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ISSUE 1 video shoot but thats the


Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #1
January 4, 2002

This is my first set of reviews of stories found in While I rate stories from one to five
stars, I am a lot more comfortable with the text of the reviews
than I am of assigning a numerical ratings - readers, please
don't go on the star ratings alone.

Stories reviewed in this issue:

Anniversary Party, by Don (* * *)
Twelve Nights, by Wiseguy (* * * *)
Minivan, by thx2600 (* *)
Blame it on "Ed", by Meme Mispelt (* * * * *)
A Teenage Fantasy, by dpph dpph (* * *)

{ASSM} Anniversary Party (Ellen and Suzi #8) MFMF MF rom
By Don <>

This is the final installment of the "Ellen & Suzi" series posted
by this author. I haven't read the entire series, so I was
overwhelmed at first by the long list of characters and the
relationships between them. Fortunately, the tangle of names
doesn't matter much, as most of the characters quickly disperse.
I was left with the sisters Ellen and Suzi, along with their SOs,
Keith and Dave.

Thus begins the MFMF part of this story, which takes place on the
deck of a cabin overlooking a quiet lake. Sex occurs among the
participants in just about every permutation. Afterwards, Dave
makes a toast: "To the sexiest couple ever, Keith and Suzi. Long
may you enjoy each other, and long may we enjoy you." Indeed!

The second half of the story is mostly unrelated to the first
half. Here, Jen is an inexperienced college girl who takes up
with a new beau, Kevin. Jen doesn't have sex on first dates; she
wants to have a relationship. And so the relationship between
Kevin and Jen develops, culminating on Jen's eighteenth birthday,
when you-know-what happens!

This story is competently told. The characters are hazy, possibly
because I haven't read the entire series. The paragraphs were not
separated by blank lines, which made the story hard to read in
places. Thankfully, the paragraphs were usually very short, so I
was able to navigate the poorly-separated paragraphs well enough
to finish the story without cursing much.

The sex is hot, although the story does not stand alone too well.
If you like foursomes, don't miss the first half. If you like
eighteen-year-olds getting to know each other, you may like the
second half. If you're a fan of the series, you'll probably like
the whole thing.
Rating: * * *


{ASSM} Twelve Nights (MF rom) by Wiseguy
By Wiseguy <>

I have read stories by Wiseguy before, and I optimistically
opened up "Twelve Nights," confident that I was in for an
enjoyable ride.

But the beginning of "Twelve Nights" was a disappointment. The
sex scene was tepid and not especially smooth. I wondered if this
story had been tossed together quickly, without the author's
usual polish.

Even though I was disappointed, I read on. And I'm very glad I

Once this story gets moving, it is a lot of fun. In the days
immediately following Christmas, Paula is stuck installing a new
computer system at a powerful Washington DC law firm when she'd
rather be home doing the nasty with Ted, her lover.

Most of the story is spent describing Paula's work, which is not
even remotely sexual. But it *is* fascinating, and I found myself
enjoying it almost as much as the after-hours interludes.

And while the job is interesting, the point of the story is those
after-hours interludes. Ted has arranged for romantic gifts to be
delivered to Paula's hotel room while she's at work, twelve
different gifts for the twelve days of Christmas. And then they
talk on the phone, tell each other they miss each other, and then
they let their fingers do the walking ...

Come to think of it, Paula doesn't get her twelfth gift until she
comes back home to Ted. Fortunately for Paula, Ted's sexual
preferences have nothing to do with drummer's-drumming or lord's-
a-leaping, so a good time is had by all.

By all means, read this story. Even if the beginning is a little
rough, the story catches its stride very quickly, and the ending
is not to be missed.
Rating: * * * *


{ASSM} Minivan (M/F, oral, true)
By thx2600 <>

I'm not exactly sure who wrote this story. In various places, the
author refers to himself as thx2600, breath_of_spirit, "J", and
Sun Ra, and there are two email addresses
( and I assume these
are all aliases for the same person, but it is confusing!

After a lovely dinner at a Japanese restaurant, J and Kaye tumble
together in the back of Kaye's minivan for a little - ahem -
dessert. J, you see, loves to lap cunt. Really loves to lap cunt.
And Kaye loves that J loves to lap cunt, as Kaye should.

The writing was abrupt and jarring at times, and the dialogue was
a little unnatural. I suspect the author was trying to get to the
dirty stuff as quickly as possible and skimped on his
transitions. I was also confused a couple times by factual
inconsistencies. Grammar and spelling problems were also an

Which is a shame. There are passages in this story that are truly
inspired, lovely even. When the story gets rolling, the sex is
hot. The pieces of a great story are here, they just aren't put
together well. This is one of those rare stories that could be
improved by being longer. I would encourage the author to spend
the time to give it a good rewrite - I think this story is worth

For readers, if you're willing to overlook some flaws as you scan
through looking for the sex, there is good sex to be had here.
Rating: * *


{ASSM} <*> Blame it on "Ed" (Meem17) F FF MF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution
By Meme Mispelt <>

Forty-something trailer trash deserve their fantasies, too, and
Meme Mispelt delivers to them in style.

When Kenny and Ed spot a slutty punk girl at the local mall, Ed
dares Kenny to invite her to star in their porn video. Of course
this pair of forty-something trailer trash doesn't have a porn
video to shoot, but that's the fun of the dare, right?

Well, it turns out slutty punk girl Lorelei agrees, as long as
she can bring her slutty punk girlfriend Cyndi along. Kenny and
Ed scrounge a video camera from Mitch, rent a hotel room, and the
two slutty young punk girls are soon shooting a real live porn
movie with three overmatched older men.

"Blame it on `Ed'" starts out funny, becomes sexy and kinky, and
ends on a thoughtful note about the aphrodisiacal qualities of
control that I think most readers will enjoy. The "caution" code
is probably deserved, but don't let that scare you off - you
don't want to miss this story.
Rating: * * * * *


{ASSM} A Teenage Fantasy
By dpph dpph <>

You can learn everything you need to know about sex by watching
porn, which is proven very nicely by "A Teenage Fantasy." This is
a story about a teenage boy and his infatuation with Amanda, a 16-
year-old walking wet dream. The narrator steals Amanda's panties out of the girls' locker room, he directs Amanda into the
deserted girls' bathroom to look for them, and the two of them
proceed to fuck and suck their way into orgasmic bliss.

Uneven grammar and spelling detracted from the story at times.
I'm still not sure what "meaded" means, but Amanda seemed to
enjoy it, so who am I to complain? The author would do well to
find a proofreader.

The story has a certain naivet´´ to it that I found charming. It
reads like a teenage boy who is torn between desperately wanting
to lose his cherry and desperately wanting a pretty girl to like
him. While the porn clich´´s are spread too thick for my taste,
this stroke story contains just enough heart to make it more
enjoyable than many of its ilk.

Rating: * * *


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