven't voraciously sought them out in
a while, you'll probably love this story.
Rating: * * *
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{ASSM} Sex Kitten (A Nicola Adventure) {Knickers} (Ffff exhib)
By Knickers <sarah7932@yahoo.co.uk>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34600
We have a lot of Australians in this week. This is
part of a series about an Australian who comes to Hollywood
to become a star, but things don't go quite the way she planned.
In this episode, Nicola has the difficult task of chaperoning
"Sex Kitten," a teenage band from England. When Nicola picks
them up at LAX, the immediately ask to be taken to a strip
club. Reluctantly, Nicola agrees.
Nicola agrees reluctantly a lot in this story. She reluctantly
agrees to dance for the at the tittie bar, she reluctantly
agrees to get in the hot tub with them at the hotel, she
reluctantly agrees to do a nude shower scene for Sex Kitten's
video, she reluctantly agrees to give up her vow of chastity ...
What we have here is a lot of nubile women getting naked in
public. All the exhibitionism makes them horny, and they go back
to their hotel room and pleasure each other as only a nympho
band and a reluctant Australian can.
This doesn't aspire to anything other than it is: fantasy
stroke material. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and I had
a lot of fun following the ridiculous exploits of poor, naked
Nicola.
Rating: * * * *
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