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By Shon Richards
Every child knows that Ogulum was the God of the and that
the Earth was his Wife. Every woman knows that the Earth gave birth to
all the and people of the and every knows that
Ogulum was their father. This is the of their marriage after the
first years of bliss.
It came to pass that one day, Earth closed her legs to
Ogulum. She said. "My thighs are sore from your manhood, and my knees
are weak from bearing the children of the world. Neither phallus nor
child shall pass through these legs again."
At first, Ogulum was upset. Then like any would, he decided
to look elsewhere for his sex. At first, he tried to lay with the
daughters of our people. The women rebuked him. He had no tongue to
woo them; he had no knowledge of gifts or bridal prices. Earth
had accepted him because he was the only among Gods, but the
women of our people were not so unlucky.
Desperate, Ogulum mated with the animals. This is why the
Giraffe's neck is so long, the Hippopotamus is so angry, and why the
Hyena still laughs. Ogulum was desperate and hated doing it, but did
it he must.
Mother Earth was horrified and disgusted. One day while Ogulum
slept, she tore his manhood from his body. While he slept Earth
hid his phallus in the thickest tree in all the woods. There it would
harm no again.
When Ogulum awoke, he was screamed and the White Mountain lost
its peak. He searched high and low but he could not find his manhood.
Unfortunately his desire still grew. The very clouds and rivers
swelled with is seed. Ogulum tried and tried to relieve himself but
without his manhood it was hopeless.
Sadly for the people, the rain and the rising rivers threatened
to drown them all. They turned to their wisest witch doctor, a
named Tesimbi. Tesimbi consulted the wisdom of the Elephants and even
the treacherous advice of She-Who-Must-Be-Licked. He discovered that
Ogulum had lost his manhood and he even divined where it was.
So Tesimbi went in search of Ogulum's manhood. He battled the
Strange White of the North. He matched wits with the Great Spider.
He even mated with the Witches of the South. Finally, he
discovered Ogulum's manhood and carved it from the tree. Tesimbi tried
to give it back to the God but too much time had passed. The
manhood would not grow back.
Tesimbi returned to the people and thought for twenty days and
twenty nights. He then asked the people to provide Ogulum with a wife.
This way Ogulum could finally mate and his seed would not drown the
First they selected the most beautiful woman in the land. Her
breasts were large, her hips were wide and her hair was darker than
night. She was brought forward but she refused to take the phallus
"What house can Ogulum off me?" she demanded. "What food will he
bring me? What kisses can he give me?"
They picked another woman. This time they picked the woman with
the biggest heart. She stepped forward but she refused to let Ogulum's
manhood enter her.
"I can not lay with him, not even to save my people's life," she
cried. "I love another and could not put him aside."
Tesimbi thought long and hard as the rains continued to fall.
The Zebra with One Horn drowned. The Sphinx got his wings wet and
drowned too. The Thunder Lizard choked on too much fish and died as
"Bring me a woman who spits on her husband's face!" Tesimbi
They brought a woman forward. Tesimbi recoiled. She was the
ugliest woman there. She was so horrible, her refused to name
her. Her husband had been forced to marry her when he lost a bet. Her
breasts were so flat that starving children rejected her nipple.
Tesimbi hesitated as the rain poured harder. He couldn't put the manhood
of a God in such an ugly vessel. Tesimbi was a and therefore, too stupid to
realize that a woman was a woman.
As Tsimbi hesitated; the river finally grew too large. All of the people
were buried under a wall of Ogulum's seed. Huts were destroyed, families were
separated and all the fires were put out as water poured everywhere.
As the people drowned, the ugliest woman swam towards the
phallus. Despite Tesimbi's rejection, she knew what needed to be done.
Yes, she was ugly, but inside she cared more for the people then they
ever cared for her. She pried it from Tesimbi's dead hand and plunged
Ogulum's manhood into her. Her thighs parted and took all of his
divine girth inside.
Ogulum cried out with joy. It wasn't the sex that made him cry
out. It was the warmth of a good heart, scorned and abused but still
capable of love. The thighs of a woman who knew shame, loneliness and
how it felt to be rejected squeezed his manhood and he decided it was
The ugliest woman plunged the manhood deep inside her and she too
cried out. His magic pulsed within her and she felt her grow
large. She felt her hips grow wider with every thrust of the wood
phallus. As her sex accepted him, he filled her with his might. As
his girth expanded, she felt pleasure that only Earth had
previously felt before.
The river drained away.
The rain stopped.
The people coughed and stood.
Tesimbi was dead, and they built a village in his honor on the
spot that he laid.
The ugliest woman was no longer ugly. Her hair was now darker
than night. In her hair, a single green streak ran true. Her
were fuller than the largest fruit. Her skin now shined with the dark
essence of Ogulum. An ape could be crushed between the powers of her
thighs. The most beautiful woman of the people was now her, and the
woman with the biggest heart was now her as well.
His manhood still pulsed inside her. Through her voice, Ogulum
spoke. The people listened.
"I claim this woman as my Second and she shall be called
Nyeki. You shall build her a hut. You shall bring her the first bite
of the hunt. You shall treat her with all the respect that you show
Nyeki remained his for the end of her mortal days. She
defended the village with the Strength of Ogulum. She fought the
Strange White of the North with her cunning. She gave wise counsel
to kings and witch doctors. The people had a Goddess among them and
they loved her like a mother, a lover and a child.
When she died, his manhood was placed on a great carving and the
They waited for a woman who would spit on the face of her