By Sig Grayson
Suzanne was absolutely the most beautiful, attractive, girl, woman that
I ever laid eyes or hands on. If not for some prodding and a little
fate, we would never have met. I was just starting my freshman year at
Boston University when I first saw her. She was a friend of a friend at
Northeastern. Suzanne went to Northeastern and was also beginning her
freshman year. Every time I saw her, I know I flushed and lost my
ability to talk and think. Not only did she have the prettiest face and
smile, but she carried herself, her gorgeous self, with a confidence
like she was walking the runway in Atlantic City while Bert Parks sang
Miss America. Yet, she was always alone. Well, not alone, just without a
guy, always with her girlfriends. One of those girlfriends was Sonja
Favour, but everyone called her Yoffie. It had something to do with her
name, Son-YA Favour. Yoffie went to the same High School as me, and when
we hooked up on the train once going home to upstate New York for Labor
Day in our freshman year.
"Hi, I know you never spoke to me in 4 years of High School, but I'm
Yoffie Favour and I know you're Sig Grayson. Why you've chosen to ignore
me for 4 years and the first 2 weeks of school is beyond me, I hope its
shyness rather than being stuck up." She said rather matter of factly.
"Shyness has a lot to do with it, please don't think I was being rude. I
never had a good opening line for anyone." I said as the first thing to
come into my mind.
"Well," she said. "We live so close together and now we school so close,
we should be friends and depend on each other a little. You never know
when one of us may need a ride home. We have a lot of the same friends,
we've just never gotten mixed right." Yoff explained.
The wall broken down, I used my shy act as bravado to make cute
"You mean you're forcing me to be your friend?" I asked, a smile curling
at my lips.
"Oh Yeah, you're REAL shy." She said.
"I really am, I just never have a good first line with any woman." I
"Woman? Why thank you, I'm glad to know I've made the grade from girl.
Please don't think I was hitting on you, I'm not. I'll have a hard
enough time getting through this school without the distraction of a
boyfriend." She said defending her actions so far.
Yoffie wasn't a centerfold, by any stretch, but she was a cute one,
though. She looked the part of a reformed tomboy, uneasy with her
transformation into a woman. If her face didn't make you smile and
wonder what was going on behind her deep blue eyes, you needed an eye
exam. Not a beauty, but intriguing, with a distinctive personality.
From that day forward, nary a day went by I didn't see her somewhere on
my campus, her campus, or back at home. No matter who she was with, or
who I was with, she would raise her voice to get my attention.
"HEY SIG, YOFFIE SAYS "HEY", AND HOW'S YOUR DAY?" was her standard line.
While it seems goofy, geeky and awkward, she always had a bunch of
people with her (I did mention her outgoing personality, right?) and
those people then all knew who I was, or at least my name. Plus I had
the stamp of approval from the ever personable Yoffie.
The only time she wouldn't shout across the street, or the T station,
cafeteria or a hallway was when she was with Suzanne. Then it was a
polite "hi Sig", as she passed.
I always turned and watched her and Suzanne disappear. Watching Suzanne
walk away was like a listening to Charlton Heston read the 10
Commandments, hard not to pay attention. I felt much the voyeur, but, I
was quite amused and not to be denied.
By March of our freshman year I had to talk to Yoffie about Suzanne. She
had driven me crazy.
From time to time Yoffie would ask me to go to Mass with her downtown in
Boston. It meant getting up early on a Sunday, but to hear her sing out
with the congregation was worth it. It truly exhilarated her. We were
both Catholics, but neither of us fanatics about it, though. She
obviously got a lot out of the big Mass in the Cathedral of the Holy
Cross. The walk back to the T at Copley always led us by several places
to stop for breakfast and we took turns buying. We had fast become pals.
On one such breakfast I finally asked her about the little quirk in her
normal greeting for me.
"How come you go out of your way to embarrass me and get me passed the
opening line with all of your friends, "HEY SIG, YOFFIE SAYS "HEY", AND
HOW'S YOUR DAY?", but never when you're with your redhead friend,
Suzanne." I asked.
Yoffie almost choked on her sip of coffee. "Umm, no reason, she is just
not the kind I would embarrass like that." She seemed to stutter out.
"Yoff, if you and her are, you know, real friendly, it makes no
difference to me." I managed to get out, figuring I was really testing
"OH, GOD NO. HOLY CRAP!!" she said. "I have a hard enough time getting a
guy to look at me, don't let people think I'm a lezzie."
"Well, C'mon," I quickly defended. "You go out of your way to be abrupt,
but genteel when you are with her and you see me."
"Suzanne is very shy and wants to shrink right up when I do that with
anyone. We have almost the same classes and same study groups and have
known each other for years. She lived in Nebraska and believe it or not,
was a neighbor of my grandparents when we were kids. Every summer when
we went to visit Nana and Poppy we were inseparable for the 2 weeks. Now
my grandparents are passed on and just her Grandma lives out there. Now,
she doesn't live far from us back in New York. I'm sort of her
protector, I guess. But, she wants to die when I open my big mouth like
that. She's paranoid about going out here in the city, and on campus she
hasn't met any yet." Yoffie explained.
"No guy would approach her." I said, "She looks unattainable. You know,
like she couldn't possible NOT have a boyfriend."
"Guys are strange. Do you mean to tell me that they would think of her
as out of their league and not pay her any mind?" She asked.
"A guy might try to hit on her to pick her up, but a guy looking for a
relationship type of wouldn't give her a second look. How could
that be unattached? And, if she was, her boyfriend was probably an
athlete. Believe me, I just started interning with the sports teams here
at BU and each jock has a beauty just like her." I told Yoffie.
I interned with the Sports Information and Team Travel departments at
the University. My interest in sports media was going to be a fall back
if my accounting or history majors (still deciding at the time) didn't
work out. Team Travel, booking buses, motel rooms and practice fields
was something that went with the SI internship. Besides the experience,
it got me into all BU sporting events, even though my biggest interest
was the hockey team. My limited experience, so far, had shown me that
all the star players had the most incredible women attached, furthering
my stereotype of like Suzanne, as unattainable.
"Well Suzanne isn't the jock type, she's pretty shy." Yoffie said, "She
only had one boyfriend back in Nebraska and they broke up when her
family moved. She was only in New York for a few months before she
started school here. Would you like me to introduce you?"
Those were the magic words that set into motion one of the most
incredible rides a guy could ever have. Suzanne and I hit it off as well
as any couple ever did. We shared many interests and found each other
perfect companions. In time we became lovers where Suzanne was slow at
the start, but became a sexual tiger as we progressed. She had started
taking a Human Sexuality course as part of her Psychology studies and in
that she read and learned about sex practices of the human species. I
attributed the fact that, sexually, she would try almost anything to her
taking this course. She quickly learned and professed that anything people
do sexually with each other, with mutual consent, is "normal".
We experimented with oral and anal sex, and every position imaginable.
Toys, fisting, you name it, were on our menu as she seemed determined to
learn first hand about many of the "assumed perversions" of couples
seeking pleasure. Our private life wasn't a sexual carnival, many of
these things were "one time only" affairs, but she always made it
exciting. However, numerous positions, and thankfully, oral and anal sex
stayed on our menu throughout our relationship. Through all of this,
we fell in love, as well. From the middle of second semester, freshman
year, until the middle first semester junior year, we were inseparable.
We had met each other's families and planned to be married. We were
everything to each other.
Suzanne roomed, off campus near BU, with Jewel Marie Gibbs.
They seemed an unlikely pair; shy Suzanne and the out going, overtly
sensual and sexual Jewel Marie. Jewel Marie had lots of boyfriends,
lots of steady boyfriends it seemed.
She called them dates. When Suzanne was miffed at their late comings and
goings, Suzanne called them tricks. Jewel Marie was built quite nicely
with an ever-present smile that seemed to inviteeveryone to become friends
with her. She made no secret that she enjoyed sex and that if you played
your cards right, it was not out of the question.
How these two were ever put together is still a mystery. It eventually
wore on Suzanne and at the start of her junior year she moved just a few
blocks away with another psych major, Colleen Barney.
Suzanne and Jewel were still best of friends, but she didn't have the in
your face sex exploits of her friend.
The formula of me, the steady and ever-true boyfriend, Suzanne, the
trusting and sexually inquisitive girlfriend, and Jewel Marie, the
pleasure-seeking doubter of all things sacred, spelled trouble.
We were just back from the Thanksgiving break at school, although I had
been with the Hockey team at a Holiday tournament. Jewel Marie had been
grilling and teasing Suzanne about how, and could, she trust me on these
trips. Was I above reproach when it came to being true? Suzanne defended
me to the end.
"I have $100 that says if you gave me a guaranteed hour alone with Sig,
I could be giving him a to beat the band, and he would love
every second of it." Jewel challenged.
"No way on the planet. This will be the easiest $100 I ever made. Sig
gets all he wants from me, plus he loves me and will my children.
Not a chance he would go for your moves." Suzanne defended.
"So it is a bet? Can I set this up? Give me a night when you are
guaranteed to be away, and I know I'll have his winkie in my mouth. I
don't want to fuck him, but to tell you the truth, I've always thought
he would be a great blowjob." Jewel Marie sneered at her.
"You are such a whore." Suzanne half-kiddingly mocked.
"Give me a little credit, Suzie Q. I don't try to hide it and I'm not
ashamed of the fact that I'm more open than some with sex." Jewel
So it was set. A stupid bet where no one should ever bet, in the middle
of someone's love affair.
I got back from the tournament and, as arranged, went to Suzanne's
apartment to shower, where we would then go out for a quiet dinner and
then to my place for some alone time.
When I got to Suzanne's, Colleen had a message from Suzanne to go right
When I got there, Jewels ruse began. "Suzanne's at the library,
something about a paper she has to have in for tomorrow. She won't be
back until they throw her out at eleven. She said to shower here and
wait for her to call." Jewel told me.
I couldn't wait to shower and, while I soaped up, I heard the phone ring
and figured it was Suzanne.
Once I dried, dressed and came out Jewel was waiting for me.
"Suzanne says to just go back to your apartment and she will see you
before midnight." was the message Jewel gave me.
As safe as they seemed, I didn't like her riding the T trains at night,
especially that late. Right away I planned to meet her at the library
to escort her myself. But it was only 8 pm and I had 3 hours to kill.
"I know you planned to have dinner with Suzie, can I be your date? I'm
hungry too." Jewel asked.
"Sure, lets go get a pizza or something and then surprise her at the
library with the leftovers." I said.
"Actually, what I want to eat is right here." Jewel said as she reached
out and cupped my package.
"Jewel Marie, If Suzanne ever saw you with your hands on me she would
kill both of us." I said as I pushed her hand away (even though it felt
"Siggy, I'm serious." Jewel persisted. "I've wanted to suck your cock
and taste your come for the longest time." She said as she walked me
into the wall.
"Suzie will be gone for a couple more hours, so we have plenty of time,
and your cock in the back of my throat is what I really crave." Jewel
said as she worked her hand between my legs again. I tried to push her
away but she just got my zipper tab and it came down about a third
before I slapped her arm away.
"Jewel, knock it off." I insisted.
I had never been one for promiscuous sex, I've never picked anyone up,
or been picked up. The closest I ever came to recreational sex (besides
my own personal one on one marathons) was a one-night fling with Yoffie
and a bottle of wine. It was something we regretted later and never
I was dead serious when I wanted to stop Jewel, but she was making it
harder, in more ways than one.
"Haven't you ever thought about my soft lips around your dick,
Siggy? My mouth is so hot and warm and I've never had a complaint about
my blow-jobs and I never make a mess. I'll all you have to give.
Suzie will never know and we can both fulfill a fantasy." Jewel Marie
was whispering in my ear to my weakening constitution.
I was pretty needy at the time and looked forward to getting off with
Suzanne later, but Jewel was very convincing as my arms went from
pushing her away to sliding around behind her.
"Do you really want me to get away Sig, or do you want me to just
move..." she said as she began to slink, "Down here."
Before I had a chance to rationally think it out, Jewel Marie was
squatting in front of me, her tube top peeled down to show her bare
breasts, and her looking up at me with pouty lips as she fumbled with
the rest of pulling down my zipper.
"Oh God, Jewel. You are so fucking bad. Such a fucking whore." I said,
"I know and you love it too. Relax and enjoy this, I know I am." She
said as she engulfed my now exposed cock with her mouth.
She wasn't kidding when she said she never had a complaint, as I could
see why. She me like a pro. She knew how to do it and get it over
fast as well. Her milking fingers and mouth had me on the verge
in a few minutes. As corny as it sounds I really was thinking of Suzanne
as it was all happening. It was only fitting that I was thinking of
Suzanne, because she was just walking in the door, probably totally
expecting to collect her $100 and me.
Her eyes blazed at the sight of her friend my cock.
"You fucking bastard!! I trusted you, you fucking son of a bitch. You
worthless piece of shit." She railed at me as she grabbed anything in
sight and threw it at me, us.
"Get out, get out, you fuck!!" she screamed as she began to flail away
at me, my wet dick still waving in the air.
"Wait Suzanne, wait, I can explain." I hollered as I tried to contain
her, but she could not be stopped.
Jewel Marie had slinked off to the side and I really don't know if she
was to be the target of any of Suzanne's wrath.
"Explain what?, you piece of shit." She demanded with arms at
her hips staring at me through her teared and fiery eyes, almost nose to
nose with me.
Before I could get one word out she slapped with all the fury any woman
could muster. I almost fell to the floor. She stormed out the door
shouting for me to never see her again.
Jewel was embarrassed, apparently not knowing how much her mischief was
going to affect our relationship.
"Sig, give her a couple hours and she'll be OK. She put me up to it. It
was a bet. She didn't think you would go for it. She thought she knew
you that well."
"Thanks for fucking using me, Jewel, you fucking whore." I shouted at
her as I left for Suzanne's apartment.
I decided to wait for a little while to go to Suzanne's place, wanting
time to ice my face and cool the sting of her slap (I carried a hand
mark for a whole day). When I finally got there Colleen met me at the
door. "I can't let you in Sig, she's pretty pissed, but, she says to
come by after classes tomorrow. I'm going to my sisters in Providence
for the weekend, you two will be alone, OK?"
It all sounded reasonable so I went along with it. The next day around
5:30 after my classes, I went knocking at her door with my tail between
my legs. I was prepared to do all the penance she could offer. There was
no answer. I tried my key for her door; it didn't work. I went to the
corner take-out and called, their number was disconnected.
I spent the rest of the weekend sulking around, going to check to see if
she had returned home or not, checking with Jewel and Yoffie if they had
heard from her. No one had.
Monday morning I waited at her corner for her to go to class, but
Colleen was alone.
"Where's Suzanne?" I asked. Colleen looked at the ground and then
hesitantly to me.
"She's gone home, Sig. All packed up on Thursday night, she moved home
on Friday. I'm sorry. I don't know what you did, but it must have been
I was in shock. I skipped my first class and ran to my apartment to call
her there. Her answered; "Oh Hi Sig. I'm sorry but Suzanne is not
here, and won't be anytime soon. She's transferring to a school out
west, just outside Chicago. She and her left with a trailer full
of stuff yesterday. She said you did something horrible Sig, but
wouldn't talk about it. You her awful Sig. I don't know what to
Part of me wanted to leave and go find her. $15,000 a year for BU told
me to stay and finish the semester and see her at home for Christmas to
straighten out the mess.
Little by little I found where she was going to school through searches
in the library. A woman with her name, at least, was going to The
Chicago School of Professional Psychology. I had never heard of it but I
did find that a psych major could transfer credits from NorthEastern
there. I sent 2 letters there and had them returned with an endorsement
with a new address for Illinois Wesleyan University. For the next 3
weeks I wrote everyday to her, telling her that at Christmas we could
find time to heal and I could show her I had learned a powerful lesson
about love and trust.
When I got home for Christmas I called her home and her told me to
come right over. I was so happy that we could at least talk it all over.
Upon getting there her came to the door with a package, brightly
wrapped for Christmas. "Suzanne is spending Christmas in Nebraska with
her Grandmother. She sent this package for you and asked that you wait
until Christmas morning to open it." Her instructed. I was
encouraged and intrigued by the gift and the lack of an abrupt message.
I called Yoffie to ask her for the address of Suzanne's grandmother and
she told me that Suzanne had asked her not to give it to me. Yoffie
cried when she told me, telling me that she was torn between two good
friends. I put the gift under my bed and waited until Christmas morning
to open it. Before I went downstairs to be with my on Christmas
morning I opened the box. In it were 16 letters I had written, unopened,
each endorsed with black Magic Marker, RETURN TO SHITHEAD.
I was devastated and spent the rest of the Holiday vacation looking
forward to going back to Boston to be with the BU Hockey team on the
road. I got back 10 days before the rest of the students and spent my
time with my intern duties. We made a couple road trips to keep my mind
off things. Even so, I spent all my free time moping.
Jewel Marie's just lived in Leominster and I looked them up to go
and visit her to talk. I made a date to meet her and go out and talk.
When I got there, Jewel Marie had cancelled, having her tell me
the news. She either had a better offer, or she couldn't face me.
Her sister, Dawn Marie was aware of the whole and apologized for
her sister; "I'm sorry she's such a whore sometimes. She's really a nice
It was nice of her to stick up for her sister, and I agreed with her on
both counts. Dawn had me in to talk, and she told me everything she knew
of the situation. By the end of the afternoon, I had made a date with
her to go to a Hockey game with me, and then a and then, on the
rebound, I Dawn Marie a year after graduation.
The first day of summer, 2001, 12 years later.
I was back home in Upstate New York. It was 11 years since Dawn Marie
and I were married, 3 years since the divorce. Luckily we never had any
We just grew apart, something we both came to realize after the first
6 years. We hung on to try and make it work, but there was no magic left.
I gave her my car, I kept the payment book, and we sold the house and
split it down the middle. There was a couple hundred thousand in equity
from the whole marraige that we could once all was said and done.
I was 34 years old, pretty successful, making good money, now with the
State of New York. But, I was unhappy that my love life was dead, with
no prospects. I had been with 5 women in my life. Shelly, a high school
sweetheart who I shared a backseat and blanket with my senior year,
Yoffie, whom I got too drunk with one night, while we compared sex
notes, Suzanne, who I loved more than anything in the world, Jewel
Marie, whom I never got beyond "almost" having my orgasm in her mouth,
and Dawn Marie, who was the sweetest and best friend I had for a
Unfortunately, she rarely enjoyed vaginal sex, found it painful most times,
but went out of her way to make me happy other ways.
I walked for exercise each day the weather permitted. The Office campus
at Albany sprawled over almost a square mile. A walk from my building to
the Service station/deli/convenience store on the outer edge of the
campus took about 45 minutes, back and forth. My boring lunch of a dry
vegetarian wrap each day kept my weight down and the walk helped to
shrink it a bit more. It was a tedious daily grind, but for the first
time in a long time, I felt good and slept good, usually after
masturbating thinking about one of my few conquests, usually Suzanne.
This first day of summer hardly felt like summer, just 65 degrees, but
the bright sunshine made it look the part. I had just got my wrap from
the counter and waited in line to pay. I stood nervously checking my
watch for the time. I would carry my lunch all the way back to my desk
today, I had calls to make to fill my hour. If the line were any longer,
the hour would be gone, not that I had to report in or out, but for what
I was paid, I didn't want to abuse my time.
I just pocketed my change and went out the door; saw the walk light on
the avenue had just lit. I was about to start a skip step to make a safe
crossing and begin my brisk walk back, when a hand touched my elbow.
"Sig?" a voice whispered as I turned to see who beckoned me.
There for the first time since THAT night in Boston, I saw the face of
Suzanne. A little older, but still real pretty, her beautiful was now dyed black, but she was unmistakable.
I tried to make words come from my mouth but my tongue denied me. My
usual bugaboo of not knowing a good first line, and shock, combined to
stifle my thought processes.
"Sig, you remember me, don't you?" Suzanne said.
I was down for the count. No words could come from my mouth. It was as
if I were punched in the stomach. I could barely draw a breath. I turned
and walked; no - I half ran, to make the light before traffic started.
My mind raced. Was it really her, did I just imagine what just happened,
why didn't I speak, why couldn't I speak?
When I got back to the office I was out of breath, having walked as fast
as I ever had. I was sweating profusely and breathing hard. I tried to
calm down and eat, but I could barely swallow. A moment later I was
heaving what I did have in my stomach into the waste can.
My secretary, Joanne, had just got back from lunch herself and saw me,
red and sweating, throwing up.
"Mr. Grayson, are you OK? Are you having chest pains? I know CPR and you
look like you're having a heart attack. Are you OK?" she asked
I couldn't speak and waved my arms. Joanne panicked and called 911, and
then came into the room and coaxed me to lie on my office floor. I
didn't know, maybe I was having a heart attack.
Thirty minutes later, EMT's were carrying me out of my building on the
way to the hospital. I was checked out there and sent home; being told
that I didn't have an attack, possibly just a nervous anxiety attack.
They gave me a sedative and Joanne brought me home.
I missed work Friday and Saturday, but kept in touch with Joanne and
worked from home on my computer. State budgetary issues that I had to
work on with my staff were due soon and I had to get back as we all were
working 6 days. I returned to work on Monday not knowing if I should go
for my usual walk and lunch or not. God, I wanted so to see Suzanne, but
apparently something inside me told me to reject her. She had flushed me
from her life so totally, made me as if I never existed; maybe my own
psyche had erased something from my memory. Had I been mistaken, maybe
it wasn't Suzanne who called my name outside the store. Was it Yoffie,
Jewel Marie or any other female friend I hadn't seen in a long time? Did
I really remember what Suzanne looked like?
Intrigued, I took my regular walk to the store and got my usual lunch. I
got in line and paid as always and went outside to wait for the walk
Ahhh, all was fine and back to normal. My regular walk route follows the
access roads to a point before the walk turns toward my building. Along
the road are sheltered bus stops, and as I approached one, I saw the
same black haired lady stand up and begin to stand in my path. If it
were Suzanne, she was about 20 pounds heavier than the sleek bodied
beauty I knew. This woman carried the extra weight all in her belly and
butt. If she told me she was 4 months pregnant, I would accept that as
true, but she wasn't.
I began to walk to the side to pass her by and she stepped in my way.
"Sig, do you hate me that much? You can't even talk for a minute? You
must remember me! It's Suzanne." She said.
I was struck once again, I really wanted to run, but my good conscience
told me to stay and be a man. I struggled to make words pass over my
"Hi, you look different. I really have to get back to work. Umm, nice
seeing you." I said as I began to rush away.
"GODDAMN IT SIG, I don't accept this!!" She shouted and then chased
She caught me and held my arm tightly.
"The last time I touched you was with the full force of my hand across
your face. You deserved it, but I deserved the same for setting you up!
If you had slapped me back I might have realized that then, but you didn't.
It took me 7 years to realize that, and I knew it was too late then, but I
want YOU to know it now. If this is the last thing I ever get to say to you,
fine. It was something I promised myself I had to do. That is, to tell you I
was wrong and I know I, WE, threw away something real special that only
certain people have the privilege of knowing and feeling. GOODBYE!!" She
said as she threw my arm back at me and stormed away, obviously crying.
All of the blood in my body ran to my feet, then to my head and then to
my chest. I was freaking out. I wanted to reach out to someone, and the
one I needed to reach out to was walking away from me.
"Suzanne, SuzANNE, SUZANNE!!" I finally shouted, mustering all the
strength I had.
She stopped in her tracks and turned. Behind all the tears, a couple
wrinkles, and all that awful black hair, stood the one woman whom I
truly loved through and through all my life, Suzanne.
We slowly walked to each other and embraced and hugged.
"We were both pretty stupid that night." I said. "I took all of the
blame for the longest time until I came to realize that you had made a
wager on our love. That was wrong."
"I know, I was Judas, and it took me 7 years to understand that. I am
so, so sorry." She cried to me.
We sat in the bus shelter and rehashed much of the past almost 12 years.
She was and living locally and happened to see me one day while
pumping gas where I bought my lunch. She saw me again and noticed the
time and watched for me, finally getting the nerve to approach me one
day. She was afraid that I hated her, which was the reason she stalked
me today. She said she couldn't live with that.
We continued to meet from time to time for a lunch at the bus shelter.
She would call in the morning and ask me to get her the same lunch as I
got. When I returned and passed the shelter, she was there. I had no
intentions of starting up with her again, she was a woman and
cheating had already ruined my life once. It was just great to have a
friend who knew me so well, who I could talk with about everything. By
September we talked at length of State politics and my role in the
budget process and the problems the State faced. She was still smart as
anything and on top of all the things around her. We were to meet on
September 11 but obviously, neither of us showed up. It was the first
time she called me at home, that night. We cried together, and then I
heard another person enter the room she was talking from, and she
quickly hung up.
I realized that I did not know her new name, her number
or where she lived.
In a few days we were back to our regimen, now 3 times a week, a half
hour talking and discussing current events, politics and the like,
sometimes mentioning she had heard from an mutual friend.
"What do you think of the possibility of bombing in Afghanistan", I
asked her one day.
"I haven't had sex in 3 years with my husband and I don't know why I am
staying with him. He cheats on me to pay back for catching me on him. I wanted to die until the day I saw you and now I every day thinking of you and I in Boston."
I was dumb struck!
"Suzanne? Can you explain that a little more plainly? I feel like you
just bombed ME." I said.
Suzanne started crying profusely and it took 5 or 10 minutes to calm her
down. I phoned Joanne and told her to hold my calls, I had a small
emergency come up and may not return from lunch.
Once calmed, she asked me listen and not talk or judge. She wanted to
clear her conscience.
"My marriage was not always the best, but I was happy for the most part,
early on. We had a baby that we named Sonja and all seemed fine
with the world. We lost Sonja to leukemia when she was 4 and a parent
never gets over losing a child. My husband started paying less and less
attention to me, but I really didn't care at the time. Things got worse
and he told me to change my hair color to give me a new look. He wanted
it black and right after I changed it our sex life got wild again. I
told him I was pregnant again and we were happy. Three months into the
pregnancy, I lost the baby. He began to act as if I didn't exist. He had
sex with me on Saturday nights, screwing the daylights out of me from
behind; he didn't want to look at me. I couldn't believe I had become
that unattractive. A fellow I worked with at the mall, reminded me a lot
of you. He flirted with me a lot. I screwed him in his van one night in
the parking lot at the mall. He showed up the next morning after my
husband had left for work and wanted me to go again. Feeling unloved for
so long, we screwed like rabbits on the sofa, until Paul, my husband,
came in the front door. He and my lover fought briefly and finally I was
left alone with Paul. I thought he was going to kill me at first, but he
just shouted at me, calling me names, and promising me that he would
never touch me again until I proved I deserved him. I don't know what I
was supposed to do to prove that, but apparently I never did it. We've
lived in the same house, the same bed for the past 3 years like this. He
says goodbye in the morning, kisses me hello when he gets home. Some
nights he goes out and comes home smelling of perfume, and I find stains
in his shorts when I do the laundry. All I've done to combat this is
eat, as you can see. My beautiful body is gone. Sig, I still love you
and want you to this day.
If I divorce my husband, can I count on you to be there for me?"
"Whoa, Suze, that's a pretty tall order. What makes you think he would
give a divorce without a fight? He may have an ax to grind, and if he
suspects anything at all, like having you followed on the days we meet
for lunch, you're in trouble.
One more thing, how do you know that the guy you loved in Boston is
inside of me anymore, and how do I know the I knew then is still
you." I said, my mind going fast and furious.
"The house is already up for sale, and he says as soon as it's sold he's
moving to Florida. I don't know if it includes me or not. Shit, I wonder
if I ever loved him. I met him on the rebound a few months after I went
out west to get away from you. I just had to have somebody to prove that
I didn't need you." Suzanne admitted.
"Well, if it means anything to you, I did the same thing. Only
difference is, my is still a friend, and that's all we ever were, I
guess." I said.
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and sort of making plans. I
agreed to help her in getting a divorce lawyer if she needed it, and to
try to pick up where we left off if she got a divorce. But, I
emphasized, "try". As much as she was always in my thoughts, the I
loved was 12 years separated from the one before me now.
Plus, as much as I know I was a cheater, it was different from the
she had done. She committed adultery, I didn't know if that would present
trust issues for me. I was pretty fragile, as evidenced by my anxiety attack
and physical breakdown upon seeing her again. I told her that from the
day she announced her divorce plans to her husband, I would not see her.
If she got a legal separation I might meet her on the sly, but I would
not go with her in public until she was totally divorced. She told me
that they were in Las Vegas, and divorce was done there quite
quickly as well, if they chose to go there. IF he WANTED to be divorced
and agreed to a split, it might be easy to go there and do it.
In about 2 weeks I got a call at my office that she had obtained a legal
separation. Separation before an uncontested divorce in New York was
apparently pretty easy to obtain. Now they had to take up legal
residence in Nevada for 6 weeks. In New York they would still have to
wait a year. But, in Vegas, a legal separation from another state could
be used, once you had the 6 week residency requirement (a sworn
affidavit from an established Nevada resident swearing you had lived
there for 6 weeks). Paul, her future ex, had out there with a
business and they began paying rent on a house that was their "legal"
residence. They flew out a couple times to make legal appearances.
Suzanne said that Paul was adamant about being divorced by Christmas.
They could make it with a few weeks to spare if there were no problems.
She suspected there was a involved after all.
With Paul (Suzanne's soon to be Ex) making a solo trip to Nevada,
Suzanne called me wishing to get together. The price on their house had
been greatly reduced and the realtor had it "open" all weekend, and she
wanted to be away. Suzanne was staying at a local hotel and had rented
the adjoining room. I had great trepidations about this meeting, but was
anxious to see her again, even if sparks did not fly, I had to know one
way or the other. Friday afternoon a courier delivered a package at my
office that contained a room key. Even though everything we were doing
was legal and could have no effect on an uncontested out of state
divorce, I felt slimy, like I was meeting a woman. However,
despite that feeling, when I got home Friday night I packed a bag for a
couple days and went off to the hotel to meet my flame. I was
anxious. I just hoped there was more sizzle than fizzle. I personally
wasn't assuming there would be sex. I knew there could be, but I also
knew she was ashamed of her body, and how she had gained weight and she
might not feel comfortable. One more thing I needed to consider was; did
I forgive her for running away from me, then spitefully removing herself
from my life and my world. It was the meanest thing anyone had ever done
to me, even if I did deserve it at first. I couldn't lose sight of the
fact that SHE was the one who made the bet with her girlfriend. In a
court of law this would have been called entrapment.
I got to my room and showered as soon as I got settled. I dressed and
went to the adjoining door and knocked. I heard the bolt slide and a
door creak, then a knock on her side of my door. I opened it.
Although framed in that awful black hair, her cute face and smile was
still Suzanne. The apparent reduction in stress had begun to return the
glow to her face that I knew.
"Hi." She said. "I'm glad you came. Paul called me today from Las Vegas
and all the papers are set, we need only fill the residency requirement.
He has to make personal pleas before a judge this week, and I have to do
it within the next 10 days. In 4 weeks it will be over."
Then the glow in her face left and she dropped her eyes and the returned to her face.
"He told me he fell out of love with me the second Sonja died. Nice
touch, huh?" she said as her eyes welled up with tears. "WHY DID THE SON
OF A BITCH HAVE TO SAY THAT? That means I've been nothing to him for the
past 7 years. I gave up school, my degree, and my career for him. I
can't believe I quit school to run away to Las Vegas to get married,
hoping it was hurting you."
"Don't ask me to answer questions I can't possibly know, Suze. You lived
with the guy for a long time, so nothing should surprise you. I am real
sorry about your daughter. Even a good marriage might have a hard time
getting through that. But, if you loved him out of spite for me, you
should take as much blame as he for the failure. I know I'm not making
any points with my views, but I have to be straight with you." I
Suzanne crashed to the floor in an all out bawl. I didn't know what to
do. Something inside of me may have enjoyed watching her squirm a bit
and feel the enduring pain I felt, but my heart weakened as I knelt to
the floor to offer a shoulder.
"I'm not deserting you, I just have to tell you the truth about how I
see things. You wouldn't want me to hide my feelings would you?" I
She was crying too hard to say anything; she just shook her head "no". I
got her to kneel up as I was and I hugged her and held her to me.
"Suzanne," I whispered. "I did love you more than anything when we were
together way back when, and a part of me loves a part of you to this
day. But there are so many issues I have to sort out before I can let my
feelings go again."
Then Suzanne looked me in the eyes and addressed my issues. It wasn't
rehearsed, I don't think he planned it. "Sig, I promise that I can be
the person you thought I was when we were together. I've learned my
lessons, the hard way. I know that love is sacred and it's not something
to play with. I know that spite doesn't fit into a love affair; it's
only hate in disguise. The only person it was I. I also learned
what real was. I felt like a real whore after I cheated on
Paul, and as much as I hated him right then, I knew I was wrong. I hoped
he would beat me that night, how's that for crazy?" Suzanne pleaded to
It was like I heard a confession. I was moved.
"Baby, they're all just words, and the words I want to hear, but how do
I know you mean it all? I don't doubt you mean them now, but how about 2
weeks from now, 2 years from now? Did you believe them 2 years ago?" I
"You know, you know because it's my heart telling you. The heart I gave
you so long ago, remember?" she asked.
She had hit a soft spot. "I remember," I answered.
It was the night we traded hearts. It was a night we never wanted to
end, a memory that would last forever.
I sought out her lips and kissed her. Her face was still wet from the
tears, but the electricity of my kiss brought her hands to my face as we
kissed and at each other's face. I was overcome with desire for
Suzanne, the woman I threw away in Boston; suddenly she was in my arms.
We fell sideways to the floor together and suddenly I was on top of her,
our lips still seemingly cauterized together. Twelve or more years of
frustration, affection, love and wonderment of what could be, were
suddenly in fast forward. Could they catch up with 2001 without being
I was cradled between her legs, our middles pushed together, her feet
firmly planted on the floor with her knees up. The additional weight on
her frame made her a comfortable place to be as I slid one hand down her
side to squeeze her ass. Though more fleshy, it was still the ass I
loved so much, so long ago.
"Wait, wait, Sig! Let's get on the bed and be comfortable, and turn down
the lights, I don't want you to see me like this." Suzanne said
"Suzanne, if I'm going to love you, I will accept you the way you are.
Hiding faults and feelings may have led us to being apart. Right now I
don't know if it's you that has me crazy, or the fact I haven't had a
woman in a few years. You have to admit the same thing, as well" I
"Sig! Are you trying to ground me, or what? I thought I was about to
make love to a I have loved and missed for a third of my life. Now
you're telling me that maybe we're just horny." Suzanne whined
"You may have missed my point, but I think once we get this out of the
way we might think more rationally about each other." I said as I
reached out to start unbuttoning her blouse.
"My titties aren't as nice as you remember them, Sig. Motherhood, time,
and chocolate brownies have taken a toll." She said watching my hands as
I peeled her blouse back to reveal her bra.
Kneeling on the bed in her bra, Suzanne began to look damn sexy to me. I
moved toward her and kissed her lips while I reached behind her to
unsnap her bra. He pendulous fell out, showing a little marks here and there, but still beautiful. They were large, but not
huge. I filled my hands with them as I eased her back onto the bed. I
squeezed and enjoyed their mass as I worked my hands over them and
kneaded them up to the nipple and pinched at them until she would
squirm. She had not lost her super sensitive nipples. I could have
played with them all night.
I lifted my lips from hers and smiled at her, then dropped my mouth to a
nipple, then the other, then back, to spend long moments biting
and teasing her sensitive tips. Her moans and groans told me she was
enjoying my mouth play. Then, I thought I heard her cry a bit. I looked
up to see her eyes welled with tears, but a smile on her face.
"How could I have been so stupid as to doubt where your real feelings
lie? You are so tender, so loving, you make me feel so good." She said
through her tears.
I was beginning to realize myself, that she was still the real deal. It
wasn't her body, I once loved, it was she. Her body was the vessel and
it didn't matter what shape it was in, or how it had changed.
I reached for the belt on her slacks. I loosened it and unbuttoned them,
lowering the fly in one motion. I gripped the sides and looked to her
eyes as she lifted up to allow me to slide them off.
"I'm sorry I'm so fat, honey." She said through a breaking voice.
"Suzanne, you're not "so fat". You have a belly, that's all. You carry
it so low it makes me think you are pregnant, and I think that looks
sexy. I don't care how you look, I only want to love you. No more
talking, OK?" I said as diplomatically as I could.
She had pink on that I hooked my thumbs in and pulled down. The
pretty pink I remembered was now decidedly darker, but her pubic
hair was still fire and her slit still tiny, compared to the other
few I had seen. I lay beside her and looked into her eyes. She went to
speak and I put a finger to her lips.
"No words" I whispered.
While looking into her eyes I ran my hand down her smooth abdomen and
over the round of her belly. I played among the pubic hair and found her
slit. I ran my middle finger up and down until her hood retracted and
her clit popped.
"I want to suck that, bite that, make you crazy. OK?" I asked as I moved
down her body not waiting for permission.
"You were the last, you know." She said.
"The last to do this to you?" I asked, astonished. She nodded excitedly.
I wanted to ask her why her own husband hadn't gone down on her, but
words would get in the way at the moment.
The whole of Suzanne's always astonished me because it was so
small; it seemed such a tiny orifice for its purposes. I hadn't been
with scores of other women, but hers seemed only half to two-thirds the
length of others. I could easily cover the whole of her with my mouth
and let it squeeze from my mouth until only the lips or clit remained.
Right away I remembered how much I loved eating her. Every woman enjoys
oral sex, but Suzanne made you want to never stop, with the noises and
cheerleading she would do. How could she not have encouraged her own
husband to do this for her?
I bobbed my head taking the all of her mound in my mouth and squeezing
down to just the lips, then alternating to just the clit over and over
again. I would concentrate on just her big beautiful clit soon enough.
It was disproportionate to the rest of her genitalia, almost like a
little cock head.
I lifted her legs to open her up more for me. I couldn't resist running
my tongue down to her cute little asshole, something she always liked as
well. I couldn't help notice there was a scar line I could feel with my
tongue, probably the result of an episiotomy at childbirth.
"Oooof, you're the last one to touch me there too! We were such wild
lovers weren't we?" she said through her moans and throat catching hums.
I began to concentrate on her clit, wishing to bring here over the edge
as I relished the feel of that vibrating little nubbie on my tongue. She
was such a joy to eat, so responsive as she touched my face at times and
repeated my name. How could a husband resist this, or was she telling me
a to soften the fact she slept with another for the past 12
years. The trust issue was rearing its ugly head again. Before I could
address my paranoia about trust she began to bounce on the bed. She
reacted just the way I remembered, bouncing up hard to my face while
trying to pull away.
"Zsa zsa zsa, Oh Sig please, let me go. I can't, I can't... OoooEeeee
PLEASE! Ohhh!" she exuded till I finally let her go.
She turned to her side and curled up in a ball, while I lay beside her,
with her big bottom in my wet face.
"Ohhhhh Goddddd, Sig, you haven't lost your touch. I haven't came like
that since the last time we were together." She said into the pillow. I
crept up and lay my face beside hers.
"NO ate that since I did the last time?? Was you husband dead,
or what?" I inquired, even though I knew the timing was off.
"Sig, I experimented with you with sex, once I knew what it was, if it
made me happy we did it again. Otherwise, I didn't like anyone playing
those kinds of games with me. No one got as personal as you." She
answered as she rolled toward me. "Everything we did made me happy, and
you never made me feel like a slut or a whore for enjoying it. We loved
each other through and through. I hope we can save some years together,
Sig. I know by questions you ask, or the look on your face sometimes,
that you don't trust me or you doubt me." The tears began to well up and
she began to really bawl again while she tried to talk. "Please treat me
like that night never happened!!" she said in a river of tears. "You
have to believe me and trust me. I'll do whatever you ask for a chance
to make things right again. I just WANT A CHANCE. I loved you for almost
3 years of college, and then I hated you for a couple years. I've loved
you so much for the past 10 years that I haven't been able to give
myself to anyone else. Bwahhhh Bwahhhh!" she cried and bellered like a
baby as the tears crested in her pleas to me.
I have to admit that she had a convincing sincerity to her pleas. My
heart ached for her as I began to take her to heart. I wanted to forget
the problems I had with her story, but didn't see how I could, until
now. She poured her heart out to me so convincingly, that I forgot that
I was as much the fault of our break up as she.
"We'll try to make it right babe, I promise." I told her. "Don't cry
anymore. If it doesn't work out, it won't be not for trying. I promise
you that. Just don't give me reason to doubt you. I promise you will
never have reason to doubt me."
She turned and sought out my lips and she kissed me with her tear soaked
and stained face. "I promise, you promise." She said. "I know your word
is good and you know mine is." She was talking from her heart, to mine,
and I knew it.
She kissed me again and then looked at me a little funny. She knelt up
and pushed me back a bit and grabbed at my belt. She got it undone and
worked at my zipper and then dug her fist into the thigh of my pants and
pulled them down to my knees.
Her crying had finally stopped and she had calmed down a bit. My pants
were at my knees and she looked at my underwear, specifically my cock
and balls. She reached out and touched them through my shorts.
"Sig, I'm dead serious when I say I love you. I'm serious when I say I
have missed you, painfully missed you, for so, so long. I got to
hurt you. God paid me back for being so selfish, spiteful and petty by
taking back the angel he had given me. That was the second dagger in my
heart. The day I saw you at that store I was ready to just drive off a
bridge, step into traffic, anything to end it. The sight of you gave me
hope. It was also a message from God that he didn't want me to die and
go to hell. Sig, I was spiteful, petty and took great joy in breaking
your heart, ruining your life after it was me who set you up. I know you
were wrong and I had every right to hate you for it, but after that I
was evil to you. I a I certainly cared deeply for, but
didn't love as I did you. I know I committed adultery with him, and I
know that weighs heavy with you. After everything I've done to you, you
also know what I am capable of. Sig, you know in your heart, the real
me. I've poured my heart and soul out to you tonight and given you, as
well as you have me, the chance to make love as we once did. Sig, I can
rewind to that day and be half of the special couple we were. You have
to decide if you can." She said without shedding a tear or losing eye
contact with me. I was taken aback and had almost no breath as I
absorbed her words. After all the crying, bawling and blubbering she did
tonight, her most serious words were delivered perfectly from the heart,
from her soul. I didn't doubt her resolve one bit. She reversed the onus
from her to me when she said, "You have to decide if you can." She
sounded so sure of her own feelings.
"I - - -" I began to say before she stopped me.
"Don't say anything now." She said. "There is something I want to do
that I have only done with you. I've looked forward to this and if you
walk out of my life, or into it after tonight, this will make me happy."
She knelt up and pulled my underwear down to my knees with my pants. She
reached out and took my cock in her hand, and stroked it a few times.
She then sat back and took my socks off and pulled at the cuffs of my
pants to take them off, my shorts came with them.
She stood with one leg on the floor and changed her position to kneeling
between my legs. She smiled at me and bent, taking hold of my cock in
her hand to push it toward my stomach. She filled her mouth with my
balls, running her tongue over them and then and pulling them
from her mouth. She did this about 3 times and then bent my cock towards
her mouth and she lowered it onto my cock. She took as much as she could
and then it right to the top, popping her lips as it sprung free.
"Yours is the only cock that has ever been in this mouth. This was
something I thought was perverted and sick until I took the sexuality
courses. I found out how normal it was then. Paul wanted me to do it,
but I refused. You are the only one." She said as she dropped her head
over my cock again.
I was getting the of my life and was reminded how good Suzie was
at this. The blowjob-interuptus from Jewel Marie was good while it
lasted, and the 7 years with Dawn Marie had my cock in her mouth
thousands of times. Dawn enjoyed it, while intercourse was painful for
her, oral sex made us both happy. But this was special, Suzanne worked
her mouth like a living sex organ designed only for me. Her mouth accompanied by her wild tongue and bobbing head were heaven. She
topped it off as she always had, with her thumb and index finger curled
around the base, as if she were turning a volume knob up and down over
and over. I was in heaven, but afraid of going over.
"Suzanne, Suzanne, you're going to make me come, and I want to fuck you
so and feel that tiny tight me as well." I said through
There was a pause and she let my cock fall from her mouth. She sighed.
"We can't do that. I gave up birth control long ago when we stopped
having sex. I have an appointment with my gyno before I fly to Vegas
Monday. Let me finish you." She said, and then continued.
I can usually last a while under the mouth, but Suzanne was real good,
and I was ripe.
"I'm going to come, Suze. You're making me come!!" I shouted to warn
her, but she kept up, pulling her mouth off to utter 5 little words. "Do
it in my mouth."
We had never gone that far before, but were always going to try it,
having sampled it from the spray on her breasts. Tonight she really DID
want to continue where we left off.
I could hold back no longer and I let the first shot fly into her mouth,
then a second, then a third. She never broke her rhythm; she just kept
at me. Then as I began to pull away from her, being too
sensitive, she sat straight up and raised her head toward the ceiling.
I heard a big gulp as my semen went down her throat in one swallow.
"You are now part of me." She smiled to me. "It didn't taste too bad
either, just sooo much of it. Oooo it's salty, though. I always thought
it would make me puke." She said wiping her lips with her hand. "Sig, I
love you. I didn't do that to prove it, I did that to show it." I opened
my arms to welcome her into them. She fell to me, avoiding getting her
mouth near mine.
"No, let me kiss you. I'm not afraid to taste my own semen. You can
taste your own on me. We can share the tastes. I did learn a
couple things in the time I was married." I smiled as she pressed her
messy mouth to mine.
We necked and kissed for a long, long time, with no words said. Finally
she broke the silence. "Sorry about not being able to fuck, I am just so
fertile, or at least I always have been. Not knowing what might happen
with us, I can't take that chance, OK?"
"Don't apologize, I understand." I said as we locked lips again. Before
I knew it I had been sound asleep for a time. I awoke and looked around
for the time. If the clock radio in the room was correct, it was 2:30
a.m. Suzanne was in the shower, and while I tried to rationalize why, I
fell back asleep.
The sun broke through the window and into my eyes around six. I was
usually an early riser, but when I tried to roll over from my stomach to
my back, I felt an arm around me. Suzanne! It hadn't been a dream.
Maybe we really could put that much time between us and be OK. This had
been just one baby step in what could be a long journey, I thought to
myself. My fears of what Suzanne could be as a person were just about
allayed. I was usually a pretty good judge of character and karma, and I
felt really good about us.
My jostling had made my bladder shift and now I had to like crazy. I
sought the best way to get off the bed without waking Suze, but it was
going to be hard.
As I attempted to slide under her arm she lifted it.
"I'm awake, I'm waiting for you to wake up." Suzanne said.
"My God, when are you going to sleep? I was awake around 2 and you were
in the shower." I asked.
"I only sleep 4 to 6 hours a night. We conked out about 10 o'clock or
so, and I woke at 2 a.m., really having to go. I felt dirty afterwards,
so I took a shower. Maybe we can get sexy again? Sig, I haven't felt
like this in so long. Remember how we were in college? We were something
then. How could we have been so stupid to screw it up?"
"Immaturity had to be a big part of it." I said trying to make sense of
what she was saying. "You were taking those psych courses, the sexuality
course, we were hot for each other and maybe we weren't really ready for
each other then. But it did seem right then, didn't it?"
"Does it seem right now, Sig." She asked hopefully.
I looked at her with hope in my eye. I wanted to say, no, to scream, YES
- YES!! But, one thing still bothered me.
"Suzanne, believe me, I WANT to love you like we were then, I really do,
but I have one thing bothering me. I should have said something last
night when it really began to eat at me." I said preparing her.
"What is it Sig? Maybe I can explain or we can talk it out." Suzanne
"Well, when you thought I had wronged you, and I know I did, you sought
revenge, ways to me, instead of trying to resolve it. When your
husband rejected you after your miscarriage, you were mad because he
wouldn't even look at you when he made love to you. You felt he didn't
think of you as attractive. What did you do? You got back at him by
having an affair, you wanted to him, and maybe you wanted to get
caught; again instead of resolution. That was and is a side of
you I don't know, or like."
"It looks vengeful, Sig, but it wasn't really. I think it was fear. Fear
that I lost you and could never love again. With Paul, it was fear that
I had become undesirable and no would want me. You don't think that
I analyzed myself more than once? I felt that leaving you in the dust
was vengeful, but I also thought of my self-esteem. Could I get another
man, had I used up my sexuality? When I cheated on Paul, I just didn't
care if I was caught or not. I found a who desired me, and I WANTED
to be desired. Do you really think I could mistrust your feelings again?
You have me heart and soul if you want me Sig. I'm not playing any games
here." Suzanne said, laying it on the line.
"Suzanne," I said, "I take you at your word on this. You gave yourself
to me last night with as much passion as I remember. If you have any
doubts, speak up. I won't accept chicanery and deception, just as you
shouldn't accept it from me."
"You won't be sorry, lover. After today, you won't see me for about a
month while I tie up loose ends in Las Vegas with Paul and my future.
The realtor feels we will get a firm offer this weekend at this price.
If it doesn't sell they have a buyout clause they can exercise, and he
thinks they will, if it doesn't go. Sig, think about this; I was on the
brink of suicide, at least contemplating it. You saved my life by just
appearing, our lives crossing again. Now, I feel like a have a life in
front of me again, the dream of love and a future with you, which I
thought was mashed, torn and tattered in the street. It's suddenly alive
here in front of me. Sig, this is me now, this is me the morning of our
last day together, we are the same. You were stupid; I was stupid. We
both paid dearly by losing the one true love you are allowed in life,
the one true love. I am your Suzanne; you are my Sig. Remember when you
used to recite wedding vows to me? I loved that, I used to have orgasms
while you did it."
"I think the fact that I was inside of you when I did it had something
to do with it Suze." I recalled.
Suzanne sat up and pushed me back and she propped up on one elbow and
looked me in the eye. I saw the face that adored me, and I adored back,
so many years ago.
"You would make love to me, fuck me silly and then you would stop,
pressed deep inside me. I would be almost holding my breath waiting for
you to pull back and ram me again. I would be breathless and ready to
come, and you would just look in my glazed eyes; "I, Steven Isaac
Grayson, take you, Suzanne Tara Hardee to be my lawfully wedded wife, to
have and to hold, the cherish and honor...". Before you got even that
far, I would feel myself spasm, while you sat motionless deep inside me,
I could feel your hard cock pulsing." She mused.
"If you could make love to me right now, would you say those same words
Sig, or am I just dreaming and hoping?" she asked.
"If I were inside you right now, with you looking at me like that right
now, I think I would have remembered them. God, I loved you then." I
said tearing up. "Shit, I think I might love you MORE now." I said as
she pressed her lips to mine and we kissed deeply.
All the doubts disappeared, the board erased. A moment frozen in time,
instantly thawed and life had restarted.
"Sig, make love to me. Fuck me in my butt. I want to feel your hard
cock in my ass, deep inside me." Suzanne said, surprising me.
"You still like that? You were always afraid, but always wild when we
did it. I don't want to you." I wondered and warned.
"You were the last there too, Sig. That was special lovemaking. I could
never give that to anyone else. That was why I took a shower in the
middle of the night. My nerves had upset my system and I was stopped up
for the last few days. My bellyful of your semen must have been what I
needed. I woke up startled by the urgency. Over the years, I thought of
the times we did it there; how it seemed so natural, so naughty, but so
exciting. When I thought of Paul being there, it did nothing for me, I
had no desire. Anyway, I showered and used the bulb syringe in my
overnight bag, just like I used to, paranoid that I was clean enough. I
have personal jelly, too."
"You're really sure about this, aren't you?" I asked.
"Yes, I am. The idea hit me while we spooned going to sleep last night.
It was always good back then, different and exciting, and by the looks
of the tent in the sheets, someone else likes the idea." She said as she
pulled down the sheet and popped the head of my cock in her mouth.
"Ohhhhh, Suzie, that's wonderful." I said as I fell back into the sheets
luxuriating in the feel of her tongue passing over and over my cock top.
She took my cock out of mouth with a loud POP as I caught her eyes and
smile as they met mine. We were 20 years again. We were in love, and
I still really had to pee.
I bounced up from the bed and went to the bathroom where I wrestled with
my hard cock trying to get all my in the toilet. Once I finished I
turned on the shower and got in to quickly soap and rinse the vital
parts of my body, and my armpits. As I dried I saw her overnight case
opened, with the tube of lube jelly right on top. My hard on raged with
the thought of putting it up her cute little ass. Well, it wasn't as
little as before, but still perfectly shaped and "cute" was still in
I came out of the bathroom to the sounds of her breathing heavy. She was
face down with her ass propped up in the air, her face turned to the
side on her pillow. Her 2 forefingers had her tiny lips trapped
between as she rolled them over her clit. I came up behind her and
touched her hand, which she quickly pulled away. I bent and took the
whole of that in my mouth again. So tight, so pronounced, so
delicious and pleasing to feel with my lips and tongue. As she kept
catching her breath as spasms hit I would lift up to kiss her asshole
quickly. Once she began to have a long orgasm I replaced my tongue with
my thumb and moved my tongue to her rosebud. I swathed her asshole over
and over. She was just as delicious as I remember. To say someone's ass
tastes good sounds kinky, but after her shower it only tasted and
smelled of her musk. It was Suzanne, a taste I acquired many years ago,
that I had not forgotten. I remember the innocent, but inquisitively
horny Suzanne telling me about her Human Sexuality class all those years
"I mailed out anonymous couple interviews to a volunteer study group.
One thing stood out. People do it in their lovers butt hole, and they
like it. I read a lot of them today. 8 of the eleven who responded did
it that way. What are we missing?" she would ask.
On that night we tried it, she wasn't afraid to look for and share other
pleasure we might find between us. Part of that stemmed from our
addiction to oral sex. It was something she always thought was filthy
and evil and then, she ended up loving it, once we tried it. Then she
was willing to try lots more. When she found that over 70% of all loving
couples in a serious relationship had oral sex, she insisted on trying
it, giving and receiving. For the next week we had chapped lips pleasing
each other. I may be the only guy to get a during the Pretty Woman. We sat in the last row of a little theatre in Boston at a
midnight showing. When I told her I was coming and she pulled her mouth
off, I squirted on the empty row in front of us. We laughed so hard we
had to leave.
My tongue was dilating her asshole so I finally switched to eating her
pussy again while I pressed my fingers, pinky to thumb, each up her
pretty little rosette. Once it began to respond and her moans of
pleasure became quick, I added a cool dollop of the jelly. I heard her
suck in a breath as it hit her private hole, but I quickly pushed it in.
Her little hiney had been cut in childbirth and I was afraid this
might cause her more pain, but it didn't seem to make a difference. She
loved finger play there a long time ago, and she still did, as well now.
As I added double fingers and more lube she began long moans and
"Do you think you're ready now baby? We can do this as fast or as slow
as you like." I said, preparing her.
"Have you put the jelly on your cock yet?" she asked. "If you haven't,
bring it here, I want to taste him one more time."
She was still the horny lover I remembered. Once she got in the zone,
anything was possible. I remembered one little trick she used to like. I
went and knelt right in front of her face, and before I even settled
into the mattress, she had my cock half way down her throat. I forced
her head lower as I bent over her to reach her ass. I gave each cheek a
hard smack and then sought her asshole. I drilled my middle finger into
her. I felt a deep vibrating hum on my cock. This was twelve years ago,
all right. I fingered her ass, pistoning in and out as she matched my
movements with her mouth. Finally I could wait no more. It was keep this
up and shoot my juice down her throat, or squeeze my cock into her very
being, and take her, dominate her, like she wanted. She wanted my cock to
fill her. She wanted it to enjoy, and to show me how much she loved me. I
wanted to make her happy, make her come. She always got off huge with
anal sex, so much so that her actually dripped watery come fluid.
I slid my finger from her ass and trailed it along her spine. I tipped
my finger up a bit so my fingernail scraped a line right up her
backbone. When I got to the back of her head I brought my other hand
down so each hand cupped her head. I tipped her head up, still filled
with my cock, and looked at her. Her eyes were wanton and I held her
head and she looked at me, wanting more. I drew my cock out and
immediately bent and drew her face to mine. I kissed her deeply, driving
my tongue where my cock had just been.
"I truly, truly, love you more than I ever thought I could, then or
now." I said to her. "I'm so sorry for being untrue to you, tearing the
trust we had and throwing it away. It will never happen again, for as
long as I live."
"Sig,don't! I..." she started.
"No, you "don't". You did something stupid, to bet on our love, but
there is no denying I cheated, I fucked up. It won't happen again." I
"Show me you love me, Sig. Fuck me. Shut up and fuck me." Suzanne said
I got to my feet and went to the end of the bed, her eyes following me
all the way. I took the tube of jelly and squeezed out a 3 fingerful
blob and began to stroke in on to the end of my cock. I added a bit more
to my cupped fingers and turned it over to push into her ass. All three
fingers slid in accompanied by a deep moan and her head shooting up,
with me hearing a deep gulp. I pulled them out and scooted up between
her legs and knelt at her splayed butt.
I wanted to just ram into her, but I kept my passion in check. I dotted
here "eye" over and over until I saw her notch open a bit. I held my
cock tight and pressed at her rosebud. With one hand on her back to push
up my arch, I went into her, just the head slipping in.
"Oooo, Oooo Oww, WAIT!" she demanded. "Relax, let me take it, you feel
bigger than ever. Relax, you're going to kill me."
"We can stop!" I told her, not wanting to her, as much as I wanted
to drive deep up her chute.
"We both waited 12 years for this, a couple more seconds won't hurt."
She said, her face dropped down to the pillow as if in resignation.
I quietly waited for her Ok. I could feel her muscle working, squeezing
at me, once, then again. Her back dropped as she arch up her head
causing me to go in about another inch, but as she arched I looked down
to see the plum of my cock slipping from her grip, only to be grabbed by
"Nnnnnnnnnnn" she cooed as she backed up so slightly onto me.
Her back low, her arms stretched and standing her head and neck as high
as they could, she looked so hot that I wanted to plow her.
"Kiss me, Sig, kiss me," she whispered. I leaned forward to meet her
wish and as I did I slid into her more. The more I went into her, the
more she bent her elbows to lower her head to the pillow. Once my lips
reached the side of her face to kiss her, I was pressed totally into her
"Stay right there, don't move. It hurts and burns, but its getting
better." She said, her voice breaking.
I still felt her gripping me and I involuntarily kept flexing more blood
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. There, it's settled. God it feels full, full but good."
I took this as a cue to begin to move within her. She grunted and hummed
at my movements. Little by little I was being able to initiate a back
and forth movement, a stroke. As it became more pronounced, so did her
movements, cheers and moans.
Breathlessly, I was now fucking her, plain and simple, fucking her in
her bottom hole. I was making long strokes where the corona of my cock
head peeked from the tight fleshy ring of her ass and my abdomen would
fly up and slap at her ass.
She had orgasms before from this, but she was in a place now where I had
never seen her. Grabbing and clutching at the sheet, pushing violently
back to me from time to time, growling "fuck, fuck, fuck" as my abdomen
slapped at her buttocks in unison. Soon, she wiggled and squirmed as it
to dislodge me.
"NttGtt NttGtt,unnnnnt unnnnt. No, please stop, my clit is going to
burst." she squealed.
I fell to her back and she settled the arch of her ass to the bed. I was
deep within her, we were slimy with sweat, I was biting at her shoulder.
"Oh God, never came so much, never came so much." She whispered with her
I could say nothing, exulted I had made her so happy. I slid my hands
underneath her to hold her and hug her. My cock still raged in
her ass, wanting relief, but I waited for her.
Finally she got her breath and we both began to cool down. I felt her
push at me with her ass a bit.
"Fuck me, make your cock come, let me feel your orgasm like you felt
mine." She cooed.
We stayed flat on the bed, but I was able to rise a bit and create a
friction. It wouldn't take much to blast off.
"Mmmmmmm" she hummed and pushed back in approval of her getting plowed
again as she made an effort to grip me with her ass muscles.
As I got closer to coming my strokes got longer and deeper as I pushed
at her back with my body to give me more fulcrum. In a few moments I was
slapping at her ass again, but this time I was coming as well.
"Haaaa, haaaa, giddit, giddit, uh, uh, uh, Arrrrgh!" I groaned as I
began to pour my come into her. I didn't know where it came from, but it
seemed I came an awful lot. Morning after fucks usually brought up only
a pearl of come, as I remembered them from my marriage.
Exhausted and fucked out, I collapsed onto Suzanne.
We stayed that way for a few minutes and our reverie broke as she
"I think last nights come and this mornings are getting ready to have a
blind date up there." Suzanne mused.
It was a poor attempt at humor, but when you are open enough to make
jest of the sperm wads in your colon, I would say your relationship is
pretty open and honest.
After lying out on the bed, still connected to Suzanne, for 10 minutes
or so, she complained of cramps. Apparently I had pumped a little air
into her, as well as a few ounces of come. I didn't need to move much to
hear the kiss of her asshole on the end of my shrinking dick as
I fell out of her.
"Get me a towel." Suzanne said as the phone rang.
"Don't answer that." She said. "I don't want anyone to know I'm with
She stood up and ran to the phone. It was the realtor on the phone. As
she talked my come ran down her leg, and some dripped frankly right from
her butt hole. This was all followed by a big long fart of air, causing
her to laugh a she talked with the man. I was there to catch most of
what dripped from her, but had to laugh at her pass of air. She finally
hung up and smiled. "I guess the embarrassment was worth it, he sold the
house. Two people made offers last night for the same amount and they
re-bid today and we sold it for almost the same price before we reduced
it." She said quite proudly as she went to the bathroom and sat on the
"Sig?" she called from the bathroom, as I walked over to see her in the
reflection of the door mirror. She looked at me as if she were looking
at me instead of my reflection. "I don't know how well you do in your
job, but with the money I stand to make on this and our other bank
accounts, I can bring a lot into our relationship. I'm not trying to
rush things Sig, but we can be pretty comfortable, and not have the
worries we would have had if we stayed together before. I'm not rushing
things too much am I?"
"Suzanne, if everything happens how I want them to happen, No, it's not
too fast to think about it all." I answered.
"You worry too much about things that CAN happen but probably WON'T. I'm
going to Las Vegas for 4 weeks. When I come home I will be single again.
Sig, I love you, and if you love me, we should be together. You told me
you loved me last night, do you think that can change?" she reasoned.
Suzanne came from the bathroom, still nude after tending to herself, as
she waited for my answer.
"No!" I answered as I looked at her for the first time in the total full
light nude. "I don't think that can change."
"Oh, Jesus, I shouldn't have let you see me like this. I'm such a fat
pig right now, so disgusting." She said embarrassed trying to hide
"No, you're not a fat by any stretch, you're still quite beautiful,
and attractive, but why you colored your hair is beyond me. I love the
red hair around your pussy. You have extra weight, but you carry most of
it in one place. If you want to lose it, I bet it would come off nicely.
But, understand Suze, I LOVE YOU. Your body makes no difference. When I
slid my hand over that mound of your belly to your last night, I
got an instant hard on, really. It's kind of sexy, like I think a
pregnant woman is sexy."
"I'm not a fat pig, but you compare me to a pregnant woman, that's
nice!" she joked with me.
"You know what I mean Suzanne." I scolded her.
"Yes." she laughed, "I do."
She walked over and began to put together an outfit to wear.
"Now comes the hard part, saying goodbye again. After last night and
this morning, I don't know how I can live without you for a month. We
should totally cool it all the time I'm out there. If he gets an inkling
I'm seeing someone, he might do something stupid, even though I'm pretty
sure he has a companion out there. I won't do anything to drag this out,
Sig. I'll call you from pay phones, and I'll just call you at work, OK?"
"OK, that's fine." I answered. "I love you Suzanne. When you get back
home we can make everything special and right again, OK?"
She answered by coming over and kissing me.
"Let's not make a long goodbye, it would seem too final anyway. I'm
going to shower, dress and go over and sign some papers with the
realtor. I'll call Paul and tell him the final details, and then I have
to pack. Packing for a month is a chore. I have a gyno appointment with
my doctor Sunday night at the hospital. He's on duty there Sundays. I
wanted a fast appointment and that was the best he could do." She said
as she broke her hug. She leered at me suggestively saying, "I should be
very fuckable, fuckable, then."
"Oh God, Suze, it's going to be hard enough, pardon the pun, to be
without you again without thinking about that." I said.
"Hey, I have to do without YOU as well, you know." She said as she went
back to her choosing of clothes.
She shook out a pair of pants and held them up, stopping to look at me.
"Sig, I love you. I always have."
We were drawn together again and we hugged and kissed and finally I was
able to say goodbye, although reluctantly. I crossed the threshold back
onto my own side of the 2 rooms and took another shower. When I finished
I went next door and she was gone. My 4-week countdown had begun.
As she had promised, she called me a couple times a week, at work. She
was having fun, spending a little time in the casinos, and even got
together with Yoffie, who was and living in Springdale, Utah. It
was about 3 hours from Vegas and she came and spent 3 days with Suzanne.
The third week, Suzanne rented a car and drove to see her. It was then
she told her about US. Yoffie was delirious with excitement for us. She
was pissed at me and blamed me for the break-up, even though she knew I
tried to fix things and Suzanne had made it impossible.
The fourth week drove me crazy because Suzanne hadn't called me by
Wednesday noon, a full day late. I promised myself to be fair and
confident, but I was freaking out, right up until the phone rang
"Guess what? I'm a single FREE woman. Sorry I didn't call you, but it was
a little nuts here. Even though it was an uncontested divorce, Paul had
a lawyer he wanted to bring to the paper signing. Yoffie's husband warned
me that he might have something up his sleeve, so he called a friend of his
in Vegas to represent me. Paul was pretty open about his girlfriend by this
time, and he got him to admit they were an item before the legal separation.
He conferred with his lawyer and they upped his ante on the house and the
bank accounts if I would keep it uncontested. I made an extra 50 grand!!
But, most important, I'm free. Can you pick me up at the airport Friday
afternoon at 2:07?" she asked, stupidly.
"I may go over and start waiting now." I said. "I can't wait to see
"Same here, Sig. Are you ready to start a new life with me in it?" she
"You know my answer." was all I said.
The rest of the day went slow as hell. I told Joanne that I wouldn't
return after lunch on Friday and to check into when we had the coverage
to get a week off. I really wanted to spend some serious time, making up
some time with the love of my life.
By the time her planes arrival time came, I was nervous. Would there be
that magic again?
The jet taxied up to the jet port and all the announcements were made.
The door opened and I waited for her to come up the ramp. I was
beginning to think that she wasn't on the plane when she appeared.
Wearing a white dress that clung to her slimmer figure, that accented
her beautiful hair, she came up the ramp with a smile that would
have lit up Yankee Stadium. The stress, the worry, the guilt of past
mistakes was all gone from her face. She looked 20 again. I was afraid
that people would think she was my daughter.
No words accompanied our greeting. It was just a long, huge hug and then
a long, wet kiss.
She finally spoke. "I hope that you like the me back. I worked real
hard to do this for you. I wanted you to know how serious I was about
us, and the rest of our lives."
I was speechless. She didn't need to do any of this, but it was a real
bonus. Knowing she cared for herself meant that she loved herself, and
that was important to a person who esteem was as low as Suzanne's.
"I love you so much. I missed you so much! Never leave again, OK?" were
the only words I could come up with.
"I promise." She answered.
I had rented a special room at the Marriott for our reunion, and without
much delay, we went directly there. After checking in, getting our bags
to the room, she finally turned to me and let out a big breath.
"There! It's over." She said as she held out her arms to me.
I rushed to her and hugged her again. I did not want to let go of her.
Finally she whispered in my ear, "Strip me and take me to the shower so
we can wash each other. Then we can make love all night long!"
She didn't have to tell me twice as I did as ordered. Once I removed her
last piece of clothing I saw the pure beauty that she was, just as she
had been in college. Her 4 weeks must have been rigorous, but she looked
After a long shower and a spirited sixty nine, I finally got to make
love to the woman I loved most ever in the world. A day has yet to pass
when we didn't make some sort of love in the last 10 months. On
Christmas Eve 2002 we will be with just a few friends in
attendance. It was the love that was meant to be, 13 years late. Suzanne
will practice clinical psychology someday here in New York after she
completes the schooling she restarted here this year.
I wanted to write erotic because I enjoyed them so much when I
was "single" and lonely. Before I finished my first one, this whole
odyssey began for me, and I am happy to share it with you.
I may write more about us, but I may keep all that private and
write my own fantasy instead. But, I wanted everyone who lost a
love they think they will never get back, to know that hope is not
always lost. If it was truly meant to be, it may all happen in time.
Feel free to write and tell me what you think.
(c) Copyright to Sig Grayson