| The Special Joys of Threesome Sex Tips for Who Want To Get Started
The following information has been prepared for who wish to consider
adding MFM sexual pleasures to their sensual life. It is the basic premise
of this piece that the reader has already decided to open himself to the
pursuit of threesome adventures. I sincerely hope these thoughts will
benefit you as you plan ways of bringing about one or more FMF or MFM
threesome experiences for your pleasure... and for the pleasure of the
woman in your life.
By the way, it is not my desire to "win converts" to my chosen
lifestyle. Rather, it is my hope that readers will open their minds and
relationships to the special pleasures and possibilities that threesomes
First... I suggest that you let your primary female partner know that
you are open to... or wish to pursue... the addition of one or more
people to your shared "recreational sex" experiences. Start having
conversations about the distinction between sex for love... sex for
recreation... and sex for procreation. Let her see X-rated or read
books or magazines which spotlight the pleasures of multiple-partner
I know that initially... that could send shock waves through some wives
or friends. But, be open and honest with your feelings. Let her know
the kind of fantasies that stimulate you (her and another gal focusing on
your pleasure, another guy and you focusing on her pleasure, you giving
simultaneous pleasure to her and another gal, you alone with another gal,
her alone with another guy, you and her with more than one other person,
Chances are she will not quickly jump at the idea of inviting others
into your sex life. Most women equate great sexual fulfillment and the
warmth of sexual sharing with emotions akin to love. That is why MOST
women never allow themselves to enjoy more than one at a time... and
miss out on the wonderful expansive possibilities of enhanced, multiplied
pleasures. Most women who do allow themselves to try a few threesomes find
that their sex lives are greatly improved... and that their personal
levels of sexual fulfillment is GREATLY elevated!
I went through those typical female emotions in the early years of my
sexual development... and particularly in the earliest experiences of
enjoying more than one male partner during the same time period (even when
it was not involving group sex). You seem less likely to experience
those sex=love feelings. Percentage wise, more than women tend to be
able to enjoy sex for itself... and keep the pleasure of those experiences
separate from their emotional relationships.
This article assumes that you have a or woman in your life.
Naturally, you could choose to go outside your primary relationship to
experience MFM, FMF, or group pleasures. Frankly, many of the who I
have enjoyed along with my two have been who were
enjoying threesome sex even though the primary woman in their life was not
willing to get involved in threesomes. However, until later in this piece,
I am focusing on efforts you can make to keep your sexual pleasures
something you SHARE with your spouse or friend.
You and your main lady may have never even discussed opening your sex
life to the inclusion of others. Probably, it will be you who initiates
the idea. In that case, you need to open her mind to such ideas GENTLY!
Share in watching X-rated which include scenes which reflect what is
on your mind. Share in reading Forum or other magazines which feature
stories which reflect what is on your mind. When you see such films or
read such stories, let her know that they turn you on... watch to see her
Ask her what she thinks of such "recreational sex" experiences. Ask her
if she would like to experience the feeling of another guy's cock inside
her while you cuddle, kiss and caress her. While you are in the heat of
passion, ask her how she would like to feel another guy tonguing and
kissing her clit and while you hold and kiss her. When she is
nearing her orgasm, ask her how she would like to have both of her sucked simultaneously... one by you, and one by another guy.
Be patient. Let these thoughts soak in over as along a period of time
as is needed. The rest of this article assumes you have successfully
persuaded her to "try" a threesome or some couple-swap situation, etc.
This is when you need to show her your highest level of love and affection.
Try to extract a promise that "try" means at least a few such
experiences... just in case the first one or two are less than
Once you have gained her agreement to try such extra-partner-sex
situations... you need to watch her responses in the days ahead. Is she
really enthusiastic about the new possibilities ahead... or is she now
reflecting some second thoughts or potential jealousy... or fear of
jealousy by you.
You may want to talk further about how you will both deal with any
potential jealousy that may surface further down the line. You may also
wish to make it clear how each of you will communicate with the other about
limitations either of you want to impose on your expanded sex life as
Second... you will want to ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND that the anticipated new
experiences you are about to have should be SHARED experiences... shared
between you and your wife, or you and the primary woman in your life.
Early on, you will want to determine which of you will identify the
potential additional person or people you will invite into your sex life.
Will SHE bring the extra person or people into your shared bed... or will
YOU be the one to identify that person and create the setting to bring that
person into your shared sex life.
Maybe you will want to SHARE in creating a "prospect list" or in
determining a method of identifying a prospective extra person (or
persons)... or characteristics desired in that extra person (tall, short,
younger, older, married, single, certain physical characteristics, local,
non-local, friend, stranger, etc.). Or, she may ask you who you think you
would enjoy inviting to join in your expanded sex life. You may even want
to start with some couple-couple action first, so you can both gain a
higher level of comfort in the earliest experiences... and so you can make
some initial contacts with others who have opened their sex lives.
From my experience as a woman, a large part of the fun of MFM and FMF
threesomes is the anticipation... the planning... the fantasizing about
it in advance with your primary partner. I know women who have not
actually experienced their first threesome until LONG after having decided
that they would do it... enjoying with their mates the prolonged
anticipation and knowledge that "one day" it would actually happen.
However, remember that you can fantasize too much. Either or both of you
can build expectations too high.
Sometimes it is necessary to postpone that actual first experience due
to need for privacy, discretion and anonymity. It may require that you
place ads or follow-up ads... or that you travel to another city. It may
require the acquisition of a discrete PO box or private voice mail
subscription. It may require the both of you... or you or her alone...
doing some initial "interviews," to enhance your shared "comfort level"
with a prospective new guy or gal.
Even if you choose someone who is a close friend of one or both of you,
it may take some time setting up the right situation (a shared date, a
special dinner, an over-night stay together someplace, etc.) where things
can warm up properly.
Third... think about whether you seek ONE-TIME, TEMPORARY or LONG-TERM
additional partners? I know that the permanent three-way partnership that
my two and I live in is rather unique. Few others will even want to
establish a long-term three-way relationship. Two-way "primary"
partnerships with an occasional third person joining in just for the fun of
it... that is the more typical threesome scene.
However, I know a number of couples who have opened themselves to an
extra guy or gal in their sex life ONLY on the premise that the extra
person is also a friend or relative of one or both of them. I know women
who have invited their sisters or roommates into on-going threesome
pleasures with their husbands or boyfriends... and women who have welcomed
on-going threesome relationships when the extra guy was a friend or of their husband or primary male friend. Some couples have restricted
their threesome ventures to one, two or three such friends or relatives...
and would not consider inviting a "stranger" into their bed.
When a close friend or relative is chosen... and it works out... such
relationships can often continue for years. As a matter of fact, they
usually continue indefinitely, unless one of the parties proves to be a
jerk, or unless circumstances change for one or more of the parties.
Other times, women absolutely refuse to consider inviting into their
beds anyone who either she or her guy know or are related to. Everyone is
different. Everyone has different circumstances
When a stranger is chosen, it can be a "one-night affair," or it could
turn into an oft repeated pleasure for all. Sometimes couples start by
intending things to be temporary or one-time events... only to find that
they have developed a new kind of friendship that they all wish to
periodically repeat over a long-term period.
GETTING STARTED Once a couple has decided to open themselves to the
addition of one or more occasional "playmates," there are a couple of basic
things that must happen.
1. I have mentioned it above, but you MUST deal with "the jealousy
factor" before it comes up. If either party believes they would be jealous
if they saw the other having sex with someone else... get it out in the
open immediately. In this event, you will both want to establish a pact
that (a) you will be totally open with each other along the way, (b) you
will only have sex with another partner while the potentially-jealous
partner is present (or only after the potentially-jealous partner knows and
agrees), and (c) UNTIL YOU MUTUALLY DECIDE OTHERWISE, the extra guy will be
for the purpose of joining you in focusing doubled-attention on the wife...
or, the extra gal will ONLY be for the purpose of joining the in
focusing doubled-attention on the husband... and the person receiving the
doubled-attention will focus their attention PRIMARILY on their spouse.
Example, while the extra guy is nibbling on her or filling it with
his cock, her husband is cuddling with her and necking with her while she
talks with him, telling him what it feels like to be in his arms while
another guy is stroking in and out of her... etc.
2. Remember to jointly decide on any LIMITATIONS you mutually agree to
impose on your proposed threesome. For example, she insists that the other
guy wear a condom... or NOT enter her anally. Or, he insists that the
other guy NOT come in her or mouth. Or, you mutually decide that
extra partners NOT be given your real names and NOT be invited to your
home. Maybe you won't have any such limitations, but if either partner has
strong feelings on any of these subjects, set the RULES up front... so you
can share them (as it may be appropriate) with the third person.
3. Decide on THE WAY TO MEET a third person to join you in a threesome.
By now you have probably agreed that you want to focus on inviting a friend
or acquaintance to join you... or you may have decided that you DO NOT
WANT to involve someone you already know.
In that case, you may want to (a) attend a Swing Party for the purpose
of meeting prospective threesome friends, or (b) patronize an Adult Store
or Adult House for the purpose of making potential contacts (this
works... often couples are able to make eye contact with a guy [less often
with a gal] or a couple in an Adult Bookstore or XXX Theater, motion
them to the door of the Bookstore or to their seat within the theater and
openly let their wishes be known... without fear of rejection... and
often with successful results), or (c) patronize a Topless Bar (this also
works... and can be a way to meet that extra gal), or (D) follow-up ads or
place ads in local or national contact publications.
This last one is a very good way to meet people, but you probably will
need to have a PO box and/or an anonymous voice mail service (attached to a
pager is even better). This will allow one or both of you to meet the
prospective third person and get to know them while remaining anonymous.
Lets say hubby is meeting a prospective guy. The meeting could be at a
bar or lounge. could go in first, and sit at another table... so she
can watch while hubby "interviews" the prospective guy. They can have a
pre-arranged signal (like dropping her hankie on the floor) as a
signal that "he looks good," or "No Way." Then the can join them or
not... as she wishes. Or, he can excuse himself to the rest room so he
can meet her in the back alone before she joins them... or before he says,
"We'll call you."
BE AWARE... if the guy or gal has never been involved in a threesome
before, you probably DON'T want to select him/her as one of your first
4. Have a plan as to WHERE you would prefer meeting this third person
for your first encounter. At your place? Generally not a good idea.
Motels are good. Motels that offer hot tubs are even better (as a way to
cut the ice). Adult motels are often the best. If the third person is a
gal, you can probably be a bit more flexible in where you first meet.
Now that you have the basic decisions out of the way,
5. Plan your wearing apparel to fit the occasion. If you will be
meeting at a beach, pool or hot tub... you should both consider some
minimal, sexy swim wear. If you will be meeting at a bar, she should dress
as sexy as possible (short skirt, semi-revealing blouse with no bra, etc.)
and if you are meeting a gal, you should dress sharp... look handsome. If
you will be going to an X-rated in the hopes of meeting a guy, she
should wear a loose, easy-opening blouse with no bra, and a very full skirt
with no panties... so that within the dark of the theatre she can choose
to retain a discrete appearance, or allow you or ??? access to her and crotch as the situation unfolds.
6. Make plans to DO IT SOON! Remember, you can fantasize too much.
Either or both of you can build expectations too high. Remember also that
the sex you have between the two of you IS LIKELY to be better than sex
with THE FIRST FEW extra people... just because you know each other
better, and there is less chance of anxiety getting in the way. You may
get a guy who "gets off" and wants to leave... without really GIVING
pleasure to your wife. That can be the pits! Or, you may get a gal who
"freezes up" just as the fun begins. It may take a few threesome
experiences before you locate extra partners who truly melt into your
shared love-making wishes.
7. Assuming the threesome went EVEN MODERATELY WELL... you should both
genuinely thank the third person, and embrace them before they leave. You
may want to try it again with this person. They should leave with a
feeling of "warm fuzzies."
8. Finally, after each threesome experience, the two of you MUST spend
some time re-living the experience with each other... what it felt like...
how you would each like it to be different or similar next time... how you
each appreciate and love the other for helping to make the threesome
possible. Be sure to give your or friend extra tender loving
after your threesome experiences. You might even want to EACH write down
your thoughts on each of those early threesome experiences and share them
with someone (like me), just so you can express yourself fully... and so
you can remember later how those initial experiences went.
SOME IDEAS FOR GETTING THE ACTION GOING: When you have identified a
prospective third party and the situation allows, let the opposite sex
dance with that third party... invite them to join you for a dip in a hot
tub someplace... invite them to join you in providing a full body massage
to one of the three of you... challenge them to a game of "Truth or Dare"
(see my #J3-105).
If your chosen "prospect" is a friend or relative, consider creating a
setting at your home, motel, beach resort or a ski lodge where you all have
minimal clothes... or where you can all recline on a blanket in front of a
roaring fire. Then one of you can start massaging the other... while
inviting the third person to assist.
Truth or Dare allows for lots of ways to "break the ice." Certain
"Dares" can lead to the removal of clothes... or intimate kisses... or
blind-folded caresses... or performing certain requested sexual acts.
Requests for "Truth" can open the way for asking intimate questions about
sexual preferences, past sexual experiences, and determining the other
person's wishes for exploring sex together NOW.
When the extra person is a guy, you can always note how your or
girl friend really loves to receive a massage... particularly a
four-handed, full-body massage. Seldom will the extra guy turn down that
offer. Naturally, if oil is involved, everyone will have to shed their
clothes so they don't get oil on their clothes.
When the extra person is a gal, the can always comment that you
love to have your back rubbed. She might start rubbing your back through
your shirt, and eventually ask the other lady to join her. Then she could
break away to get some oil while the extra lady continues... and return to
request that you remove your and pants so they don't get oil on your
clothes. It can start out non-sexual, and then as things warm up, your
lady can run her oil-covered hand under your shorts while commenting that
"this area seems to need attention too." If the other lady is turned-on by
this point, she will join in.
NEED MORE IDEAS?I have a series of in my computer... gathered
over a period of years... which contains by and about men, women
and couples who have allowed themselves to enjoy the of experience of
additional sex partners... within the context of existing "primary"
relationships... mostly for the purpose of mutual recreation and enhanced
levels of sexual fulfillment.
Some of the were written by me (Joan), several of the others
were written by and women who have written to me to share their TRUE
personal experiences. Some are (real or fiction???) that I have
found along the way, which I believe demonstrate the many variations
possible when and women open themselves up to the pleasures that are
possible when they add one or more new people to their sex life.
These can be useful to demonstrate "how-to" stuff to people new
to threesomes. They allow folks who are new to threesome pleasures to try
those things which the reader finds will fit into their "comfort zone."
Some readers will consider portions of these excessively "raw."
While other readers will find those same passages erotic and stimulating.
If you would like to receive a current list of my stories, simply
request it by E-Mailing me at JJJ3313260@AOL.COM. Then, if you will simply
drop me an E-Mail note with some information about yourselves and your
level of experience or kind of fantasies... and request a specific or two, I will E-Mail them back to you.
IF YOU ARE A GUY ON YOUR OWN... Some men, and single, simply
cannot get a woman to join them in the pursuit of multiple-partner sex.
Often those still wish to explore such pleasures on their own. If that
is your situation, the following suggestions may be helpful.
1. Get yourself a discrete PO box and a private voice mail service...
preferably with an attached paging service. These three services will
enable you be "reachable."
2. Pick a name (other than your real one) that you will consistently
use. I know, everyone wants you to be open with them... but you can
choose to use your real identity later... if and when you are comfortable
that you are not dealing with kooks.
3. Place some ads in local, regional or national publications. Be
straight forward. If you wish to be the "extra guy" for threesomes with
couples.... say so! If you and another male friend wish to offer
threesome experiences to women... say so! If you have some additional
incentive to offer (like a full-body four-handed massage), offer it! Be
sure to include your voice mail phone number (if possible) for replies.
Reply levels to PO boxes are lower... but they enable written
communication and the mailing of pictures (if you or the lady wish to send
4. When you get replies... comply with the requests of the couple or
lady as much as you can. If you don't want your out there... have
a good reason why you do not exchange photos. This is when your E-Mail or
voice mail comes in handy... for quick replies from couples or ladies...
when they are in the mood.
5. Suggest a meeting at a neutral place (a bar, restaurant, etc.) where
you can get to know each other (whether it is a lady alone who is replying,
the male half of a couple, or a couple). Then, be there slightly ahead of
schedule... dressed handsomely and cleanly. Be sensitive as to what they
want to tell you on this first meeting... not digging for information that
they do not want to give at this point. Let this be a fun, friendly
experience as you get to know each other. Don't push forward too quickly.
But, when it is clear that the lady or couple wants to do something... be
prepared to go RIGHT THEN if that is what they want. Have condoms, massage
oils, etc. in your car... just in case you will want them, and in case
you end up "going for it" right then.
6. When you do get together, remember, as the extra guy, you should
suggest that you cover the costs of the motel, etc. Be an absolute
gentleman! If you are alone with a lady, make sure you give her every
reason to feel comfortable and safe. Start by necking... instead of a
quick tear-off of her clothing. If you are with a couple, let the other
guy lead the way on what happens, and how quickly.
7. Other than the ads you place, you can also respond to the ads of
couples... you can visit adult book stores and make eye contact with any
couples which may come in while you are there... you can visit X-rated
movie houses and sit as far back as you can. In this case, watch for
couples who may come in. Make eye contact if you can. When the situation
seems right, be GENTLY AGRESSIVE... move over near them and start a
Believe me, even single can enjoy multiple-partner sex... if they
make things work for themselves. The means of discrete communication (PO
box, voice mail, pager, etc.) are essential if you want to make new
contacts. Then, when you have made your contacts, you MUST be a
gentleman... and you MUST focus on GIVING pleasure to the lady involved.
That will enhance the probability that you will be invited to join her
(them) again. I canít stress that last part enough.
YOU MUST BE THE SOURCE OF ELEVATED LEVELS OF EXTRA PLEASURE FOR HER...
BEFORE you allow yourself to be satisfied. B E A G I V E R ! If you do,
youíll get your rewards.
Love, Joan in Colorado