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The Downward Spiral It begins


You may read this and think I'm some sort of monster or pervert, truth is I
lost the ability to really make that call at some point but I can't exactly
put my finger on when exactly I lost it. I started out life in a very
conservative family that lived in a very conservative neighborhood that was
in a very conservative town in a very conservative state. I was a geek
growing up. Now a days, people would argue that, but I was. I mean you
cannot be Six feet and two inches tall and weigh just a hair over one
hundred pounds without really being a geek, at least in other people's
minds. The point of that is I spent a good deal of time in my own world
more or less as a kid, so that by the time I got to the Lord of the Flies
type of experience high school in south Texas was, I still had an active
imagination. Unfortunately for me, all romance was in my head. I was a
virgin right up through most of my college years as I kept falling madly in
love with women that were about as interested in me as they in eating an
excrement sandwich. So, Rosey Palm and me got on a pretty good
relationship. I had decided, early in my masturbatory career, that if
actual intercourse required lubrication (I read far too many encyclopedias,
National Geographic, and PBS specials not to know the mechanics of
intercourse) then flogging the Bishop should get lubrication as well, and I
trusted Johnson and Johnson with keeping the old wedding tackle intact by
using their baby oil to protect little Willy. Being as how skinny I was I
never ever thought of comparing size of my twig and two bits. I just
assumed they were smaller then normal. So, my life rolled on, church,
home, school until I was 24 years of age. By then I was beyond hopeless in
finding "the one" and I bought a PC and got on the internet, I think
subconsciously looking for "the one night stand" instead. Regardless of my
unthinking reasons I soon found myself getting propositions. Being as I am
a man, they all intrigued me. Finally as yet another "nice Christian girl"
ripped out my heart and carelessly stopped its romantic beatings with a
slender flat shoe, I took one.

Now this was around 1994, and, I'll be honest, I wasn't afraid she'd be
ugly so much as I was afraid I'd end up the subject of one of those
discovery channel specials on the unidentified and horribly mutilated
remains that were discovered in a cranberry marsh near Boston. Boston's
Logan Airport, by the way, was where she was going to pick me up. She had
a picture of me so she could find me but I was clueless on her, you can
probably guess why. I should have written her name down but I don't
remember it now, so we'll just call her Donna. When I got to Boston, Donna
had come with a friend and I had high hopes the friend was Donna. It
wasn't. Donna was heavy, not disgustingly so, but she looked as if she had
fallen from the ugly tree and landed in the acne bush. I was only here for
three days so, I figured I could suck it up and survive. We met Donna's
gay friends. I had to check my tickets to make sure I hadn't been diverted
to hell. Nope, just Boston. As we leave Boston, she informs me we'll be
spending the three nights I'm in town at her parents. Well, I guess it can
get worse. Then it did.

"You're quiet." She said.

"Well, I'm nervous, I guess." Actually I'm wondering if I can kick
myself in the balls to remember what a bad idea flying to meet a complete
stranger is.

"Well, let's talk." We had talked on the phone before this unmitigated
disaster, so the conversation was easy enough to feign interest in. Now I
have a problem. I came up here intending to end 24 years of being a virgin
and I wasn't about to do that now, but I was now overly horny. We got to
her house late and now I'm talking pretty easy and I'm able to convince her
that I'm not disgusted by her as she shows me her bedroom, at least I
thought I was.

"Prove it." She says as her arms go around me. Ah crap! I can tell by
the way she's looking at me she wants a kiss. If I kiss her, she is going
to get horny herself. Why you ask? Well, because I'm a good kisser. I
don't think that because anyone has told me I am, I'm saying it because I
have never ever kissed a girl but that she didn't all but drag my hand to
her breast. I learned to kiss girls from all the girls I hung out with in
high school. They didn't see me as a dateable man so they'd answer my
questions about sexual stuff honestly and I learned from it. Now I have to
kiss this unappealing young woman or live on the streets of gay Boston for
three days. So I kissed her.

Part of my problem here is that I get lost in a kiss, and maybe that's
why women enjoy it so much. I know a good number of my fellow men kiss
with a goal clearly in mind. I kiss just because it feels good to do it.
Why is that a problem? I'm glad I asked. It's a problem because I get
aroused in the process and if the woman I am kissing allows herself to get
lost in said kiss then she gives subtle physical signals that I pick up on
and almost instinctively move forward in. It didn't take long before Donna
was giving those subtle signals pressing against me stroking areas such as
my ass moaning quietly into my ear. My hands started moving on her as we
kissed. I could lie here and say that I stripped her shirt off like a pro,
but in the interests of not over embellishing my sexual prowess, I managed
to unbutton her blouse with an acceptable level of difficulty. Donna was
built a bit widely and this is what led to the illusion that she was near
the gross side of being over weight was her loose fitting blouse. As my
hands roamed over her body, I could tell she was heavy but not what I would
actually call fat. We continued the long slow deep kiss and my hands
roamed over her bra. My fingers sent the message to my brain that
something was in-between the cups that felt more rigid than any stitch. A
front hook! Now the higher functions of my brain were totally enslaved to
the lower as I would be able to actually lay eyes and hands on the same
pair of breasts at the same time. Since it was a front hook, getting the
bra open would be far easier than had she had the rear hooking type, which
quite frankly still give me some headaches. Again I was able to unfasten
it with relative ease, although it's nothing as easy as you see in the
movies or read in the books and stories. I pushed her blouse and bra from
her shoulders and my hands went back down to her breasts. Once again, I
had stumbled onto a problem I had not anticipated. I hate to be crude but
to this day I can think of no other way to describe what I now held in my
hands other than big, fat titties. I had to look, by this time we here
near her bed, so I sat on it and looked up to see the globes of flesh on
her chest. She had beautiful breasts. I mean it. They were nice and
firm, really firm and huge. I think she had to be at least a DD cup.
Maybe only a 36 or 38, but I don't have the illusions that some of the
people who write erotic stories do. A woman with a 38 DD bra size is well
endowed, even if the armature storywriters, like myself, don't like to
portray it as so. I couldn't help myself. I must have gone on kissing her
and play with her tits for at least a half hour after than. I loved
sucking on her big fat titties. She was moaning and groaning and carrying
on and then she said something. I looked up from sucking on her left

"What?" I asked.

"We should get some sleep." But that meant taking away these nice
titties! "You'll sleep in my room." She changed into her pajamas. My
assessment was not off. Definitely plump, maybe heavy, but not fat. She
pecked me on the lips and left me for a mostly sleepless night. I woke
with the sunrise but wasn't about to leave her room. I heard her mother tell her she should go make sure I was still alive. When I heard that all
I could think was, TITTIES! She came in and smiled at me. "Hey sleepy
head." she said and came up to stand at the edge of the bed. I sat up and
put my hands on her hips and smiled up at her. "How did you sleep?"

"All right." I lied. I had gotten about two hours sleep. I slid my
hands up and there they were, unfettered smooth, and warm. My god I just
lost it with her titties. I occurred to me how cruel it was that God put a
pair of tits like this on this girl rather than a few of the better looking
ones back home. Again we were a good long while with me sucking her
breasts until finally I left her room so she could shower and change. I
ate breakfast with her mother. Can you say Uncomfortable? I sure as hell
was. Her mother left and we ended up hanging out and making small talk. I
didn't press too hard at the objects that distracted me from the rustic
setting and the conversation I was taking part in. Her dad come home and
suggested we should rent a movie and watch it by ourselves that night. We
rented two of the shitiest movies I can think of, Abraxxas and The Guyver.
Now I'm sure some of my fellow former geeks will want to fry me for calling
one or both of these two movies pure shit, but they were. She made the
fold out couch into her bed and we lay down to watch these reels of
excrement. Abraxxas was first and I was faking sleep ten minutes into the
movie, only to fall asleep ten minutes after that. I woke up and I felt
good. No, I felt great. My mind was slowly coming alert and I realized I
felt better than great, I felt like a fucking god. My brain alerted me
that I should open my eyes because I felt way too good. I looked down and
Donna was busy quietly slurping on my stiff cock. My first blowjob! In
her parents house!! With her fine ass sister due home any minute (I would
have banged the sister blue were I allowed, but lets be honest rather than
fictional, no woman is going to watch her sister sucking some stranger's
cock and ask to join in or for a share of it all for herself)!!! I wasn't
about to stop her, but I was really nervous. Now the arthritic Golden
Retriever I have yet to mention plays into our story. Here she is sucking my cock with great eagerness and I am worried how I will explain to her
father what my cock is doing in his daughter's mouth. Suddenly Rusty would
walk slowly across the tiled kitchen floor, I was afraid I might have to
explain it to her mother instead. I would be damned, if that dog didn't
keep that up until I came in her mouth. Now, I want it noted for the
record that I never ever asked for that. I know she didn't swallow because
she got up tight lipped and headed for the restroom where I heard brushing
of teeth and gargling. She came back and laid her head near my somehow
still mostly erect cock.

"I've never done that before." She said softly. I stroked her face and
smiled. Looking back on it with a good deal of time and experience in
getting blow jobs and I think more and more that was either complete
bullshit or great instructions from her gay male friends. Either way she
stripped and lay beside me. I was supposed to fuck her now. I climbed in
between her thighs and saw my first pussy in first person. Now, here's
where brutal honesty comes in and gives me a full body check. I know every
guy out there talks about what an absolute stud he was from the first
penetration. I don't believe it. I think that every guy his first time he
was trying to sink his cock in to a real pussy stumbled on making
penetration. This means you are rubbing the sensitive head on soft smooth
thigh flesh, then she gets too hot to wait on you and tries to guide it in
while your hips are still searching, which means you are now fucking her
hand as it grips your stiff member, and BAM! You've just ejaculated into
her pubes or on her thighs. We all did it ladies, if we admit it or not.
The moment was too much and we lost it. Don't hold it against us, but give
us another chance. Needless to say I was humiliated, because at the time I
assumed it meant something was totally wrong with me. She was saying
something to comfort me but I knew she was going to tell her friends I was
a premature ejaculator and they would laugh at me. I had the next night to
prove I wasn't a lame lover. We would be spending it with her female
friend who lived with two gay men. Donna wasn't interested in fucking, but
apparently the two gay men were. Once again, I got no sleep, but this time
is was from listening to two gay men fucking loudly and repeatedly. I left
Boston early the next morning and said goodbye to Donna for what I thought
was forever.

She sent me e-mail a little over a month later telling me she had missed
her period the previous month. She was claiming she could have gotten
pregnant without any penetration. While I don't doubt it's possible, I
wasn't about to do anything about it. I had no idea who she might have
started blowing while they were asleep and told her as much. I feel kind
of bad for taking that position now, but she wrote back the next week to
say she had her courses again. So ended any Donna connection in my life,
but it had opened the door to many changes I had never even imagined.


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