Journal Entry 073 / 00119
Elenya, Sulim 24, 00119
The music was too damned LOUD, but that's all right, that's the way I
like it, especially on such a great occasion. Dick looked like he was
enjoying the hell out of himself; I never knew he could play guitar like
that. The dance floor was a sheer riot of colors and fur patterns and
there was absolutely no way to make sense out of the whole mess. I've
always loved Dead Rabbit parties. They're a signal, a joyous attempt to
express how important children are.
And this one was very special. Not because I was related to the
participants, or that they were household members, but because of
the technological breakthrough Lorraine's pregnancy signified. She and
Christine had made something of a noise back in '19, when they'd announced
that they were in love. Nowadays that's no big deal, a hundred years
later, but then, Wow, was there a row. A LOT of people walked around
re-examining themselves. Amazing how learning a friend is makes the
wheels in your head turn.
Me? I thought about it while I drank my Amaretto milkshake, enjoying the
sensation of alcohol winding it's way around my cerebral cortex. The
music was pounding, and the alcohol soothing, and the air was cool. I
look up at the shadowsquare overhead, providing us with the darkness
of night. I'd been horribly carnalized by my own culture (20'th century
American) but along the way I'd conquered my fears and I'd tried it. It's
a variation I can wholeheartedly indulge in, but, admittedly, it's more
of an intellectual pursuit. I can watch a cute go by, of almost any
species, and feel attracted, but with men, I stop and consider whether
I lust for them or not. Very few have ever simply aroused my lust.
Ember passed by, pinching me as she went by. I realized that the
party atmosphere had sort of subdued within me, and I'd become more
introspective. Something was bugging me, but I couldn't place it.
"Palsa?" I asked the cute Tindal standing next to the speaker.
Her head swiveled to look at me. She focused then, and I realized that
she was toasted drunk, but she managed to say "I t'augh I saw her leave
down a tube."
"Thanks." I headed towards a tube myself, avoiding the writhing bodies
of Humans, Felinzi, Uncia, Tindals, not mention a few others. Once down
on the first floor (the 'Castle' as it's called, is a floating cube. The
roof is a laid garden, and floors are numbered from the top.) I said
"Dave, have you seen Kathy?"
"If you're referring to Kitty, she's in your room. She hasn't said a
word to me since she entered, though, so I have no idea why she's there."
"Thanks." Having an AI monitoring your home might make you think of
Big and 1984, but we've never had any trouble. Mainly because
I trust Dave, he's been a friend for a long time. Well, maybe another
version of him. In 106, the Dave Majors was down for about an hour,
and in that hour...
Never mind. It's an old, sad story, and if I think about it, I'll get
maudlin and sad again and I'll want to stop writing. Better to progress
to the third floor where my apartment was and see what was going on in
The door opened as smoothly as it had the day it was installed, and I
looked in. The lights were out, but the balcony door was open. I glanced
around, looking at the Kaluta painting on the far wall, the Marcus and
Mapplethorpe photo pair of Carroll and Donna in the kitchen where they'd
always been. Kitty was outside, leaning against the railing and looking
out through the break in the crater wall, towards the ocean. I walked
out with her. She was just staring. Music floated down from above, now
a little slower, appropriate. Light from sectors in daylight further up
the ring flashed off the glistening waves. The scent was pure heaven,
all salt and light. So far, Kitty hadn't said a word.
"You couldn't kill yourself jumping from here. Dave would catch you in a
T-field, and drop you in P'nyssa's office." I said. I meant it as a joke.
"I wasn't planning on jumping." Matter of fact.
"Kitty, what's bothering you?"
She sighed, said nothing. Then, "Do you ever plan on having kids, Ken?"
"I've got a couple hundred."
"That's not what I mean."
"Ah, well... as for that... hmm. Maybe. Maybe not today, and maybe not
tomorrow, but someday, sure."
There was silence for a while, and then I said "Kitty, what's bothering
She turned to me, and there were tears in her eyes. "I... I got mail
today from my parents."
"They told me that I was to never write them again. They never want to
hear from me, I'm not their daughter. As if I ever was! It's not fair!
Damnit, I never fit there, you know that! But I'm also one of the
few people to come through the Great Hall looking the same as I went
in. Terra treats me like a traitor, and Pendorians treat me like a Terran!
Goddamnit, I never asked for this!"
I stood there, absorbing her hatred. For me? No, I think not. "Kitty,
why did you wait until now? Why didn't you tell me this morning?"
"I... I thought I could keep it in. You know. But everybody's having so
much fun. And... and Kurt is up there, having so much fun, and I can't...
I can't join in like that. And, and, Chris and Raine, y'know, they're
going to have a baby soon, and I... I've never had anyone love me
Did she just tell me she's a virgin? I think so.
"Did you know that I was raped when I was fifteen?"
What do you say to a line like that? I waited. "It was... I was with my
dad on a trip to Boston, and I was out malling around, and... it just
happened. It was so fast. I remember it so clear, too. He was just this
guy. They never caught him. And my dad, he kept telling me it'd never
have happened if I'd gone back to the hotel early." She smiled wanly. "I
think the police interrupted his meeting."
There was a long, quiet pause, while I waited. "I've never been with a
guy since. I thought for a long time I was gay, but I couldn't do that,
either. At least, not on Earth, I didn't know how to find out. I asked
Ember what I should do, and she said talk to you."
I smiled. My little granddaughter has a conniving mind. "Kitty, what
are you trying to tell me?"
"Ken, Ember told me that when she was fifteen, you and she...well," and
her hands made awkward, suggestive gestures. I smiled. "We made love,
Kitty, for the first time, for her. Kitty, is that what you want from me?"
She looked up at me. There was a pause, the light of the night and the
sound of the band very much in the background. Her lips moved, but no
sounds came out, but then, "Yes. Yes I do. Ember told me you were very
gentle, and... I need that. I need you to be gentle with me."
"Here?" I asked her quietly.
She thought, a smile on her lips. "No. There," she said, pointing to
the beach by the Vinyare ocean.
"'Sup to you," I said. She nodded, and then, with a "See ya!" she
vaulted over the railing and dropped the fifty feet or so to the sand
down below. Damned Telekinets, I swore. And she's a show-off. Probably
just enjoying it.
But I've got technology on my side. Mentally I searched for the switch
in my head... Dave, I need the following... and rolled out a string of
requests for him. He responded, and within a minute there was...
Dave has an insidious sense of humor, I will admit. He'd given me what
I'd asked for, but inside a basket that looked straight out of Riding
Hood. "I'm hardly going to grandmother's house."
"Well," he responded through the speaker, "you do need something to
carry it in."
"Okay, okay. Dave, I'll be out on the beach." I followed my earlier
suggestion and simply leapt over the railing of the porch. Dave did
indeed catch me in a T-field and lowered me very easily to the beach
of the lagoon. From there it was a short walk between the crag in the
rocks to the actual beach. The sand was warm beneath my toes from the
day's heat. The surf was loud, and the natural beauty of Pendor arrayed
itself for me as I looked up along the ring.
I turned around. She was sitting just to the right of me. "Hi."
"Hi." she repeated. I sat down. "What's that?" she asked, looking at
"A blanket. I hate the way sand gets into everything. Some wine, two
glasses, some cheese and a knife, a candle. Oh, and the napkin. That
was Dave's idea." I spread out the blanket and sat down. I uncorked the
wine, and drew forth the knife. I cut the roundel into small slices,
and handed one to her. She took it, looked at it, then tasted it,
first a small nibble, then a bite. I smiled, and poured the wine into
the glasses settled into the soft warm sand. She accepted the glass,
drinking a little. With a pretentious wave of my hand, I lit the candle.
"What's that for?"
"Hmm? Oh, I dunno, a candle seemed... appropriate."
She nodded. The only sound was the pounding surf. She stared out into
the waves again, the silence between us heavy. Kitty picked up my glass
of wine, and took a drink. "Hey!"
"That was my glass."
"Oh, well, in that case, I'd better give you mine," she said, smiling. She
picked up her glass and slowly brought it to my lips. She lifted it and
I drank, and then I put my hands around hers. I held the glass there,
in front of my face, and, slowly, with one hand I took the glass out
hers, and laid it on the sand. I looked at her eyes, and as I watched,
I kissed her hands. First once, then again, my lips pressed against her
fingers. With both hands I divided hers apart, my eyes still looking
directly at her. She was watching me with a look that was both wondrous
and incredulous, and I felt that familiar, mad sensation of Eros, and
I leaned forward into her and my lips met hers.
Her lips responded to mine, closed at first, but then she opened her mouth
and we kissed deeply, enjoying the heat of one tongue on another. She
wrapped her arms around me, as if she would never let me go, and her
kisses seemed to go on for ever. Cautiously, worried that I might frighten
her, my hands found their way under her bulky sweater. I touched her skin,
soft against her belly, and my hands lingered up towards her breasts.
She stopped kissing me, pulling back, and her eyes searched my face,
both in seeming fear and desire. I continued. My fingers touched the
soft undersides of her breasts, and over them, caressing her nipples
with the rough skin of my hands. Her eyes closed, and a small tremor
went through her body. My fingers closed gently on her nipples, pinching
them tenderly between to fingers. My fingertips caressed the soft skin
surrounding them, eliciting tiny silent tremors from her. I opened my
hands, and held her full in my hands.
Her eyes opened quickly, and she looked at me, her breath coming in short,
concentrated gasps, and then she said, "K... Ken... I... I don't know...
Nobody's ever touched me... like this." Her hands came free from my waist,
and she reached under her sweater and put her hands on mine. "Don't stop.
It... it feels good... Ken."
Deliberately slow, I leaned toward her and kissed her. With both our hands
in the way, we couldn't press ourselves together, and this time our kiss
was gentle, a feather's touch of her lips on mine, our tongues exploring
peacefully. My hands, with her hands still touching, continued their slow
caresses of her body, moving beyond her and caressing her belly,
her back. "Let me take off your sweater." She nodded, and in one quick
motion it was free, and when I dropped it the wind carried it a few feet
further down the beach. Her hands began working at the simple clasps on my
shirt, and in a twinkling she had mine off as well. I reached forward and
hugged her to me, feeling her skin now free and warm against mine and the
cool salt air. We parted, and then I reached up to stroke her hair. She
looked at me, a smile playing on her lips. I reached down toward her
waist, and began to undo the tied sash on her jeans. The feelings I felt
from her went in a blink from joy to fear, but she let me continue, and
I pulled it loose, and undid the clasp underneath. Her breeks were open,
and, then, she took her hands down and began to climb out of them. She
threw them down onto the sand with the rest of our clothes, and looked
at me, almost defiant. I responded by taking off the rest of my clothes.
Her hands reached out to me, and she began to stroke my skin, along my
chest and belly, and she pinched my nipples in return. I groaned aloud,
her fingers finding my hot and ticklish spots. She giggled, her fingers
growing bolder as they ran along my sides until she had me squirming on
the blanket. "Stop it... stop it!" I gasped. Instead, she dug in further,
knocking me over and getting on top of me, her fingers mercilessly
scratching at my belly, driving me mad with frustration at being tickled.
"Stop!" I grappled for her hands and grabbed them. She looked down at me,
her eyes gleaming wildly in the pale ringlight. Only then did I notice,
at the same time she did, that my erection was poking against her bottom,
and we stared at each other. Again, it was a sort of "I-dare-you" look,
and she took the dare. She arose on her legs, and shuffled back until
she was right above my cock. I let her hands loose, and she grabbed
my cock and held it upright, and then slowly she settled down onto it,
her lips parting wetly to accommodate it.
It wouldn't go very far on the first stroke, but she determinedly rose
and slowly dropped herself onto my sex again, penetrating herself deeper
with my cock this time, and then again. She made no sound, and it was
hard to tell which was louder then, my heart or the surf. The band was
still playing over in the castle, and I could hear it from here, very
far away. I felt her surrounding my cock, tight like a comfortable
vise. I could feel the cool air when she rose up, almost until the tip
fell out, and then down. I looked up at her, and her eyes were closed as
if she was lost in the friction. The sweet savor of her moisture joined
with the scent of clean, living sea, and her motion was music, my mind a
fury of lust. I wanted to ravish her, but I was determined to be gentle,
and to let her take this where she wanted to go. Her hands came down,
and she bent over to place them on my shoulders, her face looming over
mine, her brown loose curls brushing against my cheek. Her green eyes
(had I ever noticed them before?) looked at mine. Another shudder, and
then, "God," (a whisper) "I've never felt so, so... like this before. I
could do this all night," and her hips rose and fell like the chiming of
a bell, her juices rolling down my cock cooling in the air, then warming
as she slid back down my pole.
"Go ahead," I said, slowly aware of my orgasm as a vague sensation in
the background, and I could see it would be a long time coming.
I brought my hands back up from her hips, and softly I caressed her where
I could reach, the backs of my fingers against her cheek, down her throat,
as she slowly fucked herself with my cock. Down to her breasts, gently
stroking her nipples, not pinching, just brushing against them. One hand
slowly slid down the flat of her belly, index finger tracing the round
of her navel. Slowly my hand caressed the skin, grazing over her pubic
hairs, and then down, to where cock met cunt, I felt her full, wet lips,
her clit full between them, and then just under that, my cock, slowly
sliding in and out of her as she slid up and down on me. My fingers
gently fondled her clit.
A hard shock traveled through her, a spasm of pleasure, and her eyes
closed again. She didn't cease her motion, but didn't come down so far,
leaving enough room for my fingers as they stroked and cajoled her further
along toward orgasm. I began to respond now, uncontrollably, raising my
hips to meet hers, wanting more speed and force to push my orgasm as I
did hers. It was so hard to concentrate. We began to speed up, our breath
coming in soft, panting susurrus. The sounds of the ocean faded as our sex
became more and more zealous, more and more violent. She began to moan,
whimper, and then, in one spasm that contracted her sex around my cock,
she let out a peal of ecstasy, and her orgasm shuddered through her body.
Her hands slipped off my shoulders, and she supported herself against
the sand. But she did not stop. She kept on stroking herself against me,
her eyes now staring at me, daring me to join her in orgasm, a wild,
frenzied glare in them. Her strokes became hard, powerful jolts, her
hips against mine, and my climax was coming upon us fast. My heart
beat in perception, and I felt that familiar tightness, an my breath
slowed. I put my hands under her thighs, stopping her on a downstroke,
holding her there. The point of no return, I knew, but I could make
this point last, slowly as I slid my pole into her, inch by spare inch,
my muscles quivering uncontrollably, and, and...
I screamed through clenched teeth, my breath gasping, shooting into
And then I settled back down onto the blanket, breathing hard, the
sweat of our bodies joining as she lay atop me. My world spun around as
I tried to return control. It slowed down and came back into one image,
of the ring arcing up along, the ocean following. Her head rested against
my chest, her hair trailed against my shoulder, her eyes closed and her
breathing slow and calm, and all was right, at least for now, in my world.
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are Copyright (c) 1989-2000 Elf Mathieu Sternberg. Distribution limited
to electronic media not-for-profit use only. All other rights are reserved
to the author.