| Why Women Enjoy MFM and Related Adventures
By Joan 3/2002
According to leading Sociologists, the number of American women who have
opened their lives to sexual affairs has substantially increased in the
last five years. It is estimated that as many as 60% of all women
have had affairs. Thatís right... 60%!
Yes, thatís still less than the estimated 70% of all who are
believed to have had affairs, but it reflects the fact that growing numbers
of women are reaching out for sexual variety in their lives.
Sadly, traditional secret affairs still usually bring with them feelings
of guilt and anxiety. Yet, it is understandable that women, just like men,
want their sensual lives to be fuller, they want "newness," and they want
the excitement of experiencing different partners and different sexual
I have always been a proponent of variety in sexuality for both and
women. But, I have advocated that couples share in the development of new
sexual pleasures for each other... that they intentionally allow each
other to experience extra partners... that they actively participate in
providing extra partners "as gifts" for their primary partner.
Some call what I advocate "open marriage." While I feel open marriages
are far better than the traditional "closed," monogamous marriage... I
feel that husbands and wives can enhance the open marriage concept by
periodically inviting others to join THEM in bedroom play. I encourage
couples to explore the addition of another guy or gal to their love play as
a way to take an active role in providing their spouse with extra partners
while doubling that spouseís sensual pleasures.
For decades have talked to their wives about bringing an extra guy
to their shared bed. Many fantasize about watching their being
serviced by one or more other guys. Sometimes it is the woman who proposes
such a threesome (MFM - male/female/male, or female-centered threesome).
But, more often than not, the is the "hesitant" party... turned-on by
the idea, but "hesitant" to really give it a try.
Following are comments gleaned from letters I have received over the
last few years from women who have opened their lives to extra partners...
not within the context of affairs, but within the context of threesomes or
open marriage agreements. I will let them tell for themselves WHY they
enjoy this way of expanding their feminine potential.
Lydia in Colorado
Since Bob and I started experimenting with threesome sex, I've become
much more aware of my own sexuality and my sexual potential. I feel like I
am a much more desirable woman than I ever did before. I have discovered
that I have been able to try different sexual activities and to enter into
the whole arena of lovemaking in a totally differently and relaxed way.
These days I feel great about my sexuality in a way I wasn't even
conscious of before with just my husband. I like my body more. I feel
less inhibited and more free to do what I want sexually than I used to.
Joan, please feel free to pass my comments on to other women.
Shirley, Washington State -
For years I felt like I was not really enjoying my sex life. My husband
and I had three kids, and we lived quite comfortably on his income from
selling cars. As time passed, our sex life seemed to become mundane and
predictable. At one point I considered having an affair. More than one
attractive guy had made overtures toward me over the years.
Meanwhile, when we did make love, Jim would often say, "Would you like
it if another guy was fucking you while I necked with you?" or some
variation thereof. One day I finally said, "If youíre serious, yes, I
think I would like that." After years of denying that the idea stimulated
me, I think Jim was taken back a bit at my answer.
Surprisingly, our love life suddenly got much hotter. We began talking
about what we might do if we introduced another (or woman) to our sex
life. Jim began to talk about ways he could discretely find and invite
another guy to join us.
Without getting into details, about three years ago (when I was 39), we
experienced our first MFM threesome. To my surprise, it was a kick having
two caress me, lick me, take turns eating me out, and then to feel the
cock of another enter my body for the first time in many years... all
with my husbandís support and approval! When our new friend left, Jim told
me how much he had enjoyed the whole thing, how he liked watching the other
guy fuck me, and how he liked shoving his unusually hardened cock into my
pussy that was coated with our guestís juices.
For weeks after, we re-lived that night, often ending the night with
passionate love-making like we hadnít done in years.
I found that our marriage had developed a new spark, and I felt like I
was discovering new things about myself as a result of our new "shared
adventures." As we repeated our evenings with our new male friend, I began
to feel more... more feminine... more desirable. After three years of
periodic meetings with extra male partners, Jim and I seem to feel closer,
and he is more romantic than ever before. I canít believe that I am
enjoying the sexual variety and self-discovery I might find through an
affair without any of the guilt or potential marriage-breaking secrecy that
an affair might bring.
We havenít tried bringing another gal into our bed yet. Jim says that
is not important, but we may yet try it. In the meantime, Jim has
introduced four different to our MFM fun. Each was different, both in
technique, appearance and physical attributes. I must admit it... I
enjoyed all of them!
FROM Joan -
Regardless whether the new guy was experienced by a woman within a
threesome context or an affair, an estimated 90% of women who have allowed
themselves to enjoy extra partners express the notion that the experiences
have "expanded their self-image," helped them discover more about
themselves, and changed them in positive and permanent ways. When the
woman experiences new partners within the context of an MFM with their
husband, the positive, permanent changes often extend to the marriage
As you know Joan, Mike and I adopted the MFM lifestyle some five years
ago. You asked what I have enjoyed most from the MFM experiences we have
had. I gave a lot of thought to your question after receiving your e-mail.
Naturally I love all of the extra, intense sex I have been the center
of, but I think one of the real benefits has been what these encounters
have done for my own ego and self confidence. I am 46 now, and five years
ago I was beginning to see myself as a bit of a frump. Since Mike has made
it possible for me to get intimate with other guys, my ego has repeatedly
been stroked by seeing that a number of have been genuinely attracted
to me, wanting me for who I am, enjoying me sexually and as a friend.
Mike has noticed my improved self-image. The experiences have given me
a whole new way of looking at myself. I have changed my way of dress...
my whole appearance. I feel attractive again. Before Jim made it possible
for me to really explore my sexuality with other (in his presence) I
hadn't really felt sexy in years. The whole set of experiences have made
me feel very, very self-confident.
On the same line of thought:
I guess you must be surveying several of us who have corresponded over
the years about threesome fun. I had always been a rather traditional
wife, not even willing to entertain thoughts of having sex with any other than my Harry. When Harry suggested (one night while he had me in
orgasm heaven) that he would like to watch another guy fuck me, I thought
he was absolutely crazy. After much cajoling, I finally let him take me to
an adult motel where he had another guy meet us "to give me a massage."
Surprise, surprise, the massage gradually moved toward sexual teasing,
four-handed caresses... and while my husband was giving me a deep
kiss, the "masseur" placed his head over my and began to eat me like
I had never been eaten before. I climaxed with a roar!
After I had regained my composure, Harry asked me how I liked my
"massage." I blushed and said, "It sure was a good one." The laughed,
handed me some wine, and I lay back on the bed between Harry and our new
friend. Some thirty minutes later, while I was still laying on my back and
enjoying the afterglow of the wonderful orally-induced orgasm, Harry
wrapped his arm around me and held my head up so we could both watch as our
new friend fed his rather sizable cock into my hitherto monogamous pussy.
Gawd what a fuck he gave me. I was screaming in pleasure. After I
calmed down, to my surprise Harry got between my outstretched legs and
gently licked me to another orgasm while I played with the "masseurís"
cock, and he on my breasts.
The "masseur" now makes regular calls at our home. Once he brought a
male friend who also gave me a lot of pleasure. Another time he brought a
lady friend who gave Harry a blowjob. Our "masseur" was buried inside me
while I watched Harry being expertly and licked until he squirted
all over her face. Before the evening was over I got to hold Harryís
renewed cock upright as the other gal spread her legs, squatted over him,
and welcomed it into her pussy.
To my surprise, I was not one bit jealous seeing Harry screw the woman.
I watched until she yelled in pleasure as Harry squirt a load into her.
After they recovered, Harry and our new lady friend lay on either side of
me and each one one of my as my love tunnel got another
"internal massage" from my personal massage man.
You asked what my attitudes are these days about "extra-partner sex,"
about myself, and about my marriage.
These new experiences have changed my life (our life) and they have
changed my attitude toward myself. I seem to have a heightened confidence
in myself as a sexy person and as a wife. I think I'm more sure of myself.
I no longer feel I have to prove any kind of sexiness like I used to.
I am 32 now, and for the last few years I had worried about the
appearance of my body. I wondered if I was still desirable. The two I have recently been intimate with have made me feel... well, feel pretty,
and sexy. Both Harry and our masseur friend are constantly complementing
me and making me feel good about myself. Harry says he wants us to spend a
night at a motel with another new guy soon. Frankly, I am looking forward
Karen from Florida -
When Bob first shared his fantasy with me, I was not interested. But as
we talked about it over the years, the idea began to appeal. I think the
problem was I could not imagine a guy I wanted to do this with.
When we met Mark, that changed. I am a woman who needs to know and like
the guy first, plus there needs to be a sexual attraction. I could never
do this with a total stranger. All of us are different in our feelings,
which comes thru in your stories.
When we finally had our MFM threesome, the intensity of the sex just
blew me away. It was pure sex and lust, and I loved every minute of it.
The experience helped me understand my own sexuality and opened new doors
to the pleasure, and it also helped me understand men's sexuality better,
I enjoyed the openness, and I became multi-orgasmic. It increased our
sexual life in quantity and quality by turning us both on. I wanted my
husband more, and I wanted to do both more often. We settled into a
kind of routine of 3 or 4 experiences a year for a long time.
We found that very stimulating to our sex life. Often we discussed what
we had done, and how we each felt. It still turns us on to have these
For any couples trying to decide whether to try this lifestyle, I would
just say be as sure as possible of your feelings. For us, it drew us
closer and made our sex life so much better. I even decided I wanted Bob
to have this experience, and we set up a 3-way with another woman. I
enjoyed it so much. I never could have done that without my experience
I'm sure we did something dangerous, and some couples could never handle
it, but it was so right for us. If I had it to do over, I would have done
it sooner and more often.
Marcie in Pennsylvania -
Before my husband and I opened our lives to additional sex partners, my
life was wrapped up in caring for the kids, my husband and the house. For
some years I felt like I was living my life just for others, and that there
must be more fun, more excitement, more personal fulfillment out there.
I was not very happy when my husband brought up the idea of each of us
occasionally having sex with others. We argued about it a lot. Then one
day I was talking with my hairdresser about the general topic of
infidelity, affairs, lovers, etc. I whispered to her what my husband had
She was quiet for a while. Then she invited me to have coffee with her
the next day. I was curious why she suggested that, but agreed to join
her. When we met, she said she wanted to talk more with me about various
ways women have extra lovers in their life. She finally confided that for
years her husband has treated her once every other month to a new male sex
partner. At first I was shocked.
She explained that he always had her dress up extra sexy, and then took
her to a lounge where a new guy would be waiting for them. Her husband
would introduce them, let them dance a while to get acquainted, and then
(if she was responding with interest) he would get a motel room where all
three would go for a few hours of uninhibited sex play with her as the
center of attention.
After mulling over what she had told me, that night I told my husband
what I had learned. He laughed and said, "See, I told you Iím not the only
one with that idea." My hairdresser had told me lots of details about her
encounters, and had gotten me really turned-on by the idea.
Well, the long and the short of it is that I agreed to let my husband
set up the same sort of thing for me. Actually, we have now done this
several times over the last two years.
I have learned to fully enjoy all my body has to offer in the way of
multiple pleasure. I have even began to take charge of my life more than
ever before. Sure, I still invest a lot of energy in caring for my kids,
my house and my husband, but I also have become more assertive in what I
Once I told my husband that I wanted to see what it would be like to
screw a black guy, and he set it up. It was fun. Different, erotic and
fun. Another time I told my husband that I wanted to set up a woman for
him. Naturally he agreed. My hairdresser was more than willing to oblige.
I went shopping while they spent several hours in the hay. They both told
me all the details the next day.
My hairdresser suggested to my husband that he should treat me to a
really stud... and she knew just the guy to get. He agreed, and the
next Saturday night my husband held me in his arms while this 19-year-old
Adonis screwed me like a jackrabbit.
Again, the long and the short of it is that I no longer feel simply like
a and a staid wife. I am still a loving and wife, but I feel
I am ALSO a sensuous woman... a woman who is far more fulfilled than ever
before. I feel more like a well-rounded woman in my own right... not just
my kidsí or my husbandís wife.
About this extra sex partner stuff... if I had it all to do over, would
I let myself exit the conventional monogamous life for multiple
partners? YOU BET I WOULD!
Carolyn W, Minnesota -
You asked why I enjoy our life now that we have agreed to invite others
into our sex life. Obviously I enjoy all the extra sex. Well, thatís not
the only reason.
Kevin and I got when we were both quite young. He had had sex
with three different before we met, but he was my first lover. In
other words, my entire sexual experience was him.
Even though Kevin had three prior sexual experiences, neither one of us
had had enough close personal relationships with others to enable us to
know what possibilities were out there.
Since opening our intimate lives to others, it has been mind-blowing to
me how we have been able to REALLY get to know other and women. Our
expanded social contacts have seemed to change the nature of my
personality. I have become more outgoing and genuinely interested in
Before, I was a bit mousy. I seem to have blossomed since observing
that I have been attracted to... and attractive to... very different
kinds of men. I have learned a great deal about the kind of person I
was... and was becoming... by opening myself intimately to different kinds
of and women.
These days I am much happier with myself. I'm happier because our
new-found openness to additional sex play friends has given me the
confidence to know that I can do what's right for me. Kevin feels the same
way. We donít care that (if it knew) mainstream society would probably say
that what we do is wrong.
I have discovered that I feel better about myself these days. I
appreciate a lot of different people where I used to appreciate a few
people. I feel that when we used to meet people simply on a social level,
everything seemed shallow. Yet, now that we get into people's bodies and
minds, the relationships are deeper and longer lasting. These more
intimate relationships seem to be more valid, honest, candid and definitely
more exhilarating. Believe me, I don't want our new life to stop.
Oh yes, incidentally, I have to admit again... I sure do enjoy all the
sex and all the sexual variety these days!
At age 44, until Dick and I ventured into MFM threesomes, I saw myself
as a middle-aged housewife with limited sexual fulfillment. Oh yes, Dick
and I had regular sex, but it was rather predictable. It probably was not
really satisfying to him either.
Without going into how we got started, I want to tell you that Dick and
I are having a ball these days. We have three and a gal who sort of
take turns joining us for what we call our Saturday Fun-night. All three
guys are (we prefer that), but the gal is a single who lives in
One of the is an out-of-state salesman who travels through our area
roughly once a month. One is an over-the-road truck driver who is based in
our area. The other guy is a Realtor who has some very flexible hours.
Annie sometimes joins the two of us, occasionally gets together alone with
Dick, and has occasionally joined us when we are with one of the guys. We
are not out looking for new partners. We are happy with the four we have
Dick tells me he loves to watch my face respond when one of the other
guys is taking me up the ladder to orgasm. A few times I have met with one
or two of the when Dick was not able to be present. Those nights at
bedtime, I always tell Dick every detail. He loves hearing what they did
to me, and how I felt/responded.
Truth is, I get a kick out of watching my nibbling Annie to
climax and then filling her with his cock. A couple of times I cradled her
in my arms while he did it, so we could all three feel we were part of the
process. Then Annie and I snuggled up on either side of Dick (with his
spent cock) and took turns licking and him back to rigidity.
Since agreeing to open our lives to additional sex partners four years
ago, I have developed a whole new outlook on life. I no longer think of
myself as a middle-aged fuddy-duddy. I think of myself as being younger
and more interesting in almost every way. I feel more attractive, exotic
Dick seems to treat me differently too. We do more fun things together
(non-sexual too). He seems eager to engage me in a wide variety of
conversations... and in fantasy talk that frequently turns us both on even
when no one else is around. Our sex life is far superior to what it was in
my "housewife days."
Bev in Kansas -
Joan, thanks for giving me this opportunity to tell other women why I
enjoy the expanded sexual lifestyle my husband and I have adopted. First,
let me stress that having occasional new sex partners has helped to expand
my own sexuality, my feelings about my feminine sensuality.
I feel MUCH more positive about my personal sexuality now than I ever
did in my pre-MFM days. My husband even had some hang-ups about sexuality.
There were some sexual things he did not even try in those pre-MFM days.
Now I have experienced many of these things with other men... and found
that I have enjoyed them very much. And, now my dear husband has even
opened himself to do things with me that he wouldnít do before.
These days I genuinely LOVE being a female! As a matter of fact, I feel
sorry for typical males. God apparently just did not give many of them the
capacity for the multiple and elevated levels of orgasmic pleasure that
most of us females have been endowed with.
I am now over forty, and I would not want to be any other age. With the
lifestyle my husband and I have adopted, and the years of experience I have
behind me, I know that I have the sureness of self that I never had when I
was younger and was inhibited by the unnatural monogamy of our conventional
marriage. It has been a wonderful discovery to know that this
formerly-mousy Kansas has become sensual and attractive to men... not
just to my husband... but seemingly to a large number of men.
I enjoyed orgasms when my husband and I made love in those pre-MFM days,
but I have since discovered that I am joyously multi-orgasmic, and am now
enjoying every sexual encounter to the hilt!
Ah yes, I consider myself to be a very sexy and fortunate woman. But
it's not just the orgasms - the big difference is that I feel like a sexual
person. I have integrated sexuality into my being instead of having it
exist as a disconnected activity that I once just plugged into and out of.
I have discovered that my whole body is an erogenous zone, and I am now
much more sensitive to touch, emotion and affection.
Again, let me say it. I truly love being female! I love what my body
can do and feel. I love what my body and sensuality can do to/for other
people. I now define myself as a sexual being, and I have learned that
it's not a dirty thing. It's good, and it is part of my total self.
Now that I have opened myself to multiple sex partners, I feel much more
sensual. I feel sexier than I did as a younger woman.
Helen in Montana -
During the first twelve years of our marriage, I seldom initiated sex
with my husband. I enjoyed it when he "did" me, but I had few orgasms.
Then came that fateful night when I got drunk and let my husband and his
brother come to bed with me... together. I was not really conscious of my
decision until I realized that I was laying nude between my husband and
another male body. I was facing my husband, and my mind was too fuzzy to
remember who the other male body might be.
What had shaken me back to a semblance of reality was the pleasant
feeling of a cock slowly sliding in and out of my pussy... from behind...
as my husband held me in his arms from in front. I could not help
myself... I found it to be VERY enjoyable. Then, as I regained more of my
senses, I found myself turned-on by the thought of "being taken by a
stranger"... with my husbandís full awareness.
That thought sent me over the top, and I found myself experiencing one
of the most intense orgasms of my life. As my body trembled in pleasure, I
felt the strange cock inside me swell up, press deep, and fill my insides
with a hot liquid. The follow-up orgasm that those sensations produced
almost caused me to blackout.
When I regained my composure, I rolled over to see who was there. I
found my brother-in-law grinning back at me. He and my husband began to
laugh at the way my body had betrayed my pleasure, and soon I was laughing
What would have otherwise been quite uncharacteristic of me, as we
talked about what we had just done, I found myself reaching out to take
both guysí cock in my hands. We lay on our backs and I just sort of
stroked both cocks, mentally comparing the texture of each one. My
brother-in-lawís cock was quite a bit fatter than my husbandís, and it
rippled with veins.
My husband thought the whole experience had been so much fun that he
decided to surprise me twice more in the month that followed. Each time it
was a different male friend of his. I had to admit that I enjoyed both of
them, but inside I was remembering the feeling of my brother-in-lawís
large, heavily-veined cock.
I decided to be assertive. I told my husband, "No more surprise bed
partners until your comes back and I get to enjoy him face to
face!" My husband hesitated a bit. Then he said, "Sure Babe... if thatís
what you want." Really starting to take control of our newly opened sex
life, I went on to say, "And, I want you to lick and suck on my and
get it real wet for him before he does me again. He can suck on my while you do that. Then, while he screws me, I want you to play with my
breasts, and neck with me until I again."
I could not believe what I had said... and neither could he. But, he
said, "OK Babe!" That Saturday night my brother-in-law came over and my
husband handled things just as I had directed. After I had another
mind-blasting orgasm and my brother-in-law had emptied himself inside me,
we all rested, and then my husband had me turn over to a "doggie" position,
and he screwed me like he never had before. He came in a torrent. He
drove himself into me so hard that I had the best orgasm I had ever had
with my husband.
Before the night was over, I let them both take me again. What a night.
Since then, I have sort of called the shots. I tell my husband when I
would like him to bring home another "surprise," and when to again invite
his for a night of reverie.
My husband loves to hold his hand on my mons while I am being filled and
pumped by another guyís cock. He tells me he also really enjoys the feel
of "sloppy seconds" when he fucks me after I already have a load of male
juice inside me.
In view of my prior passive attitudes toward sex, it is amazing how I
have sort of taken control of our shared sexuality. I let him know what I
want, like I never did before. To be honest, now I find that I really
enjoy some variety from time to time. Both variety in terms of what we do
in bed, and a variety of additional partners to share with.
My capacity for sexual pleasure has soared. I am finding sexual
activity to be far more delightful than I had ever expected. These days I
would love to be fucked far more often than my husband wishes to do it. A
few times he has even asked me to invite his over during the day
while he is at work, so he will know that I am well taken care of before he
I took him up on it. Then I asked if he minded if I occasionally meet
some of the other during the day. He said, "Go for it." When he gets
home he just asks who I saw. Sometimes he wants to know all the details...
sometimes he doesnít. When he asks, I tell him everything. Sometimes I
tell him that I havenít douched since the afternoon romp, and ask him if he
wants "sloppy seconds." He nearly always says "Yes," and we run for the
Six months ago one of the introduced me to another gal who really
enjoys sex. I invited her for dinner one night, and she and I treated my
husband to the kind of doubled-attention I have been getting so often. He
loved it, and she has spent the night with us several times since. I love
to sit on his face and have him lick and suck my while the other gal
rides his cock.
I feel like I have taken control of my own sexual fulfillment, and I
Marsha, Southern California -
Yes Joan, I can tell you I really enjoy occasionally screwing somebody
besides my husband. In the beginning of our "opened" marriage I never
thought I would. I had always thought that prior friendship or love were
essential before I could enjoy sex with a man. But I have discovered it
doesnít necessarily make any difference.
I don't ever develop feelings of love or emotional ties with the I
occasionally have. I love my husband very deeply, and exclusively. But,
even without the love/friendship component, the sex I have with most of
these extra can still be quite good. It is often really great sex.
As a younger woman, I always felt that you only had sex because you
loved the person. I have found that just pure sexuality can be very
beautiful. I think that often a purely physical side-relationship can be
Pass the word Joan, just like have done for hundreds of years before
we finally got the wisdom to join them... occasional sexual variety can be
highly satisfying for women too.
And, when our marital partner agrees to a shared plan of allowing each
to occasionally experience such extra partners, it is far better than
either party having potentially-disruptive side affairs. Three cheers for
open marriages and occasional threesomes!