| Disclaimer:(standard) Do not screw up. Do not do anything illegal.
This includes specifically (but not limited to) reading on if you are
under 18- 21 in some localities If you are underage you must leave
now. If you're and curious, this is not the place to get the
straight story. You act like this and people will look at you strange
and give you a wide berth. Also, don't try this at home. Some of this
stuff is just plain wrong, most of it is unsafe in the present viral
climate and some of it doesn't work in this universe. They are stories.
They deal with ideas, fantasies and thoughts that might not even be
pleasant in real life. Thoughts are like that. Fantasies are there so we
can toy with the sensations without feeling or inflicting the pain,
despair or humiliation. End Sermon.
Seven's Company Too
Jack is doing the whole bag. He stumbles over a footstool,
bumps his head, spills open a suitcase. Of course it is the one he packed
all the sex toys in and the laugh track laughs.
He and Vicky are off for a romantic vacation to Cancun. He's
anticipating a tittillating and erotic experience. So what's new? Vicky is
hoping to get some excitment and romance back in the relationship,
because, frankly, once Jack was getting it regular, he became a pretty
purposeless guy. And he always was clumsy.
There's a bunch of other scenes as each of the roommates
and friends and landlords have a convoluted series of happenstance and
serendipity that get them on their separate ways to Cancun. You were
making a sandwich about then.
Jack and Vicky check into their cabana or whatever they call it
and we get a lot of cuts to the rest of the cast in their own rooms,
blissfully unaware that the rest are there.
Vicky sends Jack out to the desk to get more towels and guess
what? He meets Lana. Oho! Now you start to watch. Well, you got to
admit all the could fill out a bikini and you're glad they did the
reunion in the 90's because there is a lot of Lana and so little bikini.
"Well, well, Jack, imagine meeting you here in paradise," Lana
said. "I always thought you belonged among the heavenly bodies."
"Well, you certainly have been keeping in shape," Jack quipped,
"But I really don't have time right now. I've got to get back to the room."
"I heard you were married. Wifey got you running errands, does
she?" Lana teases.
That hits a little close to home. And Jack in his twisted sense of
defending Vicky from the implication that she is a shrew, defends himself
"There's just so much of me to dry," Jack smirks, holding out the
towels. "I thought I'd get a supply."
"Wow, I didn't know you were still growing," Lana says with a
meaningful look at his crotch. "Oh my, I see you are!"
Jack blushes and holds the towels in front of himself.
"I'll take that as a compliment," Lana coos, "Now how about a
little reward for my big, strong soldier."
Jack tries to refuse, but Lana grabs the towels and scampers
off. Jack has to cover the bulge in his shorts with his hands and limp
off after her bent at the waist.
Somehow, the waiting recedes into the background as Jack
pursues Lana into her room. She finally stops next to the bed holding the
towels against her ample chest.
"Come and get them." she teases Jack with a jiggle so you catch
the double entendre.
Jack makes a lunge to grab the towels without getting too close
to Lana. Ooops! He gets a little more than towels and Lana is standing
by the bed topless, huge bouncing in their sudden freedom. He is
off-balance and ends up sprawled on the bed staring open-mouthed
that the bounty he has uncovered. (Must be cable, you think)
After a cut to Jack's surprised face and a gratuitous close-up of
Lana's breasts, Lana leaps onto the bed on top of Jack. His first
reaction is to push her away, but sees his hands going toward those and pulls them back. He ends up with them mashed against his face as
Lana sits on his belly.
"Ooooo, you do need more towels," Lana coos as she reaches
behind her butt and feel the straining bulge in Jack's shorts. "And it feels
like you need to dry off right now!"
Busted by the erection and the spot of pre-cum, Jack doesn't
know what to do. Well, he knows, but he isn't sure he should. That
moment of indecision is all Lana needs to turn around and pull his shorts
to his knees. She immediately goes down on Jack and he stops
"Well, they did say this place has quite the view," Jack manages
to quip to the with his face mostly by Lana's barely
True to the tittering chauvaunistic overtones, Jack doesn't have
to do anything nasty like lick Lana 'down there' while she's chompin his
bit. But he does get to do funny face reactions to her energeting on his cock. Then she looks back, grinning an evil slutty grin, and pulls
the string keeping her bottoms together.
It's only a tease- and a good close-up of her crotch- before she
turns her ass away and climbs over Jack.
"I really can't do this, I'm married, Lana," Jack protests.
"You're doing it," she answers as she settles down on him.
Jack lies there with his arms out like Christ on the cross and
Lana fucks him. After a minute or two, she picks up his hands and puts
them on her tits.
"You're fucking me, face it, you might as well enjoy it," Lana
says as she holds his hands there.
Jack is pretty torn about this. He emotes all the confusion and
fear he's doing the wrong thing while his hands maul Lana's on
remote control. They have a very obvious mutual climax (I'm cumming!
Me toooo!) and Lana is the first to recover. She pushes herself up from
where she had collapsed on Jack.
"Damn you for not giving me more cracks at you before you got
married!" she curses him. "That was so good now I'm sorry I know."
"Gee- sorry Lana," Jack says, "I had fun too."
"Well, I forgive you, but I bet you're not sorry I have to sleep
on the wet spot," Lana kids.
Then he takes the first opportunity to grab his clothes- and the
towels and run out the door. There's an elderly couple passing and he
has to hide his mudity with the towels and his shorts before finding a
palm tree to dress behind. When he gets back to the room, Vicky is
only mildly annoyed at the lengthy absence.
"Sure takes you long enough to find the desk," she scolds,
naked and.dripping wet from the shower.
"I- ahh- well, umm- ahh, er I was, umm," Jack sputters until
Vicky isn't interested any more, "I must have got lost."
"So, you want to dry my back?" she asks, quickly over her bad
"I- ahh- well, umm- ahh, er I'm, umm- er- isn't it kinda early for
that?" Jack sputters some more.
"If that's the way you want it, fine," she decrees, "But you're not
getting off that easy.":
She has been spreading the towels on the bed and lies down on
them in a modest display of her fetching nudity. Then she opens her legs
wide in an immodest display and crooks her finger at Jack.
"You don't even have to take your clothes off if it's too early,"
Vicky says, "But I don't care what time it is. I want mine."
Jack crawls up on the bed like a puppy and she grabs his head
and emphatically pushes his face into her crotch. We don't exactly get to
see him lapping her like a good dog, but we do see Vicky's growing
passion as he tongues her.
She flops her legs up and puts her feet flat on his back so she
can bump and grind into Jack's face and Jack daintily lifts one foot up
in burlesque of time kissing scenes.
"Oh god yes! Keep licking!" Vicky orders, "You are sooo good
at this- this and cooking- Oh yessss! Eat me Jack!"
Now that Jack had paid his price for his infidelity by missing out
on some conjugal bliss with his bride, the two decide to go see the spa.
Vicky wants a sauna and a massage and she and Jack go their separate
men and women ways.
On some flimsy pretext of confusing hombres with omlettes and
omlettes being eggs and lady chickens laying eggs, Cindy Snow is about
to shock a roomful of in the steam room. Blinded by the steam and
dim as usual, Cindy has just opened the tuck of her towel and is about
to show the entire room her body when Jack spots her.
"Cindy! Cindy Snow! What are you doing here?" Jack shouts.
"Jack?" Cindy pauses in flashing the men. "Jack Tripper? What
are you doing in the ladies' steam room. I know you lived with us back at home, but this is different. Mexico is like a different state and
Cindy giggles disarmingly as Jack explains the situation. He has
walked her away from the spa and they are on the patio of the bar
drinking 'cute umbrella fruit drinks'. The is more concerned with
the threat of Cindy's towel opening than the conversation, but we learn
that Chrissy and Cindy have taken a vacation together so they can keep
each other out of trouble.
The drinks are potent and soon the alcohol and the sun have
Cindy dizzy, or at least dizzier. She needs to lay down and Jack helps
her back to her room. He doesn't want to go in (really) because he
knows how she gets when she's drunk.
Of course she trips over her shadow and falls in the doorway
and Jack had to help her up. At least he ought to try and cover up where
the towel has parted, leaving her crotch exposed.
He gets her on the bed, but she won't let go of his hand. In the
tussle to get her on the bed, the towel has opened like wings and naked
Cindy is laying there tugging Jack to lie beside her.
"You know I need someone to tuck me in," she pleads childishly.
"You just need to get some rest," Jack protests.
"Tuck me in!" Cindy tells him and yanks him off his feet so he
falls on top of her.
She wraps around him like a venus fly-trap and Jack lies still.
He's hoping she will pass out. Instead her hips start a wunderkind
motion against his crotch that rubs his towel open. She manages to
unknowingly? pull the towel off with her feet and Jack is lying naked
between her legs.
Jack is still lying still as she wet humps him, but we see the
temptation to move just that half inch and let his cock slide into Cindy.
It's a trial, but he's resisting.
"Come on Jack, just like that time back home," Cindy mumbles,
as if in a dream. "I want to play hide the rooster."
Being Jack and having been Jack, the past will always haunt him.
Okay, they were drunk that time too and he didn't know she was a
virgin. He didn't know she was Cindy. He knew she was a woman, or
at least female and the rest only became evident when they had to hide
the bloody sheets from the next day. (unbroadcast episode)
Jack lies really still as he processes that guilt and Cindy
succeeds in trapping his cock in her cunt. We see his reaction and we
know that Jack isn't going to protest too much as Cindy fucks him. He
gives in and thrusts back at her and they settle into a writhing, bouncing
pile of flesh on the bed.
It's interesting to note that Jack isn't clumsy with his dick inside
a woman. In successive close-ups he fondles Cindy's tits, sucks her
nipples and is seen humping smoothly into Cindy's moaning form as her
legs fly about and then cross over his back to pull him harder into her.
"Oh yes! Yes! You were always the best! I'm glad you were the
first!" Cindy shouts as she climaxes.
"Gee- thanks Cindy," Jack says, "I had fun too."
Jack suddenly remembers his and looks at the clock. She
will be just finishing her massage.
"Sorry, Cindy, I've got to go," Jack says, taking the dry towel to
wrap around his waist.
"Sure- leave me to sleep on the wet spot," Cindy quips with a
He's on the way across the resort when he hears a voice from
"Jack Tripper! You dirty sly dog!" says Mr. Roper.(Norman
Fell computer generated onto another actor)
"Oh, Mr. Roper, what are you doing here," Jack says in
"The same thing you are, I bet, you big sneak," Roper says as
he nudges Jack in the ribs.
"You and Mrs. Roper are having an romantic vacation? What
happened to you?" Jack asks.
"Viagra." Roper smirks. "I can't believe the sourpuss I was
before I --ahh- found the lead for my pencil- if you know what I mean."
The new Roper is just as much as an inconvenience as the one. Just when Jack has too much on his mind, Roper wants to walk
down memory lane.
"So, you can tell me now, you were never gay, right?" Roper
asks, "I can imagine your busy nights with two babes right under the
same roof. Bet you miss that now you're married."
"Really, there wasn't anything going on," Jack protested, "I
might as well have been gay."
"Oh sure, protect the girls, I get it," Roper said conspiratorially,
"Well, Jack thinking about you three fucking like mink has made
something come up- time to get romantic with the Mrs. again."
Sorry I held you up, Jack thought as the dirty took
off across the resort. Now he had to hurry to meet Vicky.
"Lost again?" she asked him.
"You'll never guess who I met," Jack said.
"Your landlord Mr. Roper?" Vicky says.
"Okay, you guessed. How did you know that?" Jack asks
"A strange lady saw my name on the appointments- Tripper
isn't exactly Jones, you know- and asked if I was related to Jack
Tripper," Vicky explained. "Turns out she was your landlady.
Assured me you behaved yourself in that apartment with two when
I said you were my husband."
"Then you know Mr. Roper held me up with a lot of questions,"
"And Mrs. Roper didn't think you were gay. How did she know
that?" Vicky asked with a dangerous look in her eye.
"She trusted us," Jack said, "You certainly don't think I 'worked
off' the rent with Mrs. Roper!"
"Well, the way she talked about her husband's rejuvenation, I
guess she wouldn't be interested," Vicky said still sounding skeptical.
At least he was going to get away with that one. Mrs. Roper
might be less than enthusiastic about fucking Mr. Roper, but he recalled
a different Mrs. Roper. He had felt a little prostituted fucking for the
rent, but had been pleasantly surprised by some of the tricks the woman had to show him. Experience did have its good side.
Vicky let the whole thing drop after they dressed for dinner. At
least Jack knew food. He'd probably hob knob with the chef and know
exactly what to order. That was a plus.
The food was divine. It wasn't wine they drank with it, but the
local attempt was a pleasant fruit juice with an alcoholic kick. And Jack
looked like the she against the exotic sea coast
Vicky is just far enough gone on the romance and the wine to
lead Jack on a chase down the beach. The balmy breeze, the salt smell,
the secluded sand all set her head a whirl and Vicky forgets herself in the
tropical atmosphere. She kicks off her shoes. Jack picks them up. Off
comes the blouse. Jack retrieves it.
As she scampers off in her underwear and pantyhose, Jack
reacts to the stiffness in his pants as he bends to pick up her skirt. This
is real hot for his bride. He grins.
Vicky is waiting in a cove, clad in bra and and using her
pantyhose as a stripper's boa. Jack stops short to watch. By the time
she turned, sticks out her butt and pulls the back and forth
over it, Jack is steaming hot. He drops her clothes and gets to work on
dropping his own.
Jack has just slipped out of his briefs and is standing with his
cock pointing skyward. Vicky is doing a nude bump and grind as she
pulls the hose between her legs. Suddenly their 'cove' is flooded with
light and they see they are standing just off someone's deck.
"What the hell are you kids watching out there?" comes an angry
voice from the direction of the house.
The amazed faces of three kids and an angry dad are a blur as
they grab their clotes and run naked away from what they had thought
was a sanctuary.
They are lightly dressed and laughing between the hard breathing
as they dash into their room and lean on the closed door.
"My little celebrity," Jack teases as he drops his pants.
"I thought we were alone," Vicky says, still blushing.
She slips quickly out of hastily donned blouse and skirt and it is
evident that they are both even more excited than before. They go into
a clinch that becomes and twirling dance and ends as they fall together
onto the bed.
This time Jack isn't considering his overuse. He fucks her
eagerly and Vicky responds with just as much passion. Boredom is not
a problem in their sex life. They demonstrate that by moving from the
missionary position to Jack taking her from the rear as she lies on her
stomach. They finish in the spoon position so we can see the total
satisfaction on Vicky's face and get some more gratuitous looks at her
tits as Jack plays with them while he fucks her.
The morning sets in motion all manner of reactions from the first
day in paradise. We eavesdrop on discussions between the Ropers and
between Cindy and Chrissy Snow.
Mr. Roper is still hung up on his visions of Jack and his
roommates screwing like rabbits. He keeps repeating, that dirty dog,
over and over. Mrs. Roper gets a look of resignation on her face as he
reaches for her and climbs between her legs. We mercifully fade out as
the oldsters proceed to get it on.
Chrissy gets a light in her eye as she hears the sex-deleted of Cindy meeting Jack.
"Jack Tripper? Here?" Chrissy gets a dreamy look. "You know
what we should do?"
We fade out as Chrissy whispers her plan to a giggling Cindy.
Meanwhile, the surprises aren't over for Jack Tripper. He and
Vicky have been sharing breakfast in bed in cuts between the other
conversations, but now Vicky wants more orange juice. Jack hops up
obediently to go get some.
Across the way he sees a skinny little stick wearing his weight in
gold chains. It looks like- it is- Ralph Furley. What the hell is going on
here- crosses Jack's face. Jack ducks behind a low wall and sneaks
He is too late. Furley sees him. Jack is crawling furiously along
when he notices something behind him. He looks back.
"All right captain, you take the machine gun nest and I'll hold
our position," Furley says, thinking Jack is playing Normandy invasion.
"Mr. Furley, imagine meeting you here," says the embarrassed
"Well, you know," Furley says, puffing up to his peacock devil
may care self, "A lot of chicks here. Great place for a swinger like me."
"I was just going to get some orange juice for Vicky," Jack
"Ohh- right!" Furley winks repeatedly, " I was looking for some
'orange juice' myself. Nothing like a little fresh squeezed, ehh Jack?"
At least Jack hasn't offended the unoffendable Furley. But that
is only the beginning of the end for Jack. The clock is ticking on the end
of the first half and there's a carry-over to be plotted.
Could it be the meeting of Jack, Vicky and Lana?
Vicky has made one of her frequent trips to the ladies' room as
Lana spots Jack.
"On the prowl all alone again?" Lana asks, "Want to get some
towels from my room?"
"Lana, you know you trapped me," Jack protested. "And you
have to go away. My will be back any minute."
"Wouldn't want her to throw you out and make you find
some where else to stay, now would we," Lana threatens.
"You sure know how to win a guy's heart," Jack says.
That makes sense to Lana for a moment and she allows Jack to
shoo her away as Vicky is returning. But her predatory nature overrides
the sense that she isn't endearing herself to Jack. She never got anything
being nice anyway.
Jack is watching out of the corner of his eye in panic to see what
Lana might be up to. Being about as subtle as an elephant in a chicken
farm, of course Vicky catches him and looks at Lana just in time to see
her lift the top of her bikini and shake her at Jack.
"Who's that?" Vicky asks as Lana is making kissy faces at Jack.
"Don't know. Never saw her before," Jack lies.
Vicky recognizes the lie, but can also tell Jack is not excited by
the display. She can't blame him for that girl, even when she turns and
pulls down her bikini bottoms and shakes her ass at them.
Jack's minutes of terror are mercifully over when two spa
attendants rush up and drag Lana away. Our minutes of delight are just
starting as the lingers on the jiggle and bounce of the naked
Lana gyrating in the grip of the two men.
"Maybe the sun got to her," Jack offers.
Vicky has to go to a mysterious meeting abut then (is this the
carry-over?) and Jack is left at the table. Cindy sneaks over and sits
"You see that strip on the beach?" she asks, a season too
late to remember Lana.
But that is not her purpose. She had brought the carry-over.
"I'm supposed to tell you Chrissy says Jane has been captured
by the natives," Cindy says.
Jack's face becomes a mindless blank. For five years he tried.
Sure he fucked hell out of Chrissy. But she would never play Jane in
bondage. The dreams of him swinging on a vine holding Chrissy become
the glorious shot of Chrissy tied spread-eagle on the bed in her room.
Man, are those big or what!
He has to. His dick is in control and Vicky is conveniently
absent. He turns his glazed look to Cindy.
"Where?" he croaks as lust has dried his mouth.
She leads him off. Okay, just time for commercial and scenes
from the next half- ooops!
Instead, there is a shot of Wood walking down the hall.
"Janet!" Jack gasps when they meet at the door to Chrissy's
"Jack! What are you doing here?" says.
Janet is perhaps the gladdest to see him and the only one that
doesn't immediately think of getting into his pants. She always did have
more sense than most of the characters.
"What are you doing here?" Jack counters.
"I thought I deserved a break, so I gave myself a vacation,"
Janet explains, "Is this your room?"
She interrogates the truth from the two.
"Chrissy is tied to the bed in there?" she asks with a gleam in her
"You wait right here. I need to get something from my room,"she says.
They can't disobey Janet. They wait. And in the pullback we see
Furley walking along the outside of the suites, surreptitiously sneaking
peeks through the patio doors.
Join us next week..........."Come and bang on my door-, I'll be naked
for you. Where the towels read His and hers and hers- it's a
menage-a-trois for you."-- credits
Furley gets the opening shot. We see him look and then do a
double-take into the google-eyed shaking stare from the Ghost and Mr.
There's a woman tied to a bed. It's Chrissy! He's seen pictures.
Now he's seen it all. Man, are those big or what!
A woman in a leather garter belt and corset stalks into view.
That's Janet! She's carrying a gym bag that she plops on the bed.
"Janet! What are you doing here!?!" Chrissy exclaims.
"Hello Chrissy, nice to see you in a mood to STAY PUT for
a change," says with flashing eyes.
"You know that if I'd got more, you'd have gotten more,"
Chrissy tries to defend herself.
It's the same crap she's been hearing all along. reaches in
the gym bag and draws out a riding crop.
"What's that for?" panics Chrissy.
"I just want to mend some bad feelings," says and slaps the
crop on Chrissy's belly as she snarls, "Mine!"
It's an emergency for Furley. There's a wire from Wester Union
in his pants and it's urgent. He fumbles with the zipper to get his prick
out. He watches as teases Chrissy by dragging the leather flap on
the end of the crop over her flesh and then smacks one of those big,
beautiful tits. Furley is over the top as he hops back and forth and bobs
up and down while pulling furiously on his cock.
"No Janet! Please!" Chrissy is howling as takes her time
whipping the big-chested blonde.
"You do like it," harrasses as she circles the end of the
crop between Chrissy's legs. "See?"
She takes the secretion-laced crop and smears it over Chrissy's
"You can't deny it, you're getting hot, aren't you, you little slut,"
Janet berates Chrissy.
"No Janet! Please! This is queer!" Chrissy protests.
"Queer is it!?! Who's getting turned on!?!" shouts at
Chrissy as she takes out the slur on the slices of Chrissy's butt she can
reach between her legs.
"You only like something long and hard between your legs?"
Janet asks dangerously.
The comes around from the rear shot of and we
see the garter belt doubles as a dildo holder. is sporting a 12 inch rubber penis looming from her crotch.
"No, no, no, this is perverted!" Chrissy protests as slides
over her and she feels the head of the dildo touch her cunt.
"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as Jack with a bigger
dick," harrows Chrissy as the cringes while fondles
her whip-streaked tits.
Chrissy goes wide-eyed as the dildo slips into her. About
halfway in her eyes are closed and she's having trouble hiding her
enjoyment. is grinning evilly as she eases the rubber cock into
"Doesn't make any difference who gives it to you as long as you
get it, does it," she accuses Chrissy.
"Oh Jeeez, just don't stop," Chrissy tries to avoid the question.
Her admission comes just as Jack and Cindy have gathered the
courage to walk into the room. They hear Chrissy beg for to keep
ramming her with the fake dick. They are shocked and confused and
excited all at the same time.
This is cover enough for the splort! splort!of Furley's hitting
the patio door to go unnoticed to everyone except Furley, who is
melting cross-eyed with drawn up lips down onto the deck outside. His
cum is sliding copiously down the glass.
"Jack!" scolds, but her dominance doesn't extend to Jack's
stiff prick, whick he is pushing into her from the rear at the moment.
"Jack! That's the wrong hole!" yells.
"It's okay, I don't mind," Jack says dreamily as he shoves his
cock up Janet's ass.
Janet kinda sorta doesn't mind either. It is very uncomfortable
but still not enough to disturb the scene they have going. Chrissy, the
bitch, is taking the rubber dick and liking it and the chance to bone her
is worth taking it up the ass. She takes it as a reminder of why she wants
to bone Chrissy in the first place.
"Jack Tripper! You said you liked me best!" Crissy protests as
she sees Jack humping Janet's behind.
"I said I liked your breasts," Jack counters.
Cindy feel a little left out so she sits down to wait for the next
"Cindy, honey, you shouldn't be watching this, Oh my God! Oh
God! Oh God!" Chrissy tries to gasp, "You'll get a warped idea of what
city people are like."
"Shove it Chrissy," Cindy snaps, "I don't think I need a morals
lesson from a woman getting humped by a woman with a screwing
her in the ass."
Jack tries to emulate Furley's cross-eyed look as he dumps his
load in Janet's ass and then climbs off her. gets up too, leaving
Chrissy to beg for completion.
"I think you need an immorals lesson from a chick wearing a
dick," says to Cindy.
The two pair off beside the bound Chrissy and she watches in
horror as they '69' beside her. Her poor innocent cousin!
Outside Furley crawls to his feet and lurches off with a grin that
they won't be able to scrape off his face until two weeks after he's dead.
Inside Jack is back with a distraction for Chrissy that he shoves in her
Pretty soon, is humping a very willing Cindy with the dildo
and Jack is ready to do the same to Chrissy. After a few minutes of
thrusting, hoever, Jack groans.
"You drilled this out too big, Janet," he complains.
Janet is busy drilling out Cindy to the same proportions as Cindy
moans a groans in loud pleasure. Jack shrugs and crawls up Chrissy's
"I always did like you best," he gloats as he puts his cock
between Chrissy's big jugs and squeezes them around it.
Jack fucks her as Chrissy watches her cousin on
Janet's rubber cock.
"Yecch! That's messy!" Chrissy complains as we cut back to her
in a head and shoulders shot that shows the 'pearl necklace' Jack has
just anointed her with.
"Just some jewelry to mend fences," Jack gloats.
The next time we see Chrissy, she's untied and dressed. She's
also found Larry. And she's doing everything she can to flaunt that at
Jack. Of course, Vicky's presence dampens the effect of that.
But Chrissy's presence doesn't make anything easier for Jack's
vacation with Vicky either. She doesn't need anything more than the
suspicion to start attacking Jack. By evening they're huffy and her
suspicion and his reaction over dinner escalates into a silly fight that has
Jack vowing to sleep on the beach and Vicky saying that's fine.
Disgruntled Jack meets annoyed Cindy at a table by the beach.
He's had a fight and Cindy is complaining that lounge lizard Larry made
it clear he didn't want her in the room when he gets Chrissy back there.
Jack thinks that's funny, but then has an idea.
If Crissy wants to pretend she's got another and Larry is the
man, why don't they help her pretend? It can't Larry's chances and
Jack feels he owes Larry.
"So, Cindy, you want to see Chrissy squirm again? You didn't
seem to mind earlier today," Jack says before he explains his plan.
They arrive at the perfect time-why does that not surprise you?
"Larry, no, I tell you it was a joke, NO!" Chrissy is shouting as
they approach the door.
"I know no means yes," Larry is saying as they open the door to
the sounds of a pursuit.
"I'm warning you, I'll scream," Chrissy warns Larry
"Oh God, that would be great, scream for me, baby," Larry
groans in libidinous ecstacy.
Chrissy had obviously just scrambled over the bed to escape
Larry and is panting (are those big or what?) as she crouches facing
her pursuer. Her blouse is undone four buttons and she is otherwise
disheveled from the apparent attempts to undress her. Neither notices
Jack and Cindy until Jack speaks.
"Playing hard to get with your new boyfriend, Chrissy?" Jack
"Jack!" says original thinker Chrissy.
"What are you doing here?" Larry whines, seeing his fantasy
of boning Chrissy swirling down the drain.
"I pointed out to Cindy that this is her room too and I'm here to
help her defend her rights," Jack says, and adds, "Besides, we know
Chrissy doens't mind some company during intimate moments."
Jack is a genius (for the purposes of this show). He has hit
Chrissy with the double whammy of retracting her pretended lust for
Larry in front of him and the threat of revealing her morning activities.
She is pretty much trapped again only without the ropes.
"Well, Jack, if you're the kind that likes to watch..." Chrissy tries
to shame him.
Larry might not be a genius, but he is an opportunist. He sees his
opportunity in Chrissy letting down her guard and throws himself on the
bed toward her. Oh heaven, he thinks as he scrambles over to push his
face against Chrissy's tits.
"I don't know if he'll have time to watch," Cindy pipes up,
wanting to assert heself as well.
She yanks Jack around and wraps him into a smothering kiss as
Chrissy gasps. Larry is oblivious, making baby sounds as he rolls his
head in Chrissy's ample cleavage.
"Okay, okay, Larry," says the trapped Chrissy, "Let me loose
so I can get undressed.
Larry is a little shocked and gives off the vibe he doesn't know
what to do when it's easy. But the first view of Chrissy's bouncing
free erases anything that might pass for thought in his mind. He
scrambles out of his clothes.
Jack is less resistant. Cindy's insistent rubbing his crotch during
their kiss has helped him skip over any objections he might have and he
looks ready for the mini-orgy to get down to it.
We can't call him poor Larry since Chrissy is letting him fuck her,
but he's the only one lost in a world of fulfilled dreams while Cindy and
Jack are trying to outdo Chrissy's impassioned fucking.
Of course Chrissy is on top so we can see the maximum jiggle
as she bounces up and down reminiscent of her penchant for jumping
up and down every chance she got on the original show.
The cousins even try to out-do each other in screaming as
they climax or pretend to as loudly as they can.
"That sounds like Chrissy," Mrs. Roper says, four rooms away.
"Mfffmphh Hmmppf Mffppphh!" comes Mr. Roper's voice from
under the covers between her legs.
"Are those big or what?" Larry is saying to Jack as they
leave the cousins to fight out their differences in the room.
Jack stays the rest of the night with Larry- without anything going on. In the morning he is really, really concerned about his fight with
Vicky. He is mulling over some way to make it up to her when our last
old friend wanders up.
"Well, Jack I knew I'd find you here after seeing Vicky, " says
"Where is she?" Jack asks.
There is a brief explanation about why Jack doesn't know where
his is and Terri smiles as if she's got a secret. She tells him where to
find Vicky and they go their separate ways.
Of all the buddies, Vicky actually seems to like Terri. She's
glad Jack has seen her. And she's ready to let Jack grovel and beg
After their make nice nice scene, the loving couple (Vicky)
decides that they should ask Terri to join them for lunch. Vicky seems
to think Terri had more to do with their making up than pointing Jack in
the right direction.
They get to the room and this time they are the voyeurs with
their faces pressed up against the glass of the patio doors. Vicky goes
up to knock on the glass door and quickly covers her mouth. She turns
away giggling and blushing. Of course Jack (and the camera) have to
see what made her do that.
Heh, heh, heh, Terri is getting it from some guy right there in the
afternoon, Jack smirks. no-nonsense Terri is getting her ashes
hauled. Must be some hot-shot doctor to get into her nailed-on panties.
Then the head turns just enough. It's Janet! No wonder the show
changed so much in the final seasons! We get to see on top
bumping uglies with Terri like a and then Terri roll her over so we
get a better view of Terri. She rotates the whole shot to the as
she reverses into a '69' over Janet. Then makes sure we get the
whole magilla on both women. Then Vicky pulls Jack away.
"We'll invite her later," Vicky scolds. "When we get your eyes
pushed back into your head."
"They're- they're- lesbians!" Jack gasps.
"They're your roommates. I thought you knew," Vicky says.
"You mean you lived with them all that time hoping you could get into
their pants? I thought it was innocent. You mean you were trying to
Jack thinks it's a good time to change the subject.
Chrissy and Cindy are going home. They aren't speaking. No
one likes Chrissy any more. Even Furley, who is leaving at the same
time, sees Chrissy and cringes, remembering what he saw.
Mr. and Mrs. Roper are still bouncing around under the covers
in a passing shot. We move to Larry who is lying in bed with the covers
right down to there and his hand on the pillow next to him with a
cigarette between the fingers.
"Was it good for you?" he asks his hand.
"Well, they say there had been complaints before," is
saying as she and Terri walk over to meet Jack and Vicky.
"What are you talking about? Complaints about what?" Vicky
"I'm sure you don't remember her. She left long before you
came around, Lana Shields," explains, "They arrested her for a
charge of public indecency. She's in a Mexican jail."
"For stripping on the beach?" Jack is amazed.
"That was what I was saying, but says there's more,"
"Yes, I heard there was a complaint she was putting on a sex
show for some kids before their dad caught them the night before,"
Janet says. "I guess they thought it was a pattern of behavior."
Vicky blushes. Jack tries to look innocent.
"I'm sure they'll let her out soon," says concerned Vicky.
"Who knows? This is Mexico," says Janet, "But with co-ed jails
maybe she'll finally be getting enough of what she always wanted."
Janet and Jack share the shot as grins and Jack has a
blank stare. The scene fades to a shot of Lana sprawled on a straw
strewn floor as a sweating Mexican humps between her legs. A group
of surrounds them and Lana is shouting something we can't hear.
"So, did you two come down together?" Jack changes the
"No, we just bumped into one another," Terri says.
Janet tries to supress a giggle and it's Jack's turn to blush.
"You two having one last fling before domesticity sets in?" Terri
asks and Vicky becomes agitated trying to shush her.
"What?" Jack asks.
"Oh nothing, I put my foot in it again," Terri retracts.
"What?!" Jacks asks emphatically and turns to Vicky, "What is
she talking about?"
"Well, honey, I was going to tell you when I thought the time
was right," Vicky stumbles around. "I wanted to tell you on a romantic
vacation in a private moment."
"You mean?" Jack says with a glazed look.
"Yes, daddy," Vicky says.
"Come on Jack, I knew it the first time I saw her," Terri says,
"The gleam in her eye, the glow, the morning sickness, the crabby
"Wow, baby, I'm the happiest on the planet," Jack says
at fade out.
So now you know. It was just a two-hour promo for the new
show: "One + One = Three". A show chock full of diaper and vomit
jokes as Jack has a series of misadventures proving that even a
newborn is more co-ordinated and than he is.