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**** REJECTED BY PENTHOUSE FORUM!!! ****
DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by explicit depictions of sexual
activities that transcend the concepts of "normal" and even "possible",
then you should stop reading now. If you are offended by parodies of
Penthouse Forum, then you should stop reading now. If you are too
to be reading this kind of thing, then you should stop reading now,
especially if you think someone might catch you. If you don˙ffff92t
apply to any of the above categories, then sit back, relax, put your
right hand on the "Page Down" key and step into the absurdity that I
GUY˙ffff92S NEW GAL NOSE JUST HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIM
I used to think that the kinds of things I read in about "Penthouse
Forum" could never happen to me, seeing as how all I do is sit around
reading back issues of your magazine. This past weekend, however, I had
my own "Penthouse Forum" experience, and it˙ffff92s completely changed
Last Saturday evening, me and my buddy Vance went clubbing downtown to
check out the local sights, if you know what I mean. The first three or
four places we tried were pretty dead, and we were about to give up.
Then we came upon an all-night dance club. Vance and I had just been
going to bars, but we figured what the hell, this had to be better.
When we went inside, we were not disappointed. The club was packed from
wall to wall with more hot women than you could shake a stick at, and I
had a pretty big stick to shake.
Vance quickly got acquainted with a slice of fur pie, and left me
to go paw her on the dance floor. Looking around, I realized that
almost every other woman was guarded by a large, mean-looking boyfriend.
The ones that weren˙ffff92t had suspicious-looking bumps on their
throats. I was sitting alone, waiting for Vance and pondering my
misfortune when a vision in denim sat down across from me.
"Looking for company?" Her voice was as smooth as a pile of silk.
Blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders and down to a pair of the most
perfect 40Ds that I˙ffff92ve ever seen in my life. They were bunched in
her blue denim halter top like two rabbits sleeping on her chest. I was
in love. She caught me looking and laughed. "Like what you see?" she
asked questioningly. "I love it!" I said, and my willy nodded with me
inside my pants.
"I˙ffff92m Layla" she said, and we launched into the kind of pre-fucking
small talk you always need to make. Layla slid around the booth to sit
next to me. As we talked, I casually put one hand on her thigh. Layla
put her hand on mine, and slid it upwards slowly, until it rested just
inches away from her cleft. As you can imagine, the conversation
quickly turned to sex, and what we liked to do. I mentioned my fondness
for "Penthouse Forum", and all the wild and kinky it contained.
"That˙ffff92s my favorite magazine" she said, with a smile that could
melt ice. "But there˙ffff92s one thing I like that I never see in it."
"What˙ffff92s that?" I asked, but Layla just smiled and stood up.
Grabbing my arm, she said "Why don˙ffff92t we go someplace quieter?"
she said. Actually, I kind of liked the song that was playing in the
club, but I didn˙ffff92t argue.
We said our good-byes to Vance and drove to her place. On the drive
over, I made a move and placed my hand on her thigh. "Mmm, that feels
good." She said, so I moved higher. I was pleasantly surprised when I
reached the top of her thighs and discovered that she wasn˙ffff92t
wearing any panties. Then she reached down to shift from third gear to
fourth, driving my arm backwards and twisting my wrist, which was caught
in her crotch. I tried to recuperate, but she had bucket seats, which
meant my hand was at an unnatural angle anyway, so I pulled it back and
massaged my sore wrist the rest of the way to her apartment.
We parked in an underground lot and walked to the elevator, hand in
hand. Once we were inside the elevator, she threw herself at me,
pinning me to the wall with her mouth. Before the doors had even
closed, she˙ffff92d dropped to her knees and was tugging at my zipper.
Pulling my log from its forest, she popped it her mouth and started
vacuuming my hose as we rose to her floor. We were only three floors
away from her place when the elevator slowed to a stop. I tried to tell
Layla that other people were getting on, but she was obsessed with my
willy. Thinking fast, I took off my hat and placed it over
Layla˙ffff92s head just as the doors opened and an lady got on.
Fortunately, my disguise worked, and she thought it was just me inside
with her. We rode up to her floor, then pushed the button to go back
down to Layla˙ffff92s after our unwitting voyeur had departed.
When I saw the woman leave, I felt a surge of relief that pushed me
over the edge. With a groan, I rewarded Layla˙ffff92s efforts with the
White Ribbon of Excellence. She swallowed it all, then zipped me up and
we ran to her apartment. While we were waiting for the south to rise
again, Layla put on a CD and began a sexy dance to the music. The CD
was Nirvana Unplugged, so it was a slow, drugged-out, swaying sort of
dance, like she˙ffff92d been awake for about 50 hours straight.
Watching her lurch around made me think of Courtney Love, and soon I was
back at full mast. Layla noticed my bulge and stopped her dancing.
Walking over to me, she put one hand on my pecker and said "Ready for
We went to her bedroom and dimmed the lights. Layla came up to me and
started unbuttoning my shirt, so I returned the favor by reaching down
and removing her skirt. Working back up to her top, I pulled it off to
set free her twin globes of passion. They beckoned to me, asking me to
lower my head and suck their succulent buds. Not being one to argue
with a talking tit, I did as they asked. Soon I had Layla holding my
head to her chest as I licked, sucked, teased, and insulted her
for all I was worth. I decided to return Layla˙ffff92s favor for the
treat in the elevator, and lowered my head to her garden of wheat.
Diving between her legs, I licked her clit like it was a tic-tac caught
in a vice of flesh. It wasn˙ffff92t long before I had Layla arching her
back and calling for her ex-boyfriend.
By this time, I was ready to take a dip in her hot tub, so I pulled
myself up and placed the head of my cock at the entrance of her pussy.
Thrusting forward, I sank into her tight like a warm knife through
butter. I began to move in and out, and soon we were doing it like a
pair of animals, and horny at that. Layla grabbed my ass and
pulled me into her with every thrust. I couldn˙ffff92t take any more of
it, and delivered my second parcel up her velvet tunnel.
I lay back to rest, but Layla had other ideas. Rolling on top of me,
she snaked her hand down to my python and began to jack me off softly.
Sure enough, I started to swell again under her warm grasp. As soon as
she saw that I had another round chambered, she got off me and walked to
the bathroom. This confused me until I saw her come back into the room.
She held a tube of vaseline, and I knew that she didn˙ffff92t have
chapped lips. Straddling my hips, she smeared a glob of it on her
finger and reached behind her to grease up her rosebud. Looking me
in the eye, she said "Are you feeling enough to put it up my ass?"
It seemed to me like any who got an erection would also be capable
of buttfucking her, but I said yes anyway.
That must have been the correct answer, because she raised herself up
slightly and guided my rod to her hot, greased asshole. Placing the tip
at her pucker, she slowly lowered herself down, increasing the pressure
on her anus. A cock is not a compressive support, and this technique
created internal stresses inside my member that made me afraid it would
break. Just before the shear forces became unbearable, her sphincter
gave way, and I popped into her ass. The rest of the journey was smooth
sailing as she slid herself down the rest of my firepole. Her butt was
as tight as a snare drum, and as she rode me, she occasionally squeezed
herself, sending carnal contractions down my rod. As she became used to
having my shaft up her butt, she began to lift herself up, then slowly
lower herself back down my prick. As she slowly impaled herself on my
spike, I reached up to her and rolled her hard pink marbles
around in my hand. This caused her to gasp with pleasure, so I played
her nipples like an oven, and turned her to "broil". Layla began
to move faster, pumping her asshole up and down on my post. It felt
great, so I let her know by pulling her nubs and pinching them between
my fingers. Succumbing to my three-pronged assault, she let go,
screaming to god and clenching down on my rebar with her forbidden
donut. The pleasure from this was exquisite, and I came with her,
flooding her ass with my non-dairy creamer.
Layla collapsed on top of me, and we lay like that together, joined
crotch-to-ass, as we regained our composure. Thinking I was done for
the night, I asked her "So is that what you never see in
˙ffff91Penthouse Forum?˙ffff92" Hearing me say this, she looked at me
with a twinkle in her eye, and said "No, it˙ffff92s something else."
Now I was intrigued. I had just sealed all the holes in this lovely
lady with my white silicone gel. What else could we possibly do? In no
time at all, I had the answer.
Pulling herself off my pud with a pop, Layla looked me in the eye and
said "Have you ever tried nasal sex?" As soon as the words were out of
her mouth, my jaw dropped in disbelief. I had heard about nasal sex,
and even fantasized about it, but had never expected to actually do it
with anyone. Hearing this suggestion come from Layla was a shock, but
it was also a turn-on. To my surprise, my one-legged boxer pulled
himself to his feet, ready for round four. I confessed to Layla that I
had always wanted to fuck a woman˙ffff92s nose, but had never actually
tried it. In a small voice, Layla told me that she loved it up the
nose, and that her ex-boyfriend had broken up with her because he
thought that kind of thing was "too weird". Some just don˙ffff92t
know what they˙ffff92ve got, I guess.
Layla told me to go wash my cock off as she got ready for her nasal
invasion. As I walked into the bathroom, I saw her scoop out another
glob of lubricant on her finger, and then slowly shove her finger up her
nose. The sight turned me on so much I almost shot my wad right there.
After I hosed down my hose, I stepped back out into the bedroom to see
Layla sitting on the bed with her head cocked back. Looking me up and
down, she said "I can˙ffff92t wait to feel your hot cock stretching my
I felt like I was in some made-up fantasy as I walked over to where she
sat and placed my snake at her snout. I began to push, but Layla
stopped me by saying "It will go easier if I do it." I stood and
grabbed her shoulders as she slowly put one nostril over the end of my
salami. Pushing down gently, her nose began to to accommodate
the girth of my tool. After an eternity of pleasure, she managed to get
the entire head inside her nasal cavity. The inside of her nose was hot
and tighter than any cunt, mouth, or ass I have ever had the pleasure of
fucking. After a minute of adjusting to the pressure, Layla began to
push down some more, driving my cock deeper into her head. A
hair˙ffff92s-breadth at a time, I inched deeper into her nose.
When my cock was four inches in, Layla stopped again to adjust to the
pressure. Just as I prepared to make another slow journey into her
nasal jungle, Layla did something that surprised and aroused me.
Relaxing her nose, she pushed forward, and took the rest of my length up
her in one steady shove! Buried to the hilt in her nostril, I felt the
head of my dong touch something warm and spongy that could only be her
wet, horny brain. Layla began to move her head back and forth over my
axle, and I began to respond by pushing gently back into her head on the
downstroke. Every time my cock touched her brain, she let out a little
gasp, and I realized that by fucking her nose, I was directly
stimulating her pleasure centers. This feeling of power was an
turn-on for me. I plunged up her nose, and began humping her honker
like a sex-crazed weasel. Just as I was about to come, I felt Layla
reach around behind me and worm a finger up my asshole. No one had ever
done that to me before, and the results were indescribable.
With a primal yell, I exploded with come, filling her head with my seed
as she toyed with my ass. I pulled out of her nose, my penis slick with
the combination of her mucous and my come. Come was flowing out of both
her nostrils as she smiled weakly at me and said "Thanks, I needed
that." Looking down to my surprise, I saw that she was sopping wet
between her legs. While I was fucking her nose, Layla must have come
over a dozen times. I couldn˙ffff92t believe it! I˙ffff92d finally met
a woman that genuinely enjoyed getting it up the nose!
For the next year, Layla and I continued to see each other, and I
continued to fuck her up the nose on a regular basis. Regrettably,
Layla is now a part of my past, but every time I see a woman with a
large, fleshy, sensual nose, or even listen to Barbara Streisand, I
can˙ffff92t help but think of her.
-L. J., Knoxville, TN
Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Wannafucks? None will make any
difference but if you desperately feel the need (i.e. "I feel that
nasal sex is a perfectly healthy variation of lovemaking, and I am
offended by the way you have portrayed it."), please write me at
"It is only the great who are truly obscene. If they
had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared
to be great."
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