This is not yet finished, and thus subject to change.
--
Strange thoughts
by brutus
To tell you the truth, I am not quite sure how it happened. I fell in
love with her, that's for sure, but how could I do that? It's kind of
strange, with her being so much younger than me and all, but I can't
deny my feelings for her. Something like this has never happened to me
before, and it never will again. Oh no it won't, not like this. The
relationship, if you can call it that, was an experience like nothing
else while it lasted. Both good and bad, but I have to tell you, never
boring. Hey, it was exciting as hell. I never thought I had it in me,
but we did a lot of stuff that I wouldn't have imagined doing until it
actually happened. My only regret is that Julia, my daughter, got
involved. That, however, was not possible to avoid since the I
fell in love with was ... yeah, you guessed it ... her best friend.
That fact alone should tell me 'hands off', I know that. But somehow I
just couldn't help myself. Somehow that intrigued me beyond
imagination. To the point where it was impossible to stay away from
her.
My previous relationship ended abruptly in a car accident about five
years ago. God, has it really been that long? Since then, I've had a
couple of dates and one-night-stands, but have simply not been able to
approach anyone in a serious fashion. The death of my wife, Julia's
mother, devastated me. And since then the idea of a new relationship
never occurred. Not until I met Summer. A strange with a strange
name. The love of my life. I had ten happy years with my wife. Three
months with Summer. Yet, I will not hesitate calling Summer the love of
my life. Hell, my skin still tingles just thinking about her.
A year ago we had to move. That's really when it all started. We had
avoided it as long as possible. Mostly because of Julia. It's hard for
a shy in her early teens to move, break up with all her friends
and try to make new ones. However, it was impossible to delay it
further. Strange as it may seem, a with a Ph.D. in history not only
lost his high-school teaching job, but actually had difficulty getting
a new job. The problem being of course that no colleges or universities
were nearby. And they were reluctant to engage me at high scholls,
fearing that I would leave as soon as a better position was available.
It was really frustrating. Maybe especially since I lost my previous
job for that exact same reason. Rationalisation lead to closing the
entire school, and while all the other teachers got new jobs elsewhere
immediately, I got a pat on the back. "Good luck, John. You were always
cut out for something better than this."
Well, I ended up getting a very good position; there's no denying it.
Now I am a professor at a well-renowned university. The cost was that
we had to move. And it was hard on Julia. It took her more than half a
year to find a friend she could trust. She never complained, but I know
she had a rough time at school. And many lonely hours at home after
school, never inviting friends over, and never visiting friends. So I
was both pleased and relieved the first time she brought a friend home.
Nevertheless, the first time meeting Summer was a shock. It probably is
to everybody, and I was no exception to that rule. It didn't change the
fact that I was happy for Julia. But I remember thinking, hoping, that
this was only the beginning. That she would soon find other friends. I
also remember the thought crossing my mind, that Summer might be some
lonely freak, and that they had found each other because they both
needed someone. This proved not to be true. The friendship with Summer
introduced Julia to a lot of new people, but for some reason only
Summer seemed to gain her trust.
Summer really was as strange as her name. Actually, the name suits her,
but that took me a while to find out. I didn't really like the at
first. Perhaps being unfair, but I was really taken aback by her.
Something about her made me uneasy. The strange way she dressed. Her
direct stare. Her thin voice. Or maybe it was her long, long
hair reaching all the way down to her ass. Maybe it was a combination
of all these things.
The first few weeks it actually got worse. She and Julia started
spending almost all their time together, and I got to know her a little
better. True enough, all I got was glimpses since they spent most of
their time in Julia's room, but it was enough to make me worried. I
remember thinking she was real 'bossy', and couldn't help noticing that
Julia followed her every little whim. After a while I noticed that if I
suggested anything and they both were around, Julia would look at
Summer, who either gave her a nod, or shook her head. Julia never
contradicted Summer's wishes. That worried me and is probably why I
started contradicting Summer for her.
I remember the day perfectly, though writing about it makes my skin
crawl. Why? To tell you the truth, I don't know. It was the turning
point of my relation to Summer. For some strange reason, she started
taking interest in me the moment I turned against her will. And for
some even stranger reason, I started taking interest in her.
Her request really pissed me off. Maybe I was a bit overprotective, but
I was getting tired of Summer bossing my around. It was
getting on my nerves, and this was an opportunity to deal with it. We
had planned spending the weekend in our cabin, which I looked forward
to. A weekend alone with Julia. Then on Thursday, the day before
leaving, Julia asks if she can spend the weekend with Summer instead.
She looked nervous and threw several quick glimpses to Summer waiting
for my answer. I got a feeling that she really did want to go with me
to the cabin, but that Summer was pulling the strings to make her not
go.
So I declined, telling her that we had planned this for a long time,
and that I really wanted us both to go. She put her arms on her hips,
and with a pout she exclaimed with her most childish voice: "But,
daddy... I don't wanna go. I want to spend the weekend with Summer."
I shook my head. Without raising my voice, I said: "Julia. I said no."
End of discussion. and offended she turned around and left the
room with heavy steps. Summer stayed a few seconds, looking almost
shocked. Giving me an icy stare, but with something more to it.
Intrigue, perhaps. Thinking back I believe that was it. Yeah, she was
intrigued. Maybe she thought of me as a worthy opponent. She had
control over Julia, but now she was starting to want more. She wanted
control over me.
Ashamed, I have to admit that she got what she wanted. Really fast,
too. Honestly, I don't know how she did it. Somehow she made me fall in
love with her. And I think that was what she intended. What I believe
she did not intend, however, was that she fell in love with me as well.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was all unintended, something that "just
happened", with no one pulling the strings. You be the judge of that.
After reading this story, I think you will agree with me. She pulled
the strings and lost control. Nevertheless, my love for her is
everlasting.
In the hallway I overheard the talking. A warmth, and a bit of
shame as well, spread through me when I heard that Summer was soothing
Julia. "It's not such a big deal, really. You'll probably have a lot of
fun at the cabin. I'll manage through the weekend alone."
At that moment I realised that I hadn't given any thought to why Julia
wanted to spend the weekend with her friend. Maybe Summer needed a
friend. Maybe she was going through a rough time, and needed someone
close. With those thoughts in my head I heard Julia's quiet suggestion:
"Do you want to come with us?" I immediately approved of the idea, but
Summer actually declined. "That's really nice of you, but it's not
necessary. You don't need to do that, and you don't have to ask that of
your dad."
Julia, did not give up however. "At least we can ask?" And after a few
more rounds, Summer gave in. They both seemed very pleased when I
agreed. "Thanks dad." Julia said and gave me a hug and a kiss. Summer
stood in the background, smiling. And for the first time the "thought"
appeared in my head. I don't know how to describe it, other than it was
a somehow different from any other thoughts I've ever had. "Oh God, how
pretty she is. Oh God, how pretty she is. Oh God, how pretty she is."
Over and over. It was as if my subconsciouness was talking directly to
my conscious mind. Looking at her, I realised just how true that
thought was. The way the light fell on her, she looked really
and beautiful. I drew a few quick breaths and actually had to make an
effort not to look at her.
--
The trip to the cabin was a nightmare. For me, not for the girls. They
seemed to enjoy themselves immensely. Bathing while I lay in the sun,
pretending to read a book. Or in the evenings when we went inside,
playing games and mindlessly exchanging smalltalk. It was really good
seeing Julia this happy. Unable to remember the last time she laughed
that much.
Nevertheless, the trip was a nightmare for me. During this trip, I
started realising that I was falling in love with Summer. I still don't
understand why.But then again, I do have problems understanding my own
feelings quite often.
Summer kept giving me these looks of pure lust. Julia never seemed to
notice, but I surely did. And I found her highly erotic, and not the
least childish as I probably should have. One time, during one of our
boring games of monopoly, our eyes just locked. Neither of us were able
to break off. Her lips parted, and her delicious toungue quickly licked
them. She was the impersonation of eroticism, and my subconscious
thoughts kept filling my head: "Summer is gorgeous. Summer is hot. I
want her. Her eyes are SO beautiful. Her body so sexy." I have never
been so bombarded of desire for anyone. She was too young. She was off
limits. Still I wanted her more than anything.
It didn't help that Summer seemed to strike poses for me. All the time.
Wearing nothing but a minimalistic bathing suit, she would suddenly
bend over in front of me, picking up something. Or she would sit down
at a spot near me, where it was impossible to ignore her, and slowly
rub suncream all over her body. I tried not to look, to concentrate on
my book, but to no avail. It was impossible to ignore her flirting.
What surprised me though, is that she never once tried to conceal her
flirting. Not even from Julia, who thankfully didn't seem to notice
anyway.
It would take two days of constant lusting for this before I gave
in to my desire. On Sunday, the day we were due home, a started giving
in. Not completely, but giving Summer exactly the opening and
encouragement she needed to persist towards her goal.
Again, pretending to read my book, I overheard Summer saying she needed
to use the bathroom. I could hear her approaching me, but was very
careful not to look up. There was no need. I knew what she looked like.
Every curve of her body. The beauty of her long legs, far too long for
her height, which only made her look even more sexy. Her womanly hips,
too for her age. Her small, yet full breasts. Firm as only
youthness can provide. And her lips... those Godly lips. So full. So
sensual. Second only to her eyes; lovely, green, sparkling eyes. There
were something in those eyes. Something undefined. Something that made
you think she knew. Whatever it was, she simply knew. It made her look
older. Wiser. More mature.
I knew what she looked like, all right. No need to look up at her as
she passed me, on her way to performing her natural and necessary task.
Her steps grew more distant. For some reason I was satisfied with not
looking at her, for withstanding the urge to do so. Proud, even. Though
I had broken into a sweat in doing so.
Then the thoughts entered my head.
Popping up from nowhere, even stranger than before. "Follow her." I
tried resisting. Tried looking at my book, concentrating on the words,
but it was so hard. The words seemed to melt together. Then suddenly
the letters seemed to shift, changing right before my eyes. Forming new
words. Identical with the thoughts.
"Follow the girl. Follow Summer. She is waiting for you. Go see her.
She wants you just as bad as you want her. Do it! NOW!!"
The sweat was pouring now. A foul, putrid stench from my armpits. It
was so hard to resist these animalistic urges. I wanted her. Needed
her. Bad. And perhaps the words forming inside my head were right.
Maybe I subconsciously had noticed some kind of truth in her actions.
That her flirting was more than senseless childs play. That she
actually wanted and needed me as bad as I did her.
I put my book away. Risked a quick glimpse at Julia; she lay
outstretched on her stomach, working on her tan. She looked asleep, or
at least a bit drowsy. I got up and started walking towards the cabin.
At first a few faltering steps, then less hesitant, and gaining speed
until finally reaching a confident trot.
The thoughts altering in my head as I approached the cabin. "I want
her. She is so beautiful. So sexy. I need her."
True enough. She was waiting for me. Just inside the the cabin. Lust
written all over her face. Hair flowing freely. Her long, wonderful,
blond hair. We stood still. Just watching each other. Suddenly I lacked
the strength to approach her. Yet, unable to look away. My eyes
feasting upon her beauty.
"Come." she said, holding out her hands."Hold me. I need you to just
hold me." And I did as I was told, realising moments later that she
could ask me anything. At that moment, would have done whatever she
wanted.
Our arms wrapped around each other. "I love you", she whispered and I
knew she spoke the truth. She shivered, and I remember thinking she was
about to start crying. The moment had changed to something I would
never have anticipated. Indeed, I would have been able to think of
quite a few possible outcomes from following her; that she rejected me,
that I lost my nerve, and perhaps most far-fetched; that we started
making out, or making love, overcome by lust for each other.
Instead we stood embracing each other, on the verge of tears. It was a
beautiful moment. I didn't want it any other way. Somehow the embrace
turned into a kiss. A soft kiss. Dry at first. Then our mouths were
opening, and we started exploring each other. Still soft. Her mouth
sweet and fresh. Her smell was one of a girl. Also fresh.
Suddenly I pulled away. "This cannot be." I could see the tears in her
eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. "You are the age of my
daughter. By God, you're her best friend. It is wrong." I was thankful
that my head was empty, deprived of all strange thoughts, at least for
the moment.
She shook her head, questioning my logic. "If we love each other, how
can it be wrong?"
Unable to see the reason in her words, I persisted. "You are far too
young, Summer. Far too young. It is wrong and it cannot be."
Conflicting emotions flew through me. Sadness at the position we were
in. But I was also proud that I was able to stop it. To end it before
it developed any further.
Summer, however, disagreed with me. "I am of legal age, and you know
it. Not even the law is interested in stopping us, so how can it be
wrong?"
I held her close again. "I'm twice your age."
"And I simply don't care."
"It cannot be, and that is my final word. Now, please, go back before
Julia starts wondering. Please." We separated. Her look one of dismay.
Then suddenly, with no apparent reason, her expression lightened. Her
face broke into a smile. All weight that had seemed to hold her down,
mysteriously gone. Was it a game after all? I didn't think so. She
opened the door, and blew me a kiss before closing.
Somehow I knew it was not over. Somehow I knew this was just the
beginning.
--
The music was loud. Unusually so. In fact, quite rare for Julia. I
didn't know whether she was alone, and really didn't want to disturb.
The music was getting to me, however. I had to make it stop. It was too
loud, too dark, too depressive. Depeche Mode, I think. Words filling
our entire appartment. "Don't say you want me. Don't say you need me.
Don't say you love me. It's understood."
I knocked three times. Hard. No answer. "Julia!", I yelled, "Can you
please turn that down?" Still no answer, no change in volume. So I
tried the door. Locked. Mystified and a little worried, I yelled once
more: "Julia? Are you in there? Can you turn the music down?" The only
answer I got was the thundering music. "Ok," I thought, "I'll wait,
then. Talk to her when the song ends."
A couple of minutes later, the song ended. I didn't hesitate. "Julia?",
I yelled. "Are you allright? Can you turn that down?" She didn't
answer, but a brief moment before the music started again, I thought I
heard a scream. Muffled, but a scream none the less. "Is there
something wrong, Julia?" I was getting really worried now. Watched the
door with indecision. Should I break it down? Or maybe just silence the
music by removing the fuse?
Then, finally, the volume was turned down. "Are you allright, Julia?"
My voice full of worry. The door opened, and she came out. She was
litteraly aglow. Her hair tangled, untidy. Her cheeks red.
"Um, sure dad. I'm fine. Sorry about the music." She stood covering the
entrance, not opening the door fully. I was unable to see inside,
whether she was alone.
"That's ok, just keep it down. You alone in here?"
She looked down, smiled. Shaking her head, she answered: "No, Summer is
here."
"I ... thought I heard a scream. Was that you?" At the moment I said
the words, I knew the answer. Oh God, they'd been ... no it couldn't
be. Not my Julia. Not with Summer.
Julia looked up at me then. Her eyes pleading. "That, um... eh, no. It
was nothing." Her entire expression asked me to leave it alone. I
figured it was best not to press it further. Some things are best left
alone. I couldn't know for sure what they had been doing, but felt like
they should figure it out themselves, whatever it was.
"Ok, maybe I heards wrong." I said, and the moment the words had left
my mouth, a thought suddenly slammed into my head; "No! I didn't. I
heard right." Julia's expression was thankful, however. "Just keep it
down, ok?"
"Sure dad. No prob."
I turned around, went down to the living room. Wondering about what I
had just witnessed. About what it meant. A strange numbness overcoming
me. I sat down. Felt like crying. Realising that the reason was not a
fear of my daughters sexual orientation, but rather one of jealousy. I
wanted Summer myself. Naturally, I had turned her down just days
before, but I still wanted her. My heartache, more than anything, told
me how much I really wanted that girl.
It wasn't because of her beauty, I realised. And not her youth, that
really made matters worse for me. No, it was because she was so very
much 'alive'. Whenever she was around, I was feeling happy. If my
suspicion about what Julia and Summer had been doing was correct, I
should have felt happy for them. Christ, she was my daughter; what more
could I ask than her falling in love with a person that makes people
happy.
For hours I just sat there thinking. Not bothering with the lights as
it got dark outside. Most probably I dozed off, cause I never heard
Summer leave. When Julia came down, however, I was fully awake.
"Can I turn on some lights?" she asked softly.
"Sure."
Not wanting to overdo it, she turned on two small lamps, giving the
room a soft glow. She sat down next to me. "We need to talk." she
stated. Her voice soft, like something important, and perhaps a bit
painful, was about to be revealed. I thought I knew exactly what she
was about to say. Steeling myself for the information, I straightened
up a bit. She was my daughter. Whatever she was about to say, I would
be the loving and understanding father.
The turn of events, however, was entirely unpredictable.
"You are quite taken with her, aren't you?" she asked softly.
Surprised, I stuttered an answer: "Uhh, well, she... ahh, is a lovely
girl." I looked her in the eyes. She looked so mature, all of a sudden.
How did that happen? When did that happen? My little Julia.
With an understanding nod, she smiled. "Ahh, yes. She is, isn't she?
That is not exactly what I asked, but I see she was telling me the
truth. It's ok, you know. By me. I don't mind."
Confused, I looked at her, trying to grasp the meaning of what she just
told me. Unable to fully take in her meaning. Not wanting to abandon my
original assumptions, I said: "Listen, Julia, I'm not sure exactly
what's happened between the two of you, but I want you to know that
it's ok if you two are having a ..."
"We're not," she interrupted. Still smiling, she added: "Thanks anyway,
but I have always known I can trust you. I'm not talking about us,
however. I'm talking about you."
"But I thought that, you know, up in your room, that you two were..."
She interrupted again. "Dad!! I told you already. Nothing happened in
my room." She wasn't just smiling, she was brimming with happiness. The
red glow back in her cheeks. "Nothing," she repeated. Something had
happened, allright. I just didn't know what. The way she smiled told me
that. Her misplaced happiness defied logic. Something had happened up
there. Nevertheless, it finally penetrated that my assumptions had been
wrong.
"I love you, dad. Just know that, ok? Don't fight it anymore. Follow
your heart." And with those words, she stood up and abruptly left the
room.
Thoughts raced through my head. Trying to grasp the meaning of the
surreal conversation we had just had. Suddenly realising that Summer
had played us perfectly. She knew that the largest obstacle for me was
Julia. Her solution was as simple as it was ingenious. By simply
telling Julia about my feelings, she had solved the entire puzzle in
one move. I had to admire her for that.
With the heartache gone, I felt better. Still dazed and confused, but
strangely happy. Julia's words were finally penetrating. Don't fight it
anymore. Follow your heart. I don't mind. Could I do that? Was it
really that simple?
Well, as a matter of a fact. It really was.
--
Summer swept me away. Or rather, she swept _us_ away, both Julia and
me. Somehow she managed keeping us both, a near impossible feat when
you think about it. Spending time with Julia, doing adolescent
things I really don't want to know about. Spending time with me,
developing a mature, though rather unusual, relationship. Spending time
with both of us, somehow managing to keep it all natural.
The first week I was still reluctant to involve myself deeper. But with
Summer being so open it was just a matter of time for me to melt. And
to be honest; it didn't take that long. The final drop being Julias
encouragement, and of course, the now ever present strange thoughts
hammering into my head.
The turning point came on one day begging for romance. Oh yes, as in
story book, the sun did shine. Everybody everywhere were simply happy.
I don't know where Julia was that day, maybe she somehow knew what was
about to happen; or maybe Summer had simply asked her to stay away. All
I know is that she wasn't at home when Summer came.
Before opening the door, I got this premonition. I knew what was about
to happen. Knew that Summer was the one standing on the steps outside.
"Hi", she said. And with a coquettish smile she added: "Uhmm... can I
come in?" I realised that I was just standing there saying nothing,
probably with a pretty dumb expression on my face.
"Ohh... yeah. Sure." We stepped inside, and then it all started. "Do
you want something?" I asked as we sat down. An innocent question,
really.
She nodded. "You know exactly what I want, don't you?" I swallowed
hard. Wondered where Julia was for a second. Then I nodded yes. I knew
what she wanted. After all, she hadn't made a big secret out of it.
Then she smiled, and added: "Why do you keep fighting it? You want me
as bad as I want you! It's written all over your face. So why keep
fighting it?"
Knowing she was right, I just turned away. "It's not as simple as
that." I said without knowing why. Summer stood up then, went over to
me. Sat down straddling my lap. Her hands behind my neck. "You dumb
fool. Of course it is as simple as that. Actually it's not complicated
at all. I'm in love with you. You're in love with me. So let's just do
what lovers do."
And then we kissed.
Softly. Tenderly. Eyes closed. Mouths opening. Tongues entwining.
Deeper. Deeper. I felt her hands around my back. me closer to
her. My reluctancy fading as we drew closer. The smell of her like a
heavy drug. She was so young, so fresh, so ... ripe. The smoothness of
her skin was unbelievable.
I was getting hard, and had no way of covering it up. Summer felt it
too, and she drew back. Her eyes filled with lust. "I want you so bad.
Can we go to your bedroom? Please?" The combination was so strange...
she was half woman, half adolescent girl. I wanted her more than
anything, and then her pleading... well, it reminded me of her age
again. Somehow she sensed it. "Don't be like that. Please. Not again."
We just sat there. Looking into each others eyes. "I don't know if I
can." I said truthfully. "I've never been with anyone so much yonger
than me. It is difficult, you know."
This time she actually started crying. "I have feelings too, you know.
You don't have to be thirty-something to have feelings."
"Of course." I said, and simply held her close to me. Her body shaking.
It was really difficult interpreting my reactions. Conflicting emotions
overcoming me. Then the realisation of what she had said really hit me.
Softly I drew her up to me. Brought her face level with mine. With our
eyes locking, I made my decision. "Summer..." I said, a deep
breath. "I am in love with you. So much more than I ever thought
possible. And if we do this, if we sleep together, I want us to be a
couple. For good and for bad; or as they say, for better and for worse.
I don't want you thinking I am simply taking advantage of you because
of your beauty."
Her face brimming with happiness. Tears streaming down her face. "You
know I want the same thing." She kissed me hard on the lips then, a dry
kiss, so hard it nearly drew blood. Then she abruptly sat back.
Smiling. "Now let's fuck."
--
Afterwards, laying in bed I almost wished for a cigarette, though I
hadn't smoked in over ten years. Sometimes, however, it just is SO
right to light up one of them small sticks. This was doubtless one of
those moments. Propped on the side, I lay resting my head on my arm.
Just watching her breathe. A slow, heavy and rhythmic breath. It
actually had happened. Simply put, we had fucked each others brains
out. I can't think of any other way of putting it.
The images floating through my brain actually made me grow hard again.
Again? I was so sore, it would be absolutely useless for days. No way
that I could do anything right now. Well, not with that part of my body
anyway. Not that I actually wanted to wake her up. The situation being
as it were, it was just impossible for me to sleep. Now it was hardly
any point to it anymore. The sun was already up. Birds were singing
their happy songs outside. Well, they sounded happy to me anyway. And
it was just wonderful to watch Summer sleep, thinking back on the
evening before. God, what stamina she had. Absolutely incredible. We
were fucking for hours. In every thinkable position, and quite a few
unthinkable ones too, I might ad. Her creativity being as unsurpassed
as her stamina. Finally I had to give in. Throw in the towel, so to
speak. She wanted even more, but I was actually quite proud of keeping
up with her for so long.
I had been strangely dissappointed that she had already lost her
virginity, though. And what's that for a fucked up thought? Here I was,
resisting her for weeks because of her youth, and when I finally gave
in to my desire, I am disappointed that's she's no virgin. I guess I
should have been happy for any proof of maturity, but as already
pointed out, that simply wasn't the case. Guess I can be quite a
jealous character after all, even though I've always thought that kind
of stuff beneath me. Summer brought all kinds of changes to what I
previously thought of as facts conserning myself, I can tell you that.
All kinds of changes. And not all to the better.
Anyway, laying there watching the beautiful sleep, I didn't give
those thoughts much regard. No, that didn't come until later. At that
time I was simply overwhelmed by the experience of her. It was
incomprehensible how a her age could even compete with any of my
previous and more partners. But she was the best. No doubt in my
mind about that.
I had a few hours alone like that. Just consuming her. Loving the smell
of her. Her firm body and oh-so-beautiful face. Listening to her heavy
breathing, and even soft snoring for a short period. It all added up.
With the sexual experience of my life, all those small things added up
to make me fall in love with her for real.
Suddenly I realised that her breathing was different. I looked at her
face and she returned her most beautiful smile. I didn't know what time
it was, but she hadn't slept for nearly as long as I wanted her to.
Three or four hours tops. She need more, so I tried shushing her back
to sleep. To no avail though. Apparently she was just as awake as me
already. And I had already learned to interpret that mischievous grin
of hers. She was horny. Again.
She propped herself up on her side, mirroring my pose. Smiling,
suddenly all innocence. "Are you up for it?"
To be continued...
--
Copyright 2003 by brutus. Copies may be made and posted elsewhere, but
all commercial rights are reserved.
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