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Within moments I was back in the control centre of the Fantasy Train.
The leprechaun was literally jumping up and down with rage.
"You useless lummock," he yelled. "Get back over there and make him
turn back. The amount of planning and effort I've put into this revenge,
I'm not letting you mess it up now."
"I tried, weren't you paying attention? He won't listen to me."
"He's a lazy, vain, greedy human, just like the rest of mankind" the
leprechaun howled, "use that. Tell him you'll give him meals like that
every evening for the rest of his life, and a purse full of gold every
morning. Then take him to bed and fuck his brains out, and tell him you'll
give him a night like that every night for the rest of his life. I
guarantee he'll change his mind."
"Hey, hang on a minute! There's no way I'm doing that."
"Why not? That's what I recruited you?"
"I'm a respectable woman. I don't go around telling gianormous
lies and seducing ugly men, just to get them to do what I want."
"Come off it, I've read your stories," he said scornfully. "Those ones
you wrote about that teacher, and that one where she seduces him, then
"So? They're just stories," I pointed out. "I made them all up. Just
because I write about sex, doesn't make me a slut in real life, in
the same way that writing thrillers doesn't make me a murderer in real
life. Don't you get that?" He made an impatient scornful sound, then dug in
his pocket. I remembered him doing that before, and ducked my head down so
that the powder flew over my head.
"Stop doing that," I said crossly.
"Fine. If you won't do it my way, do you have any idea how to get
Columbus to change his mind?"
"No," I admitted reluctantly.
"Well then, how about it?"
"No way. If you want someone to do that, go do it yourself," I snapped
"Yeah, right. Actually, hang on." The little green stopped and
thought for a moment. "Are you saying that you wish I would make myself
look just as you do now, and that I would go over to Columbus' cabin and do
whatever it takes to make him change his mind?"
"Well, yes, I suppose so."
"Just say 'yes, that is my wish'."
"Why?" I asked. "If that's what you want to do, why don't you just do
"Do you think that if I could just use magic to grant my own wishes, I'd
be here right now? Or that I'd be short and green and poor? I can only
grant humans' wishes, although I admit I'm pretty good at getting them to
wish for what I want. Of course a bit of Fairie Dust always helps too. So
just say it."
"Say 'yes, that is my wish'," he said very patiently.
"OK, yes, that is my wish," I repeated obligingly, not really sure what
I was wishing for.
"Excellent," he said, then there was a flash of blinding light, and when
my vision cleared I found that I was face to face with myself. Well,
that's a bizarre experience. I had heard that your reflection in a mirror
wasn't accurate because it's back to front. Well, it's true. I knew it
was me, but I didn't look quite as I thought I did, if you follow me. Of
course, the wig didn't help. hair and black eyebrows look very
strange together. Then I noticed how transparent my gown was, and
instinctively crossed my arms across my chest.
My counterpart gave a low laugh, then peered interestedly down the front
of her, I mean his, gown.
"Hmm, maybe you should have wished for Maria's figure, or Virago's," the
leprechaun said snidely. It was strange to see my mouth open and his voice
come out. "Now pass me that transporter band. I'm going to have to rely
on you, so concentrate. When this light here flashes, you have to pull
this lever. That will return me straight back here. Do you think you will
be able to manage that?"
"Look here, Mr. Leprechaun," I began indignantly.
"Call me Louie, everyone else does," he said. "Do you think you can
manage to remember what you are supposed to do?
"I think I can manage that simple task," I sniffed.
"Great, I'm dependent on a wench who's ODed on Fairie Dust," he
muttered. "Just concentrate, OK. I leave the monitor on, so you can watch
an expert at work. See you later."
He vanished from my sight, and when I looked at the monitor I saw that
he had appeared in Columbus' cabin. He barely had time to adjust to the
rolling of the ship before Columbus returned.
"The sea's perfectly calm, in fact too calm, really," Columbus observed.
"We could do with a bit more wind to suit me. So where's this danger?"
"If it was an obvious danger, I wouldn't have been sent to warn you," my
doppelganger told him, somehow making his voice sound like mine. "But I do
ensure you that it's essential that you turn back."
"And just why should I listen to you?" Columbus asked sceptically.
"I'm your guardian angel. I've been sent to comfort, guide and succour
you in any way I can," the leprechaun announced, making my mouth smile
seductively as he stood in the centre of the cabin. "Any way I can," he
repeated, shrugging off his gown. I couldn't help blushing at the sight of
my naked body, even though I was safely sat in the Fantasy Train. My
double was so brazen, standing in front of Columbus without a stitch on!
Columbus' smirk became lecherous as he reached for the naked woman in
front of him. I suppose allowances should be made for the fact that he had
been at sea for so long, but even so I thought he was very rough. He
pushed Louie to the floor, not bothering to get undressed, just freeing the
essential equipment. I saw my face grimace with pain, and I was devoutly
grateful that it was the leprechaun over there and not me. Columbus was
grunting and thrusting, and almost before he had begun, he was finished. I
was wincing in sympathy as Louie picked himself up off the floor.
"So Columbus, or can I call you Christopher, have you thought any more
about turning back?" Louie asked. I had to give him full marks for
"Hey, you can call me whatever you want, I don't care," he observed,
getting up, only to flop down on the bed. "If I turn around, then what?
You disappear again and I'm left trying to explain why I didn't keep going
and trying to find some way to pay my debtors."
"No, once you get back to Spain, I'll be there waiting for you. I'll
provide you with food every day, and I'll warm your bed every night. I've
shown you that I can do that. And as for your debts, I can provide you
with as much gold as you will ever need," Louie promised, producing a gold
coin from who knew where, and pressing it into Columbus' hand.
"Well, that's different," Columbus said thoughtfully. "If you can
produce gold, then I can't see any reason why I shouldn't do what you ask.
Now, why don't you get over here and show me some of your bed warming
If it had been me, I would have thumped him as hard as I could where it
would the most. However, Louie just meekly crawled over to Columbus
and lowered his head to his crotch. I couldn't watch. There was something
obscene about watching myself give a blow-job to that unpleasant man.
I poked around the cabin, trying to distract myself, but apart from a
couple of manuals there wasn't a lot available in the distraction
department. When I looked back at the monitor, Columbus was laid on his
back on the bunk and Louie straddling him. To my disgust, I could hear the
unmistakable sound of myself approaching orgasm. I quickly stuck my
fingers in my ears, screwed my eyes shut and hummed as loudly as I could.
So it's not surprising I didn't immediately notice the light flashing.
When I did venture to take another look at the monitor, Louie was shaking
his fist in my direction and mouthing curses while Columbus snored on his
bunk in the background. I quickly pulled the appropriate lever, and Louie
materialised on the transporter platform.
"Blarney stones and shamrocks, can you not manage the simplest task,
girl?" he asked irritably. He was once again looking like himself and not
like me, which was a relief. "I need to get some kip, so I'm going to have
to trust you again. Just don't let anyone touch anything, and wake me in
about eight hours. At least I got the job done, he's turned around and
America as we know it is no more. That'll teach Shon a lesson."
He pulled open what looked like a cupboard door to reveal a small bunk.
He stuffed cotton wool in his ears and pulled a mask over his eyes. He
gave me a final dirty look before shutting the door behind him. Left to my
own devices, I soon became bored and, despite the uncomfortable seats, I
Copyright Vickie Morgan, 1999 E-mail email@example.com
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