Unexpected Consequences {Redman}
When I saw it on Bobby's computer, I was stunned. Home for lunch today, I went to put away his clothes. I'm not a snoopy mother. Really, I'm not! A needs privacy. I've taught him to respect mine; I give him his as well. But he had obviously rushed off this morning, forgetting what was there.
There, on the screen, what I saw was deeply troubling! I know such things exist. I just never thought I'd see them in my own home. Certainly not in Bobby's room!
Bobby is a quiet, serious boy. He's only fourteen and the of and violence that I saw on his monitor was painful for even me to read. I know I can't protect him from all life's terrors, but I can and I will protect him from this.
I understand computers. I use them every day at work. So, after calling in and saying I had a emergency, I set out to find where my son was getting such and to know the extent of this behavior.
I looked first on his hard drive. I found them easily, dozens of stories, most with obscene titles. Many of them contained the word "Mother." These distressed me considerably.
But then I reasoned, all fantasize about their mothers. Even the ancient Greeks wrote about it. So I applied the first rule of parenthood: Don't panic! I read them. They were shocking true, but that soon wore off. A few of them were just crude and stupid. But most he had saved, the better-written ones, would have been arousing in any other context. I saw at least my son had better taste than the first few examples made me fear.
I searched more thoroughly. I made notes on his favorite newsgroups and websites. That's when I saw it.
I had pulled up a bookmarked website titled "Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository." I clicked through the page with the attractive and there it was, in the list of "New Files." {ASSM} Photographs and Memories by Desdmona (MF rom) - whatever all that meant.
That was the title of Robert's favorite song. Just seeing those three words in print made me realize again how lonely I'd been since he died. God, I missed him so much! The pain was suddenly so raw, I almost didn't click it. But once I did, I couldn't stop reading. All of the memories that evoked. Robert and I... our first time... Such a sweet experience then. Such a bittersweet memory now!
I didn't confront Bobby when he came home. I couldn't so soon after reading that story.
Tonight as I lay in my bed, I struggled over what to say to him when I did, how I could use this to help him grow to be the his was. Then I closed my eyes and thought about that story. Suddenly, Robert was holding me and we made love for the first time... again.
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