| A Letter to Vanessa
By Katie McN <firstname.lastname@example.org>
(c) Copyright 2002, Katie McN
Vanessa is gone now, but I still think about her from time
to time. It's been a few years since I wrote her this
letter. It really when we broke up. But, you know it
was best for both of us.
Writing this letter was one of the hardest things I ever
had to do. Thought you might like to look at it.
My Darling Vanessa,
I love you so very much.
I can't imagine us ever being apart for longer than a few
days. Trying to imagine a time before you is like trying to
hold on to the smoke from an August prairie fire.
You always want to know every little thing about me. It
makes me feel so special. So loved. I want you to know
I want you to know every secret and share all of my
It's not that I ever want to hold back anything. I just
need to make sure I can express my secret thoughts and
images in ways you really understand.
I've tried to tell you about my first time, but I can't
seem to conjure up words that express the pictures printed
forever in the inner most recesses of my memories.
You're gone today and I will miss you until you get back.
While your gone, I'll try to write the words I can't say
when you look at me with the most beautiful eyes that any
woman ever gets to see.
If I succeed in painting my feelings on these pages, I'll
give you this letter when you get home. If I don't, well,
I'll try again some other day.
I was standing on the back porch of our ranch. I told you
about it once. It's a large ramblin' place near Big
Spring. The place where my daddy tried to raise the Santa
Gertrudes cattle. Good thing he did a better job raising
oil wells. That's for sure.
A great big place. Spent the best years of my childhood
On that special day, I watched a tumble weed roll slowly
across the flat land behind the big house. Not much to stop
it for another 10 miles or so. It didn't seem to mind much.
Just kept moving along.
Ellen was there with me. You remember her. She and I were
best friends since the second grade. Been through a lot
together. Hating boys. Loving boys. Not really sure what to
make of any of it. We both got into horses instead of
worrying about things too much. My dad was flying his
plane over to Austin that evening. The folks were heading
out to a party the Governor was putting on after he won
reelection. Quite a time.
Mr. and Mrs. Guthrie, Ellen's folks, were flying out with
them. Just us kids left here to have a good time.
Used to be a big problem staying alone with Ellen's three
brothers. They are all than us. For the longest time,
they hated having around. Can't say that I blame 'em
really. Daddy's little types can be a pain in the ass
Two things changed all that. First, we kind of figured out
how to act like guys. Pretty easy really. Just had to be
loud, wear boots and act stupid. Fit right in, both
Another thing that kind of helped was how I was beginning
Not too hard figuring what a looks like when she's
wearing nice fitting jeans and a tailored shirt. Southern
girls just automatically know how to bend over without
breaking their knees. Certainly know how to point that cute
little thing where it will do the most good. were
starting to appreciate it. Ellen just thought her brothers
were so funny.
Never had a problem with a one of 'em though. They wouldn't
want to have to put up with Ellen getting all pissed off at
them. Ha ha.
The maid lived in a little house out back. She left that
night as soon as she washed up the dinner dishes. That's
our signal to start having a good time.
The always seemed to have two or three brand new porno
videos for when the folks were gone. Sure enough, we headed
for the room to see the sights.
Randy, Ellen's oldest brother, had his own car by then.
He'd slipped off earlier in the day and got a case of long
necks. The other had their own ideas about what kind
of beer to get. But, since Randy was buying, we always
ended up with Lone Star no matter what they said. Didn't
care much myself. Neither did Ellen.
Ellen and I would have one beer each and make 'em last all
night. Didn't really like drinking beer that much. Just
part of the guy thing and fitting in.
There are certain rituals when you watch a porn film with
the guys. First off, you got to know how to act.
Just waited for the right spot to holler out, "Whooeee!
Look at the on that one." Yep, that was me.
Ellen would jump in and say something like, "Boys, don't
you wish you were hung like that guy." Course, they'd all
say they were and ask us if we wanted to see. Kind of
curious, but too smart to say yes. Anyhow, seen everyone of
'em naked when we'd go skinny dipping out at Seaford Pond.
Didn't point out that they weren't even close to that guy
on the screen. Not right for a to look you know.
When you live on a ranch, you get to see fucking all the
time. don't give a shit who watches. Just want to
get it on whenever they get the urge. Got the fundamentals
down at about age five if I remember right.
Thing that made the porno films interesting was the other
stuff that happened on the screen.
Never saw a bull get a blow job for instance. Don't recall
seeing three horses getting it on with each other. Never
noticed two cows doing each other. Lots of valuable
information for our eyes.
We'd pretend to know everything that was going on of
course. Wouldn't do to let the think they knew more
than us. Part of hanging out with the guys.
Ellen and I couldn't wait to get off by ourselves to talk
about everything we saw in those films. Interesting sex
education class I'd say.
Boys sure are silly. Funny to wait and see who got a boner
first and how he tried to hide it. All three of 'em usually
got hard at one point or another.
Ellen and I'd been staying over at each other's homes for
long as I can remember. Wouldn't seem right if this didn't
happen three or four times a month.
We had our own ways of doing things, too. First off, we'd
hit the shower just before we got ready for bed.
Mostly we spent our time outdoors and the West Texas dust
just grinds away at a person.
I'd usually be first. Didn't waste anytime and came right
back to the bedroom. Her turn next. Ellen would be in and
out in a flash. Both of us all shiny and new.
We'd been wearing big tee shirts to bed since we
started to get boobs. Trying to hide the changes in our
bodies I guess.
After a while, looking like big stopped bothering us.
Kept wearing them big shirts out of habit I guess.
We really didn't look alike now that I think about it. Sure
we always tried to dress the same way. But looks, no, we
were quite different.
Ellen is not a like me. She has auburn hair with
enough natural curl in it that it gets hard to manage on
bad weather days.
My hair is almost straight. It's enough so that it
will hold most anyway I fix it. Never has been much of a
problem to me. Used to make Ellen so mad when she'd have to
work real hard to look good and I'd just run a brush
through my hair and be ready to go.
By then, I was just 5' 7" and 115 or so pounds. Ellen
weighed about the same, but she was always a couple inches
shorter than me.
Her extra weight seemed to go to all those just right
places. Ellen's were a little bigger than mine then.
Her butt looked rounder than my slender cowgirl ass.
Although, must say that I was getting some notice, too.
I thought she was beautiful and told her so more than once.
She said the same things to me. Just loved my best friend.
At the time, we didn't realized just how beautiful the two
of us were. Somehow when you live with yourself, you get
real used to how you look and how you feel. Doesn't seem
that special really.
Later on you start to understand you're a little different
than some other folks.
No matter how much we'd been together during the day, we
still had secret things to talk about when we were alone.
That night was stuff like Randy getting a big hard on.
Laughing about me asking him a lot of questions while he
tried to hide that thing. Pretending I wasn't seeing
anything. Ha ha.
One of the caught both our attentions.
A little bit of foreplay, kissing and hugging. Oh sure
everyone ended up fucking their brains out in the end, but
there was a little loving and tenderness for a few minutes
at least. We both agreed it was kind of nice.
Another thing we found out. Pretty much the did
whatever the wanted in those films. But, when there
were two together (or three or four depending), they
seemed a little more into each other and into sharing. Not
so much pressure I guess.
By this time we were in Ellen's bed. We always slept in the
same bed when we stayed over. Always had.
Just her table lamp on that night. Best way to keep her
brothers from pounding on the door about another film they
found or whatever. Those could raise hell all night.
We didn't care as long as they left us alone.
Never been able to figure out how it all happened.
We somehow started looking right at each other. We looked
for what seemed like a real long time. Then I just pushed
my face forward and up and kissed her. A tiny little kiss,
but we both knew it was real.
Now we had been kissing each other since we were little
girls. Didn't mean anything, just our way.
This time, I was weak. Don't know why. Something just went
all through my body and I couldn't move. I was afraid, too.
What would Ellen think of that little kiss?
We looked at each other for the longest time and said
nothing. She'd been my friend for so long she could tell
that I was embarrassed by what I'd done.
Being my friend, she saved me with a kiss of her own. A
nice little kiss, but just that much longer than mine.
I could hear the sigh come from her mouth. A tiny little
sound that said, "I don't know what that was, but I do know
I like it." Knew what she was thinking because I felt the
same way, too.
Time went by forever.
My timid arm kind of moved forward toward her. The moment
it touched her shoulder she grabbed on to me and gave me
the biggest kiss I ever had. Whooee girl! Just wasn't ready
We held each other and I could feel the heat coming from
our bodies. Our were pressed together with just a
little cloth separating us.
Somehow her hand ended up on the back of my neck. I made a
sound that told her she didn't need to stop.
Kind of tailed my hand down her back. Moving toward the
bottom of her tee shirt. Let my hand wander down below her
shirt till it rested gently on her panties. My what a nice
butt you got there girl.
Trying to make up my mind about what to do next.
Guess she was doing the same. Her little tongue just pushed
right into my mouth. Well, I kind of opened up my mouth and
let her get on in, once I realized what she was up to.
Didn't know she could kiss that good. Didn't know I would
like it that much. Didn't know. Wow.
Let my hand wander up her back staying under her tee
this trip. Damn did she feel good. Like rubbing your hand
on silk. Umm.
My idea was just to explore under her a little bit.
Soon as my hand got near her shoulder blades, her hands
went right up into the air. Ohh. She wanted me to take her
shirt off. Didn't waste a second doing it either.
Soon as I had her off, she got right after me.
Pulling my over my head lickety split. Kind of fresh
for fourteen year don't you think?
Funny thing. I'd seen her lots of times before, but
they sure looked different that night. Kind of a daring
We fell back on the bed. Our arms were wrapped around each
other real tight. Our mouths were pressing together real
hard. Nothing but fire and passion.
I felt her hand going down my back. Wondered what it was
going to feel like having another touch my ass.
Didn't have to wait long to find out. She was very gentle
at first. Tentative even. Just like me I guess. Kind of
wondering if I would mind her checking me out.
When she realized that I liked what she was doing, felt her
hand slip right inside my little panties. What an
interesting feeling. Yum.
Lifted up my hips so she could pull may down. She
had to get under the covers to finish getting them off. Ohh
a little kiss on my tummy! How very nice.
I pushed her down real slow. Saw this in the video.
Looked real cool and sensual. Could tell she sure liked it.
Got under the covers to pull off her panties. Let my
rub on her legs and tummy as I came back up to find her.
Hot stuff, huh?
Got very brave then. I kissed her nipple. Well not too
brave. Just a quick kiss really. We both giggled. But, we
both knew that it wouldn't be too long before we got real
serious about all this.
That next kiss lasted more than a life time. I felt her
climbing up on my leg. I felt her thrusting herself at me.
She was rocking me back and forth. I kind of pulled my leg
up a little and made it real easy for her to do what she
We always got a tiny bit high from our one long neck a
piece. At that minute, felt like I drank the whole case.
Hardly knew where I was. Only knew that I wanted her more,
more, more. Yes, yes, yes. Ohh fuck.
Until that very minute, the only I ever touched were
my own. Hers felt so good. The sound she made when I slowly
squeezed and rubbed them was so nice to
Kind of loss track of what I was doing when she started
playing with my boobies.
Knew I could get myself going when I played with my own
titties. Didn't have a clue how much better it would be
with someone else touching them.
She knew just what to do. Don't know if it was the or
just stuff she did to herself. It didn't matter. Could not
believe it. Only one other woman every had that sane impact
when she touches me like that. And, you know who that is
Sometimes when I'm with you my beautiful woman, I get this
feeling in my chest and tummy that I just can't explain.
Certainly not in words, no. Feels so good, but no words.
Just electricity, just emotions, just things too hard to
say in words. I had the same feeling for the first time
We were laying on our sides. Looking at each other.
Kissing. Touching. Not believing we were there. Loving it
all. Studying, remembering, feeling the mystical
experiences of the West Texas summer night.
Her hand started down my rib cage moving toward my hip. By
now we both could relax with the luxury of knowing we had
time to do whatever we wanted. We knew we would, too.
Her hand moved across my naked hip. My body wanted to pull
her inside me. Her long fingers slide over my ass and
stopped inside the crack between those two cheeks you seem
to like so much.
She squeezed nice and easy. One finger moved toward my
What was that sound? Was that me? Oh my! Damn. Umm.
I fond her hand and guided it down my stomach toward my
pussy. Pushed her hand into my bush. She grabbed on to me
between my legs and started moving her whole hand back and
Felt her finger on my clit first. Then she slide right
inside my. I was so wet by then, it was easy to accommodate
She started moving her hand back and forth with a constant
pressure that said that she knew just what I wanted to
feel. She was so right.
Her finger moved in and out of the flame that was between
my legs. I opened myself up for her. Seemed like I was as
wide as my thighs. Seemed like I could somehow her
She had three fingers inside me. Not the way I did it, but
oh my god.
There didn't seem to be an end to it. I floated off to some
place far away from reality. I could feel tears well up in
my eyes. Happiness was so wonderfully strange.
Her mouth covered mine. Her insistent tongue entered my
mouth searching, probing, exciting. Her other hand touched
my tits. Rub, squeeze, stroke. Please stop - don't stop!
Oh. Oh. Ohhh.
I had orgasms before.
There was a time that I thought I invented the orgasm.
But, never anything like this. My body exploded from high
I couldn't see. An orange explosion hid me from everything,
but the passion that filled my body.
Waves of sex and warmth. Over, over, over.
Ellen, Ellen. Let me touch you now. Let me make you feel
this good. Let me.
She soon found out what it felt like to have part of me
inside her. My finger moved relentlessly inside her
at a pace that merged with the movements of her body.
I kissed her breasts, her nipples, her pretty lips. My
finger moved over her face, cheeks, neck. Yes, oh yes.
Touch, touch, feel, feel. More.
It just seemed to start way down inside of her somewhere.
Exploded to the top with sounds of pure lust and ecstasy. I
was just a few inches away from her face and got to watch
She opened her eyes at the peak of her pleasure. I was
getting ready to get off again. She could see me moving
toward a climax and it just intensified those strangely
wonderful feelings she was having.
We were like two mirrors making love. Magnifying our
feelings and emotions. Having feelings that had no names or
descriptions. Not for mortals at least.
We stayed awake for the whole night. Sometimes just holding
each other tightly in an embrace that could only be
understood by two people who loved each other in a way that
few could understand.
Other times, we were hotter than that porno video. We
were pretty brave. Nothing we didn't try. Nothing we didn't
love. Don't think there was one part of her beautiful body
that I didn't touch, kiss, feel. She didn't miss any part
of me either.
My tongue in her pussy. Her lips on my nipples. Fingers
touching, caressing, teasing. Lips kissing, sucking,
nibbling. Her tongue in my pussy. My finger on her asshole.
Did I miss anything? Where are we? What's next?
Must have come five or six times that night. Well, no,
can't really tell you how many times. Don't know how often
Ellen got off either. We weren't counting. Didn't have time
We fell asleep when the sun started to peek up at the
eastern sky. Holding each other. Loving each other so much.
Knowing we'd never forget any of this. Not one bit.
There were other times over the days and months and years.
Funny thing though. No one ever told us we could be
together. We were still seeing boys. Doing all the stuff
our expected of us. Never just seemed like
something we could do.
You met my folks. Guess you can understand how this might
happen. Seems real funny now in a sad kind of way.
Ellen and I never really got together like us my darling
Vannie. But she and I shared something special. Something
I've never be able to forget.
She's living over in Lubbock now with Charles Frederick.
They make a lovely couple, don't they? Never was a question
that I'd be her maid of honor. We both cried at her wedding
for more reasons than most people know.
For a long time, I'd thought that special day from long ago
changed me. Now I realize that I only found out what I was
Ellen didn't change much either. We were just a little bit
different. We still love each other like two sisters who
are very best friends. Always will I guess.
I owe you so much. You let me know that it was all right to
be my own person. You made me feel love in a way that let
me be just what I am. I wasn't raised to wear my feelings
on my arm. You dragged each little emotion out of me.
Showed them to me like they were jewels and told me that
you loved each and every one.
Just love being your baby and being loved by the most
wonderful woman I could ever know.
I love you,
Let me know what you think of my . . .
By Katie McN <email@example.com>
Read more of my here . . .