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by Cat's sara
I had no idea that the backroads of Florida were infested with so many
rednecks. I was finding out really fast, though. My partner,
significant other, or whatever-is-comfortable-for-you-to-call-it
Belinda and I had been driving most of the day on our way to the La
Paradisio resort on the gulf coast. The trip had been nice enough, and
we were glad to get the time alone together. Between our careers...
well, her career. I don't think being a manager of a shoe store
qualifies as more than a job, at least for me. Anyway, our relationship
had been suffering from a lack of time, and this trip was likely going
to be a turning point for us, one way or the other.
Getting harassed by Billy-Bob Brownteeth and his friends was not what I
expected. All I did was stop for gas. As I walked in to get a soda, I
saw them sitting around in the dingy light, staring at me. They made a
few comments about my ass as I passed by on my way to the racks of
cans. I ignored them. They got louder. I ignored them more. It had
always worked before. I got a shiver of premonition. I should have
listened, but what can I say? Ignoring catcalls had always done me just
As I walked up to the counter, Billy-Bob, complete with sweaty tee-
shirt and greasy hair, stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
"What's the matter baby, you have a thing for the bitch in the car, or
just can't handle a real man?" sneered Billy-Bob, grabbing his crotch
and moving closer. I sighed. It was one thing to put up with heckling
aimed at me. But calling Belinda a bitch made my blood boil.
I turned and looked at him. My anger rose and my judgement faltered
just as quickly. "I don't see any real here, bubba," I said,
letting my voice lilt. "All I see is a bunch of ignorant, inbred
assholes who use corncobs for more than just wiping their asses. Find
me a *man* and maybe I'll fuck *him.*"
My head jerked back as someone grabbed my hair from behind, and I
thought my back was going to break as I was dragged and then bent
backward over the counter. I looked upward into the face of Jimmy-Joe
Pustule, the cashier. "I think you owe us an apology, you fucking
cunt," he said, the smell of stale beer and onions forcing its way into
my nose. The "Woops," I muttered under my breath did not describe my
sudden sense of fear and regret, and suddenly I was desperately hoping
that Belinda was looking this direction.
A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up off the counter,
and then pushed me down to my knees. It was Billy-Bob, his face
distorted with a 'That's *Mister* Brownteeth to you, bitch' look. His
actual words were a little more in keeping with his character. "You
also owe my asshole an apology, you goddamn whore. I think you should
kiss and make up with it, after you clean out big daddy's peckersnot!"
Where the fuck was Belinda? "Oh, boys..." came a sultry voice,
answering my question. The hands on my shoulders let go and I ducked to
the floor and scurried away.
"Why bother with her? She just sells shoes. Now me, I fuck like a
I peeked and counted five men, standing and gawking, jaws slacked,
staring at my lovely Belinda. Their pants looked like horizontal tents.
Well, except for Billy-Bob Brownteeth. He only had a pup tent. *I
should have guessed as much,* I thought, smiling inwardly. *An ego is a
terrible thing to waste...*
"But since we're on the subject, shoes are nice, don't you think?
Especially ladies' shoes. Ladies shoes with high heels. In fact, I bet
you even like to wear them," Belinda said, her voice almost
musical. "Call it intuition... I see the things you try to hide, even
from yourself," she continued conspiratorially, "and in fact, I can
tell how very, very perverted you are. You can't even get off unless
you are wearing your lovers' shoes, can you? It doesn't matter that
they from being too small. It gets you hot. In fact, what you
really want is to wear your their shoes all the time, isn't that so?"
The "boys" made no motion... they were totally captivated.
"And your first obligation for today was to go buy your women some
shiny, stiletto heeled 'fuck-me' pumps, which will, of course, be your
favorites. Especially to wear to work. And golly, look at the time.
Seven P.M. I think you stalwart fellows have some shopping to do."
The room thundered with a stampede for the door, leaving just Belinda
and me, holding in our laughter. Oh, she was evil. I thanked God she
was my lover and friend.
Funny or not, I was shaken, and as Belinda pulled me into her arms, I
broke down and the dam burst. "It's okay, baby," she soothed. "They're
not going to bother you or anyone else now... I love you, Alyssa...
Her tender kisses on my cheeks finally quieted the tears and trembling,
and I snuffled and gasped out a laugh, still choked from my crying, as
I wiped off my nose and smiled, red-eyed and grateful.
What Mr. Brownteeth and Company didn't know, but would soon find out,
was that Belinda only spoke the truth. So much so, that no matter what
she said, it *was* the truth, and it was total, and permanent. Unless
the truth changed. But she got to say.
There was a time when the truth would have been that I didn't remember
any of this. Now, sadly, the truth is that I remember it all so
perfectly that I can't forget the slightest detail.
Belinda left a twenty on the counter for our gas, and we got back on
the road. I let Belinda drive. I was still shaking from how close I had
come to being raped. I couldn't get rid of the smell of beer and
onions, and I guess my anxiety was still showing in my face, because
Belinda said, "You know, Alyssa, there's no need for you to remember
that we even stopped."
"We stopped?" I asked. "Was I sleeping?"
"Yes, sweetie, and I didn't want to wake you," she said, gently
touching my face with her fingers.
When we got to the resort, it was already dark. It was hard to find -
well, maybe that's not quite accurate. It was on a of road, in
the middle of nowhere, so we kept wondering if we had passed it. As it
turned out, it was a good thing we were watching, because the only
indication of its existence, at least on this moonless night, was a
small, neatly painted sign at the end of a long driveway.
I was a little let down - I had been expecting something with more
pizzazz., and this promised to be little more than a typical coastal
condo rental, if that.
We pulled up to a white, stucco building with a mauve screen door. At
least it had a porch light. A little gray-haired answered our
knock, and let us in. Once inside, it turned out to have a comfy little
registration area. Very cozy, with a yellow warmth that reminded me,
ironically, of warm cottages in the cold winters in New England.
I was impressed by the fact that the little seemed genuinely glad
to see us. He was incredibly welcoming, and offered us a complimentary
bottle of wine that he said came with registration. We couldn't decide
on white or red, so he generously gave us a bottle of each. It was a
surprising and genuinely warm gesture, and even now the thought makes
Finally, with the registration filled out, and our cottage assigned, we
went back to the car and followed the rather complicated instructions
to our home for the next two weeks.
As we unpacked the car, and carried our bags to the landing outside our
humble abode, I held my breath, waiting for the disappointment that was
sure to follow.
"Don't worry, it will be perfect," said Belinda, as she turned the key
in the lock.
And it wasn't one of Belinda's manipulations, either. My first
impressions had never been more wrong. The queen-size bed, which was
all of entrance room, was covered with a white crocheted bedspread. The
needlework was magnificent. And, draped over the four tall bedposts
were white sheers of silk. I know it sounds simple, but it was
The living room and kitchen were upstairs, and equally graciously
appointed. After a look around, and a little unpacking, we went back
downstairs to go to bed.
I went into the bathroom, and decided that my needed a little
trim. Belinda liked it clipped very short, and I thought it would be a
good way to start off our vacation.
I walked back into the bedroom and saw that the covers were already
turned back. I head a noise from upstairs, and turned around. I
watched, fascinated as Belinda's long, shapely legs descended, followed
by her shapely, voluptuous body.
Belinda was not skinny, nor was she overweight. She had let herself
into her thirties with soft, rounded features and an exotic face that
seemed to exude lust when she was turned on.
Her delicate hands slid down the banister in complete silence, and I
watched in utter fascination as if her body was appearing out of
nothingness, forming before me. Romantic? Romantic is not even the
word. Erotic? Seductive? Surely somewhere there is a word that embodies
all of these, but I don't know what it is.
Her face finally came into view, her eyes heavy with burning lust and
desire. Her strawberry hair flowed onto her shoulders as if she
were floating under water. I had never seen her so completely alluring.
It was as if she were pulling my deepest fantasies of making love with
her right out of my head. Maybe she was. It doesn't really matter. She
was doing it because she loved me.
She walked over and lifted my hand, placing it on her breast. I let my
eyes close, feeling her heart beat wildly, her chest slowly rising and
falling as she breathed. I stood there in that timeless moment,
completely oblivious to anything around us. Remembering our love. This
was the promised land.
"You want me," she said, the words burning hotly into my brain. "There
will never be another love like this."
I felt her mouth move close to mine, her warm breath traipsing over my
face, heating it into molten desire. Her tongue traced the outline of
my lips, dancing and seducing them until they were slightly twitching,
the hunger in them trying to jump out to her.
Her lips met mine, and I fell into her, my passion so intense that I
could not keep my mind from whirling nonsensically. My kisses left her
lips to tenderly cover her face... her ears... her neck. My hands
freely roamed body, pulling her tighter to me, sealed together by the
rising hunger of wanton fucklust. Tonight I wanted to know her body
completely, and I was aching with the desire to burn her existence into
my own. I had felt love and desire for her before, but this was so far
beyond, that even now I am not sure I can feel it all at once.
She led me to the bed, and we lay down, our eyes staring into each
other, into some swirling dance of eternity, and the only phrase that
entered my mind was 'soul-fucking'.
My mouth glided down her neck to her breast, my tongue finding the
aureole and circling, the nipple raising itself, long enough to touch
my lips. I greedily pulled it in and suckled as I let my tongue swirl
and flick, hearing Belinda's first moans of promised passion. I stayed
there for ages, letting each movement of obsessed sex fill me over and
over, like the breaking waves we could hear in the distance.
Without even thinking, our bodies intertwined and writhed together,
every motion a part of a perfect ballet. It was like fantasy... even
when she slipped and lost her balance, I had already moved so that it
only gave us each a new source of greedy teasing and arousal.
Somehow, we ended up in a tight sixty-nine position, or as Belinda
called it, the yummy yoni yin-yang. My fingers closed around her ass,
pulling and lightly scratching, and I felt her tongue press down on my
hot little clit, finally popping it outward so that a wave over
pleasure spasmed down my legs, making my toes open and curl, over and
over, in pure, reflexive delight.
I was losing all inhibition, and thoughts that I had found revolting
suddenly shifted as I became determined to gift my glorious Belinda
with every pleasure I could muster. I shifted slightly, and stretched
upward until my tongue pressed against her tiny, brown pucker. The
taste was completely different than I had expected, and I felt her
tremble with unexpected pleasure.
I pressed and circled, turned on by the taboo, wishing suddenly that
this love, this glorious manifestation of lust, could be seen by more
than just the two of us. I felt my mind going out of control, the waves
of pleasure coming faster and faster, and I let my tongue slide down to
her pussy, voraciously suckling in her clit, circling and flicking with
light, lightning fast licks, pulling the blood into it, engorging her
precious nubbin, as my finger replaced my tongue in her asshole.
I could feel her reaching the crest of the hill, her reactions slowing
as she tensed for her climax, and my own body responded, the thrill of
making her raising my own pleasure until we were tensed in unison,
like two lovers holding hands, ready to leap together into eternity. I
could feel her heart, beating completely in sync with my own, and I
screamed the scream of the ancestral world, lost as the blackness and
tingling vision overtook my mind, her mind, nothing but pleasure beyond
thought, pleasure that was an ocean and we were drowning happily
forever as our souls intertwined in beauty and blissful ecstasy...
I awoke, barely aware that I had passed out, my body still tingling and
waves still passing, to the sound of Belinda crying. No, she was
sobbing. Wracking sobs that cut deeply into my heart.
"Oh, God, what's wrong, Bel?" I asked, pulling her close to me.
"It's... it's... I don't know, Alyssa. I just love you so much... I
don't want to lose you..."
"Shhhh love, there's no need to worry... I'm not going anywhere..."
"No, you don't understand," she groaned, followed by words I couldn't
make out through her wracking sobs. After a few minutes she seemed to
gain control. "I'm sorry I'm so silly, Allyson... that was just so
"Let's go to sleep, love. In the morning it will all be fine, and I'll
still be here with you."
Putting it down to an emotional upheaval brought on by the most intense
sexual experience of our lives, I held her as we went to sleep, a sleep
filled with odd, unsettling dreams.
The next morning I awoke to find myself alone. That was pretty usual;
Belinda always liked her morning walks. I decided to go upstairs and
have an apple or some fruit or something.
Humming to myself, happier than I could ever remember being, I poured
myself some orange juice and fixed myself a cinnamon bagel, and walked
into the living room and spied my love looking out the window at the
ocean, sitting in a chair she had pulled over.
I don't know if I'll ever forget that moment, the waves lapping the
shore, her beautiful strawberry hair draped over the back of the
"Good morning, lover!" I said cheerily.
Something took a few seconds to hit as no response came. Confusion,
concern, denial, worry, all mixed together. I walked around the chair,
praying to God that she had merely fallen asleep. Asleep. Please....
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
The only thing this... thing... had in common with my lovely soulmate
was the hair it bore, and my horrified mind could not come to grips.
Like something out of the Twilight Zone, this corpse sat, with empty
dead eyes, one eyelid half closed, that watched the eternity of the
breaking waves. The lips that I had kissed were shriveled and dried...
flaking away... leaving nothing but a gaping for a mouth. I
vomited, falling to the floor.
Whatever it was, it wasn't -- couldn't be -- my beloved.
My mind went strangely blank and numb... I remember seeing the slats of
sunlight on the kitchen table and thinking how remarkably bright they
were... the reflected light off of the crystal sugar bowl made a
rainbow on the wall.
I couldn't think at all, could not cope. I grabbed at the passing
thought that this quickly rotting cadaver was not Belinda, but I
immediately knew with certainty that it was. I tried to speak, but all
that came out was a choked off scream.
Sometime later, I'm not sure when, I walked back over to the horror in
the chair. Her eyes had disappeared, leaving empty, black caverns
where beautiful green had once resided. It was deteriorating quickly. I
held back the cackling laughter running inside my head and looked down
across it's/her body. I don't know why I had not noticed before. Yes I
do. It was the shock. Anyway, underneath what had been the hand of a
thousand caresses, was a note. I gently pulled it free and opened it.
My dearest love,
How much I would have preferred to be with you this morning,
drinking in the loveliness of your eyes. Of all the things I will
miss, you are the treasure that I wish I could carry into the
It went on and on, and I was alternately filled with love, and anger,
and grief at what I read. It read like a sick joke, but my eyes told me
that it was not.
Belinda/she/it was not human.
But the feelings had been real. I had been under the influence of a
façade, Belinda's façade, created to help me love her, and in so doing,
teach her to experience love.
Her influence was so great that she could control my memory, my
perceptions, my desire... but she never made me love her. To be of
value, it had to be given freely. Now that she was dead, her influence
no longer could be maintained and I could only see her and remember her
as she truly was, in that horrifying moment.
Her body was deteriorating even more rapidly now. By the next morning,
she would be completely gone.
The memories she had given and taken away over the years would have
stayed with me but for the one gift that she had for me, the only thing
she could leave me. As we had made love the night before, she used up
much of the little remaining time and energy she had left instilling me
with the gift of Intuitive Truth, the gift she had used to protect and
love me for so many years.
As a result, my memories were now completely intact. I knew everything
she did to me and for me. Every joy and sorrow was constantly with me
in its fullest intensity. It was a gift, a curse, a joy and misery all
I felt betrayed and angry, loving and loved, used and useful... giving
and gifted... but the biggest part of me, the part that held grief I
had in losing her, would never go away.
Even now, her words sing sorrow into my shattered heart: *"There will
never be another love like this."*
It is intuitive. It is the truth.
On the road back north, I stopped in to see some friends: Billy-Bob
Brownteeth and his cohorts. I don't know why I did, exactly. Maybe it
was in tribute to my beloved Belinda, or maybe it was because I was
simply in so much pain.
They were sitting around, apparently as usual, with one small
difference. They were all wearing bright patent leather four-inch
stiletto healed sandals. They were obviously too small for them, and if
I had been able to pity them, I might have changed it.
But... today it was not to be. They watched me with raging erections,
as their footwear commanded them, but they kept quiet. I stood in the
door, unsure of what, if anything, I wanted to do.
Billy-Bob finally made the decision for me. "Well, bitch, what are you
staring at?" he said, grimacing. I was in no mood.
"I was just wondering why you were sitting around... it doesn't
make sense when all you want to do is give each other head and fuck
each other. Ohhhh, yes, you forgot to invite your buddies from work to
come watch. Don't worry, there's still time to invite them over for a
beer and surprise them with a show."
I didn't even stay to watch them fight over the phone.
I know it was mean. I don't fucking care.
I miss Belinda.
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