| Panty Collection
This work is copyright (c) 2000 by Orestes. You may
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My intuition warned me as soon as I walked into the room,
and my heart dropped through the floor. Everyone in the
meeting room seemed amused, and I got the feeling that they
had been talking about me before I came in. This wasn't
going to be my promotion. Not even close.
I tried to control the heated feeling that was coming to
my cheeks. I didn't want these to think that I came in
expected a promotion, even though I deserved it. No. I just
wanted to come through the meeting with my dignity intact.
That was suddenly very important.
" Does everyone know Michelle ? " Rick looked around the
table to his core group of district managers.
Most everyone nodded. There were a couple of new who
I hadn't met, but had already surpassed my status in the
company. Hell, they probably hadn't been with the company
half the time that I had put in. It just wasn't fair.
I tried to push those thoughts from my head. It was like
this every time. I felt like crying, but I knew that I would
be the butt of private jokes for a month if I indulged that
instinct. No wonder they wouldn't promote me, I swore
silently at myself. I wasn't even able to control my
Rick had been promising me an opportunity to become a
district manager for years now. Each time I was passed over,
I felt like a fool for staying. I was being such a wimp.
" If you've been reading your sales reports carefully, "
Rick shot a glance around the room, " you'll know that
Michelle has been putting up some great numbers in women's
apparel and cosmetics. I think you'll agree that this makes
her the perfect choice for our new concept. "
New concept ? I hadn't heard anything about this.
Campbell Enterprises had over 400 mall stores. You know the
type. They were all small, single concept stores; shoe
stores, hand bags, sporting goods, and little boutique
fashion stores, with highly overpriced clothing. In all the
time I worked for Campbell, I couldn't say I'd ever seen an
original idea. If we closed one store, we just repackaged
the same concept, and opened under another name.
Seeing my confusion, he elaborated. " We've been
targeting our lingerie sales at women, but if you've
spent any time in one of our Lace & Lavender stores, you'll
see that there's some crossover into a younger market. "
Of course there was. We didn't check ID at the front
door. If some teens shopped at our stores, there was
nothing we could do about it.
" We think this is an opportunity. We're going to open an
exotic lingerie store targeted towards younger teens. "
I was stunned. I shook my head slowly as the watched
" You mean, " I stammered out. " we're going to try to
sell sexy underwear to little ?"
" I'm sure we could put it more delicately than that, but
that's the essential concept. We know that teen
are sexually active anyhow, so why should we pretend
otherwise in our marketing strategies ? We'll carry
perfumes, body lotions..."
"...lubricants, " one of the other DM's broke in,
laughter from his colleagues.
" I don't think this is..."
" Speak up, " Rick told me. I hadn't realized how small
my voice had become. God, I was normally so assertive with
my employees. Here, I felt about six inches tall.
" I don't think I can support this. What will
think ? I mean, I have a teen myself. I wouldn't
want her shopping in a store like that. We'd be promoting
teen sex. It just wouldn't be right. "
There. I'd said it. My relief was short lived. Rick was
in an argumentative mood. He had this playful tone in his
voice, that told all the he was just indulging me by
arguing. He didn't need my approval.
" We're not promoting anything. We only sell what people
will buy. "
" But the perception will be negative. will be
upset by the perception that we're marketing sex to teens. I
myself would agree with them. There would be other issues
too. We would have to be careful in advertising, because it
could really backfire. Hiring for this kind of store would
be difficult; there wouldn't be too many women I know of who
would work in a place like that. Not to mention all the
problems with loss prevention... "
Then he turned it all around on me.
" So you see, Michelle, that we've chosen the right
person to head this effort. You understand the issues
involved better than anyone else in this room. You have an
excellent management track record. You're exactly the right
person to open this store for us. "
" I wouldn't have time, " I tried to cop out. " I'm
already loaded down with my other stores. "
" That's taken care of. Our newest district manager,
Josh, can pick up your other stores. If this goes well,
you'll be able to open a half dozen in the next couple of
years. Who knows ? Maybe you'll even be a DM when this is
So that ended it. I couldn't argue any more. I was too
exasperated. Not only had Rick dragged me into taking over
his sick little teen lingerie concept, but he had stripped
me of my other stores, and put me on hold for another two
years on my ambitions to become a DM.
I sat in my car after the meeting, my whole body burning
with the shame of defeat. Why did I let him do this to me ?
I should have quit long ago, when other managers advanced
ahead of me, and everyone I trusted told me to quit.
Instead, I allowed it all to happen. The more I let Rick
walk all over me, the more he expected it.
This same twisted pattern repeated itself through every
part of my life. My husband Vance, hadn't been home in three
months. He too was used to the way I let him get away with
things. I bore my wounds silently. I knew he was on
me. He had been from early on.
I couldn't even blame him for doing it anymore. I let him
get away with too much. Once I let it go, how could I expect
to lay down the law ? He left me to raise Lucy, and pay the
mortgage, and only visited on holidays for the sake of
It wasn't much of a marriage.
It wasn't him who had to go to church on Sundays every
week, and explain how pressing business kept him away. It
wasn't him who had to tolerate the whisperings of our
neighbours. I just kept everything inside. As long as I
didn't let it get out, I told myself, everything would be
I was holding everything together with tiny little
strings. Every part of my life was always threatening to
pull away from me. It took all of my effort, but I usually
did a pretty good job of keeping control.
Recently, though, I could feel things slipping.
Little indignities. I let them happen all the time. This
meeting with Rick was one of them. I wanted to fight back
sometimes, but there was something disturbing just below the
surface of my imagination. This is going to sound horrible,
but on some level, I guess I must feel like I deserve it
all. Letting go of my dignity by little bits and pieces gave
me a queer thrill...
... like watching some beautiful house face the
wrecking ball. It all just seemed inevitable.
It's awful, I know. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Whenever something like this happens, I'm charged up by it
for days. I get so mad at myself, and in the rush of anger,
there's an exciting taste of humiliation.
At night, in bed alone, I review everything in my head. I
think of the way that Vance has left me to the ridicule of
our community, and it starts my heart pumping. I think of
the way Rick is always taking advantage of me at work, and I
can't help but get aroused. It's a shameful arousal, and the
more I chastise myself for it, the more exciting it becomes.
Finally, I rub myself frustratingly close to orgasm, before
I stop myself.
That's the way I punish myself, and that's the way I keep
Whenever I do orgasm, too out of control to stop myself,
I feel such guilt about it afterwards. How could I be so
excited by these shameful submissions of mine ? If I let
myself take this kind of pleasure from it, it only becomes
I couldn't explain it. I could only try to hold my life
together, and hope that my awful little appetites didn't
take apart everything I cared about.
I unbuttoned the suit jacket I had worn to the meeting,
and started my car. I wanted nothing more than to go home to
a warm bath, and try to forget this day ever happened.
Nonetheless, I could feel my body reacting to the
humiliation I had felt standing in front of all those guys.
Some of them had been employees of mine, before they passed
me in the ranks of the company.
Now they had watched me become a living joke. I was the
new manager of the teen lingerie store Rick had decided to
call "Little Brats". My nipples hardened through the thin
silk of my blouse. The fact that I had chosen to wear no
bra, and a pair of sexy to the meeting only
compounded my the buzz of my arousal.
What kind of respect did I deserve when I played these
dirty little games ?
None of the would have known, of course. It was just
a naughty little dare I had given myself in the morning when
I chose my outfit, and I was regretting it right now.
As I pulled out from my parking space, one of my hands
dropped down beneath the wheel. This was another bad game,
and it progressed as I drove. I would sometimes do this in
the mornings, while listening to some crude morning radio
show. I would get it all out of my system before going to
work, then I would pull myself together, and be the
efficient manager that always got me into those sales
reports Rick bragged about. I was always surprised that no
one in the other cars noticed as I jerked back and forth in
my seat As I squirmed, my skirt rode up on my thighs.
I sort of put myself on auto-pilot as my fingers danced
beneath the crotch of my panties. The soothing female voice
on the radio didn't make any sense to me now. She was
talking relationships. I toned it out. I toned everything
out as I drove, and reviewed in my head the frustrations of
The way they all stared at me...
... my knees weak...
... the way my face went a deeper shade of when I
... the laughter I was sure I heard when the door closed
" Can I take your order, " the voice of the menu board
assailed me. Shit. In my daze, I had driven to the fast food
restaurant I often stopped by before going home.
" Um, a coffee please. "
My head was already running forward to the take-out
window. If I drove up the way I was, the behind the
window would be able to see everything. She would see my
legs spread, and the way I was playing with myself. She
would see the way I was bouncing my hips with every stroke,
desperate to cum.
And I toyed with the idea. The shame of it would be so
very delicious. I tried so hard to keep this part of my
personality a secret, but I sometimes ached to let it out.
The car inched forward, and I still hadn't made up my
mind. I knew that if I allowed myself, I would orgasm right
there, beneath the take-out window, with some teen
gawking down at me. God, it would be intense.
Seconds before reaching the window, I panicked. What the
hell was I thinking ? My Lucy has friends who work
at this restaurant. I come here nearly every day. I could
never show my face again if I went through with this.
I pulled my hand free, and sat back in my seat.
I don't know if the behind the window noticed the
way my skirt had ridden up to reveal my panties. I don't
know if she could hear how ragged my breath was from
arousal, or see the burn of shame in my cheeks. For me, the
close call had sent me into sexual overdrive, and I couldn't
wait to pull away, and finish myself on the way home.
" Jesus, Mom, it's only one night. "
I didn't want to tell Lucy that I didn't trust her. I
didn't want to tell her that I knew she was lying.
" I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with it. Are you sure
it's okay with Marcy's ?"
" Yeah, it's fine. "
" And they're going to be there all night ?"
" Well, except for the around midnight where they
go out to axe-murder girls. "
Lucy got more sarcastic every day. I could have called
her bluff, but I knew what would happen. Marcy's
wouldn't be home. I'd leave a message, and Marcy would erase
it before they got a chance to hear it. Then I'd have to
fight with Lucy about this all over again, while she would
accuse me of not trusting her.
Which is true. I knew that Lucy was using this excuse to
go see Brent.
And I didn't want to have *that* fight again. Eventually,
she would back me into a corner. I tried to be as firm as I
could with her, but I was starting to lose control.
It was only a matter of time before Lucy was walking all
over me, just like everyone else. So I tried to play
ignorant. Avoid confrontation. At least that way, I could
still pretend that I was the authority figure. Or so goes
" Okay, honey. Just... be careful, okay ?"
She shot me a look that told me she thought I was the
stupidest thing to ever walk the planet.
" Uh huh, " she grunted, and then went up to her room to
Despite all the stupid little games of humiliation I
played with myself, and the way I always ended up on the
losing end, I couldn't get used to the idea of losing Lucy.
She was everything to me. Brent was a pig. He had her
wrapped around his little finger in the way only a
guy can do to a teenage girl. She was hanging out with his
older crowd when she thought I wasn't looking, and her
personality was changing from day to day.
She used to be smart and independent. She used to have
ambitions beyond being a plaything for Brent and his
buddies. Now she dressed like a...
... well, I wouldn't say the word. Not about Lucy. Let's
just say that the kind of clothing I was beginning to stock
for the grand opening of "Little Brats" would have fit right
in with the stuff in her closet these days.
No, she didn't wear them in front of me. I don't even
know where she got the money for them. Maybe from her
So how did I know about them ? The same way I knew all
God, it gives me butterflies just thinking about it. You
see, Lucy thinks that the lock to her door keeps me safely
out of her life. But when she's gone, I use a nail file to
click the door open, and I guiltily go through her things.
I know all about Brent from her diary. That's the other
reason I can't confront her about it. Where am I going to
say I got the information ? She would hate me.
The details... I couldn't believe she wrote such details
about the *things* they did. There were things that even
made me blush a little. And to think of that doing these
things to my little girl...
Of course, I felt guilty about it afterwards. It was such
an invasion of her privacy.
Nonetheless, I was already in excited anticipation about
going into Lucy's room tonight after she left. I knew that I
would look through her closet for her new purchases, and
peak through her drawers for condoms, or the vibrator I
found last month. And I would settle onto her bed, and open
up her diary, and...
...maybe even with her vibrator.
A mall job will suck the life out of you. I know. It
stole my career away from me.
One day, you're working at a little trinket store at
minimum wage, and then, suddenly, someone quits, and you're
an assistant manager. And you're lost.
I quit because the money seemed good, and I
bought into the bullshit that I could really go places
with the company. By the time I realized that I was doing
more work for less money than I had ever imagined, I had
invested five years into the lie, and I had mortgage
payments to take care of, thanks to my absentee husband who
absolutely loved the expensive neighbourhood we had bought
our home in.
The hard part was propagating the lie. Every time I
interview a teenage to work in one of our crappy little
stores, I give her the same bullshit about the way our
company takes care of its employees. I tell her the myth
about the sales clerk who rose to become regional vice-
president within five years.
Some of them buy it.
Janice didn't. Maybe that's why I liked her.
" I have to level with you, Mrs. Woods..."
" Please, call me Michelle. "
" ... I don't see myself having much of a future with
your company. My grades are good in high school, but my
parents don't have the money to send me to college. I need
to start saving up. Don't get me wrong, I'll work as hard as
I can while I'm here, but I'm not in for the long haul. "
God, I liked this girl. She was confident and assertive
in a way that it had taken me fifteen years to pretend to
be. She had these dark, beautiful, attentive eyes that made
her really easy to talk to. I hired her on the spot.
I don't mind telling you, it was the best decision I ever
She was there when the store was just a concrete floor,
and ceiling tile. The mall that Rick had chosen was a half
hour away from where I lived. In a way, I was relieved by
that. I didn't really want Lucy or her friends shopping
there anyhow. It was embarrassing enough as it was.
It was so embarrassing, in fact, that I always felt a
little erotic buzz of humiliation going through me. I knew
that Janice noticed it sometimes, but she was really polite
about it. If it had been anyone else, I'm sure I would have
lost control sooner.
For so long, I'd successfully kept my private urges out
of my day-to-day work. But ever since the last meeting with
Rick, I'd been having trouble keeping my feelings under
control. It was just the constant humiliation of my new
position. I heard through the grapevine that the other store
manager's were laughing about me...
...about the way I'd been reduced to selling sexy
to teenage girls.
So all the effort I'd given to separating my career from
my twisted inner life was coming apart.
I even saw it in the attitudes of the other managers in
this new mall. I'd never worked here before, and each mall
works a little different. In this mall, there were already
six Campbell stores in operation. Usually, in a case like
this, I would be the senior manager, based on my experience.
Unfortunately, in this mall, there was already a senior
manager in place. Lois was her name. She ran the SportsTime
store across the hall from us.
I guess it shouldn't have bothered me. I should have been
focused on the grand opening of Little Brats. But there are
always political games, and I would soon find out that Lois
loved playing them. I guess she was probably a little
threatened by me.
Again, what it came down to were just little indignities,
but with the way all of my barriers were coming down, I had
a hard time keeping myself under control. Early on, she
showed me who was boss.
You see, in most little mall stores, there's no washroom
in the unit. In our case, that meant that we had to either
share the washroom in the back of the SportsTime store, or
we had to walk all the way down to the food court and wait
in line for the public washroom.
For Janice, it wasn't a problem. She went over to the
SportsTime store, and got along with the employees just
fine. She never had a problem. But when I went over, I was
always given a hassle.
" Oh, I'm sorry, " Lois told me, flicking a curly strand
of out of her face, " One of our employees is using
the washroom right now. She should just be a minute. "
So I waited. With each passing minute, I got more
flustered. There was just something about standing there,
with Lois knowing how badly I needed to use the washroom,
that was just terribly humiliating. I may as well have been
doing a pee-pee dance.
Fifteen minutes passed, and still nothing. By this time,
I really needed to go. I considered going down to the food
court, but it was a long walk, and Lois kept on assuring me
that her employee would be done soon.
" It couldn't be much longer now, " she told me, with a
little amusement in her voice, as she saw me squirming with
a need to relieve myself.
Finally, I began to leave. Only then did Lois actually
check the washroom.
" Oh, I'm sorry, " she told me, gesturing for me to come
back, " I was wrong. There's no one in there. You can go
ahead now. "
It was shameful, the way I scurried back with her
invitation, but I really needed to go.
I closed the door behind me, but I knew that Lois was
standing right outside the door. That really bothered me.
Nonetheless, I was desperate to sit down. I hiked up my
skirt, and pulled my down to my knees, and then
tried to relieve myself.
Nothing. Damn, what a time to have a shy bladder. I was
so tense, with Lois standing right outside the door, that I
couldn't go right away.
I tried to force it. Despite myself, I let out a couple
of little grunts and whimpers in trying to pee. Just as I
was about to go, I heard the doorknob rattle, and I tensed
up again as I prepared to cover myself.
" Sorry, Michelle, " she called from outside. " I just
bumped into it. "
" It's okay, " I told her, but it felt like my bladder
was going to burst.
Twice more, she rattled the doorknob, and kept me from
relief. Finally, in desperation, I squealed out loud as I
forced myself to begin peeing. I could hear Lois chuckling
outside the door as the sounds of my flowing began.
By the time I left the washroom, my face was a bright
red, and Lois was gloating in her own subtle way.
If she had any idea of how it affected me, she didn't let
on. I was so horny for the rest of the day, that it almost
physically hurt. I don't know what upset me more; what Lois
had done to me, or my own inappropriate reaction. I'm sure
that Janice later heard the from other mall employees,
but she never said anything. She just kept up the same
respectful manner she always did.
For my part, I promised myself to never use the washroom
in SportsTime again. Of course, as soon as I made the
promise, my perverse imagination was cooking up scenarios
under which I might be forced to go over again. You know.
Just in an emergency.
As if it weren't bad enough that I had been pushed into
the Little Brats project, Rick called twice a day to check
on my progress. Of course, we hadn't yet opened the doors,
but we were getting close. Rick was pushing for me to order
some of the more provocative designs from the suppliers he
had set up.
It was sick.
And I know what I'm talking about when it comes to sick
The early arriving inventory had my stomach sitting
uneasily. Even more than our adult lingerie stores, this
stuff was aimed at sex appeal. I had to find some models for
grand opening print advertising, but every time I thought
about selecting some fourteen or fifteen year to wear
these sexy little lace and silk panties, I thought about how
tasteless it all was. What if it were my Lucy who was
modelling them ? I'd be a basket case.
Every time I thought of Lucy, though, I tried to direct
my thoughts elsewhere.
At home, things were only getting worse. With all of the
time I was spending at the store, I couldn't keep an eye on
her the way I would've liked to. Not that I could tell her
what to do anyhow.
Like I wrote before, it felt like I was trying to hold my
whole life together with tiny little strands of thread. One
by one, the strands were breaking. I was ashamed of the what
I was allowing Rick to bully me into. I was ashamed of the
way I was letting Vance off the hook. I was desperately
afraid of the way I was sinking into a submissive role with
Lois, and the way she would spread rumours of my humiliation
amongst the other store managers.
Most of all, though, I was ashamed that I was losing
control of Lucy.
Every feeling of shame and inadequacy hit me squarely in
the gut. Or, I should say, in a region somewhat below the
gut. It just compounded, and I found myself working through
a haze of arousal most of the time. Any time it fell away, I
just had to think of another of my failures, and it was all
So I tried to ignore what was happening with Lucy, at
least to her face. We pretended that things were still okay,
and that I was still in control, but as soon as I was out of
the house, she was with Brent. She was busy dumping away
every good friend in her life, and filling the void with her
growing devotion to her boyfriend.
I knew the whole story, of course. I was still sneaking
into her bedroom to read her diary when she wasn't home.
The only person I felt comfortable talking to was Janice.
It was weird. Teenagers are supposed to be all mixed up. By
my age, you're supposed to have it together. Between us, the
positions were reversed.
I could feel everything I worked for falling away from
me, and my urges were just becoming worse. Janice was
completely solid. She didn't seem to have any of the
emotional hang-ups that I did. For instance, I learned early
on that she's a lesbian.
Now, if I were a lesbian, I would find a way to make that
into a shameful secret. I would wrap it up into my
humiliating little games, until I felt so guilty about it
that I couldn't take it anymore. Janice, on the other hand,
was completely comfortable with her sexuality. It was just a
fact of life for her.
" I don't go around advertising it, " she told me, when
we got on the topic. " People still have weird reactions to
that sort of thing. It's not dinner table type conversation.
" No, I completely understand. "
And I did. I could only wish that my own sexuality were
so straightforward, and not bound up in feelings of guilt,
anxiety and anger.
I talked about a lot of things to Janice. Despite our age
differences, I was beginning to think of her like a best
friend. I talked to her about Lucy, and my absentee husband,
and my frustrations with my job. She listened carefully,
rarely making comment of her own. She knew that I just
needed someone to listen right now.
God, she's a special girl.
" I always want to take control of my life, Janice, I
really do. It's just that..."
" What ?" she asked gently.
I was so close to telling her.
" Michelle... ?" she urged me on.
But I couldn't. I couldn't tell her about the kind of
pushover I had always been. I couldn't tell her about the
secret feelings that always pushed me towards greater forms
I think she might have known anyhow. I just got that
My collection began quite unintentionally. It had been a
hell of a day. We had been open for three weeks, and sales
were beginning to really take off. Sales weren't the
The problem was that I could feel the disapproval of most
everyone who walked by the store. Sometimes shoppers would
wander in to browse, and it would hit them gradually. All
the sexy stuff in our windows wasn't for them. It was for
their daughters. Today, it had been a couple of middle-aged
women, and when the realization came in a series of whispers
between them, my cheeks had been on fire.
Later that day, I had to use the washroom.
I shouldn't even have to write something like that. It
should be a non-event. However, Lois kept the game alive.
Because I had no one to cover my break, I had to close up
the store for a few minutes to go over and use the toilet.
It was silly to even consider going all the way down to the
food court. I considered it anyhow. Then, just like I did
every day, I lowered my eyes to the floor, and walked over
to the SportsTime store. My body reacted in advance to the
humiliation to come.
I think even Lois was perplexed. After all the stuff she
put me through, why did I keep coming back ? So she pushed
the encounters further. She would pretend to lose the key to
the door, and rummage around in her drawers while I squirmed
in my familiar little dance.
She would wait until I was begging with frustration until
she finally "found" the key, right on her key chain where it
belonged. Other days, she would hide all of the
paper, or accidentally barge in while I was peeing.
This day, I went over to find the door unlocked. Lois was
still standing by the door, with a smug little smile almost
hidden behind her glasses, but she made no move to stop me.
Once inside, I double checked the lock on the door. I didn't
want her barging in on me today, because I wasn't just
peeing this time.
That's so embarrassing to do while she's standing outside
the door. I was sure she would laugh with each splash of the
water as I emptied my bowels. God forbid I should pass gas
while doing it. She really had me on pins an needles.
There was paper this time too. I wondered briefly
if Lois had given up tormenting me. I wasn't sure how I felt
about that. I mean, it had become a bit of a morning ritual
over the last few weeks, and the humiliation usually teased
me the whole day afterwards.
Of course, when I tried to flush the toilet, I knew that
she hadn't stopped. She had just changed tactics again. The
toilet did nothing. I tried to flush again, but still
" Everything okay in there, " Lois called cheerfully.
I tried to pull the lid of the off, but it was
held in place with a nut. Fuck. I looked down into the bowl.
I was going to have to leave my waste there for everyone to
see. That was Lois' way of getting to me.
" I think your is broken, " I answered.
" Don't tell me you broke it ! What did you do in there ?
I didn't answer. I knew where this was going, and I
skipped the intermediate conversation. I reached over and
unlocked the door.
" Gosh, you really went, didn't you ? " She knew how to
rub in the humiliation.
" Eileen, " she called, to one of her employees. " It
looks like Michelle really clogged up the toilet. Let
everyone know that it's out of order, and call a plumber to
get it fixed. "
She was going to tell everyone. I couldn't stand the fact
that the mall employees would all hear about the way I had
clogged up the toilet, and that my waste was left floating
there as silent witness to her little cruelties.
" I hope you know that I'll be charging the repair costs
to your store, " Lois told me as I left. I just nodded, and
tried to keep from looking her in the eyes.
So I was already feeling off balance later in the day
when Amanda Lui came in and began my sordid little
" I'd like to return these, " said the girl, holding up a
little gift bag. She had come with a couple of friends, and
they browsed the store as I looked in the bag. Inside was a
matching bra and set.
There were a lot of little indignities in performing this
job. The nature of the products we sold made it difficult,
to say the least. I spent all day measuring for
bra sizes, and helping them to choose an outfit that their
boyfriends would like. One indignity I had never expected to
face was of product returns.
I just thought that everyone would understand the reason
why we couldn't accept returns on and other personal
items. Nonetheless, Amanda Lui just watched me confidently
as I stuttered through the policy.
" I'm sorry, " I tried to explain, " f-for sanitary
reason, we can't, I'm mean, we really can't take back
" But they don't fit. "
Cocky little bitch. I wouldn't have jumped to a
conclusion like that, except that Janice goes to school with
a lot of these girls. She told me about how Amanda, despite
presenting a very respectable demeanour to her teachers,
was the real social bully of the tenth grade.
" We're happy to help with fitting before you purchase,
but after you take them home..."
" Wait a sec..." she was getting her back up now, sensing
that I might really refuse to give her money back, "you
don't really expect me to go into that change room with you,
and let you undress me, do you? I mean, I should be able to
take it home and see if it fits in private. "
" But once you take it home, I have no way of telling
whether you've worn them or not. "
I tried my best to sound sympathetic. Well, at least I
got the pathetic part right.
" Are you calling me a liar ? I already told you that
they just don't fit. "
God damn. I'd had enough today. Amanda's friends had
stopped browsing, and were now watching the argument unfold.
On any other day I would have hung tough. That's what I
should have done, but my body was still getting little
thrills from my humiliation at Lois' hands, and I could feel
my temperature rising again as I stood and argued with a
sixteen year about her panties. I could feel
everyone's eyes burning into me.
Another couple of minutes, and I think I actually would
have begun to cry.
So I let her get the best of me. I saw her smug
confidence return about half way through my stumbling
backwards on my argument. " Okay, um, I guess we can make an
exception for you. "
I rang through a 'no sale' and counted off her refund.
The logical part of me was screaming that this was a
mistake. Returns were completely against policy. If Rick or
Lois saw it on the sales reports, I'd be dead meat.
So I did the only thing I could think of to save face
with the other managers. I bought the with my own
money, and reimbursed the register. That was the first of my
Lucy was home that night. She was watching a
downstairs with her friends, and she made it really clear
that I wasn't welcome. That was okay. I wanted to go to bed
Once I was in my room, I opened my briefcase.
My gut emotions hit me again. Shame. Anger.
There was always the arousal. I knew that's why I let
myself do these things.
Tucked in one corner of the briefcase was my newest
purchase. I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to spend
$39.00 on something I could never possibly use. I pulled
God, I'm such a fool. The more I looked at them, I could
tell that she had worn them. I even detected the fragrance
of a perfume on the bra.
Yes, I held them to my nose, and took a whiff. Amanda had
definitely worn the bra, and I was the fool who paid for it.
In a weird way, I knew I deserved this. It was just the
right punishment for being such a wimp all the time. I
deserved to be standing in front of my dresser mirror,
holding a girl's bra in one hand, and her in
I even deserved to be holding that bra to my nose, and
smelling the cheap perfume that Amanda had left on it. I
looked down at my other hand, to the pair of I was
just certain that Amanda had used before returning. My urges
were growing, and I desperately wanted to do the same to the
panties as I was with the bra. It set off all sorts
submissive feelings to even think of bringing the teen
girl's to my nose.
A sniffer. That's what I would be.
A wave of disgust sizzled through me, only fuelling my
desires further. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I
was so careful with my appearance all the time. I kept my
body in pretty good shape. Maybe my thighs were a little
thicker than I would have liked, but overall, I still seemed
an attractive woman. I was dressed professionally. My hair
and make-up were flawless.
No one would guess, just by looking at me. No one would
guess my secret life, revelling in my failures, and
masturbating to my daughter's diary. No one could see
through my disguise.
Until now, that is. Lois had seen right through me, and
was getting worse each day. No matter how I pretended
otherwise, Lucy was walking all over me. And now, some
pretty little teen air-head had gotten the best of me, and I
was standing in my bedroom, my throbbing with the
thought of sniffing her panties.
If I was going to put an end to it, it would be now. I
had to get control of myself, and stop my life from flying
out of control.
I looked myself in the eye through the mirror's surface.
I tried to hold myself there, but my eyes betrayed me, and I
found myself looking at Amanda Lui's again.
This was it. My body screamed for release. Slowly, I
brought the to my face and began to drink in their
fragrance. I could tell right away that it wasn't just
perfume. The smelled of sex. The little slut had
borrowed the for fooling around with her boyfriend,
and I was foolish enough to buy them back.
I could imagine her in them. Amanda was a tall, thin
oriental with straight hair half-way down her back. Her
features were delicate, and it was no wonder she was a
social queen of her school. I imagined her naked except for
the panties, and then took a deep breath from the crotch of
the lacy things.
With my eyes closed now, it was like she was pushing her
pussy right into my face. I don't know quite how I managed
it without stumbling, but I dropped to my knees right there
in front of my dresser as I buried my nose further into the
crotch of her panties.
The sexual rush was unbelievable. I had never dared to
allow myself such a demeaning position, even in my
imagination. I belonged on my knees. I was a sick little
panty sniffer, and it felt so very good. I spread my knees
apart and began to rub myself towards an orgasm I didn't
deserve. Just as the first sensations of climax touched my
pussy, I my tongue darted out, and I began to lap
desperately at the fabric of her panties.
I wanted to taste her so very badly.
Then, as if hit by an electric shock, I stopped myself.
" Oh, god, please, " I begged myself, as my body demanded
No. I'm not good enough. I'm just a pathetic little wimp
who doesn't deserve to cum.
But I wasn't even strong enough to take this stand. My
body jerked with desperation, and I couldn't control myself.
I buried my fingers down the front of my again, and
then collapsed into my orgasm, grunting and swearing at
myself as the pleasure took me.
It was so good. I decided right then to add more
to my collection.
The next day at work, I could barely look Janice in the
eye. If she only knew what a pervert she was working with, I
was sure she would quit.
It was a Saturday, which made it extra busy in the store.
Janice handled the cash register while I took care of
customer service. With each new customer, I was proving to
myself what a sad, pathetic loser I was becoming. I would
bring the back into the change room, and
politely help them to find the right sizes and styles of
All the while, my mind was dancing with images of myself,
on my knees, fully dressed in my business suit, with these
little girls' pushed against my face. It was so
awful of me. These suspected nothing. I came across so
professional, but my hands were shaking ever so slightly as
I measured their trim little bodies.
God, it wasn't like I was a pedophile or anything. Or
even a lesbian. I mean, I didn't really fantasize about
having sex with any of these girls. It was just the
electrically charged feeling of *knowing* that I was placing
myself lower than them. That I deserved to be worshipping
their little panties. And being so close to their naked
bodies, it just brought the fantasy so much closer to life.
When I saw Amanda Lui and her friends come back in to the
store, my heart jumped.
One of them had a bag in her hands. Was it another return
" Janice, why don't you go on your break now ?"
I didn't want to screw this up. Janice would refuse to
take the return. That's the way I had trained her.
" But it's still busy in here. "
" Go. I'll take care of it. "
A bewildered look, but she went.
With Janice out of the way, I turned my attention to
Amanda and her friends. The with the bag came up to the
counter. She was probably a year younger than the tall
oriental girl, but carried the same cocky attitude. That
kind of superior attitude was like a drug for me. I remember
she wore braces on her smug smile, insuring that she would
end up with perfect teeth, like a little princess.
There was still a small part of me that wanted to resist,
but I knew that it wouldn't win.
" Of course we'll take those back, " I found myself
telling the girl, hoping that none of my over-eagerness
showed through. I peaked inside the bag. Pink satin. I could
" Can I show you anything else, perhaps for an exchange
" Mmm. Maybe. I'll have a look around. "
She strolled through my store, taking her cues from
Amanda. I drank in the sight of her teenage body. I tried to
memorize every curve, for the fantasies I would play in my
head as I worshipped her later. I loved the way her
tight jeans rode up her little butt. I could just make out
the line of her bra strap through her blouse.
A middle-aged woman wandered through the mall door,
setting off the little entrance chime. I looked guiltily in
her direction, and hoped that she hadn't noticed the way I
was gawking at the teen's body. She didn't stay long. Women
her age rarely did.
Amanda and her friends took their time. Finally, when the
young returned to my register, she bought a
bottle of erotic massage oil. I wondered if her boyfriend
was impressed with all the extra sexual attentions he was
getting out of this deal.
By the time Janice returned from her break, I had already
tucked away the pink into my purse, and was looking
forward to my night alone with them.
The phone rang.
" It's for you, " Janice told me.
" Michelle speaking, how can I help you ?" It never
to be a little formal. Hell, it might have been Rick,
checking up on us again.
" Hi Michelle, it's Dawn Booth, from down the block. "
And from church. That made me a bit nervous. I didn't
like to think about the kinds of rumours that were floating
around the church about my marriage. Nonetheless, Dawn had
always been nice to me.
" Oh, hi Dawn. It's really nice to hear from you. "
" I know this is sort of out of the blue, but I was
hoping that you might be able to baby sit for us tonight.
Our regular has cancelled, and we just can't get out of
this fundraiser. It'd be a real favour. "
" Maybe I should call home and see if Lucy could do it, "
Silence for a moment. When Dawn spoke again, I could tell
she was trying to be diplomatic. What kinds of rumours had
she heard about Lucy, I wondered to myself. Not that I had
any doubts that the rumours were true.
" We'd actually just prefer that it be you. Nothing
against Lucy, mind you. To tell the truth, we're just a
little nervous about leaving Kevin with anyone, and we'd be
more comfortable with someone mature. "
" No problem. What time did you need me over ?"
So there I was, fresh back from the mall, doing a 2
dollar per hour job for the Booths, when the only place I
really wanted to be was back in my own bedroom, with Amanda
and her friend's laid out in front of me, and my
fingers teasing my clit until I couldn't stand it anymore.
I called Lucy to let her know I'd be late. She didn't do
much to hide her glee.
She was probably inviting Brent over for a quickie as
soon she was off the phone with me. My protective maternal
instincts lobbied for me to intervene, but I knew it
wouldn't do any good. Teens can be a little hard to say "no"
to, as I was learning each day at the store. Even if I had
the strength, it would just drive her away.
The babysitting itself was a no-brain job. Kevin was a
little over a year old, and was already in bed when I
arrived. I sat in the living room, with the baby monitor
nearby, and tried to keep myself from thinking about the
cute little pair of pink I had stashed in my purse,
out in the trunk of my car.
They were going to be gone for hours. Tim had rented a
tuxedo, for goodness sake. It looked like Dawn bought a sexy
little cocktail dress for the occasion. I was going to be
stuck here for a long time, and my body was begging me to
provide some relief of sexual tension.
It was silly.
I felt like a naughty little babysitter, going through
Dawn and Tim's collection for something a little
erotic to satisfy my needs. It was actually a bit of a
thrill, in the same sort of way that it was exciting for me
to snoop through Lucy's room. Dawn seemed like such a
respectable woman. She was just a couple of years younger
than me. Somehow, it would be a real turn-on to find a dirty
movie, and to know that Dawn and Tim had enjoyed watching it
Or to imagine the kinds of things they would do together
But nothing was to be found in their videos.
That shouldn't have surprised me. They were both
prominent in the church, and probably wouldn't keep anything
questionable in their main collection. They wouldn't want
any guests to stumble across something embarrassing.
Of course, there was always the possibility that Dawn was
just too upstanding to allow dirty into her house.
That would figure. Not only did she have a better husband,
an nicer house, and a more attractive figure than mine, but
she was also a more moral person.
Damn, I wanted to find a flaw of some sort. I just wanted
to find something to prove to myself that she wasn't as
perfect as she seemed.
So, for the most selfish of reasons, and with an my
damp from anticipation, I quietly climbed the steps towards
Dawn and Tim's bedroom. I wasn't sure what I was hoping to
find. Something little maybe. Like a magazine, or a dirty
I almost turned back when I reached the door. It was
It was the same feeling I got when I used the nail file
to open Lucy's room. I knew that I was doing something
wrong, but I wanted to do it anyhow. I wasn't really afraid
of being caught, but my heart was pounding anyhow, and I
could feel the adrenaline pounding through my veins. I felt
like a thief.
Once I opened the door, I was lost.
It's hard to describe the smell of someone else's
bedroom. It was nothing strong, mind you. Just a hint of her
perfume, or the different fabric softener that Dawn used on
her laundry, or the soap they washed themselves with. I
don't know. It was just the subtly unfamiliar cocktail of
odours that gave my body a thrill. It told me that I didn't
The two of them had left in a hurry, and the room was a
bit of a mess. Tim's clothing had been shed in the corner of
the room, and was left in a pile with the hangers and bag
for his tuxedo. Dawn had probably been doing some finishing
touches on her make-up and jewellery. The counter in front
of her mirror was still lit by a little lamp, and three
shades of lipstick were laying open.
A voyeuristic thrill was my reward for going through the
rest of her make-up drawer, and testing her colours on my
own flesh. Dawn had such delicate features, I doubted she
needed to wear much make-up, but what she had was expensive.
I went through her clothing too. She wore sizes too small
for my figure, in designer labels too expensive for my
budget. Of course I envied it all, but truth be told, I was
glad that a nice like Dawn had nice things for herself.
Finally, I turned my attention to the drawers on her
bedside stand. I held my breath as I nudged the first drawer
open. I don't know if I can tell you what a rush of
excitement it is to find something truly personal that you
were never intended to see. Dawn would just die if she knew
what I had found.
It was her drawer of sexy things. I paused there, with
the drawer open, looking down on the treasures; condoms,
couple of erotic books, a slender dildo that I couldn't help
but imagine sweet respectable Dawn sliding into herself.
There were candles and massage oil. I reached gingerly into
their sex life, and nudged the books aside. I thought there
was something underneath.
God, you can't imagine the way I felt. Beneath those
books was the I had come to find, but it was more
exciting than I had hoped. It was amazing. It looked like
the was home made.
That was the label, and I knew there was no way I could
resist. I took it from the drawer, and headed for the door.
Then I paused again. I wanted one more thing, just to make
everything perfect. It was what I had wanted all day.
I opened the laundry hamper in the closet, and dug
through it to find a pair of Dawn's panties. Once I had them
in my greedy little hands, I headed downstairs for the VCR.
I could feel my body trembling as I sat back on the sofa,
and waited in tense anticipation as the warmed up. The
sounds came before the picture. They were the sounds of
Then the faded in, and I began creaming my
panties as I realized that this was exactly what I was
hoping for. The scene was of Dawn in a bubble-bath, and Tim
walked back and forth in the bathroom, getting wonderfully
tempting views of her barely concealed body.
She teased him with a seductive smile that gave me
As I watched the progress, I brought Dawns
up towards my face.
My shame burned intensely. Of all the women at church,
Dawn was the only one who always treated me like an equal.
She spoke to me with respect, and even trusted me with her
home and child. Now I was just proving how unworthy I was of
I rubbed myself through my clothing as I worshipped her
body on screen, and took my first sniff of her panties. Her
aroma was delicate, like everything else in her life. God, I
wished I could be more like her.
On the screen, my friend rose from the bubbles to
tease her husband with her trim body. The must have
been taken before Dawn's pregnancy. Everything about her was
tight and sexy. I groaned with lustful envy.
Tim set down the on the counter, and came into the
picture. He touched her body the way I wished I could at
that moment, caressing and worshipping every curve. He
rinsed away the bubbles on her rear end, and Dawn responded
by allowing his soapy hand to explore her ass.
I wanted to worship that ass too, but I knew I didn't
deserve that kind of pleasure. I didn't even deserve to have
a friend as nice as Dawn.
" You're just a pathetic, fat, ugly tramp... what makes
you think you're good enough to worship my ass? " I imagined
Dawn saying to me, with a cruelty I had never known in her
voice. The imaginary insult got me more worked up than ever,
and I found myself mouthing the words aloud as I watched the
video and held her to my face.
" Just look at yourself... you're a failure at
everything. You're not sexy enough to keep a man. You're too
stupid to quit your dead-end job. Your is turning
into a whore, and you're too weak to do anything about it. "
The words stung, but my arousal kept me going. I watched
as the scene on the switched to the bedroom. Tim made
love to Dawn gently, enjoying the warmth of her body just
moments from the bath. I was getting close to cumming, and
continued Dawn's make-believe verbal assault on myself.
" You don't deserve to even be sniffing at the crotch of
my dirty panties. What makes you think that you have the
right to watch my naked body ? Everyone knows what a
pathetic little wimp you are. Look at how pathetic you've
become. You creep into my room like some horny little
teenage boy, just to get a sniff of my pretty panties...
you're a perverted bitch... aren't you..."
I couldn't talk any more. Tears were beginning to escape
from the corners of my eyes. Using Dawn's voice, I was
talking to myself with the disrespect I deserved from her.
As my body toppled into orgasm, my eyes locked onto the
screen image of my friend, and I inhaled deeply from her
It was all I could do to keep from passing out. This was
further than I had ever allowed my perversions to take me,
and I had a feeling that I could never go back to repressing
I returned the video, but...
...well, when they returned from the fund raiser, Dawn
gave me a big hug for taking care of Kevin on such short
notice. She was a little tipsy from drinking, and pushed
against me as she whispered a thank you in my ear. It gave
me such an awful thrill to know that I still had her
in my coat pocket.
I couldn't let them go. Together with the pair I had
brought from the store, I now had three pairs in my
collection, and I knew I would get a lot of use out of them.
I just hoped she wouldn't notice them missing from her
" It sounds like you're beating yourself up over nothing,
" Janice told me. I wished I could share in her generosity
about my actions. " It sounds like Lucy isn't going to back
down for anything. You might call yourself a wimp, but I
don't think there's anything wrong with trying to preserve
your relationship with her."
Letting go is harder than it sounds, even for someone as
naturally submissive as myself. No matter how much I
reassured myself, I couldn't help but feel like I was
failing my daughter.
In between her wilful outbursts, I would sometimes get a
little taste of the way things used to be, when Lucy
" The other day, she had a fight with Brent, " I confided
to Janice. " She crawled into bed with me and cried in my
arms after getting off the phone with him. I never thought
that I could stand seeing Lucy unhappy, but I have to
admit... I was more content than I've been in months. We
just held each other, and for a few hours, I felt like I had
my relationship back with her. Or at least that we had a
" But... ?" Janice could already see the punch line
" It didn't last. She was with Brent again the next
morning. She's a little better with me now, but I know it
will fade again. "
" Don't worry. She'll come back. like Brent may come
through her life, but Lucy's only got one mom. She can
always trust you to be there for her, and I think she'll
come to appreciate that. "
I almost felt sick accepting Janice's reassurances. I
didn't deserve any of her kind words.
If either Lucy or Janice knew about my growing collection
of panties, I was sure that neither one of them would trust
For half the night, I would stay awake on a sexual buzz,
gingerly sorting through the in my collection. In
the past couple of days, two more from Amanda's school
had brought back their to me. The rumour about our
lax return policy was staring to get around.
Despite the fact that buying the lingerie from these
girls had cost me another $50, I was in heaven. They were
both pretty girls. One was a tall black girl. The
other was a sweet little brunette. Both had worn their
panties out on dates before returning them, leaving the
odours of sex strong on the undergarments.
God, what a sick little fetish.
I treasured them all. Amanda Lui's had started it
all. I wondered what the cocky oriental would think
about the way I worshipped her panties.
The second pair had come from Amanda's friend. They were
a pretty pink, and spent several night resting on my pillow
case as I slept. My favourite pair, however, had come from
the laundry hamper in Dawn's bedroom. I felt so guilty about
stealing them, that it intensified my pleasure.
Now, of course, I had the other two pairs from the store,
and they took their place in the stash beneath my bed.
But that's not the worst of it. My sick little fantasies
took me places I never would have dreamed.
The next time I crept into Lucy's room, my body was
already on fire. I needed one more pair of to bring
my collection to six, and I knew just where to find them. As
if it weren't low enough to privately sniff the of
my teen customers, my obsession led me into my own
She washed her own clothes now, I guess to keep me from
knowing about the revealing outfits she was wearing. Slowly,
I sorted through the pile on the floor of her room.
It wasn't long before I found what I wanted. After the
fight she had with Brent the previous evening, she had gone
out with him in the morning. It didn't take much guess work
to know how they had made up from their argument.
Lucy had shed her clothes before going out with friends,
so when I stole into her room a half hour later, her
were only off her body for a short time. A shameful shudder
went through me as I unfolded them in my hands. There, in
the crotch of her panties, was the evidence of her morning
sexual encounter with Brent. The were still slick
with their mixed juices.
I fell to my knees with a little whimper, and tried to
hold myself back.
This was profoundly wrong. I hated everything about
Brent, and the way he was corrupting my little girl, but
here I was, giving in to my sexual appetites. I should never
even have allowed these awful thoughts to fill my head, but
I knew that these would soon be a part of my
I just needed a little sexual release first.
Kneeling at the base of my daughter's bed, I brought her
panties to my lips and inhaled the smell of sex. It bothered
me to see the way my little had drooled her boyfriend's
cum into the crotch of her panties. It was just so nasty.
Then, with my hands shaking in anticipation, I extended
my tongue, and began to scoop up the bitter deposit. Soon,
my face was buried in Lucy's underwear, and I was licking
and desperately, my cravings unquenchable.
And that's the scene I was thinking about as I talked to
Janice about my problems.
" Beneath it all, Lucy still loves you, " the with
the dark eyes told me.
I knew it was the truth, but I was sure I wasn't worthy
of that love.
Weekday mornings I was usually alone. Janice could work
evenings and weekends, but I had trouble finding anyone I
could trust to work daytimes. Sales really didn't pick up
until after school was done anyhow, so I would just come in
early with a coffee, and read a magazine or something.
I tried not to think about my growing obsession with my
panty collection. I would spend my nights worshipping the
pretty things, but during the day, I felt like this
unhealthy obsession could me whole. Anywhere I
looked around the store would add fuel to the fire.
I also tried to keep my mind off of my inevitable visit
to Sports Time to use the washroom. The urge would hit me
early, but in my anxiety, I would delay my visit until I was
absolutely bursting. Not smart. By the time I locked up the
store for a washroom break, walking down to the food court
was impossible. I could only hope that Lois was in a kind
Lois had used the previous plumbing problems as an excuse
to escalate her humiliating control of my bodily functions.
It was all pretty ludicrous, and she knew it, but I think
she was curious now about how far I would let her push it.
" Are you only today ? " she asked me. " I don't
want to have to call the plumber again. "
I glanced over to one of the sales girls, who was just
outside of hearing range.
" Yes, " I told her, my face going from being treated
like a child this way.
" Maybe you'd better leave the door open a bit, so that I
can make sure you don't make a mess. "
How had I allowed this power shift to happen ? I nodded
shyly, and left the door open partially when I went in.
I don't mind admitting that I was distracted when I was
relieving myself. I was more than a little mad at myself for
letting Lois tie me up in knots like this. I wanted to rebel
against her, and I rehearsed some venomous lines in my head
that I knew I'd never have the guts to say in reality.
So I didn't notice at first when my began to leak
down the sides of the toilet. Only when the warm liquid
touched the back of my calves did I jump a little, and try
to figure out what was happening.
It was another prank. I should have guessed. This time,
Lois had stretched clear plastic wrap beneath the
seat, covering the opening to the water below. My
puddled there, and overflowed from the sides onto the floor
and my legs.
" Jesus, Michelle, what are you doing ?"
By virtue of me agreeing to keep the door ajar, Lois had
a perfect view of my latest mishap. I looked up at her
sheepishly as she stepped into the little room.
" It looks like you peed yourself a little bit, and made
an awful mess on the floor. I don't think that Eileen is
going to be too pleased about cleaning it up..."
" No, please... I'll clean up..."
" Don't be silly, Michelle. We're managers. We have
employees to do that sort of thing. "
I dropped my eyes to the floor in shame.
" Come on now, stand for me and I'll help you clean up. "
I can't believe I let her do it. She wiped down my legs
with some paper towel, and then, to my horror, pulled off
some paper, and reached down between my legs. She
took her time doing it too, letting me feel her fingers
probing me through the thin tissue paper. I just stood there
like a four year old. She even patted me on the bum when she
" It looks like you're going to need some help with this
from now on. When you come over, I'll come in to make sure
you don't have any problems, and help you clean up
My mind flashed on how awfully degrading it would be to
have Lois watch me make a bowel movement, much less the
horror of letting her wipe my bum afterwards. I couldn't
imagine anything worse, but if I knew Lois at all, she was
already working on a way to make it even more humiliating.
I couldn't wait.
I watched the little light on my answering machine
blinking slowly. There was still one message on the machine
that I hadn't erased. I don't know why. I didn't ever want
to hear it again. Just thinking about it made me feel sick.
From the time I heard his voice, " Hi, this is Tim
Booth...", from that very instant, I knew something was
" Don't call me at home... my cell number is..."
I tried to rationalize it. Maybe he was calling because
he was planning a surprise party for Dawn, I told myself. I
knew it wasn't true, though. I wasn't in the same social
league as the Booths. Dawn was nice to me, but she wouldn't
include me with her friends.
No, this was something else, and I think I already knew
that it had something to do with the I had stolen
from their room. That was my instinct.
When I called him from work the next day, I could barely
" Um, hi. It's Michelle calling... you know, from down
the street... and..."
" Yeah. I'm glad you called back. "
Then the jabs to my gut began.
" It's funny. We didn't even want to turn on the nanny
cam when you were over the other night..."
Nanny cam. Oh my god.
" ... but I thought that we should test out the system,
just so that we'd know it works. We were so convinced that
we could trust you, that I didn't even watch the until
Than he stopped talking. He sounded a little nervous on
the phone, but the pause was controlled. He was letting me
" Did... uh... did Dawn, um..." I wanted to hang up, but
I just stammered stupidly into the phone.
" No, Dawn didn't watch it with me. But I have to tell
you, it would make some amusing viewing for later this
evening. Trust me, you really made a spectacle out of
" God, I'm so sorry, " I began to beg. "Please don't show
it to her. I don't want to lose her as a friend..."
" Not to mention all the rumours it could start, " Tim
twisted the knife in a little further.
He was right. As much as I cared about Dawn, I was really
worried about the way this could pull apart my life. Most of
my perversions were still kept secret from everyone. I could
punish myself for them in private. The washroom sessions
with Lois were anxiety enough... I just couldn't let anyone
hear about my sniffing. Or my collection.
I would do anything, and Tim knew it. Otherwise, he
wouldn't have even called.
" You can come over tonight, just after six. Don't be
late. We'll work something out. "
Every moment of that day was torture. I wondered what Tim
would want from me. If it was money, he would be
disappointed. Between the household expenses, and the way I
was spending money on adding to my collection, I
didn't have much to give.
The way he sounded, I thought it might be sex. I could
imagine the way he had watched the nanny cam video, seeing
me stroke myself with his wife's at my nose. I could
imagine his reaction as he saw me watching the of him
and Dawn making love, and calling myself dirty names as I
came to orgasm. I mean, of course he would think I was a
Tim wouldn't make love to me gently, the way I had
watched him treat Dawn. He would fuck me. Maybe he would
want to on my face, or to fuck me in the ass. Maybe he
would want me to squeeze my together, and fuck my
chest. Maybe he would want to fuck me roughly from behind
while I squealed like a pig.
None of this would be new territory for me. Every time
Vance came back to town, he used me that way. I would do
what he wanted, all the while, begging him to stay with us.
By the time my husband would leave town again, I always felt
like a well-used whore, and I could barely look Lucy in the
eyes, knowing the sounds she must have heard from our
The thought of doing any of those things with Dawn's
husband, though... well, he just seemed like such a decent
man. He was polite and respectful when Dawn was around.
Maybe this was just giving him an excuse to explore his
hidden fantasies, and I would be his willing plaything.
My body was on fire with fear, anticipation, and arousal.
The tension built through every part of the day. I'm sure
that Lois could tell how aroused I was when she helped me
with my washroom visit. I practically melted in her hands.
When Janice arrived for the evening shift, I could barely
breathe, I was so nervous. I left without more than two
I parked at home and walked over, trying to pretend to
myself that this was an ordinary day in the neighbourhood.
Yes... just normal suburban sounds. A lawnmower was running
somewhere behind Mr. Lewis' tall hedges. A barked from
somewhere behind me.
Everything was normal except me, and my sick little
fetishes. I walked up the driveway of the one in the
world who actually knew that I was a sniffer. Tim
Booth knew exactly how much a pathetic loser I was. I
lowered my eyes and knocked gently on the door.
" Come in, " he told me nervously.
I stepped inside, and began to take off my shoes.
" No, " he warned me, " I don't want Dawn to know you're
The blood drained from my cheeks. " She's home ?"
" Not yet. She's at the gym, but she'll be home in a few
minutes. I need to get you before she gets here. "
In all my imaginings of the day, nothing prepared me for
the weird scene Tim had dreamed up. He led me upstairs, back
to the room I had stolen into the previous week. The same
delicately unfamiliar smell of their bedroom greeted me
again. He opened the door to the closet, and gestured me in.
I had been prepared to do anything to keep this secret
safe. I would have served Tim any way I could, one on one.
But I didn't want to risk being caught by Dawn. I would
never be able to stand the in her eyes.
Tim prodded me on. " She'll be home any time now. As long
as you're quiet, I'll make sure we don't get caught. "
He was nervous and aroused too. As I ducked into the
closet, he lowered his voice conspiratorially, "Dawn's
always horny when she gets back from the gym... I thought
that I'd let you watch the real thing this time. "
As the closet doors closed, I could see cracks of light
through the wooden slats. My heart pumped furiously as I
leaned forward on my knees, and brought my eyes to one of
the openings. God, it was amazing. I was only a few feet
away from their bed, nestled in amongst Dawn's favourite
outfits. Beside me was the laundry hamper from which I had
stolen my first taste of Dawn. While Tim went downstairs to
greet his wife, I couldn't help myself from digging through
the hamper again, and finding another pair of to
sniff while I waited.
Tim was a puzzle to me. He could have forced me to do
anything, but instead, he chose to put together a scene that
would come straight from my own perversions. I suppose it
could give him some great thrill to make love to his wife,
knowing that another woman was masturbating in his closet
Whatever his reasons, I was shaking with excitement.
I heard the front door open and close. It wouldn't be
long now. I held Dawn's against my nose and breathed
in deeply, knowing that I would soon see the real thing.
They came in the bedroom door together, in a rough,
passionate embrace that brought them straight onto the bed.
Dawn's body looked spectacular in athletic wear that came
right out of a work-out commercial. I couldn't believe how
good shape she was in, barely a year after giving birth.
Despite the sweat that was evident on her clothes, she
didn't even look tired from her work out. She wrapped her
legs tightly around Tim's waist as he positioned her on the
This sex was definitely going to be rougher than what I
had seen on the tape. Tim took control early on, holding her
by the hair as he pulled away her clothing. She squealed and
whimpered with mock surprise, but I could tell she was
enjoying the scene. I envied that. They could play healthy
little games like this in the context of a healthy
relationship. Whatever Vance did to me was just plain nasty.
My one hand was already fingering my pussy, while with
the other I held Dawn's undies to my nose. I licked them
gingerly as I watched the scene, hoping to taste the salt of
her body on the warm fabric.
Tim held Dawn down on her belly, and used her work out
towel to tie her hands behind her head. He didn't spend a
lot of time on the knots. She would keep her hands there
voluntarily now. He produced another towel from the bedside,
and used this one to blindfold his wife. She was totally
under his control.
" Who's the boss now, little ?" Tim teased her, as
he rolled her onto her back again.
" You are, " she admitted, and spread her legs for him.
The position that Tim had placed her in gave me a perfect
view of her body. Her pubic hair was trimmed neatly, and the
beautiful little folds of her were displayed
wonderfully. I almost groaned with my own painful arousal.
Tim took off his clothes now. I could see his cock
drooling pre-cum as it dangled between his legs. He pulled
his forward to the edge of the bed, and teased her
pussy with the head of his prick.
" Did you do a good work-out for me today, ?"
" Oh, yes. I keep my body nice and trim for you. "
" Because you like to get fucked ?"
" Please, yes. Please fuck me. "
Please. I wanted it too. She looked so ready for him.
He pushed into her gently. This part of their game
wouldn't be rough. He leaned forward, and I could hear them
kissing as he eased his length into her. I had to slow
myself down to keep my orgasm from coming. I wanted to save
it until Dawn reached her climax.
As their bodies pushed against eachother, I could feel my
own shame burning. Here I was, on my knees in their closet.
It was almost too much. This is what I had let myself
become. I was a voyeur, and a sniffer, and I belonged
on my knees for violating Dawn's trust. I didn't deserve the
intense, guilty pleasure this was giving me.
Poor Dawn. She didn't know about this betrayal. She
moaned with lust as her husband shared all their secrets
His rhythm became irregular, and he cried out with
pleasure. The intensity of the scene must have really worked
him up, because his orgasm lasted an incredible amount of
time. He pumped into her again and again, grunting and
moaning as he finished.
" Let me do something for you now, " he told his wife,
knowing that she hadn't yet reached orgasm.
Tim stepped from the bed, and then reached his hand out
to the closet door. I pulled back in horror.
Quietly, he slid open the closet door, and smiled down at
me. His limp, moist cock bobbed in front of me. He reached
down now, and took me by the back of the neck. I didn't have
a choice, or so I told myself. He led me forward, on my
knees, to the edge of the bed, and positioned me between his
wife's legs. Then he stepped back to watch the scene.
I had never been so close to another woman's in my
life. I stared at it dumbly, contemplating this final
betrayal of Dawn's trust.
The aroma of sex was strong here. I had tasted this
before, on the crotches of little panties, but this
smelled different. It smelled of reality. It occurred to me
that in all of my sick little games, nothing much had been
real. This was real. This was my friend's pussy, with her
husband's semen leaking from within.
It was intoxicating. I could have knelt there all day,
worshipping the beauty of it, but Dawn was growing
impatient. She raised her hips slightly, bringing her
level with my nose. She wanted satisfaction, and I wasn't
sure I could provide it to another woman.
I extended my tongue gently, trying to imagine myself in
the same position. What would feel good ? What would I enjoy
? I could see Tim stroking himself hard again in the corner
of my eye.
It didn't take much to get Dawn back into it. As soon as
I began to explore her pussy, she bit her lower lip, and
groaned with pleasure. I lapped up her husband's with
the same unquenchable lust I had given to the I had
tasted from my daughter's not long before. This was
warmer and more plentiful, and I enjoyed every taste.
My confidence grew as I continued. I wondered if Dawn
could feel the difference between her husband and I. I
wondered if she would even care at this point. She was so
A stray thought hit me. Was it possible that Dawn was in
on the planning of this ? Had they watched the nanny cam
video together, and then worked out a way to have me
pleasure Dawn, and still keep her dignity intact ? Were they
taping me right now, for later viewing ? God, that was an
exciting thought, but it was probably all in my imagination.
Besides, I could never know for certain.
Dawn whimpered uncontrollably, and her began to
contract. I concentrated my efforts now on making this an
intense orgasm for her. She deserved it, and I deserved to
be at her feet like this, serving her needs.
" Oh, lick it good, Mi..." her words trailed off as her
pussy rose and fell against my lips.
Only a hand on the back of my neck kept me from
continuing my worship after her orgasm subsided. Tim led me
back into the closet and then came back to untie his wife.
My own body was screaming for release, and I continued to
watch and stroke myself as Dawn got ready for an evening
class at the college. Thank god her clothes were already
Tim came back up for a blow job after he sent Dawn off, I
did it for him from my knees in the closet, still dressed in
my business suit. I even let him in my throat. All the
while, I was still thinking about the second pair of
I was stealing away from Dawn tonight. They were already
tucked under my blouse.
" I liked that a lot, " he told me, his softening cock
still rolling around over my tongue, " I'll call you next
week if I decide to do it again. "
You might think it's a little late for me to admit that
things were getting out of control. My obsession with the
panty collection was putting everything at risk. Most every
shift now, I was accepting returns from as as
thirteen years old, and then paying the store for the
pleasure of taking them home to add to my other treasures. I
remembered each one.
There were over thirty now.
I was running out of cash rapidly, and was even
considering taking out a loan. But what were my other
options ? I couldn't go to Rick about it. He would fire me
in a second. On the other hand, I knew that I wouldn't be
able to stand up to these girls. Now that the rumours had
gotten around about how easy I was, they could see right
It made me sick to think of everything I was risking with
my pathetic appetites.
With Lois, I was risking my professional reputation. She
could ruin me at any time. I was at her mercy.
With Tim Booth, I was risking my community. Even if I
quit my job, I would still be worried about the things he
could tell my neighbours and everyone at the church.
At the store, I was risking everything. Technically, what
I was doing was fraud. I could be fired. I could be
prosecuted. More worrisome still, I think some of the
teenage were beginning to notice the way I looked at
them... the way I memorized the curves of their body for
later worship. I was sure they would soon see right through
the way I blushed as I accepted their dirty underwear back.
What then ? Even though they lived across town, my
daughter knew some of these girls.
I couldn't bear the thought of Lucy finding out. Not
while her are in my collection too.
Janice knew about the returns. How long did I expect to
keep it from her ? It was only a matter of time before one
of the school tried to return her on Janice's
shift. She did exactly what I should have done the first
time Amanda Lui challenged me. Janice referred to the store
policy, and refused the return.
The next evening, when we were alone together, she told
me about it.
" I know that you're taking the underwear back, Michelle,
" she levelled with me. Count on Janice to be
straightforward, even in awkward circumstances. " All the
girls at school talk about it. This is the first time any of
them have tried it with me though. "
I couldn't meet her gaze. She paused before saying
" I can tell you're in trouble, and it's not getting
better. You can tell me what's going on. "
I could feel tears coming to my eyes.
" I don't want you to think I'm an awful person, " I told
" I could never think that. "
My body melted into the familiar mixture of self-loathing
and arousal as I considered revealing every sick detail of
my fantasy life to this sixteen year girl.
" I have a collection..." is how I began it.
" So I hear you fired Janice."
I nodded meekly. Lois stood over me as I waited for her
permission to pee.
" That's an odd choice. She seemed like a really
competent sales clerk. "
I could hardly believe it myself. Ever since I'd done it,
my stomach had been tied in knots. I guess I just got
scared. The previous night, I told her everything. She knew
about these daily washroom visits with Lois, and the
increasingly intimate direction they were taking. She knew
about my collection, and my twisted nightly worship
routines. I even told her about the way I had submitted to
weekly visits in my friend Dawn's closet.
Janice had listened with more understanding than I could
have hoped to expect from anyone, her dark eyes not
betraying even a hint of the revulsion I knew she must have
Then, in an act of cowardice that I knew I would torture
myself over for weeks to come, I fired my only friend. I
told her I didn't need her. I told her I wanted her out of
my life. Those were lies, of course, but what did it matter
? All that mattered was that I had thrown the last bit of
stability out of my life.
" I heard rumours about you before you came over to this
mall, " Lois told me. I concentrated on holding my bladder
while she talked. " I heard that you were a real tough
manager, and that you fired people for the slightest reason.
When I saw you, with your perfectly co-ordinated outfits,
and precisely applied make-up, I thought I was in for a real
fight over control of the mall stores. "
I whimpered in desperation. She really liked when I did
" Of course, you and I know differently. It think you
actually enjoyed being broken by me. I was just playing
these little washroom games to pick a fight with the new
bitch across the hall, and I stumbled across your submissive
streak quite by accident. "
My body gave two tiny shudders with the words 'bitch' and
'submissive'. Lois had been practising my hot buttons
" That's right... you like being my submissive little
toilet girl, don't you ? "
I nodded pathetically.
" Okay then, you can now. " She continued talking
while I piddled for her amusement. " Now where was I ? Oh
yes, your reputation. I was a little puzzled on how you got
such a mean reputation, being such an easy to control.
My face was on fire. There was a time when I would have
taken pride in that reputation, and fought for the respect I
deserved from Lois. Now, I was barely worth her effort.
" But now I see it. You were always a weak bitch. You
just hid it really well. Anytime people challenged you, you
fired them as a gut reflex. Is that what happened with
Janice ? Hmm ? You hired a good employee, and the minute she
started to figure you out, you fired her. "
With a final squirt, I was finished relieving myself, but
I knew that Lois wasn't done with me yet. She extended these
humiliating little sessions a little each day.
" Stand up, girl, " she ordered me, as she retrieved a
couple squares of paper. I stood facing her, and kept
my eyes on hers, just the way she liked it. She liked to see
the shame in my face as her hand explored my privates. She
could feel everything.
She dropped the tissue into the toilet, but continued her
attentions with her bare fingers afterwards. I bit my lower
lip as she played along my sensitive clit. She would
continue to do this until my legs almost buckled. She loved
being in control of me this way.
" All right, it's time for me to see your bum. I need to
make sure you're clean. "
This was a new addition. I had been avoiding using her
toilet for bowel movements, but I guess she decided to go to
the next step anyhow.
" Turn around and bend forward, " she commanded. " That's
right. Now hold your bum apart. That's good. I want to see
right inside. "
I thought of the shameful I must be, dressed in
my business suit, hunched forward over a toilet, spreading
my ass cheeks for Lois to inspect. Every sane instinct told
me to resist this treatment, but I knew that she would get
the best of me. What was the point in complaining ?
" You know, " she continued, as she left me in position,
" Janice was far too good an employee for you to keep to
yourself anyhow. It was just a matter of time before I took
her from you. "
Not Janice, I argued silently. She was too loyal.
" Now that you've fired her, it just makes it easier.
I'll call her tomorrow. I can't wait to hear what other
juicy gossip she can tell me about you. "
This was too much. No, I didn't want Janice working for
this bitch, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I
just held my humiliating position, and tried to convince
myself that Janice would remain loyal to me, and not tell my
secrets to Lois. That would kill me.
" Well, it looks like your bum is good and clean. Now that
I think about it, though, I wonder if mine is as clean as
I'd like. Turn around and drop to your knees, Michelle. "
I knew what was coming next, but nothing prepared me for
the erotic thrill that sizzled through me when she turned
away from me and began to unbuckle her belt. I'll bet that
Lois was in her glory. Hell, she had always known that
someday I'd be kissing her ass. I'll just bet she didn't
think it would be this literal.
It was all inevitable now. I hadn't left myself any room
Over the next week, I just waited for someone to expose
me. I deserved it. On Tuesday, I spent another evening on my
knees in Dawn's bedroom. Tim showed no signs of letting me
off the hook. Lois had hired Janice, and I had a sick
feeling that all of my secrets would soon be revealed.
At home, I shut myself away from Lucy. I knew it was only
a matter of time before she learned about me, and it me
too badly to think of losing her.
Then, on Friday, I came to work to find Janice had
already opened the store. I held my coffee and keys dumbly
in front of me as I wandered in from the mall.
" What are you doing here ?"
" Oh, " she responded with a smile, " It's a short week
at school. They gave us the Friday off. "
" No, I mean, why are you *here* ? You work for Lois. "
" That's okay. She gave me permission to transfer back
over here. You need me more than she does. "
She was pretending that this was somehow okay. I was
getting more flustered by the moment.
" But I fired you. You don't work for me. "
" That's a matter of opinion. Jesus, Michelle, you know
you need me. Why do you have to put up such a fuss about it
" Listen, Janice, this is my store. I don't want you
" If you'll excuse me saying, this is a fucked up time
for you to try to assert yourself. In the end, we both know
that you'll do exactly what I say, so why don't we skip the
middle steps ?"
This was the first time Janice ever took a forceful tone
with me, and I think I loved her for it. Yes, I needed her
around. She was my best friend.
And she was full of surprises.
" I've given this a lot of thought, " she explained. "
You're a really special person, Michelle, and I don't want
to see you get hurt. But the truth is, you're always looking
for other people to take control, and you're finding these
people in the worst possible places. "
Vance. Rick. Amanda. Lois. Tim. Yeah, I guess I could
have done better.
" So now, like it or not, you're taking your orders from
me, and I'm going to set the rules. "
A little flush of shame came over me as I realized how
easily even a like Janice could take control of
me, but somehow, with her, it didn't seem so bad. I felt
something I hadn't allowed myself for a long time; trust.
Two things changed immediately. The first came when I
needed to go to the washroom that morning. Janice gave me
permission to go over to SportsTime. Once I was there,
though, Lois avoided me. The door was unlocked, and I was
able to use the washroom without any problem.
It was almost a let down in a way. I was relieved, of
course, but I sort of craved the wicked interactions that
Lois had staged.
Janice read my thoughts. " Don't worry. We'll find you a
new dominant female to play with. This is just too close to
your professional life. We wouldn't want any rumours to get
" But how..."
" It just took a little threat to remind her how much
trouble she would be in if Rick found out about her games.
At first, she was a little defiant, but once I added a
threat that I would charge her with sexual harassment, she
caved right in. It wouldn't look good for her to be hitting
on a sixteen year girl. "
So that was that. Janice had stepped in and declared a
truce between Lois and I.
The second big change of the day was that there were no
returns at all. Janice explained that one too.
" I just let out the rumour around school that we would
need an parent's signature on the return forms from now on.
There was quite a little pause in the locker room
conversation when I let that one slip, as each of the
thought about asking their mothers to come along. I'm afraid
that there won't be too many more additions to your
collection from now on. "
She was right. In the next few days, no one brought in
any returns. In two quick measures, this extraordinary
had pulled my career from the edge of ruin. Within the next
week, she was working on my personal life too.
God, she was strict. She had me on a daily routine that
dictated my clothing, food, exercise, and social activities.
She cut back my work hours, and had me hire another part-
timer for the store.
" No secrets, " she warned me. " These rules are for your
own good. If I let you do things on your own, you'll be
tempted to take care of your own sexual needs, in an
unhealthy way. We'll find a ways to satisfy your sex life.
In the meantime, you do everything I say. "
She even built it into the schedule. I was allowed to
visit my collection once every night, but only under
That must sound weird. I mean, I never wanted to reveal
my sick fantasies to anyone. Every night, though, she came
over, and locked us into my room. She would watch me from
beginning to end. I would bring out my panties, and sniff
and lick the little crotches. I would even tell her which
girls they belonged to, and what I fantasized about doing to
Janice went to school with most of these girls. Being a
lesbian herself, I'm sure she must have been attracted to
some of them, but she never let on. She just watched with
mild curiosity, and told me when I was allowed to orgasm.
Jesus, those were intense. I couldn't believe I was
letting her watch me do it. It was such a thrill.
So we settled into a bit of a comfortable routine. Janice
spent a lot of time in the evenings over at our house. Some
nights, she would hang out with Lucy too. That surprised me.
The two were so much opposites, I would have thought
they'd dislike each other, but they really clicked.
" Do you think that Janice would like it if I set her up
with one of Brent's friends ?" Lucy asked me one night. Our
relationship had improved, now that I was spending a little
more time at home. She was talking to me again, and that was
a good start.
" I have a feeling it wouldn't work out, " I told her,
but avoided telling her why.
Another feeling I had was that Janice was working on
other things behind the scenes. I hadn't heard from Tim
Booth in a couple of weeks, and I got a call from Rick that
he wanted to meet with me the following Monday. Janice
didn't tell me anything, but seemed pleased with herself.
That weekend, she sent me out to the liquor store to buy
a couple of bottles of wine. " I think we should celebrate
our new arrangement, " she told me.
She let her know that she was staying over. We
rented a couple of movies, and ordered food for a
lazy evening at home. It's weird how quickly I've grown
comfortable with Janice. She really is my very best friend.
As we were settling in for the evening, I was surprised
to hear Lucy coming in through the front door.
" I thought you were out with Brent and his friends
" I was, but he took me to another lame frat party. "
" So what are your plans now ?"
Lucy grinned when she saw the food. " You
wouldn't mind if I hung around here, would you?"
I can't tell you what a nice moment that was for me. We
hung out most of the night. I had a little too much wine,
and so the had to bring me upstairs to bed. I woke up
an hour later to use the washroom. That's when I got my
second pleasant surprise of the evening.
As I passed by Lucy's room, I could hear that both
were in there, and what they were doing was unmistakable. A
slight pinch of jealousy, or motherly concern, or something,
touched me as I heard them pleasure each other in the dark
of my daughter's room. It passed quickly.
Actually, Lucy could do a lot worse. Janice was exactly
the kind of lover she needed.
Later in the night, as I lay awake in bed, that dark-eyed
girl visited me in my bed.
" Mmmm, " she whispered to me contentedly, " I think I'm
in love. "
" I'm so glad for you, " I told her.
" And I'm glad for you. I think I've got everything under
control now. I'll still keep you on a strict schedule, but
I'm sure things will get a lot better. You'll still go to
visit Tim and Dawn once a week, but there's no more
blackmail. Dawn knows everything. We'll find you more lovers
" How many more ?"
" As many as it takes, " she smiled. " Oh, one more
" Here's one last contribution for your collection. "
Janice pressed her into my hand, and then went
back to Lucy's room to sleep. Her bare bum looked delightful
in the half-light of the hallway. I would sleep soon too,
but not before enjoying my newest treasure.
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