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ISSUE 29 young woman Jeanne who


Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #29
March 18, 2002
Reviews are archived at


Stories reviewed in this issue:

The Eve of Victory, by oosh (* * *)
Smoking Fetish, by Mike Turner (* *)
The Lessons, by Anon Sacto (* * *)
Chocolate Knights and NOT A KNIGHT In Shining Armor, by Gary Jordan (* * *)
Another Day, Another ASS, by Aquillae (* *)

{ASSM} The Eve of Victory [VBC]
By oosh <>

I should start off admitting that I do not enjoy historical
pieces and do not generally read them. I read this one because
I've admired other works by this author, I was curious about the
"Virago Blue Challenge" (Chicks in Chain Mail) that is taking
place in ASSM, and this is the first story of the challenge to be

This story is about a young woman, Jeanne, who is in gaol
awaiting execution. She receives a visitor on the last day of her
life. Jeanne and Marianne talk about religion, France, and the
three kisses Jeanne is to receive from her strange visitor. Since
this is a proper sex story, the kisses are very sexy.

I have a lot of admiration for the writing, but I did not enjoy
reading "The Eve of Victory." The flowery prose and historical
setting put me off. The characters were so foreign to me that I
didn't care about them.

While I didn't like it, I know there are people out there who
will find this story wildly entertaining. It's not often that I'm
able to even finish reading an historical story, which says a lot
for this particular piece.
Rating: * * *


{ASSM} Smoking fetish By Mike Turner <>

There are a few things about a posting that can make it almost
impossible to read a story. Bad formatting and paragraphing are
the worst, and this story suffers from both.

Which is a shame. I think there is something here to enjoy, but
the eye strain of trying to pick out text in 100-line paragraphs
maie it impossible to find.

From what I gather, this story is about Ron, a man who owns a
temp agency with his wife. The marriage eventually goes bad.
Ron's office manager begins to play matchmaker by scanning
through the women applying for temp positions. Fortunately the
office manager has figured out Ron's fetish for cigarette

She finds Brenda, an outrageous flirt who smokes Virginia Slims.
After a successful first date, they schedule a second date, this
one at Brenda's house. Once there, they immediately jump into
some kinky sex.

The paragraph problems were the worst part of the story. There is
also a lot of extraneous detail. Now, extraneous detail can be
good in moderation, but half of the story goes by before the
second-most important person in the story is ever mentioned. The
information on the temp agency business was interesting, but
there is enough there to fill backgrounds for ten stories.

It's hard to tell how good this story would be with better
paragraphing, but I'll venture a guess that it would be good
enough to get a limited recommendation. As it is, I would wait
for a repost from the author before giving this story a try.
Rating: * *


{ASSM} The Lessons (MF Mf 1st) {Anoninsac}
By Anon Sacto <>

This story starts with a bang. Cheryl and the narrator have just
finished fucking when Danielle, Cheryl's teenage daughter, walks
in on them. Everyone is embarrassed, but they are also turned on.
While Danielle watches, the older couple begins to fuck again.

The remainder of the story is comprised of Danielle's continuing
sex education. At first, Danielle sits quietly in the corner
while her mother and boyfriend demonstrate various sexual
practices. And things go even further from there!

The disclaimer notes that this is a stroke story, and that is
indeed the case. While it is well-written, there isn't much work
put into making the characters come alive. It's just a man, a
mother, and a daughter. The scenario is the entire story.

But you can tell that a realistic plot is itching to make an
appearance. Every so often, a tiny hint of emotional involvement
will pop its head in. Unfortunately, it will just as quickly pop
back out. A parent's sex education of a child has been done
several times in ASSM. Of course the situation is ridiculous, but
ridiculous situations don't automatically mean a bad story.
Making the ridiculous seem real is a mark of excellent writing.

There are some serious, real-life issues that would be raised if
a man were to be sexually involved with a mother and her
daughter. It's a situation saturated with dramatic potential.
This story hints at one potential plot twist, but doesn't follow
up on it.

But even if the potential of the set up is not completely
realized, it is still a good stroke story, and one that many
readers are sure to enjoy.
Rating: * * *


{ASSM} Chocolate Knights {Gary Jordan} [VBC] (MF nosex)
By Gary Jordan <>

Gary Jordan wrote two very short stories for the Virago Blue
Challenge, which I'm combining for the purpose of this review.
And even combining them will leave me very little to comment on.

One story is about a couple going to a costume party with a
"Nights in Armor" theme. The other is about a woman taking a bath
when a big earthquake hits.

There is a little nudity but not much sex. What they lack in sex,
though, they make up for with some outrageous puns. If you can
finish them without groaning, you're a better lime than I.
Rating: * * *


{ASSM} [VBC] Another Day, Another ASS* by Aquillae (Assd Celeb, Assd satire)
By Aquillae <>

Another Virago Blue Challenge story about chicks in chainmail.
This one uses as characters a long list of ASSM authors. As it
begins, Aquillae is struggling to remove a chainmail wedgie
caused by his thong underwear.

I was at a big disadvantage because I didn't recognize many
characters, and several of the jokes (if they were indeed jokes)
flew over my head. There were also several typos and grammar
errors, although not enough to be a major distraction. There also
wasn't much sex to speak of.

If you're in daily correspondence with a lot of authors, or if
you're active in, you may enjoy this story.
Otherwise, this story is going to baffle you.
Rating: * *


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