Tainted Lime Top 15 List for January 2002
This is the Tainted Lime's first monthly Top 15 list. These are
the I enjoyed reading the most during January, 2002.
Some were posted in previous months, but if I reviewed
them in a January issue, they are eligble for this month's list.
The best for this month is "Blame it on 'Ed'", by Meme
Mispelt, but the choice was difficult. I highly recommend every
story on this list.
---
Top 15 for January 2002
1. Blame it on "Ed", by Meme Mispelt
2. Crying Out Loud, by theGreatxIam
3. as falls cuyahoga, so falls cuyahoga falls, by Nicholas Urfe
4. Hollywood Moves, by Katherine T.
5. The Princess and the Pea, by Oosh
6. The Accidental Sappho, by the lizard king
7. Isobel, by Katherine T.
8. Taking Possession, by graciefemme
9. My Eyes Adored You, by theGreatxIam
10. Satin Sheets, by Candy Kane
11. Twelve Nights, by Wiseguy
12. Adventures on I 70, by bill johnson
13. Soccer Moms, by JT Langdon
14. Jeepers Creepers, by Kari Gold
15. Birthday Present (Version Two), by Laura Davis
Do you disagree with my list? Make your voice heard. Nominate
your favorite of the month for a Silver Clitoride Award
at http://www.asstr.org/~gary/Clitorides/Silver_Clitorides.htm.
---
{ASSM} <*> Blame it on "Ed" (Meem17) F FF MF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution
By Meme Mispelt <meem17@mwmw.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34309
Forty-something trailer trash deserve their fantasies, too, and
Meme Mispelt delivers to them in style.
When Kenny and Ed spot a slutty punk at the local mall, Ed
dares Kenny to invite her to star in their porn video. Of course
this pair of forty-something trailer trash doesn't have a porn
video to shoot, but that's the fun of the dare, right?
Well, it turns out slutty punk Lorelei agrees, as long as
she can bring her slutty punk girlfriend Cyndi along. Kenny and
Ed scrounge a from Mitch, rent a hotel room, and the
two slutty punk are soon shooting a real live porn
movie with three overmatched men.
"Blame it on `Ed'" starts out funny, becomes sexy and kinky, and
ends on a thoughtful note about the aphrodisiacal qualities of
control that I think most readers will enjoy. The "caution" code
is probably deserved, but don't let that scare you off - you
don't want to miss this story.
---
{ASSM} Silver Surfer #2: Crying Out Loud
By theGreatxIam <max_wojtylak@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34743
Celebrity are a genre I almost always skip. While I watch
television, I don't watch it seriously, and when it comes to movies,
I have a hard time telling the difference between Julia Roberts and
Sandra Bullock.
But you can't live in the United States without knowing more than
is good for you about Kathie Lee Gifford. And theGreatxIam
doesn't write your standard story.
In this story, we are treated to a male airline attendant who is
asked to take over the first class cabin when an unruly passenger
insists that she always has trouble with female attendants. The
passenger, it turns out, is Kathie Lee Gifford.
What follows is a wonderfully funny account of Kathie Lee
yammering about herself until she falls into ridiculously
self-indulgent despair. The attendant, of course, must comfort
the lady in distress, and the two of them become just another
tragic Mile-High Club statistic.
Now if you are president of the Kathie Lee Fan Club, you may not
like the way theGreatxIam pokes fun at your idol, but if you
don't mind seeing undeserving celebrities cut down to size,
you're going to love this story.
---
{ASSM} cuyahoga.001 [urfe] [new] (as falls cuyahoga, so falls cuyahoga falls)
By Nicholas Urfe <nickurfe@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34650
Vanessa Cuyahoga gets it good from Marko and Timo Lappalainen,
who are, I believe, architects. Or maybe they design swimming
pools. Whatever, that doesn't really matter. What really matters
is Vanessa grunting and moaning and twisting around between these
two brothers as she gets it in her ass and she gets it in her
cunt at the same time.
I liked this a lot. Not only was the sex good, but it was
told with a lot of flair. You don't see that often, especially in
a this short.
A truly outstanding story. Don't miss it.
---
{ASSM} Hollywood Moves (FF, FFF, lesbian) (Katherine T.)
By Katherine T. <kt1960@earthlink.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34858
Rikki is a screenwriter who came to Hollywood to make it
big; Marion Turner is Hollywood's latest sex symbol; Josey Corel
is Marion Turner's lover. Rikki meets Josey at a
party, and Josey invites her over to discuss a possible screenwriting
job with the notorious couple.
Hoping this is her big break, Rikki arrives to find Marion Turner
strutting around in a semi-transparent peignoir. Marion flirts,
and before long, the would-be screenwriter is clit
between the superstar's spread thighs. During a break in the
action, Rikki discovers Josey on them, a pink dildo
dangling from a leather harness.
There are too many good things about this for me to list
here, so I'll limit myself to one: I loved the way this ambitious
screenwriter is devoured by Hollywood. I don't know if Hollywood
is really like this, but after reading this story, I'm inclined
to believe it.
This is an exciting sex story, one with a real setting and plot.
It was a joy to read.
---
{ASSM} The Princess and the Pea (FF, f-solo) [Oosh]
By Oosh <Oosh@gmx.NOSPAM.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34961
The King and Queen have a problem. Their only son must find a
bride, but none of local princesses are good enough for the
thirty-one-year-old geek prince. Every prospect has failed one
test or another.
And then, one stormy night, Princess Fallopia from the land of
Labia Minora shows up on their doorstep. She knows which spoon to
use to eat soup, and she knows how to eat a chicken leg. And that
leaves just one test left to pass.
Fallopia is tucked into bed under a pile of blankets, and on top
is placed a vibrating scepter. Is Fallopia a true princess? Read
the and find out!
While it may not have as much sex as some stories, there is a
constant undercurrent of teasing, and there is enough actual
genital stimulation for all but the most callused reader. But
even without the sex, this is very clever and funny. I
enjoyed every minute I spent reading it.
---
{ASSM} The Accidental Sappho (FF)
By the lizard king <zagreus@aol.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34475
The new leadership at the Delta Chi sorority have one of the dumbest
campaigns ever to root out the secret community at their
college. Gretchen gets wrapped up in this idiotic plan to tape
the in action, but the plan goes awry when Gretchen leaves
incriminating evidence after she sneaks in to hide a in
a suspected lesbian's room.
There follows a series of farcical escapades which all end up
with Gretchen munching carpet with yet another from Sigma
Sigma Sigma. After one such encounter, Gretchen utters a truly
great line: "That's it ... No more anonymous sex until
I've had something to eat."
This is a very good with a strong plot, a good central
character, and some well-aimed shots at the Delta Chi homophobes.
The prose in this is occasionally loose, but that's only
a minor complaint. Read this one. You'll like it.
---
{ASSM} Isobel (FF, lesbian) (Katherine T.)
By Katherine T. <kt1960@earthlink.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34846
Isobel is an who works in a real estate office with
Charley. Charley is the other in the office, a butch who happens to be a powerful femme magnet.
Isobel is having a bad day, and Charley is having lunch with an
ex-centerfold, Lauren. But Charley has a sweet spot in her heart,
and, noticing Isobel's blue funk, invites her to tag along.
At the restaurant, Charley gets called away on business, leaving
Lauren and Isobel to get to know one another. And they get to
know one another very well indeed.
This is an excellent story. Isobel is well drawn, and Lauren is a
lot of fun. The sex is very nice, and I enjoyed very much the way
the ended. Even if you're not into stories, you will
still enjoy this story.
---
{ASSM} New Story: Taking Possession (FF, BBW, rom, butch/femme, medieval property law)
By graciefemme <graciefemme@netscape.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34659
Birdy's great-uncle dies, leaving her his sizeable estate. But
most amazing of all, Birdy also inherits Larchwood, a manor house
near Oxford, which comes with its own housekeeper, Gwen Wells.
Freed from the shackles of earning a living, Birdy quits her job
as a graphic designer and takes up painting at Larchwood. Birdy
barely misses her lovers back in London.
The reason she doesn't miss her lovers is because she's
falling in love with Gwen. And when Birdy asks Gwen to pose for a
drawing, all the feelings rush to the forefront, and the two
women make love in the big, soft bed in the master bedchamber of
Larchwood Manor.
I loved the beginning of this story, the way Birdy becomes lady
of the house, and Birdy's budding infatuation with Gwen. The
growing emotional attachment was believable and artistically
told. And I liked the way the ended (although the museum
curator's gushing was a little too much).
On the downside, Gwen is an woman who carries a few extra
pounds, and some of the descriptions of Gwen's body were
borderline derogatory. There was no call for such language
here; this is a loving relationship, and I felt more respectful
descriptions were in order.
But this is still a nice story, and I recommend it to all.
---
{ASSM} Subway series #3: My Eyes Adored You
By theGreatxIam <max_wojtylak@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34438
I don't know about you, but I've never thought to try to look up the
skirts of the female Fox news commentators on cable TV. But the narrator
of this has, which is one reason why "My Eyes Adored You" is such
an atypical story. It's not often the star of a is a couch
voyeur.
While I suspect being a couch voyeur sucks most of the time, on certain
rare occasions, it has its benefits. When the narrator of this spots a cute thing on the crowded subway, he inadvertantly gets
wrapped up in a fight between the and her clod of an ex-boyfriend.
While the other passengers pretend not to notice, the taunting and
name-calling worsen until the needs to do something to prove she's
not as undesireable as the jerk says.
If only there was a wide-eyed couch voyeur sitting nearby with a
hard-on, then she would show him!
This is a unique, intelligent story. Even the sex is told with
exceptional style. My only small criticism is the is supposed to be
sixteen, but she seemed than that, and I don't think it would have
hurt the at all if the author had changed every "16" to "18". But
that's a minor complaint. If you like smart sex stories, you'll like "My
Eyes Adored You."
---
{ASSM} SATIN SHEETS by Candy Kane [FF]
By Candy Kane <rytr33@hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34882
Leslie is a workaholic lawyer whose biggest client is the &
Lesbian Coalition. Leslie's secretary, Cindy, and a legal clerk,
Pam, decide Leslie needs a little fun for her birthday, and they
arrange for Leslie to spend the night at Satin Sheets, an
exclusive nightclub. They also buy her Vanessa for the
night.
Unfortunately, Cindy and Pam were mistaken about Leslie's sexual
orientation. But Leslie is a good sport, so she decides to go
through with it anyway.
In a lot of ways, this is a ridiculous story. This is one of
those throw-away porn plots, pure and simple. But as throw-away
porn plots go, this one is very well implemented. Technically,
there are a few minor grammatical errors. But the language used
to describe the sex is very good, and it is occasionally inspired.
Several times I told myself, "Wow, that was great!" This
may have the best sex scene I've reviewed so far.
If only it had a more realistic plot to go along with it!
---
{ASSM} Twelve Nights (MF rom) by Wiseguy
By Wiseguy <wiseguy35@dontspam.hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34303
I have read by Wiseguy before, and I optimistically
opened up "Twelve Nights," confident that I was in for an
enjoyable ride.
But the beginning of "Twelve Nights" was a disappointment. The
sex scene was tepid and not especially smooth. I wondered if this
story had been tossed together quickly, without the author's
usual polish.
Even though I was disappointed, I read on. And I'm very glad I
did!
Once this gets moving, it is a lot of fun. In the days
immediately following Christmas, Paula is stuck installing a new
computer system at a powerful Washington DC law firm when she'd
rather be home doing the nasty with Ted, her lover.
Most of the is spent describing Paula's work, which is not
even remotely sexual. But it *is* fascinating, and I found myself
enjoying it almost as much as the after-hours interludes.
And while the job is interesting, the point of the is those
after-hours interludes. Ted has arranged for romantic gifts to be
delivered to Paula's hotel room while she's at work, twelve
different gifts for the twelve days of Christmas. And then they
talk on the phone, tell each other they miss each other, and then
they let their fingers do the walking ...
Come to think of it, Paula doesn't get her twelfth gift until she
comes back home to Ted. Fortunately for Paula, Ted's sexual
preferences have nothing to do with drummer's-drumming or lord's-
a-leaping, so a good time is had by all.
By all means, read this story. Even if the beginning is a little
rough, the catches its stride very quickly, and the ending
is not to be missed.
---
{ASSM} For Pebble, my British Friend, Adventures on I 70 (m/m)
By bill johnson <billyboiiiiiii@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34679
Although this is coded m/m, the participants are both
consenting adults.
In this story, a who is in a bad marriage has a job
delivering important papers by car between Baltimore and Peoria.
After a particularly bad time with his wife, as he passes through
Columbus, he picks up a male hitchhiker. This other has also
had a bad experience with his wife, and these two bitter begin to bond. The bond tightens after they stop at a hotel for
the night, and the bond becomes airtight as the reaches its
climax.
The itself is a good one. A relationship based on anger towards
women put me off a little, but it's a believable scenario. And the
story even wraps up believably, with an underlying feeling of
loneliness. I genuinely felt sorry for these two by the time the
story was over.
There were some weird writing problems, like a repeated paragraph
and a couple nonsensical sentences, but the writing is usually
pretty good. The seduction and sex is arousing, and the author
paints a clear of the main character. If you like bisexual
men enjoying each other's company, you'll like this one.
---
{ASSM} NEW: Soccer Moms (FF) by JT Langdon
By JT Langdon <LangdonJT@aol.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34470
I learned a couple things from this story. First, some girlfriends and
wives of who play on amateur soccer teams actually go to the soccer
games and watch their husbands and boyfriends play. Of course there is
no obvious reason to do this - soccer is boring enough when played by
professionals, can you imagine what it's like when played by a bunch of
weekend athletes?
The second thing I learned was there is some logic behind the women
showing up to these games. Of course they are completely disinterested
in the game itself. The women *really* show up so they can pick up the
other women who are there to watch the game.
And it's a competetive game, this picking up of other women. Maggie is
the experienced one, and she has Dana in her sights. After the game,
when the are sent off to get more wine, Maggie lines up for the
game-winning field goal (I know, I'm mixing my sports metaphors). If you
want to know if she scores, you'll have to read the yourself. Oh,
who am I fooling? Of course they score. This is ASSM, after all!
This doesn't have the perfect pace of the very best ASSM -
some parts drag out a little too long, and others are a little too
short - but this is a enjoyable with an interesting plot and a fun
way of looking at picking up sex partners. Maybe it's just me, but the
thought of women "on the prowl" never fails to get me going.
And now I have a much greater appreciation for soccer, especially the
part that takes place in the bleachers!
---
{ASSM} MSM #4 - Jeepers Creepers (fffffMMMM, slumber party, mystery, tease)
By Kari Gold <karigold_sky@hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34874
The is coded fffffMMMM, but it's a very tame for
ASSM. There are characters talking about sex and some relatively
innocent experimentation, but very little sex actually occurs.
Although the in this are than the girls, they
are still teenagers, and almost nothing happens between them
anyway.
This is one of those cute little mysteries you used to read
in junior high school that end with the challenge: "How did the
detective know the with the knife in his neck wasn't really
dead?" And the wonderfully clever little answer waiting for you
in the back of the book.
In this mystery, Kari Gold, Teenage Detective, and her seventh
grade friends are having a slumber party and makeover session at
Amy's house. When the requisite Truth or Dare game begins, the
dares force the to kiss one another and expose their
breasts and things like that.
They spot some through the windows and videotaping
the goings-on, and the chase begins. Kari follows the back
to the practice of the Nematoads, a local death metal band.
And there we have the big confrontation. The Nematoads deny
everything, but when the police arrive, Kari catches them in a
fatal lie. See if you can figure it out!
Technically, this is very well-written - I only noticed a
couple very minor typos in more than ten thousand words. And
having recently hosted a birthday party for a bunch of thirteen-
year-old girls, I can say with some authority that the in
this are described very realistically.
But the stretched on far too long for my tastes. This is a
mystery with no hint of mystery for half the story. Even though I
enjoyed reading it, the Truth or Dare scene should have been a
lot shorter.
But the are great, and it's a fun story. You'll be glad
you read it.
---
{ASSM} Birthday Present (Version Two) by Laura Lynn Davis f/f romance
By Laura Davis <ldavis4@hotmail.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34759
This is a rewrite of a I first reviewed in Issue #2. For
those who don't remember, this is about a rich whose
daddy wants to buy her something nice for her sixteenth birthday.
Not only does the birthday get the expensive diamond
pendant, but she gets the who helped it, too.
Most of the problems I had with the original have been
cleaned up here, and the is paced more evenly and the
ending doesn't feel nearly as rushed as it felt in the original.
I think one factual inconsistency was introduced in this rewrite
(an uncle turns into a father), but that's a small point. This
is now a very nice story.
In the future, unless some unforeseen situation comes up, I will
avoid reviewing revisions of I've already reviewed. It's
too hard to look a with fresh eyes after having read it
once before, and I do a disservice to readers by trying.
That said, I would encourage readers to take a good look at
revised in the newsgroup. Most stories, when revised, are
even better than before, so it's a good bet that revisions will
get you better-than-average writing.
|
|
