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OddManOut.Rejected by Penthouse Forum


I thought I could write erotica, but all my work was


DISCLAIMER: The following is (hopefully) not a true story. If it
sounds like someone you know is in it, then you know some pretty weird
people. It contains explicit descriptions of sex acts that may be
dangerous or even impossible. If you are too young to be reading this
kind of thing, or are offended by parodies of Penthouse Forum, then stop
reading now. I am not affiliated with anything owned by or associated
with Penthouse or its publishers, nor is this story representative of
everything you might find in Penthouse Forum. There are a lot of cheesy
phone-sex ads in there as well.


Dear sirs,

I used to think that the stories in your magazine were all made up by
bored, underpaid, wanna-be authors who work all day in tiny cubicles in
your basement, but I have recently had an experience that has completely
changed my views.

I˙ffff92m a 24-year-old male from Los Angeles. I˙ffff92m built like a
typical "surfer dude": about 6˙ffff922" and 180 pounds. I work out
regularly, and have a nice body, but what I˙ffff92ve found girls are
really attracted to is my enormous 13-and-a-half inch long dick.
It˙ffff92s so large that whenever I get very excited, I almost pass out
from the blood drain. Every woman I˙ffff92ve met has wanted a chance to
take it all, but I usually bottom out with about four inches to spare.
Not only is it long, but it˙ffff92s about three inches in diameter, as

I work as a boom operator for a major studio, so whenever we do a shoot,
I get to be around beautiful actresses all day long. One day I was
working on a shoot for a beach movie, so the whole crew was at the
beach, shooting a scene with these three women. I won˙ffff92t tell you
their names, because they told me that if I ever revealed who they were,
they˙ffff92d have to sue me for libel. However, I will tell you what
they looked like. One of them, whom I˙ffff92ll call "Demi", was a
gorgeous blue-eyed blonde. She wore a tiny blue bikini with spaghetti
straps, and her large, soft breasts strained against the scraps of
material. The next girl, "Molly", was tall and had black hair. She was
wearing a simple one-piece suit, but it definitely did justice to her
hot body. The last girl, "Pam", was a young redhead that had small tits
but a great-looking face.

In the scene we were shooting, they all had to rub oil on each other,
and in no time at all Mister Peppy was starting to get hard. I had on
bikini briefs at the time, so it was very uncomfortable. Since I was
holding the boom, I had to dance around to get my cock in a more
comfortable position. It created quite a bulge, and at one point, the
head actually poked out of my left pant leg. I couldn˙ffff92t risk
dropping the boom to tuck it back in, because that would have gotten me
fired on the spot. It was then that Pam happened to look straight at my
crotch. When she saw my strawberry, she immediately started giggling,
and whispered to the other two fine specimens of femalehood by her side.
For the next hour or so, they continued to sneak glances at my johnson
as I stood, helpless, with both hands on the boom.

Finally, we broke for a snack. I took the opportunity to tuck myself
back into my pants and cool down by reading a copy of "Penthouse Forum".
While I was reading, Demi came up and sat down next to me.

"I liked the show." She said.

"There˙ffff92s a lot more where that came from." I answered suavely.

"Really? Then why don˙ffff92t you meet us back here at 8
o˙ffff92clock?" She said, pulling her G-string aside to reveal a
perfectly shaved bush. A trickle of pussy juice flowed from her crack
like a mountain stream.

When I heard that, I knew there would be no way for me to lock down my
trouser snake now. For the rest of the day, the head remained poked out
of my shorts leg by just a little bit, and the girls stared openly at it
whenever they could. After we cut for the day, I rushed back to my room
and jumped in the shower. Even though my joystick was ready to play, I
kept myself from stroking it, telling myself that I˙ffff92d have three
incredible babes to do that for me later. I dressed again in a tank top
and tight jeans (no underwear, of course), hopped in my Suburban and
drove back down to the beach.

When I arrived at nine, the beach was completely deserted, except for
the three superstars I had met that afternoon. I walked over and
introduced myself. We started talking, and the conversation drifted to
sex. Molly told me that she˙ffff92d seen me reading "Penthouse Forum"
earlier that day, and that that magazine always got her hot. Suddenly,
Pam cut in. Reaching around behind her back, she undid the straps to
her bikini and let her tits spring free.

Smiling at me and batting her green eyes, she said "I˙ffff92m tired of
talking. Let˙ffff92s fuck." I knew it was time to go to work.
Standing, I pulled down my jeans to reveal my own boom. This time,
however, it was Pam who held it with two hands. As soon as she felt its
weight, she said "Oh my god! How do you sleep on your stomach?" Before
I could tell her about my custom-made orthopedic mattress, she opened
her mouth and slid the first four inches of my summer sausage down her
throat. She was obviously a pro at this, and she worked my penis over
with the enthusiasm of a girl scout selling her first box of cookies.
Every time I thought I would pop my cork, she let up, and gave a squeeze
on the root of my sequoia to calm me down.

As Pam sucked me off, Demi and Molly stripped out of their suits and
started fingering their sopping snatches. As they finger fucked
themselves, I noticed that while Demi˙ffff92s box was completely
hairless, Molly had neatly trimmed her pubes into a black runway that
headed straight for her launch pad. After a few minutes of watching
these two vixens play with each other while a third slurped on my rocket
pop, Molly did something that really blew my mind. Reaching over
Demi˙ffff92s leg, she dipped a finger into her bald valley and started
to stroke Demi˙ffff92s beaver. When she pulled away and started to suck
on her finger, I lost control, and sprayed my spritzer into Pam˙ffff92s
sucking mouth. When she felt me spurt, she started to suck harder, and
didn˙ffff92t stop until the last drop of my protein supplement had found
its way to her waiting stomach.

Drained, I pulled myself loose from Pam˙ffff92s mouth and sat down on
the beach blanket. I started to take off my tank top, but Molly said
"Here, let me do that for you." As she crawled behind me, Demi came
over to Pam. "Bad girl" she said sternly. "You kept him all to
yourself when there were three of us. Now you will have to be
punished." With that said, she immediately grabbed Pam by the waist and
threw her over her lap. Pulling down Pam˙ffff92s bikini, she began to
spank her with measured slaps. Pam was yelling and telling her to stop,
but soon Demi had Pam begging for more. As I watched the show, I felt
Molly˙ffff92s hands come around me and remove my tank top. After she
pulled it over my head, her hands strayed back to my hairy chest,
kneading my breasts and pinching my nipples. Feeling Molly˙ffff92s
hands on my chest and watching Demi spank Pam began to get me hard

Demi saw my unsheathed sword, and immediately stopped what she was
doing. Throwing Pam off her lap, she yelled "My turn!" and jumped on my
rooster. As she jumped, she opened her legs, and landed with a perfect
bulls-eye, burying my spike a good eight inches inside her well-oiled
oven mitt. She began to hump wildly up and down my loaf. As Demi rode
me, Molly walked over to Pam, and squatted down on her face. Pam took
the hint and started to slurp Molly˙ffff92s slot like a woman possessed.
Demi saw me watch them and began talking dirty to me.

"Do you like watching Pam eat Molly? Do you like the way she˙ffff92s
licking Molly˙ffff92s cunt? Isn˙ffff92t Molly a slut for just walking
up and sitting on Pam like that?"

"Yes, yes, and yes!" I cried, bucking myself forward to meet
Demi˙ffff92s bouncing butt. To my surprise, another two inches of my
pipeline was laid into her trench. Demi felt it go in and started
moving faster.

"Oh, yeah, that˙ffff92s right! Keep putting it in deeper! I
won˙ffff92t rest until I have your entire quivering organ inside my
steaming box!" Hearing Demi say this made me very scared and a little
disgusted, until I realized that she was talking about me fucking her.
Obliging her , I placed my hands around her waist and pulled her into me
on each thrust. Each time she came down, I went a little deeper, until
finally, to my amazement, she bottomed out.

"Yesss!" she hissed as she felt every millimeter of my thirteen inches
rooted inside her passion pit. Meanwhile, Molly had leaned forward and
was busy licking Pam˙ffff92s peach fuzz. The two girls shared a hot
sixty-nine in front of my eyes, as Demi kept drilling me into the
ground. Finally, Demi came explosively on my dynamite stick. Feeling
her contracting all the way down my rod set me off too, and I began
filling her fuel tank with my high-octane semen. Demi slid off me and
immediately enveloped my softening banana with her mouth, trying to suck
out whatever sperm I had left. Pam saw this and said "I just need
another taste of his salty man-juice!" Then she wrestled out from under
Molly and dove between Pam˙ffff92s legs, licking my come as it seeped
from her muffin.

Not only did Pam withdraw my deposit, but she got interest as well, as
Demi˙ffff92s juices began to add to my sizable load. Demi finished
cleaning me off, then started to buck and sway from Pam˙ffff92s talented
tongue. As my wilting wiener slid from Pam˙ffff92s mouth, Molly stood
up and stamped her shapely foot. "That˙ffff92s no fair!" she cried,
"You girls both got to have him, and now there˙ffff92s none left for
me!" "Oh, no," I said as I got up. "There˙ffff92s still another round
in this cannon for you."

When Molly heard this, she looked me in the eye and said "I want you to
shove that lance of yours right into my greased-up burrow of love." I
held her gaze and said "Well then, why don˙ffff92t you come suck on it
until it˙ffff92s hard again?" "Good idea!" she said, and dropped to her
knees. When she began to gobble on my turkey-neck, I knew I was in for
a treat. Her mouth was warmer and slicker than an oil spill in Texas.
As she sucked me off, she placed one hand on my sack and began juggling
my family jewels. The heat from her mouth and her squeezing of my nuts
sent the blood rushing back into my pole of flesh.

A cry interrupted our reverie, and I looked over to see Demi in a
continuous orgasm as Pam munched away on her muff. Her breasts were red
and quivering, like twin pears, ripe and ready to be plucked off the
vine. "Oh, yes, eat me!" she cried, like a suicidal veal calf. Then
Molly brought my attention back to her by squeezing the base of my
burrito. As I looked down, she looked into my eyes, then relaxed her
throat and proceeded to take my entire length into her mouth! No one
had ever been able to do this to me before, and my flagpole surged to
full mast, leaving the rest of my body feeling numb. She began to make
swallowing motions, and her throat began to undulate against the tip of
my shlong. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before, and after a
minute of it she had me once more on the verge of popping my cork. Just
before I came, she pulled her head away, leaving me wet, engorged, and
swaying in the breeze. Tossing her long black hair aside with a flick
of her head, she said "OK, now fuck me!"

Molly lay on her back, and I spread her legs. Crawling on top of her, I
primed my purple-helmeted warrior for the charge into her dark valley.
I reached down and spread her lips, then eased myself into her. Molly
tossed her head back and sighed "Mmmm, more." Slowly I slid my snake
further into her tight cavern. When it was four inches in, she looked
at me and said "Don˙ffff92t tease me, fuck me!" Eager to oblige, I
increased the pace, slipping a little further in with each thrust. By
the time I was ten inches in, she was bucking like a mechanical bull set
on "fast". I fucked her faster, pounding her crack with my jackhammer,
and she continued to jump and squeal with every hump. Her tits flopped
around like spawning salmon as she twisted and dug at my billy club.
Soon my obelisk was in her, all the way down to the cornerstones.
Already this had become a night to remember: stuffing my whole burrito
into two sexy senoritas in a row! For Molly, my total insertion was too
much to bear, and she began to climax. Her heating duct contracted in
waves down my yardstick, which set me off as well. We came together,
she flooding my member with her ambrosia of venus as I dumped my goo in
her hole.

Fucking three women in a row had taken its toll on my body, and I sat
down next to Molly as we watched Pam and Demi finish each other off.
Demi was licking Pam˙ffff92s bush like it was a fresh grapefruit, and
Pam was reciprocating in kind. It made a nice scene as Molly and I
talked about our lives, our dreams, and how this night could never be
again. I was ready to call it a night when Pam suddenly said "Wait a
minute! I only sucked him off! I want to fuck him!" Before I could
tell her that I˙ffff92d already come thrice, she had squirmed out from
under Demi and grabbed my knob in both hands. She started twisting and
kneading my breadstick like no one had ever done before, and sure
enough, Mister Richard began to rise again. When I was halfway hard,
she grabbed my hose and guided it between her luscious headlights. I
saw now that my original assessment of her small bosoms had been skewed
by the unusually large size of the other girls˙ffff92 watermelons. Pam
squeezed my cable between her mammaries and began to move her body up
and down, jacking me off with her pink pillows. I responded by
thrusting my hips, fucking her cleavage with my hardening rock candy.
Pam˙ffff92s soft snowhills had a magical effect on my wand, and to my
surprise, I was once again able to climb the mountain. Pam jumped off
my board and got on her hands and knees. Waggling her tail at me, she
said "OK, space man, it˙ffff92s time to shoot the moon!" No truer words
were ever spoken as I slipped into her sauna from behind. From this
position, Pam wasn˙ffff92t able to take all of me, but what she did have
was caught in her cunny like it was a vice of velvet.

As I began to pound Pam˙ffff92s pussy, Molly slipped around to her other
side and began to feed Pam her cherry pie. Not wanting to be left out,
Demi came around to me, then bent backwards and stood on her hands and
feet, her luscious bald lips red and watering. How could I resist? I
bent my head and lapped at her fountain of youth as I sunk my tap into
Pam˙ffff92s bore. Between her licks and moans, Pam called out for more,
so I turned up the steam and started to pump my piston into her slick
cylinder of lust. Meanwhile, Demi was beginning to twist and whine from
my frantic tonguing of her ladybug, and soon came explosively, spraying
my face with her musk. As Molly heard Demi go over the edge, she bore
down on Pam˙ffff92s face, and soon climaxed as well. Her knees bucked
as she ground her kitten into Pam˙ffff92s mouth. This set Pam off, and
Pam˙ffff92s carnal contractions made me the last link in this chain
reaction of hot lust. With an animal yell, I delivered my last parcel
of the night into Pam˙ffff92s waiting mailbox, then collapsed on top of
her. We lay tangled on the beach blanket for some time, then gathered
our clothes as we had to go back to shooting the film the next day. Me
and the girls never got together again, but for the rest of the shoot, I
was sure to let them look at my Cyclops as it peered from beneath my
briefs. I guess I know what it means now to be a Hollywood insider!
-D. W., Seattle, WA

Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Wannafucks? None will do any good,
but if you desperately feel the need (i.e. "Hey, I actually *wrote*
that to Penthouse Forum!"), please write me at

"It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they
had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared
to be great."
-Havelock Ellis
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