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Let Rudy Toodle do you


Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.

Author: Arthur Kay Title: Let Rudy Toodle Do You! Summary: Rudy Toodle is
the answer to any frustrated wife's prayer. Then again . . . ! Keywords:
Humor, MF

WARNING: This story is an act of fiction that contains graphic sexual
descriptions and language. If you are a minor (under 21) or if you are
offended by this kind of material then you should stop reading now. Any
resemblance between this story and a real event is coincidental. The
participants are imaginary; their actions have no negative consequences
other than those portrayed in the story. The story is intended for
entertainment and should not be emulated in the real world.

Let Rudy Toodle Do You!

by Arthur Kay

Sue's marriage to Paul Pringle was in its third year and it was all
ready showing signs of strain. They were snapping at each other over the
smallest and silliest things imaginable, such as toothpaste cap
replacements and leaving the toilet seat up, or down, take your pick.

Well, whether the damned seat was left in the up or down position, their
sex life was in the toilet, too. Paul had taken to popping his cork in her
a measly once a month and, in her view, with about as much passion as a wet
noodle. And, lordy, lordy, it had started to feel like one, too.
Semi-hard and al dente at its best. How he managed to cum in that state of
erection fully amazed her.

All this, and much more, had just been confided to her best friend, Sara
Burns, as they sat over lunch at their favorite cafe, The Gilded Cage.
Sara just listened attentively and compassionately to her friend's tale of
marital woe. When it looked as if Sue had nothing more to add, Sara tossed
out some advice.

"Fuck it, Sue, take a lover! I did and he's fantastic. No! He's
beyond fantastic. He's . . . he's . . . he's magical!" Sara had a
dream-like look on her face. "I've never been happier. My marriage is
better and my spirits are too." Seeing the look on Sue's face she added,
"Oh, don't look so shocked. It's not as if the thought never entered your
mind now, is it?" Sue nodded very slightly.

"But, Sara, it's so fraught with danger and besides . . . "

"That, Sue, old pussy, just adds more excitement to it!" She grinned.

"I guess. But shit, Sara, I wouldn't know where to begin, where to find
one. I'm not going to troll the bars with a desperate look on my puss and
a sign on my chest that says I need a good porking, now am I?"

"No prob, honey. You can use mine! I don't mind sharing him. Why
should I? And believe me, with his stamina and his 12" horse cock," Sue's
eyes widened, "he'd jump at the chance to jump your bones." Sara took a sip
of her Bloody Mary and went on.

"You just say the word and I'll send him 'round. And since he's a
free-lance gardener his time is his own, which means he's available most
times. Just ask Betty Wade, she uses him from noon to one each and every
Friday. And, darling, who ever suspects the lowly gardener of anything,
uh, dirty, eh?" She winked at Sue. Sue thought, Betty Wade, that Betty
Wade, the pillar of the church and a community stalwart?

Sue asked, a look of mischief on her face, "What's his name?"

"Rudy Toodle. A funny name, but as we girls just love to say, 'Let Rudy
Toodle do you and your troubles are gone and great big orgasms are just
beginning!' Amen on that!" She lifted her glass in a toast and took a sip.

Sue had seen the man working at various gardens around town. And now
that she thought about it, the women whose gardens he so lovingly tended
sure had smiles on their faces--all the time it seemed. No wonder!

She matched Sara's toast by clinking glasses, took a quick sip and
asked, "Does he really have 12"?" She had a look of disbelief on her face
mixed with awe.

"Oh, yes! And about as big around as my wrist!" She held her arm up.
Sue just stared at the wrist, her mind working overtime thinking about what
such a member could do to a woman. She shuddered in her seat.

"God, Sara, that'd split me right in two!" Sara laughed.

"Honey, do I look cleaved to you?" She grinned broadly as Sue laughed.
Why not? She thought, why not let Rudy Toodle do me? She giggled to

"Set it up, Sara!' Sue said. "I'm game. What the fuck, why not?
Paul's going on a business trip for the whole weekend and won't return
until late Sunday evening, so I could see Rudy at, let's say, two, three
o'clock in the afternoon. If he's available, that is." She smiled
conspiratorially at Sara.

"You got it, girl! I'll call you with the details. In the meantime,
here's to Rudy." She raised her glass, Sue following suit. "Let Rudy
Toodle do you! Cheers." She waited for Sue to say the expected.

"Let Rudy Toodle do you!" She clinked glasses with Sue and they both
took lady-like sips, excitement permeating the air around their table.

It was Sunday and Rudy was due to arrive at 2:00 p.m. She was as
excited and as nervous as a teenage girl giving her first handjob.
Following Sara's advice, all she had covering her was a pink set of
see-through baby doll pajamas, making her nipples and crotch hairs as
visible as if she was naked. But she knew the overall effect was still
leaving a tad to the imagination.

Her sexual anticipation had her so excited and worked up that she had to
change the panties part of the set twice, so puddled up were they by her
pussy juices. She had gone from pink to blue to yellow, puddling away, and
was ready to slip into the pale mauve ones when the doorbell rang. It was

She went to the front door, peeked through the peephole to make sure it
was Rudy, and when that was determined, opened the door. She darted her
eyes around the street to make sure no one was doing any observing.
Satisfied, she reached out and fairly yanked him inside. He stumbled in
and looked her over.

"Oowee, Ma'am, that's some getup." Something in the way he had said it,
coupled with a dumb expression on his face, led Sue to believe that this
guy wasn't the bright bulb in the box. Oh, well, she thought, it doesn't
take a genius to fuck like a horse!

She gave him the once-over, too. She liked what she saw. Rudy stood at
just over 6' with very broad shoulders. He was also barrel-chested with
arms that displayed well-defined muscles. The T-shirt and shorts he wore
allowed his overall tan to be fully appreciated. Sue felt herself starting
to swoon just at the sight of him.

They stood there, nervously, making foolish small talk for a while.
"Nice weather we're having, blah, blah, blah." You get the idea.

When Rudy Toodle reached out to pull her to him, she said, "No, Rudy,
not here! Let's go upstairs where we'll be more comfortable. OK?" Rudy
nodded his big head and allowed her to lead him up the stairs to the next
floor. Oh, boy, she thought as they climbed the flight, I'm gonna love

A short time later found them standing in front of the queen-size bed.
Sue giggled when she looked down and saw that Rudy not only had a hardon,
it was peeking out from the bottom of his shorts. A good 3" at that. The
dear boy didn't wear any underpants, she thought as she stared at the
large, exposed cock head. And, it was twitching something fierce, too,
which made her juices flow even more. She could feel her thighs getting
wet from the downpour.

And God, his cock head looked big! Three inches long and as round as a
plum. Its pink-purplish color was in stark contrast to the shaft's tanned
look, giving it a menacing air. Sue now knew old Rudy sunbathed in the

Rudy drew her to him, both breathing hard, and kissed her. The
electrical shock her lips felt was immediate and recognizable to her.
Passion! Raw fucking passion. Mixed with unbridled lust. His super-hot
tongue in her mouth told her that much. And much more, if truth were told.
As they tongue-dueled this way, she felt Rudy's strong hands grab her
ass cheeks and begin to knead them roughly, but somehow gently, too. When
he ran a hand down the crack of her ass and found the bottom of her pussy with his fingers, she moaned as if hit with a cattle prod. "Oooooh, God!"
He fingered her in this manner for a few minutes before placing the same
hand on her left breast.

The stickiness of his fingertips felt wonderful as they massaged the
nipple, which, having a mind of its own, was fully erect, swollen, and open
for business.

Still lavishing her lips with hot, wet tongue kisses, he reached down
between her legs and started fingering her vagina. He pushed two large
fingers in and said, "You're mighty wet, Ma'am. I like that!" Mighty wet?
You dumb ass, she thought, they could swab down the decks of a fucking
aircraft carrier with my juices. Christ, I'll have to clean the rug of cum puddles!

Rudy stepped back, yanked off his T-shirt and revealed a beautifully
muscled, slightly hairy chest. As Sue slipped off the peek-a-boo top and
pushed her panties down to the floor, she looked at Rudy and thought; I've
died and gone to heaven! Naked, she just stood there as he lowered his

As the shorts cleared his crotch area, his now fully hard cock was
unleashed. Boing! It popped out and up as if it were spring-loaded. As
it wiggled up and down in the air, standing straight out from his groin, it
looked even bigger to Sue than 12" usually should. And its girth! As wide
around as the bottom of a Coke bottle. She shuddered involuntarily at the
sight of the wicked looking thing.

Standing fully naked before her, he placed a hand on the humungous
orgasm and began slowly stroking it.

"I know George is big, Ma'am," Shit, she thought, he's named it! "But
don't let that scare you none. I know how to work old Georgie here real
slow like so you won't feel too much pain. Besides, Ma'am, with all the
flowin' you've been doin', we shouldn't have any problems. None at all."
Sue stood there without knowing what to say or do next. He solved that
problem for her.

"Ma'am, I usually get sucked off a little about this time, so if you'd
come over her and get down on your knees, I'd appreciate it." He grinned at
her. She took the two steps between them and knelt, feeling absolutely
stupid. Then she reached out and grabbed the cock's base. Lordy, she
couldn't get her hand around it! She looked up at him as if waiting for
him to offer further advice. She wasn't disappointed.

"Now, Ma'am, if you go and get a nice mouthful of spittle, you'll see it
makes it nice and lubed up and much easier to swallow. You'll see. Before
you know it, you'll be all the way down to my balls, with my pubic hair
ticklin' your nose, just like with all the other girls."

All the other girls? She thought. There's no fucking way in hell
Sara's tiny little mouth could ever swallow this large skin salami. Or
could she? Probably, knowing Sara's determination level. Well, if she did
it, I'll do it, too! With these thoughts in her mind she took the
plunge--so to speak.

As her lips encompassed the huge cock head she thought: No way! This is
not only ridiculous, it's impossible! My lips are stretched beyond belief
all ready and the idea of this thing going down my throat, even partially,
well, no fucking way, Jose! I'll choke to death. Try explaining that away
to the paramedics. And to Paul!

She could hear the EMT guy now. "Sorry, Mr. Pringle, but his penis got
stuck in her throat somehow and by the time we got here she was the color
you see her there. If only the guy had been like most of us and softened
up a little she might have had a fightin' chance, but . . . " Yeah, Sue
could sure hear it now. But now, Rudy was saying something else.

" . . . and as it starts to go down your throat, Ma'am, just swallow as
if you were, hee hee, eatin' somethin' and, you'll see, it'll go right
down. Trust me. It never fails."

With visions of a paramedic crew in her mind, she pushed her mouth
forward, past the large, ridged flange. So far so good. She pushed
forward some more until she felt the tip of the cock head hit her throat's
entrance. Oh, well, she quipped to herself, in for a penny, in for a foot!
She pushed forward, opened her throat as far as it would go and swallowed
mightily. Tears welled up in both eyes, not from crying, but from her
fight with the gag reflex's desires.

She felt her gag reflex kick in as it tried to eject the invader. She
had anticipated this and was ready for it. She'd read about a little
throat trick somewhere, so instead of letting her gag reflex have its way,
she concentrated and simply ignored it. Just like that. Ignore it. And
it worked! She now had full mastery over the gag reflex. She now thought:
Wait'll Paul sees my new trick! Just might add a spark or two. Never know
now, do you?

As she made her way down the cock shaft, heading straight for Rudy's
pubic hairs, she was amazed at herself. Here she was deep-throating one of
the biggest pricks imaginable and feeling very little discomfort.

Then Rudy speeded things up a tad. He grabbed her head firmly in both
hands and pushed his cock fully down her throat in one fell swoop. Bam!
His belly hit her nose, his pubic hairs gently crashed into her lips, and
all the air was knocked out of her. She struggled to breathe, but quickly
realized her mouth was no longer in the air intake business. Blessedly,
Sue found that her nostrils still were. Why his action hadn't made her
upchuck was beyond her thinking.

Still holding her head firmly in place, Rudy began mouth fucking her.
He'd alternate between full, deep-throat plunges to half in, half out ones.
As he worked her mouth expertly, Sue felt her saliva welling up and
slopping out around her lips. The abundance of saliva made his cock slick
and juicy and the going was easier.

She found she now was able to move her head up and down in sync with his
fucking motions. Her other senses had also come back to her and now she
could smell the hot, musky odor emanating from his balls. As he fucked and
she sucked and sniffed, the whole lurid scene got to her. Once again her
pussy juiced started their copious flowing. She was hot. No two ways
about it. She wanted to fuck this young stud something awful. Rudy was
talking again.

" . . . and, Ma'am, when I cum I'll pull out until just the head is in
so you get the full taste. No sense letting it go straight to your belly
now, is there?" Oh, no! He was going to cum! Did that mean no fucking
this time around? As if reading her mind, he allayed that fearful thought.

"And don't you worry none, Ma'am. We'll do some fuckin,' too. I got
lots of spunk in me, Ma'am, but I like the first one to go this way. OK,

Relieved, Sue hummed an "Mmm Hmm." on his cock. Because her humming had
made him moan, she decided to repeat it, drawing it out some. "Mmmmmm.
Mmmmm." He moaned once more. She had a weird, giddy thought that perhaps
Rudy would like it if she hummed out Pop Goes The Weasel, but soon
dismissed the idea as being ludicrous. But it was tempting to do.

A few moments later, with her humming along and Rudy moaning up a storm,
he pulled back to just the cock head in mouth position and yelled, "Here I
come, Ma'am! Get ready to take me. Now! Ooooooooooo! Oooooh, yeah. Oh,
God, oh, God! swallow it all, Ma'am, swallow it all!" Then he deluged.

His first big, gobby blob of cum hit the back of her throat and she
could feel part of it slipping down the passageway. Then another full
blast. And another. Dribbles of large puddly pools that flooded her
entire mouth followed this. She swallowed and the noisy gulp she made came
as no surprise. Either to her or to Rudy.

When totally drained, Rudy pulled out of her, tilted her chin up, looked
down at her and said, "See, Ma'am, I told you you'd swallow it all." He
gave her a broad grin. She nodded and said, "I . . . I amazed myself,
that's for sure."

True to his word, Rudy led her to the bed and told her to lie on her
back with her legs spread wide. He clambered between her knees, bent his
head down to her pussy, and proceeded to give her the licking of a
lifetime. She would have been able to count five orgasms if she was able to
count at all. Count? His expert tongue knocked out all ability for her to
even think, let alone count. The closest she came to still being on this
planet was the moans she heard coming from some crazy lady, a crazy lady
getting her cunt reamed out. By a gardener!

Well, old Rudy was now ready for some serious fucking. He crawled
between her legs, sucked her breasts a bunch, and put old George into the
tunnel of love. "Oh, my God!" she yelled as his big cock head made itself
known to her pussy lips and entered. It was too much. He was stretching
her vagina muscles in a way she never knew they could be stretched short of

As Rudy, slowly and gently, worked old George into her, she felt more
full than she had ever been before. He was big! And it felt so good. The
bigness of it had her going crazy in her mind. No wonder Sara smiled a
lot! And Betty Wade, too. And all those women with gardens! All lifetime
members in the Let Rudy Toodle Do You fan club. Well, she thought, here
are my dues, Rudy Toodle!

Sue was working away on her third mind-blowing orgasm when she heard it.
The unmistakable click-click of a key going into a lock. A key-in-lock
noise that sounded very much like the one her front door made! Then, the
voice that eliminated any and all doubts.

"Honey, I'm home! Where are you?"

"Rudy," she whispered, fear in her voice, "It's my husband! He'll kill
us both if he finds us. Get your stuff and go out the window. Now!" She
tried to push him off of her, but he was just too heavy. Rudy looked at
her, uncomprehending it all. Nothing like this had ever happened to him

"Rudy! Get up, grab your stuff, and go out the window. It leads to our
back yard. You can get dressed there." He finally understood.

But, instead of doing it the simple way, pulling out of Sue and heading
for the window, Rudy swung his legs so they just touched the floor, grabbed
firm hold of Sue's back, pulled her up as he stands and takes her with him,
grabbing his clothes in the doing, and starts toward the escape hole. The
silly plan now in his mind is to dump his female cargo at the window just
before going through it.

So, he crossed the room as fast as he can with poor Sue along for the
ride and totally impaled on his footlong, but fate, as fate will do, trips
him up. Literally. The big toe on his right foot gets tangled under the
fringed edge of a pale blue throw rug causing him and his womanly burden to
go hurtling forward.

Looking as if he's learning a weird, new naked dance, he tried valiantly
to stop his forward momentum, but to no avail. Sue's screamed in his ear
while she prayed to God, but that didn't help, either.

Crash! The two of them smashed through the window as if it was made out
of papier m ch , him groaning and her yelling and praying. And they kept
it up all the way to the ground.

Now, they sure would have been seriously hurt, if not outright killed,
if they hadn't landed on an old army cot that her hubby hadn't decided yet
whether to keep or trash.

They landed, locked in this naked lover's embrace, with a loud whoooomp!
They only bounced once before settling down, but the force of the landing
caused Rudy's pecker to drive into her so deep it made her yowl like a
female cat being pronged.

"Yeeeeoooowwww!" she screamed as the greatest orgasm she'd ever had,
mixed with excruciating pain, to be sure, came over her. If you get the
picture. Rudy yelled, too, but it was from pain, not from any pleasure.

A few seconds later, Sue managed to force open her eyes and look. Rudy,
the dumb shit, had gone out the wrong window! They were now lying right in
front of the house. And they were not alone.

There, to Sue's right and not more than ten feet away, stood a grouping
of people. Her next-door neighbor was there, the very prim and proper,
Lucy Willets, looking as if she was shell shocked. A bunch of children
were with Lucy and their eyes were popped out so far you could have hung
teacups from them.

In the middle of the group stood the right reverend, Simon Murphy.
Instead of looking skyward and praying, as was his usual answer to most
problems, he was staring so hard at the fornicating couple his eyes were
red. And his mouth was so wide open he looked as if he was having an
invisible dentist remove a rotten wisdom tooth while his tongue hung out so
far it rested on his chin.

Hearing more gasps on her left, Sue whipped her head in that direction
and saw her other neighbors, Babs and Winky Jenkins, arms loaded with bags
of groceries, just frozen dead in their tracks in the middle of their newly
paved driveway.

Babs mumbled a few "My, my's!" while old Winky just stared and stared,
his tongue running back and forth across his lips.

Our young champion stud, Rudy, not comprehending the situation fully, or
still groggy from the hard landing, or both, thought he had an appreciative
audience, so he started humping poor Sue! Right there under the very
window that only seconds before they had flown through.

"Rudy!" Sue yelled. "You dumb fuck, get off . . ." Her sentence was cut
off by a loud booming male voice coming to them from somewhere below their

"I'm gonna kill you, Rudy Toodle!"

Sue looked over Rudy's shoulder and saw her husband Paul, his right hand
held high in the air waving her kitchen meat cleaver, with a look that left
nothing to the imagination. He looked like a man with murder on his mind.

Rudy had also turned his head to look and, to his credit, he didn't have
to be told the situation was serious. He pulled out of Sue, scrambled to
his feet, and started running for dear life, his still-erect erection
wobbling and flailing as it led the way. It was a sight to behold. And
everyone present was beholding it.

As Paul puffed past her, Sue heard him yell, "I'll get to you later!"
She shuddered as she watched, in horror, Paul's murderous pursuit of the
naked, pecker-led Rudy.

Sue, very mindful of the gawks and stares her nakedness was still
receiving, jumped off the cot, covered her breasts with one arm, her pussy with the other arms' hand and headed for the safety of her house. Lacking
a third arm, her ass was hanging out there for all to see. And see they
sure did.

She bolted through the front door that Paul had so thoughtfully left
wide open and slammed it so hard the house shook.

In full panic mode, she went to a living room window, fingered up a
blind slat and peered out. Yep, they were all still there, all yakking it
up. With tsk, tsk looks on everyone's face except the kiddies. Oh, yeah,
she was going to be the talk of the town, make no mistake about that. She
could hear the gossip now.

"You shoulda seen it! There she was, naked as a jaybird, screwing her
gardener! Right in front of all the children, too. And let me tell you .
. . "

Her first thought was to flee. Pack a bag, cab it to the airport and
take the first plane to anywhere. But where would that get her? Her money
would soon run out and there she'd be, penniless in a strange town with
nothing more than her good looks to get her through. She thought that idea
sucked the big one.

So she did what most anyone might do in a similar situation. She got
into a comfy robe and poured herself a double Scotch on the rocks and
snuggled down into a sofa to get her wits about her. After a few sips,
well, more like gulps, she felt better. And a little giddier, too. She
raised the glass in a toasting gesture.

Out loud, she said, "Here's to public fucking! It never fails to get
your neighbor's attention!" She had her mind made up now. I'll just, she
thought, face the music, take my medicine and let the chips fall where they
may. She giggled at her triple metaphor.

Feeling warm and fuzzy all over, she said out loud to the room, "I may
be out on a limb, ha ha! with my ass in a sling, ha ha! but I'm not going
to bury my head in the sand, ha ha ha ha! She was having a gay old time.

She thought: if Paul wants to kill me, so be it, but I hope he lets me
tell him, before he does, that it's partly his fault, too. I never would
have gone to a Rudy Toodle in the first place if he lived up to his
husbandly duties and gave me a good fucking here and there. Was that too
much to expect? Yeah, she had a lot to tell him just before he split her
skull in two.

Time passed. Hours passed. It was now getting dark outside. Sue was
on her sixth Scotch double and was feeling no pain. Fuck you, Paul, you
shilly sit, she thought, fuck you good. You wanna kill me, find, jush do
it, buddy. But where the fuck are you? Had he killed Rudy and was in
police custody?

Then she heard voices. They were coming down the driveway and they were
singing. She went to the front window and looked through a slat. Paul!
And Rudy! With clothing on. They were arm in arm and singing The old Gray

What the hell . . . Her thoughts were interrupted by the two of them
coming through the front door.

"Hi babe," Paul said cheerfully as if nothing had ever happened. "I'd
introduce you, but you two have already met!" He laughed. Rudy laughed.
She didn't. What the fuck was going on? Paul read her thoughts.

"It's all OK, sweetie. Rudy and I are buddies now. Oh, yeah, I wanted
to kill him, even had his naked ass cornered down by the railroad tracks,
but something came over me, reality maybe, and I couldn't do it. I guess
I'm to blame for your, shall I say, wandering." He smiled at her. "And
when old Rudy here said, 'Hey, mister, it was only sex!' I realized he was
right." He paused long enough to pick up her glass and take a sip.

"Well, anyway, I gave Rudy my suit jacket and we went to his place so he
could get dressed. We had a couple of drinks and Rudy filled me in, not
only about you, but also about all the so-called strait-laced women here
abouts that he's screwing. For one, that tight-assed neighbor of ours,
Lucy Willets. Did you know they have Rudy over on a regular basis for
orgies? I guess you didn't." He took another sip.

"And who do you think is also one of their regulars? You'd never guess,
so I'll tell you. The padre, Simon Murphy! With all the preaching that
man does you'd never guess his favorites are doggy style and ass fucking!"
He watched the look of amazement on Sue's face a little before going on.

"And, this'll blow you away! Babs and old Winky dinky are always
present and accounted for, too! How's them apples, sugar?" He smiled and

"I . . . I . . . Really?" was all Sue could get out.

"Really!" was Paul's simple answer. He smiled at her again and said,
"Now, babes, from here on in our sex life is going to go through the
fucking roof! Rudy said he'd get us into the group next door and you and
I, sweet cheeks, are going to fuck our brains out. Right, Rudy?"

Rudy chuckled and said, "Right, Mr. P!" He turned and smiled at Sue.
She found herself smiling back, feeling idiotic and silly like.

"Now, Sue," Paul said. "Love of my life, how's about you and I, right
here and right now, have us one helluva fuck session with old footlong
Rudy? OK?"

All Sue said was, "OK!" She then raised her glass in a toast.

"Let Rudy Toodle do you! Cheers." She smiled at the two men who were
now smiling back at her and downed the drink in one gulp.

End. Let Rudy Toodle do you!


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