Dublin Delights Chapter 6
The silence of my sleep broke as I heard laughing and yelling. I opened
my eyes to slits, letting a little light to filter through. I saw my room.
It looked very plain in the noon light. As soon as my eyes were used to
the light, I opened them more, until they were wide open. I sung my leg
over the side and stretched up. I stood up and reached as highest
possible, joining my hands to extend to my full length. Yawning, I walked
into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was
scrambled and I had massive blotches on my face from sleeping. I
rubbed at it violently. It sometimes helps. I fixed my hair and
straightened up. As I reached for the door handle, the door opened and
came at me like a speeding missel. The aim was true and it hit me squarely
in my head. I fell back with a thud and hit my head a second time on the
wall. I slumped to the floor, unconscious.
My eyes fluttered open and I looked up to see Mark kneeling over me. My
eyes shot as wide as possible and I sat up like a lightning bolt, only to
fall back down. My head was swimming in colors. The world went around and
around. I closed and opened my eyes and the world was right again.
Learning from my last experience, I got up slowly. When I stood, I had a
little trouble with balance, but that soon fled away as shook my head.
"Are you ok," Mark asked.
"Yea, can you get some aspirin out of the from pouch of my bag."
"Yea sure."
Mark ran over to my bag and dug his hand into the front pouch, he
searched for a bottle until, success, he gave me the bottle and ran to the
bathroom to get a glass of water. I swallowed the pills and drank the
glass. Immediately I felt a bit better.
"Better?" he asked
"Yea, what's going on?"
"Were boarding the bus to get ready for the show tonight, come on."
That is the most excited I have found him this entire trip. It kinda
suprised me. Then it hit me with a ton of bricks. Aaron probably told
everyone about my confession. They are all acting nice till they can get
me into a corner and then '(gasp)' my dream would come true.
"Did Aaron talk to you at all?"
"No, why?"
"Just wondering, he an I had an argument and well." 'He didn't know'
"No, he didn't talk to me about anything, should he have?"
"I was just wondering?"
"Oh, come on, they must be getting ready to go."
True, I heard the bus out side and people talking, they must be getting
ready to go. I walked out of the room, bringing nothing but a light coat.
Mark quickly followed, I ran up to the bus a boarded.
In any highschool venture the hardest art is finding a seat that would
make you look cool, yet be comfortable. You may not understand but it is
hard to find a seat that wouldn't make you look like a dork in the face of
your friends. Yes that is shallow, but here is an example. If I were sit
next to Derek, I would look like he is friendly, when he really isn't. He
is a dork, which would make me look like a dork. But if I sit next to,
say, Tim. I would look cool. It's confusing but if you ever experienced
it you would know what I mean.
I found a seat in the back all by myself. Directly behind me is Tim
with April on his lap. I guess, even though she has a boyfriend, she still
needs somebody to flirt with. I cracked a smile at him as soon as I saw
this, he looked down at her and smiled back at me knowingly. I sat down
and looked ahead. I swear I saw Aaron looking at me. As soon as I saw
him, he looked away and sat down on his seat.
The trip was short to the theater. Once there, All the actors took
their costumes and props to the dressing rooms, or what you could call a
dressing room. It could barely fit fifteen people. It was going to be
packed. Nicole, Emily, and I opened the (dumpster) technical booth. We
powered up the systems and tested out them out. The lights needed
refocusing and the sound systems needed some adjusting. Nothing we
couldn't handle. Mr. Shamus, helped to pull out an "A" frame ladder.
With that I climbed to the top of the theater, it wasn't that high, and
adjusted the lights to fit our needs. Stage down right, stage down left,
stage up center, and an overall wash.
The actors practiced on the theater. The space was considerably smaller
than the highschool theater. As I focused I saw Aaron give a great
performance for nobody. Specifically I watched him intently as he gave a
commanding performance of the emotional scene where he bends down and cries
over his dead wife. I will call it the emotional scene. He slowly walked
over to the grave of his dead and fell at its base and started to cry.
I could tell he put his heart and soul into it. (If you are interested,
read "Our Town" by Thorton Weilder, act three.)
A few hours passed and I finished focusing the last light. I climbed
down the ladder and helped to put it away. I then had Emily test out the
lights on the lighting board. As she cycled through the lights, my face
slowly grew into a grin. Once she was finished I turned to her and smiled.
She jumped over the dumpster and ran to me.
"WE DID IT!!"
"Yes." I yelled in a congratulatory way
We gave each other a hug, realizing that the technical aspects to our
first Irish show were set and working.
"Did you learn the show?" I asked.
"That is my next job."
"Our next job."
We laughed. We were always friendly around each other. Nicole joined
us and each of us gave pats on the back or congratulations. For the next
hour or so. Emily and I learned the light settings for the show. It was
challenging granting the fact that we have never seen this configuration
before, and we had no practice before today.
Promptly at seven o'clock the house opened. The small theater packed in
over a hundred Irish folk. Emily put up the pre-show, just a few light to
accent the stage. I smiled to myself at that moment, my job was done, it
is up to her now.
Out of nowhere, most of the lights on stage left went out. My smile
turned into a face that said 'oh, shit' in about two seconds flat. I
turned to Emily who was reflecting my face. Without vocal commands I told
her what to do. I jumped over the dumpster like it was a hurdle and ran
down the side isle. I ran into Mr. Shamus and asked him what happened.
"I don't know. Come on, we'll go check."
I followed him quickly into the dressing room. They weren't very
pleased when I walked in there, but they had no choice. They had to deal
with it. I looked around the room searching for obvious signs of a
problem. All I saw were the dimmers, the patch box, (a big huge box with
over a hundred plug ends in it) and a spider web of cords connecting the
two.
"Do you have a fuse box?" I asked.
"A what?"
"A fuse box."
"Do you mean a trip box."
'That has to be it.' "Yes where is your fuse, I mean trip box."
"Through that door into the dressing room."
Without thinking I ran into the dressing room. I saw the box on the far
wall. Standing near it was Aaron. Totally nude form the waist up and he
was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. I almost sprung a boner right
there. 'You know, just great. He is here' I decided to play it cool and
control myself, this was after all an emergence. I ran to the box saying
the occasional 'excuse me' and 'get the hell out of my way.' Once there I
opened it. Searching through the number of trips (fuses) I looked for on
that was different. I didn't know what the difference would be.
Searching, I heard a voice.
"Sean."
'Oh God, it was him,' "Yea what do you want?"
"I wanted to talk to you about this morning."
I found it. A trip (fuse) with a marking. I turned it out then on.
"Listen Aaron, I think I know what your response is, you said it loud and
clear by running away." I briskly walked away, not looking back. After
all, I was very busy. I realized that it was not the right choice.
I walked out into the house and saw that the light were working. I ran
up to Emily and told her not to use a useless one, because it might trip a
fuse. We agreed and sat back as the house went dark. 'Just in time' I
told myself.
Because I saw the play about thirty thousand times I followed it little,
more focusing on if I made the right decision to speak to Aaron like I did
in the dressing room. He could have just been overwhelmed or scared. No,
by the looks of things now, he has some sort of girlfriend at home and is
madly in love with her, with the obvious limitations that any teenage
couple has. Depression sank in. 'What if he told everyone, my life would
be over. And then there is that damn dream.'
The play nearly finished, intermission had come and passed without any
realization from me. I snapped back to reality as the emotional scene came
up. Like all other times my female technical counterparts started to cry.
And being the emotional person I too, shed a tear. (You have to read the
entire play to fully understand the point.) The house light went up and we
received a standing ovation.
After the house emptied, we cleaned up the small mess we made, then took
a couple group shots with everybody, including the technicians. After we
left, we rounded up the team and boarded the bus. Hopefully headed for
home because I was so tired, we instead pulled up to a small bar. Filling
up all of the tables plus, we ordered drinks and little sandwiches. We had
a blast, even though I was tired. We talked about almost everything.
Aaron was in another part of the bar. But I didn't care. 'Wait, that
can't be right, I do care, but, I don't know anymore.' I slouched in my
seat and couldn't wait for a soft bed.
That bed came just at the right time. As soon as we pulled up to the
hostel I ran to my room, quickly disrobed and put on my pajamas, (after all
I was in the presence of others.) I jumped into bed and fell asleep before
any others were even in the room. As I closed my eyes, I cried silently. I
don't know what to think what to do.
The morning hit like a ton of bricks. My eyes shot open before the sun
crested the land. I tried to fall back asleep knowing that we had a few
more hours left to sleep. I couldn't do it. My mind was swimming. I
think I had that dream again, but I couldn't remember having it. It was as
if as soon as I opened my eyes I left that world behind. Thankful, I got
up. As quietly as a mouse I picked out some clothes and dressed. Walking
into the bathroom, I closed the door before I turned on the light. I took
every precautionary measures to keep my roommates asleep. When I finished
I left the room and walked down the hall to the door. I walked out into
the brisk Irish morning
I looked to the left of the main complex. I saw a small garden which I
had not noticed before. It had a small path that lead right into it.
'This could be a quiet place to think. Of course I have been doing enough
of that. I decided instead to beat myself up, not physically. My steps
sounded sharp in the cold morning. I walked up the steps into the garden
and turned on an adjoining path. There I saw a bench and sat myself down.
'What have I done.' tears began to well up. 'God, is this all I think
about now, I have to really pull myself together and latch onto the
remnants of my life. If only I could rewind time and start again. Wait,
that wouldn't work. I would be faced with the same dilemma I had then too.
I would still have that burden on my shoulders. There is no right answer
is there.'
Just then I heard foot steps. I sat perfectly still, not wanting to let
on that anybody else was up. I heard the steps approach the garden and go
up the stairs. I stared towards the path. A lone figure stood in a
silhouette in the middle of the path. I couldn't see them.
"Hello," I said daringly.
"Sean, is that you."
I know that voice. It is the angelic voice of Aaron. Quietly I
responded, "Yea."
"Oh,"
He began to walk towards me. This is a move I did not expect and have
not planned for, yet I longed for. Just to get this shit out into the open
with him. He sat down on the bench next to me. It was stil rather dark so
I could not see his face. I could, however, see that he was looking
straight ahead and not at me. I looked ahead as well.
"Sean," he began, "I . . . , shit man, I know what your thinking, and I
just want you to know that I am still your friend and wouldn't tell anybody
your secret. I am glad that you had the courage to tell me. I know that I
didn't."
"Thanks Aaron. That means a lot."
"OK," there was a long pause, "Sean, I . . . I am so sorry," I could
here a sniffle.
"For what, you didn't do this, I did, this thing was my fault and I
should have not brought you into it. I'm sorry," I could feel the tears
start to gush out.
"No, no. please I have to say this. Sean, its my fault. I mean, it
hurts me so much to see you in pain, and you said something to me that made
me happy, I was just so scared of what would happen."
"I don't get it. What are you trying to say,", 'I already knew, but was
asking for posterity.
"God dammit, this is so hard. Listen, I felt the same way when you told
me you loved me. I wanted to tell you but I didn't have the courage. I
was scared to take that risk."
"You mean you feel the same way I do?"
"I want to, I really want to, love is such a powerful word. But I don't
know if I am ready for all of this. This is new. I don't know how to put
this, except to give me time."
"Ok." I understood where he came from, this was a little awkward. "We
will, take this one step at a time. To tell you the truth, I am not
exactly ready for what is next either.
I couldn't see his features, but I visualized them from memory. Knowing
this I gently wiped the tears form his cheeks. My hand slowed and
eventually stopped, resting near his jaw line. We didn't talk just stared.
I could here the trees rustle and the birds sing. I smiled. My hand
reached around the his back and I pulled him into a hug. He swung his arms
around me and I put my remaining arm around him. We rested our heads on
each other's shoulders. I closed my eyes, comforted by his embrace. I
could feel him breath. A sense of happiness washed over me. Tear still
came forth and i know that he cried too.
"We had better get back," I whispered into his ear.
"I plan on staying like this for the rest of eternity."
I smiled at his little joke. "Come on." I let go of him and stood up.
He soon followed. We walked down the path together, exploring this large
garden.
"How are we going to do this?" he asked.
"I don't know." a long silence. "I assume that you want to keep this
quiet."
"Yea, yes, oh yes, diffidently."
"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled, I could see it.
The sky turned from a grey to a turquoise. The birds began to sing
great songs, and the wind died down so only a faint rustling was heard.
"Now that we know, what comes next."
"I guess, what ever seems right."
"I don't know what is right."
"I don't know either. But lets get on thing straight, no more keeping
things bottled up."
"What do you mean?"
"I want you to talk to me and me to you. We took a step today. A step
together, and I don't want anything to hold us back when we decide to take
the next one, together"
He smiled. "I promise."
Quietly I said, "I do too." I reached over and pulled him into another
hug.
We pulled back and just stared into each others eyes. Eyes that now
exposed every thing about the other. As if we were now joined emotionally.
I stroked his cheek, caressing the tear trails away. Finally I was with
him. The person I wanted for so long and didn't know it until two days
ago. We had each other. Some urge hit him then and he came up and kissed
me square on the mouth. As soon as our lips touched he pulled away.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
I was surprised, but that passed. "Don't be," I said calmly. I smiled
and leaned in towards him. One hand embraced him at the back and the other
caressed the back of his head. I leaned in and kissed him. Not a kiss of
full passion. Neither of us were ready for that, but a simple kiss that
meant so much. He kissed me back gently and with care. I broke off and
hugged him.
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