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APRIL hurt like hell dont know


"April's First" {Pendragon} (mf 1st rom pett)

IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, or otherwise forbidden by law to
read electronically transmitted erotic material, please go do
something else.

This material is Copyright, 1997, Uther Pendragon. All
rights reserved. I specifically grant the right of downloading
and keeping ONE electronic copy for your personal reading so long
as this notice is included. Reposting requires previous

All persons here depicted, except public figures depicted as
public figures in the background, are figments of my imagination
and any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly
# # # #

by Uther Pendragon

Her parents had already chosen the name, April, when she
surprised them by arriving on March 26. They had been much too
busy dealing with her to consider another name. April liked her
name, but had often considered choosing another birthday. This
March 26th, however, she was turning sixteen; waiting any longer
would have been torture.

Brian, seven months older and already licensed, drove her to the
state facility after school. "Right hand side," he said as she
left the building with her learner's permit clutched in her hand.
Brian knew his April.

"You're a licensed driver," she replied, though she did get in
the passenger's side. "It's legal."

"Your father would kill me! It's rush hour, and that piece of
paper doesn't mean that you know how to drive."

"When it's something *you* want to do, you don't care that my
father would kill you." Of course, she knew, her father would
kill her first if he knew that she let Brian kiss her breasts and
stroke between her legs. At least he would ground her for life.
But the exquisite sensations were worth the risk.

"When it's something I want to do," he pointed out, "*you* don't
care that it's legal when you're sixteen." Brian was making
debating points with half his mind. The rest was concentrating on
the driving. His desire for April, never really absent, was far
below his consciousness.

April hadn't thought about sex as legal or not. She enjoyed
everything she did with Brian, but feared the next step. And
desired the next step. And wanted to be a woman. And didn't want
to be a bad girl. She loved Brian, and wanted to be with Brian
forever, and wanted a life before she was tied down. Brian had
enticed her, rather than pushing her, into each step. But they
never went back. She loved the sensations he could evoke, and
everything she read told her that the best was yet to be. But she
rather liked having some limits, something in the future. And the
first time *hurt*. "That's not the same," she said slowly.

"It's your comparison. Anyway, save a little of your excitement
for the party tonight. 'What was your favorite birthday gift,
April?' 'The only one I care about came from the Secretary of
State.' That would throw a real damper on your party."

Her mind freed from the labyrinth of desire-and-reluctance,
she contemplated instead the simple joys of anticipated fun,
anticipated attention, and anticipated gifts. "So, what are you
giving me?" she asked.

"Well, you know I have a rule against telling before you open the
package; but this year you'll already have guessed. My gift was a
ride to the State License Facility."

"Liar. Tease."

"I love you, Ape. That's no lie."

"I love you, too. But I want to know now." And she did want to
know now. She also wanted to be surprised. The good thing about
Brian was that she could tease and tease. He would still surprise

"Well, I thought of buying you a car in case you survive Driver's
Ed. But mom refused to raise my allowance two thousand percent.
So I settled on a postcard for the next time your parents cut you
off from the phone."

"Meany! Anyway, you are on the other end of most of my long phone
calls. Tell me! I'll leave the car without kissing you if you
don't." She withdrew the threat when it didn't work. Their kiss
was long and sweet, worthy of sending Brian off to war. Instead,
he was at her door three hours later for her birthday party.

When the party was in full swing, the time came to open his gift.
It really did contain a postcard, but the card had a charm
bracelet taped to it to muffle the tiniest rattle. The single
charm was a car.

Brian's humor was notorious, as were April's phone-time
violations. So the attention of the party focused on the
postcard. A charm bracelet was more significant to April than
anyone in the room realized. Her great aunt had shown one to her
on a long afternoon, a biography kept in a box. Even though
Great-Aunt Amber had skipped over two stories, April had felt
deeply honored at being allowed to share so much of that life.
Since her sister Carla hadn't received that honor, April hadn't
mentioned it to her. Brian was the only person that she had ever
told. He had sensed what she didn't say, which was that she
wanted to be able to hold her own life on her wrist one day.

Brian held his breath. He was her steady, which was a temporary
arrangement. The bracelet, meant to hold her life, had to be a
gift from someone significant in her whole life. He wanted to be
that significant to her; he wondered if he was. He desperately
hoped that he was.

She saw the hope and fear in his eyes, and immediately needed to
kiss away the fear. The gift had nearly brought tears to her own
eyes. She crossed to him and said "Thank you." She had intended a
light kiss, but her emotion overcame her.

She was suddenly conscious of her nipples' sensitivity as they
firmed against his chest. She was conscious of his erection
growing against her leg as she opened her mouth to his tongue.
She was conscious of her own moistness as his tongue found hers.
She was belatedly conscious of the whistles of their friends. She
and Brian broke the kiss to look into each other's eyes for a
moment that was hundreds of times more erotic than the kiss. Love
was in his eyes, and a desperate plea that she would find him
worthy to be significant in her life. How could she not? She'd
shared the secret with him alone.

"Put it on my wrist, would you?" she said. His relief showed that
he had heard the acceptance she had intended.

"What was all the excitement?" her mother asked from the doorway.

"Isn't this a marvelous bracelet?" April said. "Brian gave it to

"Yes dear, it's lovely. Does everyone have enough to eat? I think
I'll stay and see the other presents opened." She did, without
hearing any more whistles. April was properly appreciative of
each gift and more appreciative of her friends and their

At the end of the night Brian stood with April's sister Carla as
April and her mother said goodbye to the guests at the door.
Carla started to clean up the mess as the last couple left. Brian
carried one load into the kitchen for her. "Two minutes," said
April's mother when he got back. "It's a special day."

April walked him out. "I love you," he said when the door was
safely shut.

"I love you, too," she responded. "More than two minutes can
tell." When the porch light went out, they melted into each
other. His tongue searched her mouth as his hands clasped her
hips. Hard nipples and wet crease told her of her excitement; his
erection told both of them of his. She ground her belly against
it as his hand came around to her front. He reached her mound
just as the lights came back on. She jumped back and grabbed his
hands, but then she squeezed them tight. "We'll talk."

"We'll talk," he agreed, and kissed each of her hands before
letting go of them. He walked a little awkwardly toward his
house, turned sideways in hopes of hiding his groin from April's

She helped clear the worst of the mess and start the first load
of dishes. "Was it all right dear?" her mother asked. "I know the
Easter holidays made it difficult."

"It was lovely, Mom. Really it was. The party was great, even if
it was a school night. I can't blame you for that. I know that
you wanted to hold it on the fifth."

"I very much wanted another child, but the date wasn't critical.
It was the *doctor* who said that you'd be born April Fifth.
Carla was a week late. How was I to know that you'd be impatient
all your life? I was surprised when you decided to be born on the
26th, not disappointed." It was an old subject, they could
continue the dialogue even when they were out of earshot. Soon
her mother said, "We'll vacuum tomorrow. Go to bed."

They headed upstairs. April was dressed for bed when she heard
Carla's unique knock. She let her in and lay under the covers on
one side of the bed. Carla took the invitation to sprawl on the
other side before she spoke. "What happened, Sib?"

They'd been referred to as "siblings" when April was eight and
Carla fourteen. That led to the joint nickname and, much later,
to the rule that talk under that label was absolutely private.

"Don't be hurt?" April began. Carla nodded curtly. "Great Aunt
Amber has a charm bracelet. Every charm has a story. She told me
most of them back last summer when she visited. I couldn't tell
you because I was afraid that you would mind that she told me and
not you."

"I'm not hurt. She likes you better, but you like her better than
I do, too. It's not like being Mom's favorite, or Dad's, or even

"Anyway, it was like magic. The charm's weren't expensive, but
each held a story. The bracelet held her whole life. Each charm
was significant; each was given her by a significant person. I
told Brian the story, back then. What was nice, was he remembered
and could tell that I wanted something like that. What he was
asking was 'Do I think he is significant in my life?' I figure he
is. He was also saying that he wanted to be."

"I would think he's significant," said Carla. "You spend more
time with him than at home."

"You sound like Mom. Look, Sib, who was your steady when you
turned sixteen?"

"Hmmm? Sixteenth birthday? Joey. Remember him? Coached you in
basketball sometimes."

"Is he significant in your life?"

"Not anymore." Carla waited for more. None came. "I see what you
mean. So you think that Brian may be permanent?"

"I'm sure that he is permanent. I'm sure that he's sure that
we're permanent. I'm not sure that our being sure is a guarantee.
I watched you, remember?"

"Was I that bad an example, April?"

"Sib, you were a great example. I'm trying to be Carla. But you
were in and out of love a lot."

"You'll never be Carla, lucky you. Try to be April. You're in
love with Brian?"

"And in lust with him."

"You haven't?"

"Nothing has changed since we last talked. ... Except the
bracelet. We still do everything else but. Does it hurt the first

"I did, and cried on your shoulder. And you never told. Thank
you, Sib."

"You've done it for me loads of times. Brian said something,
though." Carla looked interested. "You're a paralegal and all.
Brian wouldn't let me drive home when I got the permit."

"Sib, you are an idiot. I can tell you didn't drive home, you're
still alive."

"Well, I pointed out that it was legal."

"I don't know about that one. There might be some obligation for
the licensed driver to use good judgment. Why else have him
along? Want me to look it up?"

"No. Brian said that other things were legal when I turned
sixteen but I wasn't rushing to do them."

"Not quite true. Yesterday, it didn't count whether you said
'yes' or 'no.' He'd still be committing a felony. Tomorrow it
matters what you say. Are you thinking of saying 'yes'? He should
know that age doesn't matter if you say 'no,' to him."

"Brian's not like that. So the law is all about him, and not
about me. I'm not thinking enough about saying 'yes,' if you know
what I mean. Every time I'm with him, even the two minutes on the
porch -- that went awfully fast, by the way. Did mom change her

"I handled the light switch. You had two and a half minutes, not
counting the time before I turned it off. Anyway ..."

"Anyway," April cut her off, "every time I'm with him, I really
don't feel like stopping. Then I feel all scared of going on.
Does it always hurt the first time?"

"My first time hurt like hell. I don't know about anybody else's.
I was eighteen, and I came back to cry in the arms of my
thirteen-year-old little sister because there wasn't anybody else
I could tell. And I went on to have several romances where it
didn't cause pain, but ecstatic pleasure. Then I fell in love
with my boss who is happily married to a pregnant woman who is
perfectly nice to me every time she calls and whom I hate with a
passion. And my little sister has had more romance in her life
than I have for the last six months, and more sex, too. And I
don't know if it hurt anyone else."

"Look," April said, "I'm sorry about this."

"No. You aren't to blame. Jeff Benton isn't to blame. Mrs. Benton
isn't to blame."

"And you aren't to blame. You haven't done one thing wrong."

"That's because I haven't done one thing. Anyway, the law says
that you weren't competent to give consent last week, but you
will be next week. That's about you. That doesn't mean that you
should, or even that the law permits you to have sex. What it
means is that it makes a difference whether you say 'aye' or

"And which do you think that I should say?"


"Huh? My non-judgmental sister?"

"That's a decision that you can change," Carla pointed out. "The
other one isn't. Besides, when you want my advice, you aren't
ready to take that step." She got up. "Sleep tight, Sib." April,
to her own surprise, did.

She and Brian couldn't really talk seriously at school the next
day, but the day after was Good Friday and school was out. Brian
drove her over to the school parking lot and let her drive in low
gear. In the pauses, they talked. "The gift was sweet, but did
you really mean that you want to be someone I'll remember at
sixty?" she asked.

"Ape, I want to be someone you *talk to* at sixty." He loved her.
Couldn't she see that?

"You scare me." He did. She was terribly frightened of saying
that she felt that way, of saying that she didn't.

"That isn't a proposal. It's what I want. That's what you asked,
after all." And it was what he wanted, one thing he wanted.

"I'm still scared," she said.

"Never be afraid of me. Look, this isn't getting us anywhere.
Let's try again, and this time move the wheel half as far as you
think that it needs to move." Inevitably, however, they did talk
more, then and Saturday. Sunday was Easter and a family day.
Monday night, Brian took her to the movies. Afterwards, they
parked in a very secure place.

For a while, they shared the back seat while they kissed and
hugged. Then, she had the whole seat -- but still needed to bend
her knees too much -- while Brian knelt on the car floor beside
her. He eased her jeans and panties down to her ankles but
started again to kiss her mouth. His hand stroked her thigh while
his tongue licked hers. She wanted his caresses, she wanted more,
she wanted him to talk sweetly to her as he used to when these
caresses were new. When she parted her thighs wider, he stroked
up to their junction. She gasped into his mouth as he clasped her

"I love you, Ape," he said. He did love her, and he wanted her,
and he wanted to speak of his desire, but he knew that she wanted
to hear of his love. He parted her lower lips and dipped his
fingers into her moisture. His mouth switched to her breast. They
both were silent as he licked her nipples and stroked her
clitoris until she tightened in preparatory agony. He had to keep
himself from rushing it. He thirsted for her response, and he
ached for her fingers to bring his own. When he saw that she was
about to begin, he thrust two fingers into her and sucked hard on
her nipple. His thumb brushed circles over her clitoris while she
bucked and gasped through her climax.

The tension pulsed through her like storm waves hitting shore.
She loved him, she wanted him. He continued to stroke her until
she collapsed.

"I do love you, darling April," he said. At that moment, he loved
her more than life itself. "I'll love you forever. Can't you
believe that?"

"I love you, too, Brian," she said. She loved him with all her
heart, and she wanted him more than that. "God! I wish we had

"I do," he said. "Do you mean that?"

She had when she said it. She wondered if she did still. She did,
but she was cramped, and the clock was ticking. She started to
struggle back into her clothes.

He was ecstatic for one second. They were going to do it. He was
going to do it. He loved her. And wanted her, and wanted
desperately to be a man, and wanted to claim her as his. Then he
saw what she was doing. "You didn't mean that."

"I meant that. I wish we could. But not here. And we have what?
Fifteen minutes to get me home." Why had she said that? Why had
she said it then? Why hadn't Brian, supposedly so empathetic,
understood that it was a *wish* not a promise.

"You didn't have to say it if you didn't mean it." Brian was
already getting behind the wheel. April got out, redid her bra,
and straightened her other clothes. "I meant it when I said that
I love you."

"I meant it, Brian. I love you and I want to show you that I love
you. A girl's first time is special. It should be a special
person and a special place. You are a special person; you are
important to me. But ..."

"But that would have been a horrible place," Brian was already
driving close to the speed limit. The evening was over. "I can
live with that. I can't find you a special place with silk sheets
and champagne in an ice bucket. You couldn't get out overnight
even so. It's just cruel to say that you would do it under
impossible conditions."

She usually took care of Brian after he took care of her; this
time she hadn't, and now it was too late. He was taking all this
in quite the wrong spirit. She dreamed of walking down the aisle
with Brian, why was it wrong to dream of going to bed with him?
But he treated sharing that dream as if it were an attack on him.
"Not impossible. Just not there. I do love you."

Boys, Brian suddenly saw, spoke of love to justify sex; girls
spoke of it to justify abstinence. Was he any better? Well, yes.
He wanted April on a permanent basis, marriage; it was just that
this permanent basis wasn't possible. "I love you, too," he said.
"I wish I could just take you home. 'This is my woman, world;
what do you want to do about it?' But that's a twin bed with
cracks in the plaster over it. That's not special either."

April had a vision of a caveman dragging her off, but Brian's
possessiveness was attractive as well. "I wish that I could take
you home, too; but they would never understand. I'd be more
nervous about them pounding on the door than about a stranger
coming by when we were back there."

"My room isn't a special place, but I do have privacy until mom
gets home around six-thirty." He was desperate now.

"You're serious?" she asked. "Yes, you are serious."

"I'm one hundred percent serious. The question is are you?"

April thought that this wasn't really the question. She seriously
loved Brian; she seriously wanted to be a woman. She also
seriously wanted to avoid pain; she seriously wanted to avoid
being a slut. She seriously wondered whether she was ready for
this; she seriously wondered if she ever would *really* be ready.

If she were going to do it, she thought, this was the right time.
She knew the joke about what you called people who used the
rhythm method, but she wanted her timing to be safe, anyhow.
She'd have her period Thursday, maybe Wednesday. She didn't want
to be messy her first time, nor wait for weeks suspecting she'd
caught despite everything. If she were going to do it, tomorrow
was best.

Lord! She was thinking of doing it. He was special, could he be
any more special? Waiting for the right man made sense; waiting
longer with Brian didn't. He was the right man. She hoped he was
the right man.

Brian had stopped thinking. The only thing in his mind was a
picture of April in a bed. He drove while she sat silent beside

She took a deep breath and said, "I'll ring your bell tomorrow
after school."

"Tomorrow?" he gasped. "Oh, my love. I do love...." He slammed on
the brakes and turned to face her in the unmoving car. "Tomorrow!
Ape you wouldn't! Look, I know that you love April fool jokes....
Between your name and your birthday, who can blame you? ... But
you wouldn't play that game on me, would you? There's Brian
waiting in his house, and April doesn't come, and doesn't come,
and then she shows up with half a dozen girlfriends."

"I wouldn't do that to you. You're special to me. I can see doing
that. Believe me, I can see it; but this is too important to me
to make a joke of it. Look, start the car will you. I have to get
home. If I get grounded, I won't come over tomorrow."

They made it just in time. For the first time in months, April
left his car without a good-night kiss. April spent the night
regretting her rash promise. She decided that the bracelet was
causing her to make Brian more significant than he really was. If
she lost her virginity to him, that made him significant. She was
tempted to throw away the bracelet and wait. But that was
ridiculous; she loved Brian, loved the way he could make her
feel. Could another boy make her feel like that? In some ways,
certainly; but loving Brian was part of the feeling. In any case,
going to Brian's tomorrow was less sluttish than going looking
for another boy to make her feel that way.

Brian had received no relief. He headed straight for his room
when he got home. While he stripped, he pictured April in his
bed. That was great, but anticipation would be better. He
pictured her entering his room, pictured himself removing her
blouse, pictured her looking about his room, pictured her being
appalled at the mess.

That would be horrible. He started straightening his room. He put
on his robe to take all the fragrantly dirty clothes from his
corner to the laundry baskets in the basement. He grabbed a clean
set of sheets and pillow case, but decided to wait until morning
to change the bed. The *Playboy*s went into his closet. While
there, he gathered all the loose hangers and shoved the clothes
to one side. Then he hung up everything that was sitting around
loose. He fetched a condom from the hiding place, placed it in
the drawer next to his bed, and dropped a paperback book on top
of it.

With all the preparation that could be done in silence done, he
set the alarm a little early and adjourned to his anticipations.
He pictured April walking in the door and removing her clothes.
When her image reached over and touched his cock, the real one
erupted. He cleaned up and dropped off, thinking of the taste of
April's breasts.

April alternated between a stew of reluctance and daydreams of
anticipation that day. Not only did she not learn anything in any
of the classes, but her emotions utterly defeated her deodorant.
She felt sticky. She located Brian in the hall before his last
class. "Look," she said, "I'll have to be twenty minutes late."

"That's fine," he replied. "I trust you to come."

She was a little dismayed by that easy acceptance; but Brian also
had some preparations to do. On the bus home, he decided that
showering was more important than vacuuming. After the shower, he
dressed in shorts, slacks, shirt, and slippers. He shut the doors
to his mother's room and the guest room before he started
vacuuming his room.

He wasn't finished when he heard the doorbell. He ushered April
into the house and closed the door before they kissed. She was
wearing a nice dress, but not a fancy one. "Look," he said, "give
me five minutes." April felt awfully lonely sitting in the living
room, listening to the vacuum run.

"Couldn't he finish his chores *afterwards*," she thought. There
was a clatter as the vacuum was pushed away into another room,
and he was back.

"Sorry," he said. "I might not be able to provide the silk sheets
and champagne, but I figured that the piles of junk and the dust
bunnies would be a little much." She felt better about that, much
better after he kissed her enthusiastically.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Sure I did," he answered. "I only wish that I could have done
more. Do you want a Coke or something?" Slightly more than he
wanted to strip her and enter her, he wanted to communicate that
he cared for her as a person and wasn't only thinking about
stripping and entering her.

The awkwardness of the situation had already made April feel
uncomfortable; Brian's lame attempt at being a host made it
worse. "No," she said, "nothing." When he took her hand and led
her to the stairs, she realized that she had refused any chance
at delay. On the top floor, only two doors weren't shut tight.
The fully open door was obviously his room, and she walked into

"Why am I doing this?" she thought. She looked around. His
straightening things up clearly hadn't been compulsive, but the
floor was clean and no clothes were visible. Several sports
posters were on his walls, dominated by a huge one of Michael
Jordan shooting a basket. This was at the foot of his bed. The
bed. It was neat with the sheet folded back and the blanket in a
folded pile at the foot. It was really a narrow bed, as narrow as
hers. Yet it looked awfully intrusive in the room.

This fulfilled Brian's fantasy of the night before, April in his
room. He slowly came up behind her and put his arms around her.
She turned, partly to take her eyes off the bed, and ducked her
head into his shoulder. He kissed her forehead. "I do love you,"
he said. "I love you very much."

"Oh, I love you too." She must, or this afternoon was a horror.
She raised her face for a real kiss, and he was gentle and
tentative and kept his mouth closed. Then he licked her lips
before penetrating them. The kiss was long and hot before he
moved his hands from her back. Then he shifted, still with his
mouth joined to hers, so that he could reach the buttons on her
dress. He undid all of these before breaking the kiss. He brushed
the dress off her left shoulder and kissed the point of her
shoulder bone. Then he moved inward from that point, kissing to
her neck and then her ear. She shivered at these attentions and
wiggled to escape.

"Does this go up or down?" he asked, holding the collar of her

"Huh!" she answered. "Down, I guess." He brushed the sleeves
off her shoulders and held it as it fell away. Turning from
hanging it in the closet, he got a clear look at her in her bra
and panties. They were matching, frilly, and white.

"White for a virgin," he thought. He would be first; she was

She had chosen the sexy underwear for him, but hadn't imagined
his staring at her from yards away. The light streaming in the
windows seemed suddenly glaring. Her arms moved of their own
volition to cover breasts and groin.

Seeing this, he closed the gap between them and held her again.
"You look lovely," he said. They kissed again, while his hands
passed all over her smooth back. She put her glasses on the
desk. She felt less exposed when everything around her looked

She returned to his embrace. His hands resumed their wandering,
passing over her hips and sides and back. They stopped, finally,
at the bra clasp; he drew back. "Look at me," he said. With
his eyes locked to hers, he undid the clasp and drew it forward.
She shrugged the bra down her arms, and he took it from her. He
looked straight into her eyes while tossing the bra onto the
desk, then deliberately dropped his gaze onto her chest. She
blushed again, but her nipples hardened. "You are so
beautiful," he said.

When he kissed her this time, his hands slid all over her
breasts. He hugged her with his left arm until his right hand
was trapped between her breast and his chest. She was aware of
his kiss, and the fire spreading from her breast, and his
hardness against her belly. He moved her backwards until she
felt the bed pressing against her legs. She pushed him away and
sat to remove her shoes.

Insufficiently hidden by the sheet, she watched him strip. She'd
seen that naked chest before, although seldom so pale. She
thought that his tented underpants were ridiculous, but he kept
them on when he followed her into bed.

Again, he kissed her. Then his kisses were roving all over her
face as his hand roved over her torso. His mouth passed down
her neck and chest to her breast. He held the breast up to his
eager mouth as he licked and sucked. His hand spread her thighs
and caressed them as he switched to her other breast. She was
flushed and panting, and her hips were seeking his hand before
he moved back on his knees. "Help me," he said as he tugged at
her panties. She slipped them down off her hips. He removed
them the rest of the way.

The afternoon light gave him a clearer view of her nakedness than
he had ever had before. Her face was slightly flushed as it was
after she ran hard. Her breasts were whiter than the rest of
her skin, firm mounds topped with red-brown areolae and nipples.
Her slim belly led to a sparse patch of hair, gold rather than
the bronze on her head. Even from his position he could see
through the hair to the engorged outer lips and a faint line
that suggested the inner ones. Much as he regretted covering
such beauty, he couldn't resist touching it. He rested his palm
lightly on the delta before looking in her eyes. "You are so
beautiful," he said. Then he closed his fingers on her fleece.

She warmed to his touch before flushing at the compliment. She
yearned for his fingers and knew how they could thrill her. She
feared his intrusion which seemed so imminent now, but wanted
this waiting to end -- if even in pain.

He eased himself down on his side again. As he began a deep
kiss, he parted her labia with his fingers. He stroked her
moisture upward, then across her clitoris. He repeated this for
what seemed to be forever, but finally she stiffened. He broke
the kiss to say "I love you, April." Then he moved back to the
peak of her breast.

When he dropped to his side, she relaxed a little. The kiss was
familiar, and the strokes toward her center were delightful.
Only the expectation of his pounce distracted her from the flow
of pleasure, then of tension. When the tension came, however,
it brought with it a feeling of love for devoted Brian. He
brought her so much pleasure and took such effort to bring it,
that he must care for her. Just when she was thinking that, he
said it. Buoyed by a rare agreement of thought and sensation,
she entered paradise -- held in his hands, and quite alone.

He felt her tense under his hand and lips; then he felt her
shudder and finally collapse. "Oh, my darling," he said. And
she was his darling, and she was his, and she would really be
his. That thought sent him to the drawer. He shoved down his
shorts with the condom in his hand, then fumbled open the foil
and tried to figure which side went on him. That solved,
feeling the peculiar tightness of the rubber on his throbbing
member, he tried to climb between April's legs. There was barely
room for one knee.

April went from ecstasy to lassitude to loneliness in seconds.
She wanted Brian to hold her. Then she almost panicked. He
towered over her, too far away to be comforting, near enough to
be threatening. She had seen his cock peeking discreetly up
from his lap, held it and stroked it, felt it stiffen and pulse
and soften. Now, however, Brian was kneeling erect above her
thighs. His cock was projecting above her. It looked much
larger than she remembered, shiny white, and very threatening.

She couldn't bear looking at it, but she couldn't tear her eyes
from it. Then she did, and his face was more frightening. He
was as grim as she had ever seen him, when he was supposed to
look soft and loving -- and happy, *one* of them should be
enjoying this. She tore her eyes away once more, and saw an
orange blob. "What was that?" she thought, "Oh, the basketball
on the poster." She tried to focus on that.

He bent to kiss her breasts once more. The nipples' response was
as enthusiastic as ever. He felt her relax and then move her
hips. He pushed against her left leg but got no response. "I
love you, April," he raised off her breasts to say. "Let me."

The words brought her attention back to his face. He was looking
worried now, and his voice -- at least -- was soft. She couldn't
remember her reasons to fear him or to resist. Slowly she parted
her legs. He knelt between them before pressing them wider

He could tell that she was nervous and that her acceptance was
more mental than physical. He spread his own knees to hold the
territory that he had gained before bending his lips once more
to her breasts. This time, his hand was busy at her entrance.
First he smoothed her liquid over her clitoris and the folds
around it. Then, as her breath increased, he used the tips of
his fingers to open her and spread the lips wide for his

She felt a gathering excitement and then herself being opened.
She felt him kiss her just before he nuzzled into her opening.
"Don't hurt me," she begged silently.

He was there. He could feel himself at her entrance, about to
become a man. "Say yes," he begged, adding silently, "Don't be
hurt." He wished that she wouldn't look so scared.

She braced herself, then said, "Yes. Please yes." He moved
inward gently, awkwardly. It stretched her a little, but caused
not the slightest pain. Then he filled her completely, and she
held him completely. She widened her thighs to let his groin
press against hers. It was painless. More than that, it was

Brian's entire consciousness seemed concentrated in his cock as
it pressed into April. The smooth progress, the tight pressure,
seemed so different from his hand or hers. "I've done it," he
thought. "We've done it. We are actually fucking." Some
fraction of his mind, however, was still conscious of April's
tension. And that part noticed when she relaxed. "Darling," he
asked, "are you all right?" A moment later, he was completely

"I'm fine," she said, "marvelous. Oh, Brian!"

"Do you hurt? Can I move?"

"No. Yes. Please move." She gave a wiggle to convey her
meaning. Then Brian began slow strokes in and out. These
evoked a tickling, tingling feeling within her, something like
the feeling his fingers produced.

Brian felt the smooth slide through the clasping warmth more
acutely than any sensation that he had ever felt before. But
that was the lesser part of his elation. He was doing it at
last, and he had broken in a virgin on his first time, and he
had taken her virginity without hurting her, and *it was April*.
They were together, and they would never part. And then there
was only him and his orgasm.

He pulsed as he always did, but the emotions which rushed into
him as his seed rushed out were untinged with shame for the
first time. He felt triumph and he felt love. He had overcome
April and he would never do anything against her. Then it was
only sensation.

Then he collapsed.

April enjoyed his movements within her. She felt her tension
build. Then Brian was only a gasping weight. She hugged him
for a minute, thinking that they had done it. Then he was just
heavy, and slipping out.

Brian grasped the rubber and made sure that it came out with him.
He turned from her and dropped it in the wastebasket. He lay on
his side close to her. "I love you, April," he said. He waited
for a response before, hearing none, he kissed her. Then he
covered them with the sheet. "It really didn't hurt?" he asked.

"No," she said. Then a thought struck her. "It really was my
first time, though."

Brian may have thought that he had become a man; but he answered
as a boy, concerned only with what bothered him. "I know. I
can't give you a ring, Ape. I don't deserve your virginity."

"I never asked for a ring. We have too much to do." She looked
at him. He didn't look convinced. She feared that making her
case again would just be protesting too much. He had been her
first, he should have figured that out, why was he doubting her
now? She had feared the pain so much, and now the painlessness
was going to make everything worse. "What's wrong?" she finally

"Too much to do," he replied. "Ape, we have more than two years
of high school left. Then what?" He got up. "I'll be back in
a second." He used the toilet and then washed off his genitals.
He didn't want to hug her with that mess on him.

"I can't support you on a high-school diploma. I didn't take
shop when it was offered, because I was going to be a college-
educated manager. Not that my parents would have let me. Not
that I'm great with tools. And I don't think that I can wait
even the two years!

"This was great, this was wonderful. But can we do it again?
Can we sneak around for -- what? -- six years." He flopped
face-down on the bed.

Even to April's self-preoccupation, this did not sound like a boy
who was about to abandon her because of suspicions about her
virginity. Brian was worrying about their future. She wasn't
sure that she wanted to marry him, but she was sure that she
wanted him to want to marry her. Everything that they had done
was now all right. She hugged his back to comfort him, as she
had often done before. Her breasts were warmed against his skin,
and the hug was suddenly different from any previous one.

Brian felt two nipples firming against his back. April had
intended the hug as a comfort, and it was; but it was even more
arousing than comforting. "Loose," he said. When she had
loosened her grip, he turned around to return the hug. "You're
such a wonderful person, April. It's as much your problem as
mine, but your first thought is to comfort me. I love you."
First, they had a long kiss with tongues at play; then he kissed
her face all over. When his kisses moved to her breasts, she
kissed the shoulder that she could reach. He avoided her
nipples as long as he could resist that attraction, but he
succumbed at last. April arched into his kiss, and the
nipple -- in extending -- seemed to be reaching out for his
tongue. She gasped and pushed him away. "Your breasts are so
beautiful," he said. "*You* are so beautiful."

April pushed him down in the bed. "Let me look at you," she
said, surprised at her own boldness. He lay flat, though his
own eyes kept roaming over her. Most of what she saw was the
Brian she knew, if a little paler. One organ, however, lay flat
on his stomach. It was redder than the flesh under it, not
white or shiny at all. She smiled at the belated realization
that she'd seen the contraceptive. When she reached a hand over
for a tentative touch, Brian hissed in a breath and it firmed in
her hand. "You look like you want to do it again."

"I want to," he replied. "I don't have to. This afternoon is
the finest time in my whole life." She thought for a moment.
She couldn't think of any reason not to continue; then she

"Do you have another of those ... ?"

"Rubbers," he said and reached for his pants. "I love you, Ape;
and this time I'll do it right." He put the rubber from his
wallet on the corner of his desk before lying down beside her
and taking her in his arms again.

They kissed again before his mouth returned to her breasts. Soon
his hand was between her legs, and she was awash in sensation.
He stopped just when the familiar tension was building. He
pulled her hand to his organ for a minute, and she felt him
swell and stiffen. She watched him roll the rubber on, then
move into position. There was a little gentle poking down there
before he found just the right spot and eased in.

"I love you, April. Oh I love you," he said as he began to move.
The movement felt odd until she shifted a bit. Then it felt
almost as exciting as his hand had. She tried to hug him, but
that interfered with his motion. Then she rested her hands on
his back and felt the motions above her as well as within her.
When he bent his head to kiss her, she felt his chest rub
against her nipples. Again the tension rose within her.

Somehow, Brian felt his motions within April's cunt more acutely
although his arousal built much more slowly towards its peak.
Her lips were sweet under his, the hard nipples of her breasts
caressed his chest, her thighs gripped his hips and moved with
them. But it was the most intimate contact which drew his
attention. He slid up through April's vagina until only his tip
was inside and then thrust slowly in through warm, slippery,
clutching walls. His legs weren't used to either the position
or the motion, but he could ignore them and go on forever. He
dropped the kiss, however, to move a little more fully.

As Brian broke the kiss, April felt the first tendrils of her
anticipatory tautness. Her attention turned inward and to the
motion which was Brian's, but still within. She closed her eyes
to better savor the friction. When she opened them, there was
an orange blur at the center of her vision, being obscured by a
flesh-colored blur in time to the motions. She realized that it
was the basketball on the poster hidden by Brian's shoulder.
That little puzzle solved, she stopped thinking to feel.

She was rubbed where she had never been rubbed before, she was
filled where she had never realized that she was empty. She was
sheltered and caressed by Brian's muscular body. Every thrust
tingled her where her groin and his were almost bumping. She
matched his pace, rising to meet him and falling back. Then she
tensed until her hips were almost off the bed.

Pleasure and relief rolled through her, pulsing along with their
motions. She moaned, and contracted, and burst into joy. And
still Brian was moving within her.

Brian believed nothing could match his sensations; but when he
felt April move with his rhythm, his pleasure soared. When she
moaned and clutched around him, the pleasure doubled. He
straightened his arms and thrust more forcefully to heighten her
climax and reach his own which seemed just one step ahead of
him. Then it seized him, and he drove himself inward and gushed
into her warmth.

He managed to fall sideways. They lay with their legs entangled
and their torsos apart while they caught their breaths. They
were gazing into each other's eyes. Not even teenage anxiety
could see anything but love there. He caught his breath first.
"Love you," he said.

"Oh, Brian," she answered. There was so much to say and no words
could hold any of it. She started to pull the sheet over
herself, but he gestured to stop her.

"Please," he said. "You're so beautiful."

"Okay. But keep it short, I'm cold."

He covered her immediately and reached for the blanket. "That's
more important than my getting to see your beauty." When they
were covered, he hugged her tight. "Better way to keep you
warm," he said.

"Much better," she replied. "You're nicer than any blanket."

The clock, however, was unsympathetically ticking away. There
were other pressures, as well. She soon needed to visit the
bathroom. She started to dress when she came back. Neither
wanted the afternoon to end; both could see that it had.

"You won't tell?" she asked.

"Never!" he replied. "You won't?"

"Carla. She keeps secrets." He was worried about that but had
to trust April. She had trusted him.

Brian stopped April at the door. "Are you sure that you don't
want me to walk you back?" he asked.

"Positive. It's going to be hard enough for me to pretend that
everything is normal as it is. I don't want to worry about your
pretense as well."

"Everything is normal. Everything is right. We were meant for
each other, it's just the rules that keep us from saying so."
He kissed her forehead protectively. She raised her face for a
real kiss, and it was gentle and protective, then hard and
passionate, then gentle again. They parted reluctantly. "Love
you," he said as he opened the door.

"Love you," she responded. She walked out hesitantly, turned
halfway around, then she firmed her shoulders and strode out
towards the street. He watched a moment, then shut the door.

This was no time to dawdle. He put the vacuum cleaner back in
the utility closet and opened the door into his mother's room.
He emptied his wastebasket into the kitchen garbage, having to
pull one of the condoms off the side as he did so. The kitchen
garbage bag went out to the can in back. He opened his window
and shut his door before setting the table. He wondered if his
mother would notice anything; he wondered if she would make a
comment if she did notice.

April got home just in time for dinner. Carla was at night
school, and her parents didn't seem to notice that she was an
entirely new April. "Well," asked her father towards the close
of the meal, "What April-fool pranks did you play this year?"

"Oh Daddy!" she responded. "I outgrew that long ago. You still
think that I'm a little girl."

A quirk of his left eyebrow was his only reminder of her exploits
the year before. "Well, you're my little girl. I'll always
think of you that way. I don't want you to grow up too fast."
The words "grow up" made her blush, but her parents were sharing
a glance.

Once the dishwasher was loaded and she was hidden in her room
with homework in front of her, she could think of Brian as long
as she wanted. He had kept repeating "I love you." At first,
she had feared that this was a formula that he was using to get
in her pants. Afterwards, however, he still said it. And what
he had said about all the future that they would need to go
through sounded like he was really thinking that this was a
permanent relationship.

She loved Brian; did she want to spend the rest of her life with
him? She desired it and feared it. She was daddy's little girl
and, in some ways, Brian's little girl. Both were sort of fun,
but not for life. She would move away from Daddy and grow up.
Daddy would mourn it and celebrate it, as he had done every step
she made since the first one he caught on film. Would she have
to move away from Brian to have him accept that she was growing

Well, Brian was growing up as well. He might grow up enough to
respect her mind and her will. To be fair, he'd respected her
independence a lot this afternoon. With them both naked in his
bed, he'd asked for her agreement. And, with them both naked in
his bed, he'd pleasured her. That was important, and April
abandoned the uncertain future to recall the joyous past.

Finally, she completed her homework despite her mental
distractions. She ended the night with a long hot bath. As a
practical matter, showers travel in the wrong direction to reach
the parts which most deserved care that night. Her choice was
more influenced, however, by the emotional accord between
soaking in the warmth of the water and basking in the sensuous
memories. Brian had been there, had sheltered her, had filled
her. He had loved her *afterwards*. The water warmed,
supported, and relaxed her body as her lover had warmed,
supported, and relaxed her spirit.

Back in her room, she took off her robe and studied herself in
the mirror. She couldn't see any difference. She desperately
wanted the change to be invisible to everybody else, but she
thought that it was unnatural that she looked the same. Sleep
overtook her while she was replaying the afternoon for the third

Brian was too busy worrying about the evidence of the afternoon
to savor the experience until he was alone in his room. The
negatives came first. April was so beautiful, but he couldn't
say anything about it but "beautiful." He wished that he were a
poet so that he could actually describe her beauty to her, the
sheen of her hair above and below, the shape of her breasts and
thighs, the grace of her walk, the warm embrace of her cunt
around his cock.

Then there was the future threatening them. Two years of high
school, four years of college, before they would be permitted to
live, before he could support her and claim her from her
parents. Their love was a proud thing; it was a shame that
expressing it had to be hidden away. He didn't regret his
promise to tell no one; he would rather have the guys snicker
at his inexperience than have them snicker at April. What he
regretted was his inability to claim her in front of the world.

Then too, hiding their activities meant that they couldn't make
love very often; and he wanted to do it again and again.
Coming in her had been glorious, much sweeter than the
experience of her hand, let alone his. Having her come around
him had been even better. How often could April do it without
getting pregnant? How often could they do it without getting

The idea of repeating this intimacy, however fraught with
difficulties and dangers, excited him. He replayed the
afternoon in his mind. Soon, the images weren't enough; he
took himself in hand. Brian didn't finish his homework that
night. Drained as he was, he still dreamed of April.

Talking in school invited eavesdropping, but they couldn't
resist. They did get some safety by walking the school grounds
for part of their lunch hour. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

"Do you swear that it didn't hurt at all?"

"It really was my first time," she answered. "I swear that.
On, ... on the bracelet you gave me."

"I believe you, partly because I know that you are an honest
person, partly because I know what that bracelet means to

"Means to me now," she interrupted. "You are *very* special in
my life."

"Partly because," he continued in the same tone, "I love you, and
love should include trust. But *mostly* I believe you because
you were so sure that it would hurt. Ape, you worry too much
over the wrong things. Now, did it hurt you at all?"

"Not in the slightest."

"That is wonderful. Can't you understand that I worry over
hurting you? I don't worry over your having cheated on me."

"I love you." She started towards him.

"Don't touch," he said reminding her of the school rule. "I love
you, too. I should have said that first off." They stood a
yard apart looking into each other's eyes with expressions that
the school administration would also have banned if it could.
"You know," he said as the other students started towards the
building, "it was my first time, too." Not having a response to
that, April was silent as they parted.

Carla had called with a warning that she wouldn't be at supper.
April was in bed when the knock came on her door. Carla's news
came first. She was going back to school full time in the fall.
"It's a lost cause, Sib. I'm not going to torture myself over
Jeff Benton any more. I may even go on to law school. But
that's the future."

April couldn't find anything to say except "I'm sorry, Sib."
They hugged for a bit, but Carla had done her crying alone.

April's information took longer to communicate, but Carla
summarized it neatly. "You did it?"

"Yes," said April, "and it didn't hurt at all."

"My lucky sister. Did you use anything?"

"Brian did," April said, "and it was funny. I'd never really
seen it you know. In a dark car, but never *seen* it. Then,
suddenly, there was Brian kneeling on the bed above me.
Sticking out from his middle was something white and shiny. It
wasn't until afterwards that I figured out that this was the

"My sister!" said Carla. "Sib, you could find something funny
about your execution. "

"Not afterwards. Or, at least, if I saw something funny
afterwards, there *would* be something funny about my

Carla giggled. "Sib, I'm so happy for you. Next you'll tell me
that you came your first time."

"No, but I did my second."

"Second! I am going to go out and find my own sixteen-year-old."

"Just so you don't go after mine. Seriously, Carla, there are
drawbacks. I may never see a basketball again without blushing."

"Basketball?" asked Carla.

"Well you know how crazy Brian is about the Bulls," April began.
"He has a huge poster of Michael Jordan at the foot of his bed.
Brian was over me and blocking most of the view, but the
basketball kept swimming into and out of focus. Brian's room
was much better than a parked car, but that doesn't mean it was

"Does he care for you?"

"That he does. Sometimes his protectiveness edges over into the
annoying, but he is always protective."

"That," declared Carla with real force, "is more important than
the room. I've been seeing real love, unfortunately from the
outside. It's all about care."

"And we've been talking about my joy all this time. I should
have been sharing your pain."

"Why? We're sisters, and we share. But I'd rather be sharing
the joy than the sorrow. Anyway, I want to find you a
basketball charm."

"Why basketball?" asked April. She really didn't want any charms
which didn't represent turning points in her life.

"Because even Dad would figure it out if you added a charm shaped
like a bed."
April's First
Uther Pendragon

For a quite different story of a girl's first sexual experience
under quite different circumstances, see:
Flights of Fancy

This is indexed with my other stories of teenagers under:
Young Love

The directory to all my stories can be found at:


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