| This contains sex; you have been warned. This is mine so
please don't place it on a website without my permission. All comments are
welcome by e-mail.
The Lost Cause Club By Shon Richards
I fidgeted in the office, feeling strangely like I was in trouble. It
was ridiculous for a twenty-six year to feel guilty, but the
feeling was there anyway. It wasn't like I had done anything wrong. The
Romance Savers Dating Service was serving me; if anything I should have
been mad at them. When Mr. and Mrs. Culver called me in and asked me to
take a seat, my confidence regressed to my teenage years.
"Hello, Ian," Mr. Culver said, taking only a moment to brush aside long
blond hair. "We asked you to come in because we had a few questions about
the last few dates that our service arranged for you."
"In other words," Mrs. Culver interrupted, her own long hair
staying immaculately in place, "we wanted to know what your problem was
Mr. and Mrs. Culver looked so freakishly alike sometimes that I wasn't
sure if they were siblings or married.
"Well," I said, stalling for time.
"Your first date, Katherine," Mrs. Culver read from a file, "was too
short and too chatty, from what you told us."
"And your second date, Deirdre," Mr. Culver interrupted, "was
considered too flaky and too quiet by your after date report."
"Yes," I tried to say, but Mrs. Culver kept reading.
"Frieda was too old, Sharon was too Republican and Laura was too
intelligent." Mrs. Culver paused to read the file again. "Too
I nodded and said, "Woman kept asking me literary questions, made me
feel like I was on Jeopardy."
Mr. Culver kept the interrogation going while Mrs. Culver stared at me
"Considering all these trial runs," he said smoothly, "why have you
requested another date after dating Brittany three times? We thought we
had found your match."
They were finally asking a question I didn't know the answer to.
"It's hard to describe," I began. "She's very funny, and she's very
gorgeous. Not in a pretty way, but in a solid sexy way. We have a lot in
common, but I guess we're missing something."
"Missing something," Mrs. Culver repeated.
"Maybe it's chemistry?" I lamely offered. "Oh yeah, one other thing.
She laughs like a witch. She has this real long cackle when she laughs,
and it can be scary sometimes."
Mr. Culver and Mrs. Culver looked at me blankly, then looked at each
other. Then they looked at me again, but smiled as they simultaneously
closed their folders. Creepy.
"Thank you, Ian," Mr. Culver said, with far too much warmth. "You have
helped us immensely. We can now safely classify you as a Lost Cause."
"Lost Cause?" I asked. That certainly didn't sound good.
"Incapable of a long-lasting relationship," Mrs. Culver cheerfully
"Emotionally stunted if you prefer," Mr. Culver offered as well.
"Wait a minute!" I interjected, but they were on a roll.
"Afraid of commitment," Mrs. Culver said, still smiling.
"Romantically crippled," said Mr. Culver.
"Lack of true compassion," Mrs. Culver elaborated.
"Self-centered and incapable of sharing," Mr. Culver said.
"That's not true!" I shouted, ending their list. "There's somebody out
there, we just haven't found her yet!" I stood up and pointed at their
sign. "You have to keep trying, your sign says 'Satisfaction Guaranteed'
and I am certainly not satisfied!"
"Calm down, Mr. Kaufield," Mrs. Culver said, "We haven't said that
we're letting you go as a client."
"You haven't?" I asked.
"Of course not," Mr. Culver said with that same weird smile. "it'll
just be easier to serve your needs if you realize that you're a Lost
"We can stop wasting our time trying to find you a mate for life," Mrs.
Culver said. "We can turn our resources towards making you happy."
"In fact," Mr. Culver said, "All of our Lost Causes are meeting
tomorrow at this address."
He passed me a card, underhanded like he didn't want anyone to see. We
were in an enclosed office, and he was slipping me something. I became a
might bit concerned.
"I don't understand," I said, with complete honesty. "if you are giving
up on finding me a girlfriend, what are you going to find for me?"
"Happiness," Mrs. Culver said, her smile never touching her eyes.
"Or at least contentment," Mr. Culver said, standing up to show me out
"Don't forget to shower before you go," Mrs. Culver warned.
"That means deodorant too," Mr. Culver said as he closed the door
behind me. My questions died as I stared at their door. The card in my
hand, I shrugged and left. Since my satisfaction was guaranteed I thought
I would give it a chance. It wasn't like I had anything planned for
tomorrow night anyway. Or the next night. Or the night after.
The phone was ringing when I got home. and I didn't pick it up. Like I
suspected, it was Brittany on the answering machine. I went to the
bathroom before I could hear the message; she didn't know I wasn't
interested in dating her anymore, and I didn't have the courage to tell her
today. The phone message played to an empty room and I made myself promise
to tell her tomorrow. The weekend at the latest.
Oddly enough, I had my doubts while sitting on the toilet. Brittany was
always fun, even when I wasn't looking forward to spending time with her.
Her appearance was better than what I was used to, but not Playboy perfect
yet. If Romance Savers could get me someone as nice as Brittany, I was
sure they could get me someone even better looking. I didn't know her well
enough to decide if I liked her, so maybe it was best to go ahead with my
dissatisfied feelings and shoot for better. These were the flimsy excuses
I had for sitting where I was while the best woman I had met in my life was
hanging on the phone.
The next day went quickly, and I took the Culvers advice and showered
quite vigorously. From their vague hints, I had the feeling it was a small
room, and most likely filled with other so called 'Lost Causes.' It didn't
seem to be a good idea to gather together people with histories of being
picky, but if I didn't go I would be in violation of my terms of service
with Romance Savers. There was no way I was going to forfeit all the money
I had invested in them so far. My plan was to go to this meeting, and file
a complaint later if it wasn't any fun.
The address brought me to one of those office complexes that seem to
fill the odd corners of my town. The parking lot was packed, and everyone
was filing into the appointed place. It was strange to see that right
between a plumber's office and a car insurance office was a gathering of
single people who couldn't get along with anybody. I was relieved to see
so many fellow 'Lost Causes'; it certainly made me feel less alone.
The office was rather large, with a counter separating half of it, and a
small hallway that might have led to one or more rooms. The place was
crowded, but the air was very friendly and everyone seemed to be smiling. I
couldn't help but notice that all the usual office furniture had been taken
out and was replaced with an endless variety of sofas and chairs. It was a
shoddy mismatch of colors, looking like fashion was discarded for the
advantage of cramming in one more sitting surface. The windows were also
covered with very shades, cutting the sunlight off completely.
Despite the crowd of people, the strong smell of cleansers was in the air;
this place had been cleaned recently, and I was grateful to not have to be
smelling thirty-some odd people anytime soon.
I was tempted to go over and talk to a cute when an announcement
was made by nondescript man.
"Since it's now 6 o'clock," he began, "I guess it's time to close the
door. I'll be locking it until eight, but if anyone needs to leave, just
come see me. I'll try to stay up front in case of an emergency."
I thought locking the door was a bit extreme, but I didn't raise any
objections. I was getting my courage up to talk to the when I
watched her do a shocking thing. She calmly leaned over and unzipped the
pants of a sitting next to her! Right there in front of everybody, she
slipped a condom over the lucky bastard! Before I could digest this
shocker, the sounds of clothes unzipping and shoes being kicked off
dominated the room. In a matter of minutes, I was the only the only person
in the room with all my clothes on!
God! I loved this dating service.
"You must be new here," a voice said beside me.
I turned and looked at the dazzling redhead beside me. She had a very
mischievous smile, and hazel eyes that flashed amusement at me. Her hair was of a brightness that wasn't natural and her hair was curlier than
I usually liked, plus it was real short, barely coming to her ears. But I
didn't mind, I was staring too hard at her small on her nude torso.
They had little tiny gold hoops through her nipples, and I probably stared
at them fascinated longer than what is polite.
"Hey, newbie," she said, snapping her fingers in front of my eyes. "Try
to at least look at my face while I explain to you what's going on. Or do
you not have any questions?"
"Sorry about that," I muttered, scooting myself down the couch so that
the couple on the other side of me would stop kicking my side with every
thrust. "I'm just a little in awe. Do you people do this all time?"
She nodded and said, "Romance Savers provides us Lost Causes with this
event every Friday and Wednesday. They give us a safe place where we can
fuck our toes off. They provide the condoms and the office and make sure
we always have at least twenty people to play with. You don't know how
lucky you are to be with us; getting laid at an orgy twice a week does
wonders towards making you feel less like a loser in love. By the way, my
name is Terri."
"My name is Ian, and you mean to tell me that everyone agrees to this?"
I asked. "It just seems so unreal. I have a hard time believing that so
many people would just kick back and..."
"Fuck like it's 1999?" my redhead guide said. After my confused shrug,
she tried to explain further.
"It's just like any other party," Terri said. "Think of it like a
dance. If you see someone you would like to touch, just ask them politely.
If they say no, don't argue, don't beg and don't touch them anyway. Just
move on, and you'll find someone pretty soon who'll be agreeable. It'll be
a good idea to get a condom on in advance, that's just courtesy. If a
woman wants an unprotected dick, that's her problem, but most of us are
sticking to safe sex."
"I just walk up to someone?" I asked disbelieving, but I was taking my
shirt and pants off anyway. There were too many couples banging away for
me to argue that there wasn't something going on.
"Now, who would you like to ask first?" Terri asked.
I scanned the room, searching among the couples who were engaged in all
sorts of gymnastics. Some of the people had already spilled into the hall
and I imagine some were even in the back offices. I had an inclination to
fuck Terri, but if she was going to help me out, I was going to take
advantage of it.
"How about over there," I said as I pointed. "That with the
miniskirt, she's just standing there watching that that couple tipping over
the chair. She looks promising.
Terri frowned, but smiled quickly and took my hand. We stepped over
writhing couples and approached the miniskirted beauty. She was watching
the bouncing action on the chair rather intently and didn't notice our
arrival. We all stood there for a moment as we watched the enthusiastic
couple damage the hell out of the vinyl on that poor chair.
"Excuse me," Terri said, touching the arm of our voyeur. "My friend Ian
here is new to the club, and I wanted to show him how simple it is here."
The looked me up and down, and came to a decision.
"Sure, I'll fuck him," she said.
It was that easy.
Terri kissed my cheek and walked off, but before I could say good-bye,
my new aquaintance was pulling down my briefs. She snapped out a condom
out of its package quicker than what I thought was possible.
"I can put it on if you prefer," I offered.
"No thanks," she said, "I'll fuck better if I know for sure it'll stay
"I've been watching Jenn fuck this guy long enough," she said, turning
her ass towards me. "So if you're ready, I need to be fucked hard right
I love a woman who knows what she wants. Her ass was a little flabby,
but I grabbed ahold of her hips happily enough. She leaned forward onto
the back of the chair that was already being punished and our weight was a
nice counterbalance. I slid easily into her-- she wasn't kidding when she
said she was ready-- her sex made a nice wet smacking noise when I entered
her. I was already appreciating the plus side of an orgy, the foreplay is
all around you.
With my "date" leaning on the chair, and the other couple providing us
with eye candy, I fucked my miniskirt lover. She was still wearing her
top, so it was almost intriguing the way I was fucking the only nearly
clothed person here. That appeal wore off because when I kept trying to
touch her, the best I could do was grab a fistful of her skirt to hold on
to. She, on the other hand, was kissing the guy from the other couple. I
was a little jealous, but I should look on the bright side-- with the guy
kissing her and me slamming into her from behind, she hit climax pretty
fast. When she slowed her hips and moaned with satisfaction, I was able to
release my self control. Within three more strokes, I was filling my
condom with hot fluid.
I pulled out, and she kissed my bloated condom covered dick as she sank
to the ground. I was thinking of joining her when she waved good-bye at
me. Hot damn, I was free from cuddling! I waved back at her and walked
off. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I stumbled off.
When I looked for a garbage can, I made a practical discovery. Behind
the counter in the crowded room were two hampers and two garbage cans. The
garbage cans were thankfully closed with lids, and I disposed of my spent
covering. In one of the hampers I found hot moist towels. After a fast
washing, I was able to put it in the hamper marked for dirty towels. Now I
was ready to get back to the fun and games, and probably cleaner then when
Terri was sitting on a man's lap on the couch, facing the group as she
humped her companion's cock. She waved me over and I hesitated. Would her
guy mind if I came up and started talking to his girl? I decided to walk
over, but I kept my eye on the playing with herself right beside
them. If Terri's friend questioned me, I could try hitting on the as a backup. Orgy politics can get complicated.
"Having fun?" Terri asked when I did get beside her. It took me a
moment to understand her, she was pretty breathless by now.
"It's been great," I said. "I just have to work my privates back up to
Her eyes rolled into her head before she answered me. I stood there,
trying to look casual in an orgy while she finished riding her partner.
The made for a pretty good distraction-- she was thinner than I
liked, but still sexy in a ribs-are-showing kind of way. Her nose was also
pointed up, which is a big turnoff, but I wasn't looking at her face. It
was her fingers that were disappearing into her crotch that held my eye.
One by one, another finger would join the party, and the looked me
straight in the eye as she fingered herself. She didn't make a move for me
to join her, so I politely watched as she hit an orgasm. After she
thrashed dramatically, she went back to work again, starting with one
"Don't mind her," Terri said, using a wet towel to clean up. "She
always comes to these parties and just masturbates. She hasn't let anyone
touch her yet."
The soloist winked at me as Terri lead me away.
"The problem with orgasms," Terri said, leaning towards me in a way that
had my heart racing, "is that you have to do something to get your ass back
in the mood. You also tend to get bored quick if you're just sitting
there. One time I sat and watched a group of four go at it, and all I did
was criticize them. I should have jumped in instead of making a nuisance
I nodded wisely, but had no fucking idea what to say. I have this knack
around women I find incredibly sexy-- I find that I can't say anything
Terri frowned at my nod, but continued on. "So what I do now is find
someone who is having fun, and try to help out."
"Help out?" I asked lamely.
"Don't worry," Terri said, "I'll show you."
We stopped by one of the numerous groups that were undulating on the
floor. Terri pointed out an attractive couple where a rather buxom Latin
woman was mounted on top of a very lucky bastard. The lucky bastard was
built like a bodybuilder and I had a sudden wish to still be wearing my
shirt. Terri walked right up to the bouncy babe and asked something I
didn't hear over all the moans. The Latin nodded, and Terri just turned
around and about smothered the guy with her crotch. The now twice as lucky
bastard was eating my guide while still getting fucked.
I was not going to be left standing, so I got down on my knees and
crawled over to the busty lady. Her were a bouncing blur, and I
was in love with the size of those huge monsters. The dusky color of her
skin was exotic as well, and I was inspired directly by her beauty as to
what I asked her.
"May I kiss your nipples?" I asked this complete stranger.
With her consent-- well I think she consented, she seemed to moan in an
affirmative way-- I held her breasts. It was hard and yet fun at the same
time to hold as much as I could in each hand. I took a fast moving nipple
in my mouth and tried to hold on as she continued moving. The owner of
this magnificent set of just about ignored me as I kissed and
groped her treasures. There was a special appeal to being able to do as I
wished. There were no concerns on if I was turning her on, or if she was
waiting for me to go elsewhere. I sat there beside this well endowed
Senorita and kissed her salty nipples and to my heart's content.
I did do something for her though, and very much by accident. At one
point her left nipple nearly came out of my mouth and I bit down on
instinct to keep it from escaping. As soon as my teeth sunk into that
tender flesh, I knew I was going to get a slap upside my head. Instead,
the woman wrapped her arms tight around my head. I was buried in her dusky
bust and I rolled the nipple around in my teeth as I sought to continue to
do whatever I was doing right. Piercing shrieks reached even my covered
ears as the exotic woman hit a multitude of climaxes. By the time she
finally let me go, my lips were bruised and her nipple was a flaming color. Best of all, I had the best erection, and I couldn't wait to use
Terri was in another world, her knees were drawn tight around the guy's
face and her hands were on his hair. I decided to leave her to her joy,
and seek out my own happiness. Nearly running to the condom bowl, I
equipped my cock with a new raincoat. Now I only had one problem, finding
someone to use it with!
I scanned the room for single women, but they all looked worn out,
either with exertion or afterglow. Desperate and with a demanding hard-on,
I looked out into the hall. The people there were just as tired looking
and unavailable, so I went into the back offices. That was just a bigger
mess-- it was filled with writhing nude bodies. It looked like a perverse
Escher painting-- I wasn't sure where it started or ended. Even for an
orgy, it was too impersonal, so I went back to the front room.
My erection was wilting, and I still hadn't found anyone free that I was
willing to approach. All the furniture was taken, so I sat down on a
relatively clean spot of the carpet. I decided to just masturbate, and
hope that someone interrupts me. Looking around the room for good stroking
material, I noticed something peculiar. There were no women engaging in
lesbian activities. In defiance of all the porn and erotic I had seen, there was no woman-on-woman action to be found. This might
seem odd, but that really turned me on. It made me realize I was in a real
orgy, and not just a fantasy of what an orgy should be. As I stroked my
cock, I just hoped one of those real women would come do me a favor.
It turns out that I didn't have to wait long. Crawling towards me was
one of the most wicked smiles I'd seen on a woman. The fact that the smile
belonged to an attractive bleached with silky straight hair didn't
put me at ease any. There was something predatory in those flashing gray
eyes, something threatening even in the gentle way of her small breasts.
This was trouble, and I was getting harder just thinking about it.
"Need me to give you a blowjob?" she asked, with one of the most high
pitched country accents I had heard. Suddenly all of my fear of her
dissipated, and I simply nodded yes. Her voice transformed her from Vixen
to Ellie May. I also wasn't going to turn down a blow job from a stranger.
She made herself comfortable beside me, and rested her chest and arms on
my thighs. Gripping me with a tiny hand, she paused to sweep her hair out
of her face, and I throbbed in anticipation. She gave my latex cock a long
lick, from base to tip and I shuddered happily. Like a lollipop, she
continued to give me long loving licks, using the flat of her tongue to
stroke me. It was childish, but also extremely sexy, and it made for a
great show to watch. My eyes flipped back and forth between her wide
tongue and the peek of I would see every time she lifted up.
After giving me an entertaining show, she finally placed my cock inside
her mouth. Although the condom was killing the wet sensations I could be
enjoying, the tightness of her lips was very erotic. The looseness of the
condom was tightened by her mouth and I was impressed by her skills. She
kept a firm grip on the base of my cock while she worked her magic of
making my manhood disappearing into her lips. This woman's voice might
have been laughable, but her mouth was nothing to laugh about.
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any better, Terri walked by.
She was nude and very beautiful, even when she was cleaning between her
legs with a towel. I just sort of looked dumbly at her when she looked
down to see my companion away at me. Terri grinned briefly and sat
down beside me. It's a wonderful world that we live in when a woman can
sit down beside you during a blowjob.
"Have you gotten the hang of it yet?" Terri asked with a little smirk.
I wanted to say something cool, but when I opened my mouth I only moaned
in response. So much for being suave.
"Well, you don't mind if I join do you?" Terri asked, and I shook my
head vigorously in response. To my never-ending delight, Terri moved over
to be on the other side of me, and I had two gorgeous women between my
legs. At that moment, I had no doubt that my satisfaction was guaranteed.
Terri whispered something in the ear of my friend, who then
slipped my cock out of her mouth. While the sweet held it, Terri
leaned over and kissed my cock, starting at the tip. Terri then worked her
way down my cock, kissing the sides like she was playing a flute. The
blonde then began kissing my cock as well, and my toes curled as these two
mouths teased and stroked my member into a throbbing hardness.
I reached down and felt both of their heads. I knew better than to push
or pull on their heads, I just wanted the touch of their hair. Terri's
hair was very soft and short, while the blonde's hair had a silky feel to
it. As they both moved their lips all around my cock, my hands followed
their heads, almost as if to make sure it was really happening.
After playing with the length of my cock, Terri was the first to return
to me into her mouth. With one easy gulp, her lips touched down to
my scrotum. She then pulled her lips off of me, and let the do the
same. Back and forth they went, one would me down, and then the
other. It was almost a teasing game, as the lips of one would get me close
to orgasm, but when they let go, there was a brief second where my cock
wasn't in a mouth. As I bounced back and forth between their mouths, I was
trying so hard to at least not orgasm while between lips. Before long, I
was happily ejaculating into Terri's lips, and she was good enough to not
let me out of her mouth till I was done. The kissed my thighs while
I had my orgasm, but since I was in such a high state of bliss, I'm not
really sure what she did.
I was in heaven, my cock had filled another condom and the most exciting
woman I had meet in a long time was nude and across my legs. Sadly, Heaven
closes after two hours and the doorman was announcing that our time was up.
Our time might have been up, but I had a hard time getting up and it took
both Terri and my mystery to help me to my feet. I thanked them
both for my wonderful experience as I quickly disposed of my condom.
"Hey Terri," I said while that pretty redhead committed a crime against
all and put her clothes back on. "How about we maybe go get something
to eat, I know I'm starving."
"Sorry, Ian," she said not unkindly, "you're a nice guy, but I prefer
more muscles on the I date."
"Oh" I said.
Driving home, I was very depressed. If you saw the gloomy look I had,
you wouldn't have believed that I was involved in an orgy. My hips were
sore, my cock exhausted and I had enough visual delights to fuel my
masturbation for years, but I had a lonely heart. I only knew Terri for a
few hours, but her rejection was painful. It wasn't because Terri rejected
me, it was because a woman who was my physical ideal had rejected me for
just as superficial reasons. Even though my dreamgirl had me dry,
she wasn't willing to spend a few hours together, much less a lifetime.
I went into my apartment and sat depressed into my chair. This ugly
vision of being alone was in my head, although it was cheered slightly by
the idea of a biweekly orgy. Maybe I could learn to just enjoy the orgies
and use those fun times to carry me through the week. Perhaps when I get
depressed, I would just think of the unique joy of getting a double
blowjob. After a half hour, I was almost convinced that I could settle into
a life of casual sex.
The phone rang, and out of habit, I let the answering machine get it.
"Hello Ian," Brittany's voice said from my machine. "I've got some
tickets to a play tonight if you're interested."
I tripped over a table, but I made it to the phone before she hung up.