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ISSUE 19 old Sam eighth grader


Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #19
February 18, 2002
Reviews are archived at


Stories reviewed in this issue:

A Rocky Relationship, by theGreatxIam (* * * * *)
My Best Friend Kissed Me On Valentine's Day, by Jeff Zephyr (* * *)
Special Present for Hubby, by alicia (* *)
On my university campus, by Emi Tsuruta (* * * * *)
How to Make a Lady, by Richard Short (* * *)

{ASSM} A Rocky Relationship (MF, celeb) Silver Surfer #3
By theGreatxIam <>

The Silver Surfer in this story owns a small bed-and-breakfast in
the isolated woods north of San Francisco. Its out-of-the-way
location attracts celebrities who want to get away from the
prying eyes of Hollywood for a couple days.

The innkeeper's eyes pop out of his head when Raquel Welch and
her husband drive up to his place. He's had a crush on her ever
since he first saw her in that fur bikini in "1 Million B.C."

Raquel's husband doesn't care for the isolation of the place and
storms off, leaving the Silver Surfer alone with the sixty-year-
old sex symbol.

Have you ever wondered if sex symbols were really any good at
sex? Well, according to this story, Raquel Welch earned her title
fair and square. She really knows how to fuck.

I like the sex, I like the subject, I like the way the story is
told. But what I like most about this story is that in the end
the nice guy gets the girl. This is the way the world is supposed
to work.

Even readers who don't know who Raquel Welch is will enjoy this
Rating: * * * * *


{ASSM} Valentine Story: My Best Friend Kissed Me On Valentine's Day (solo oral rom teen caution) - by Jeff Zephyr
By Jeff Zephyr <>

This story is told by Sam, an eighth-grader, on Valentine's Day.
Sam received a valentine from Tobie, Sam's platonic best friend,
and after school, Tobie admits that he wants to be more than just
friends. Sam and Tobie kiss.

The teenage voice is well done, but the opening explanation of
Tobie and Sam's relationship as "just friends" goes on too long;
I wanted the narrator to get on with the story. There is also a
twist half way through that is mistimed - the story loses all its
steam as soon as the twist arrives. I also think the twist is
unnecessary - there is more than enough story here without it.

But I like the way Sam is surprised by Tobie's confession, and I
like the way Sam analyzes the situation.
Rating: * * *


{ASSM} Special Present for Hubby
By alicia <>

The wife in this story gives her husband anal sex as a reward for
the special days in the couple's life: anniversaries, birthdays,
promotions. She pretends to hate it, but if you read this story,
you'll realize she likes it a lot more than she lets on!

There is a formatting problem with this story (the dashes turned
into question marks), but that isn't my biggest complaint. This
just isn't a story. It isn't even a scene. The wife describes
what a *typical* anal adventures is like. And while she provides
a lot of explicit detail, it's not a description of a particular
event - it's an amalgamation of a bunch of events.

The author has a flair for writing, but it would be better
applied towards describing a particular anal scene or two.
Rating: * *


{ASSM} On my university campus (M/F, exhib)
By Emi Tsuruta <>

This is the second story of Emi and Ryosuke, two Japanese
students living in America. In the first story, Emi had her first
sexual experience with Ruyosuke in the park. Now she is afraid
that everyone at school saw her doing it, and she is a nervous
wreck for a few days.

Emi starts to settle down, and Ruyosuke arranges for them to hide
out in a fenced garden on campus. The garden gets locked up at
4:30, which gives them time to spend alone together. They do it
for the second time, outside, in the gazebo.

I'm beginning to like Emi a lot. In many ways, this series
reminds me of my own teenage sexual experiences: the sneaking
off, desperately trying to find privacy, the fear of getting
caught. And jumbled up in all that, you have the growing
emotional attachment to your partner, a feeling that you don't
completely understand.

The sex is more explicit in this story than in the first one, but
it is told without using vulgar words. The prose is smooth and
the character's voice is perfect for a Japanese student recently
arrived in America.

I can see hints that this series is turning into one about
exhibitionism and embarrassment, but at this early stage, it's
more about a girl and her boyfriend looking for a way to make
Rating: * * * * *


{ASSM} {ASS} How to Make a Lady {SHATTIMS} (MM~F cons cheat wl)
By Richard Short <>

A husband and wife haven't been doing it much lately, and the
husband has a great idea to put a spark back in their
relationship: he'll trick Gloria into having an affair! You see,
the husband is Anglo, Gloria is Latino, and Gloria misses those
fiery Latino men. All the husband has to do is find the right

He picks Juan, the janitor at the school where Gloria works. He
approaches Juan, promises to pay him three-hundred bucks if he's
successful, and turns him loose on his unsuspecting wife.

Gloria and Juan quickly get close, and they are soon doing
exactly what they need to do to make the husband's plan a huge

While the grammar and spelling are reasonably good, there is one
point of view shift that probably shouldn't be there, and the
plot is definitely ridiculous. The tricky husband pulling off the
perfect scam to get more sex doesn't sit well with me. Now I know
a lot of people aren't reading stories for their plots, so this
could be a very popular story with many readers.

Perhaps my frustration with this story (and many like it) comes
from the possibility that it could so easily be so much more than
it is. Many of these Tricky Husband stories remind me of a
"Mission Impossible" episode, *except nothing goes wrong!* Every
"Mission Impossible" story has a glitch that must be overcome,
and the way the team overcomes the problem is the best part of
the story. Tricky Husband stories, on the other hand, are dull,
because everything goes off exactly as planned.

To be fair, this story has a little twist at the end, but it's
played down so much that all the drama is sucked out of it. What
we're left with is a good stroke story and the frustration that a
very good setup was wasted on a plot that was too simplistic.
Rating: * * *


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